Pick a Model and Tweak

Pick a Model & Tweak

Oftentimes, we're not out to find some brand new, 100% unexplored topic, instead, we're often much more likely to be building upon the shoulders of those who came before us.  In other words, whatever we're doing, we should look around for a model that is close to what we're hoping for in our particular circumstance...then tweak it.  (Random aside, in the run-up for this post, a friend and I were chatting...to clarify, we're not advising you to find a supermodel and twerk...just wanted to get that out there for clarity, that's not what we're talking about here).  

Even if you're not sure
what it is going to be, it 
likely has utility in our journey 
of development

George E.P. Box said "all models are wrong, but some are useful" in relation to statistics.  In our world, our Family In The Arena, we can take the same concept and apply it aptly.  For our example, we could pick any one of the facets of our life (marriage, parenthood, work, finance, recreation, schedule, etc) but we'll use time management as an example and you can extrapolate the concept to other parts of your life.  When we were getting ready to get married as well as newlyweds (and, really at each life season switch like a job change, new babies, new pre-schoolers, etc), we sat down and looked for models of what and who we wanted to be.  In other words, to pre-decide our answers before we had to do so staring emotion or peer pressure in the face real-time when the choices popped up by looking at peers a little ahead of us in the journey of life.  

Start early building the muscles
necessary to test and scale
throughout your life.

Our dreamstorm/brainstorm started with a conversation and list of those married couples a bit ahead of us that we respected and that we had some personal details of as it related to their how-to-schedule life.  After just getting names on a piece of paper, we then started talking through the pros/cons or strengths/weaknesses of each of our "models."  (For you super nerds out there, a SWOT analysis of sorts).  Any one model was wrong, or at least imperfect...but all the models, particularly those we liked and averaged together were useful.  In other words, we talked through some of the couples on our list as examples of what not to do, and others of what to lean toward.  

We'll change the names, but let's call it the Smiths were a model of high travel (fly out Monday, fly back Friday sort of jobs), and the Jones family was at the other end of the spectrum (always home, all the time).  Plotting out the examples we'd come up with along a bit of a continuum allowed us to see real-world examples of an abstract concept and helped facilitate our conversation of where we were "today" and where we wanted to be "tomorrow."  Through the conversations and the examples, we were able to (like Jillian from www.jillianjohnsrud.com/ says), "test and scale."  

Picking a model for us became a hybrid combination of a couple friends in our circle that were where we generally wanted to be with our kid-raising journey as it related to our time management decision-making.  Once we had a bit of a model selected, we could identify how close we were toward that desired end state, or the gaps of now vs next that we had to tackle.  The testing of the model, as an example, applied as our kids came of age for organized activities.  We'd theoretically pre-decided that some of our quality time, especially when focused on some objectives, was more important than feel-good-filler activities.  In other words, we didn't want to get to a place where we had to cancel our family camping trip to go on a "Scout" camping trip that none of us were particularly looking forward to with scripted, age-appropriate activities.  Currently, with pre-schoolers, we've been working with them on "camp chores" and they've used saws and hatchets, gathered firewood, lit the campfire and extinguished it, and caught and cleaned their own fish.  At a recent "scouting type organization" open house we were told when they were in 5th grade in the group they could maybe help light a fire.  

We may not make the 
travel team...but maybe
that's the whole point.

Our model was well and good in theory when our kids were in diapers and any decision didn't really matter.  It's a different matter when it is a tangible decision of kids at the age and stage where you start into the peer pressure of other parents and societal expectations of position-specific coaches and traveling sports teams.  I'm not positive we've got it all figured out, in fact, I'm pretty sure we're missing some pieces...and that's okay.  We're in a spot where we've carefully, proactively, and intentionally looked at models/strategies of how we could do the scheduling of this phase of life along with those around the bend.  Through the analysis, we used those examples to shave off our "schedule statue" to shape it just the way we've chosen.  

Think carefully about some of those around you, in your circle, or in your social media that are #Winning along with those that are #NotSoMuch.  Look at why you put them in which bucket and take pieces from each that you'll use to pre-decide what you're going to do...then commit to doing that...even when the other "Super Moms" are trying to justify their models by shaming yours.  If it's right for you...it's right enough.  Good luck finding the right models and developing the fortitude to shape your systems for your family.  Stand in the Arena.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick an area in your life you'd like to explore a model (marriage, parenting, finance, travel, etc).  Then list out the first three #Winning examples/models that come to mind.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Create time to talk about what resonates with those three examples you listed above
• Identify several distinct, actionable gaps between you and the model
• Commit to taking one deliberate action for the next month and discuss it along the way with your family (e.g. we will do game night 3x per night as a family, we'll eat dinner at the table as a family 5x each week, etc)
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action)

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Jillian Johnsrud - Test and Scale - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yw11CT5R_pQ