100% Commitment...Each

100% Commitment...Each

It's a lifetime commitment.

Commitment is an interesting concept.  Whether we're talking about our work life, home life, or anything in between, the idea of commitment offers some fascinating conversation starters.  We often hear about 100% commitment as an expectation when entering a new job, relationship, or whatever else.  The paradox with much of this commitment is that it requires not 100% commitment...but 100% commitment from each "half" of the equation.  We expect the commitment of our work to pay us our paycheck at the end of the month; in return, they expect us to do the thing they've hired us to do.  

Gotta show up.

When it comes to our home life, it takes two people to get married, but, sadly only one to split up a marriage.  This 100% commitment...each...concept helps us realize that our commitment can't be done blindly in a silo but in concert with our other half.  In other words, we not only have to show up to the game but make sure the other teammates are on the field as well.  Certainly, there are times and seasons of life when one partner (spouse, parent, employee/employer, etc) will pick up more or less of the slack but generally, both have to show up to "get it done."  

It's a habit.

Similarly, with parenting, you don't get to "opt" in when it is convenient, it's a 100% commitment level activity for the minimum of "18 years" as they say...but really for life.  The 100% commitment inherently means things like sacrifice.  You may rather watch football with your buddies on Sunday...but now you're taking the kids to their little league practice.  This isn't a rollover where you give up everything you ever were interested in but rather a realization that "what's mine is yours" in terms of time, energy, resources, interest, attention, and so forth.  

Lean in when
you're a crazy
motorcycle guy.

In the 100% commitment conversation we're talking about...commitment...not output or result per se.  In other words, if both of us are fighting over who gets to do 100% of the dishes that's not helpful.  Part of commitment is the complementary nature of filling in the gaps.  In this season, perhaps I do the dishes and you do the cooking or whatever task breakdown works for the family.  It may mean one of us is staying home with the kids while the other is the primary breadwinner.  These divide-and-conquer divisions of labor aren't a better or worse than, but a show of our commitment to the success of the whole.  I think oftentimes we get resentful when the expectations of commitment aren't met - he or she isn't helping with anything around the house, isn't contributing.  I don't know that too much strife is popping up when the other half is leaning in on their strengths while you lean in on yours.  

Ride or die.

When you unpack this a little bit, mathematically, 50+50=100...but if we're only both half showing up, we'll leave the other half of our team wanting.  Think about what "half time" showing up looks like in parts of your life.  If you half showed up at home, work, marriage...I doubt you'd have terribly good results.  Now think about what happens when you multitask ...when we split our focus, are we delivering?  The other day someone said, "I double or triple screen all the time" and after unpacking that a bit, turns out it means you're "paying attention" to several screens all at once.  Perhaps while watching a movie, you're also scrolling on a tablet and texting on your phone.  I don't know about you, but the proverbial "chew bubblegum and walk" seems much simpler.  Now overlay that "triple screen" with trying to pay attention to your spouse or children.  

Even if you
get thrown in 
the pokey.

Part of the 100% commitment at a macro level is keeping things in balance.  For many years, I've worked in emergency management, and the sexy siren call of deployment is always out there.  The fast-paced, adrenaline-heavy "ride in on a white horse and save the day" is hard to beat.  The whole idea of a job description being "be the best part of someone's worst day" is a temptation that is hard to resist.  That said, inherently, it's a suitcase profession where you're gone many nights each year.  Also, with the seriousness of the topic, you're so plugged in for so many hours every day that everything back home takes a backseat afterthought until you're done with the deployment.  For me, after we got married and had kids, the 100% commitment at a life level meant that deployment was not part of the equation.  In my opinion, too many of us make the "work" decision and consequently, most of my colleagues, peers, and friends in that space are divorced or single.  The decisions with commitment come with ramifications.  

Lean in with the posse.

As our kids are getting up into the years of athletics and extracurriculars we've had many conversations about which activities prepare them for the 100% commitment lessons that will serve them through life.  Growing up, our family was largely a wrestling and track one.  Several of us stayed competitive throughout college with sports.  The reason I bring this up is that with wrestling and running...you're mano-e-mano, no hiding out on this play or that.  With combat sports and long-distance running, you have to give 100% commitment in the pre-season and throughout the match.  In most sports, you can sandbag it a bit and still be on a winning team (e.g. the wide receiver is probably not sprinting all out on a running play up the middle).  

You're all in
when you tip
over the edge. 

With wrestling and running, if you didn't show up in the lead-up practices or for the match...it's pretty painfully obvious since you're the only one standing out there getting your butt kicked.  There are not a ton of excuses you can bring to the table for how the "other guy" let you down in that environment.  The parallel between marriage and parenting hopefully isn't lost here.  Outside of some extreme cases, our divorce rate isn't all "the other person's" fault.  Had each half of the marriage and parenting thing shown up 100%, chances are we'd have a lot more healthy, well-adjusted, stable adults in the society.  

Bring your stuff.

On the flip side, with team sports (and family life), part of our 100% commitment is not just showing up on gameday, but more importantly, showing up before the season in practice and training camps to ensure readiness.  If you're not married yet, consider what your training camp might look like.  Andy Stanley talks about "being the person that you're looking for is looking for."  Are you getting your finances in order?  Are you developing healthy habits and hobbies?  Are you establishing a job that will provide for and protect your future family?  Commitment, 100% style, is a much longer endeavor than just walking on the field and winging it.  

All of that to say, as we've said, "progress over perfection."  If you're not there yet, start today with small steps that bring your commitment level up.  Consider the parts of your life and what "more" commitment looks like...today.  Start with that and continue to increase the level of leaning-in.  You'll be shocked what consistent effort from now through, say the end of the year, looks like in terms of results.  You got this...lean in.  Your family (and your future self) will appreciate the effort...and the results.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of items or ways that you can live more 100% committed.  Perhaps that's dropping the phone by the door when you come in and give all of your attention.  Maybe it's leaning in on chores more heavily.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of commitment.  How can each one of you in the home do more to spread the burdens and the wealth?  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Eminem - "Til I Collapse"  (lyric warning)

- Andy Stanley (Be the person you're looking for is looking for)