Save the Margin

Save the Margin

Make your decisions based on "it" not going according to plan...or in other words, build your battle plan without relying on 11th-inning heroics or hail-mary antics.  As a recent snowstorm example, I had a friend who was coming over to help teach.  His plan was predicated on everything going right and counting on "lucky" style bail-outs if something went sideways.  In this particular case, the margin was cut out in the decision...instead of opting to "Zoom" in virtually for his part of the class from the safety, comfort, and warmth of his home, he braved "snowmageddon" to play Frogger with the big trucks on the highway.  That's a pretty black-and-white (or all-white in this case with blowing snow) decision to evaluate, but many of our familial decisions are more subtle.  

Kids can do far more than you think they're
 capable with a little scaffolding to
prevent the "fatal" type consequences.  Seek 
and facilitate those moments to
teach/create those skills in them.

We typically have, running in the back of our reptile fight-or-flight parts of the brain, a running risk manager that is sizing up situations and making decisions of safe-vs-risk, the margin-vs-no margin in the background.  For most of us, fortunately, our brains aren't having to navigate the old hunter-gatherer conundrums where a saber tooth cat is somewhere in the equation.  We are however navigating a likely more complex and high-speed set of variables in our everyday risk-informed decision-making.  As we get more practiced at identifying, or unpacking the true decisions, we can get to the point where we can better, more automatically see risk and inject margin.  

As we talk about risk, from a fire department perspective we sum it up what a tongue-in-cheek equation "risk a lot to save a lot, risk a little to save a little."  In more detail, "we'll risk life to save a savable life, we'll take moderate risks to save savable property, we'll take no risks to if life and property are unsavable."  That sounds great in a classroom, far from the actual danger or risk...it becomes a little more convoluted when your nose is full of smoke.  For us, in life, we can use a similar equation as it relates to our ability to Stand In the Arena.  

Practice commitment.
Everyday.

For example, we'll unpack marriage.  Before you say "I do," really, honestly evaluate what it means for your level of commitment on the blue sky days and during the gray sky storms.  When we talk about planning for it not to go according to plan, you need to think through the survivability of your commitment, and effectively your marriage when one of you gets sick, loses a job, or some other hardship/setback.  By evaluating and planning on it sometimes going sideways we can better insert margin into our system with the end goal of increased resiliency.  In evaluating why marriages fail, one of the main reasons given is financial stress.  In that case, the margin may mean saying "no" to some wants while you're building an emergency fund, putting adequate insurance in place, and creating sustainable money habits.  Those "training camp/pre-season" maneuvers help ensure we don't have to rely on miracles at the end of the season when the bases are loaded, we're at the bottom of the proverbial 9th and the 3/2 pitch is winding up.  The statistical odds at that point are not in your favor.  

Another leading cause of failures in marriage (wherever you define that on the continuum from unhappiness to divorce), is infidelity.  Knowing that, and knowing ourselves is an important first step in building margin.  With our technology, it is easier than ever before to fall into the traps of temptation.  I've known friends and colleagues who have "met someone online," "reconnected with an old flame on Facebook," or whatever else.  We use an "After Action Review/Improvement Plan" in the first responder world to unpack the root causes and hopefully learn lessons we don't have to repeat in the future through thoughtful analysis.  In doing a post-mortem on those failed relationships, technology coupled with inhibition was a root cause.  That led, for us, to build a lifestyle/guardrails/Odysseus Siren tie-yourself-to-the-mast solution where we're not heavily engaged in Facebook, especially in those quiet, dark moments when we're tired, grouchy, dissatisfied, or in general, not our best selves.    

Whatever it is for you, identifying the risks that you and yours face is a first step in being able to build a system where you've got some proactively injected margin is huge.  I also want to point out that I'm not telling you to try to live a life with zero risk...that'd be boring.  In a morning briefing for a major fire we were working on, we had the Incident Commander stand up and tell us, "This is a dangerous job, I'm not going to tell you to be safe.  Someone's got to go fight the fire.  I'm going to go tell you, go do dangerous things as safely as possible, and come back to us tonight."  That subtle shift in perspective allows us or enables us to go live our best life...while building in a little margin through habits and systems that become sustainable.  

All of that said, look for opportunities - through planning, organizing, equipping, training, and such - to build your balance in the proverbial margin bank.  When you get to a point where you need to borrow some of that back out, you'll be glad you spent the time making the investment deposits - whether that's actual cash, the benefit of the doubt, hours in the day, or whatever makes sense to you and yours.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Make a list of three things that provide "risk" to your family
• 1 - ___________________
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Come up with a few items to mitigate/add margin to those particular risks
• Re-evaluate your changing risks as life seasons change
• Grab opportunities to add margin into your proverbial bank account (leaving work early to watch your kid's baseball game, knowing you may miss one down the road)
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action)

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

Brad Stine - Put a Helmet On - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tORJe37MMOs

Chris Davenport - Ted Talk - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyet9fPS24k