Grit or Quit: The Upsides of Failing

Grit or Quit: The Upsides of Failing

Struggling to walk
on water...but enjoying
the journey.

Struggles in life come and we must all answer an important question when facing them: "to grit or quit?"  This critical question can be answered strategically or tactically and often requires a proactive commitment to many decisions.  The phrase was initially coined by Susan David, Harvard Medical School psychologist, and has been oft-debated by many scholars, bloggers, and others.  For your family, you'll have to answer this question many times in your life.  Sometimes the answer is soundly one or the other, but many times it is a little grayer in the middle.  

You can sell
your sweets.

Hopefully, you can have some rules/exceptions to fall back on as well as a rubric to help you with the pro/con calculus of making the decisions as they pop up in your life.  For you and your family, thinking through the black, white, and gray categories of events is important.  Talking through it for a moment, for us, grit applies to our roles as spouses and parents.  No matter what the fight, adversity, or struggle...the pre-selected answer is grit.  Period.  On the other side, we try (but are inherently fallible humans), and our quit list includes over-indulgence in sweets, screens, and things that draw us further away from who we want to be.  I'll be the first to tell you that "quitting" sweets hasn't been an overly successful venture...in large part because the consequences haven't caught up too badly or seriously...yet.  

Good things 
are all around
us...if we look.

Some of the gray comes in when we talk about those things that are inherently "good" things but cross the "too much of a good thing..." line.  During several seasons of life, we've found that we've "slipped" into saying "yes" to good opportunities too often and faced a grit/quit decision point.  Helping out with a volunteer group?  Leading a class at church?  Agreeing to help coach a sport?  All "ooched" into the "yes" category over time and suddenly, like the proverbial frog we were boiling.  In those seasons when we approached the "sick and tired of being sick and tired" line, it became clear we needed a dose of quit in our life.  

Grit is 
sometimes
tangled up.

If you've made the decision to "quit" on some of those gray categories, it's important to do so strategically and gracefully if you can.  Instead of dropping the t-ball season halfway through, finish it out and don't sign up for the next season.  Church group...help find and build a new leader to take your place, then exit.  It's important to prioritize those "grit" categories and consider quitting from the "quit" categories (or better yet, don't sign up if you're not going to be able to see it through) when they become impactful and distracting.  Saying "no" can be a superpower we all should work on developing and honing.  

Grit takes 
commitment to
get it done.

So far as the grit side of the house is concerned you've essentially committed (pre-decided) that quitting isn't an option.  Consequently, those quit category decisions shouldn't be undertaken lightly - marriage, kids, mortgage, military enlistment, and so forth.  In today's day and age, it's a tragedy how often we expand our throw-away attitudes and planned obsolescence from the new model of TV and fancier car to the rest of our lives.  For our family, and hopefully yours, the whole "for better or worse, sickness and health, til death do us part" is a quite literal promise.  

We've got to not
waver on our grit.

As you go through seasons of life, try not to get your emotions ahead of yourself when you're committing to new activities.  In other words, get good at saying "no" or walking away before a commitment.  Doing so helps us avoid the tense moments when grit-or-quit is on the table.  Once you're down that road of commitment, don't approach the decision lightly.  Think about short/long-term consequences (anticipated and unintentional) as well as pros and cons.  We'd recommend you do some proactive, seasonal check-ins with your calendar to make sure that you haven't signed yourself up beyond your capacity/intentionality.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Take some time to talk with your family about three things that are soundly in the "grit" category and three that are soundly in the "quit" category.  Help each other stay accountable to each.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of your schedule.  What should you slog through and what should you say adios to?  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Michelle "MACE" Curran - https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/grit-quit-michelle-mace-curran/?trackingId=huJ%2BhLydTGlA%2Bj8EkbOCug%3D%3D 

- Don McMillan's Humorous Take on This