Untimely Death
Remember, this whole estate planning thing is likely one of the only "100% surety" plans you're going to actually execute...hopefully, not for a long time...but the time will come. In the meantime, remember that estate planning, like many other plans, is a series of meaningful conversations with those around you - how you feel about them, your wishes, your dreams for them, and such. Leave the dramatic opening and reading of a will from the mysterious uncle to the Soap Operas. For you, tell those around you what matters most to you now...and after you're gone...tell them today.
We've talked about the Zig Ziglar Wheel of Life in other posts, and I'd recommend that you consider it for your "estate" planning needs. In other words, typically the idea of planning for your untimely demise (or that of a loved one) is relegated to the financial pie sector only and we believe that is shortsighted. We'll unpack a few items in each of the below sectors to hopefully get you thinking more broadly about the idea of when you're not around. Keep in mind, that much of this is not for you, but rather those who are close to you in this life who are left behind. Don't miss that...when you're gone...they're not and if you love and care for them (like you say you do), take a minute to put your stuff in order.
Whether it be the widow-maker-heart-attack, the driver who runs the red light, the convenience store robbery gone wrong, too many birthdays, or the shellfish that goes down the wrong pipe...for too many of us, we end up running out of tomorrows somewhere along the way before we're "ready." To that end, it's important to lead a life that you can look back on with pride and enjoyment both through the windshield and in the rearview mirror. I want you to hear that again...live today, so that...if you're gone tomorrow there are no regrets. Taking some time to evaluate if you and your family are where you want to be is an important reminder, like Charles Dickens's Ghost of Christmas Past, Present, and Future, that it's up to you to be where you want to be. We'll unpack how you may be able to make that work through Zig's Wheel.
Family: Love on them. Do the things that your kids want to do. Hug your wife. Make the calls that should be made.
Before we dive in, remember the first among equals here...family. Your employer will have a "new you" in a month or two. Your social circle will refill like when you pull your hand out of a bucket of water and the void closes. The ones who will mourn you and you'll leave some scars deeply embedded are those in your family. With that said, read below...and plan accordingly. Set those most important to you up for success.
Finances: There are plenty of resources and advice out there regarding the practical steps necessary to make this phase as uncomplicated as possible - in short...get good, term-life insurance and have the basic legal paperwork signed and shared.
Physical: From a very practical standpoint, what do you want to be done with your physical self (burial, cremation, launched into space, composted, pushed out to sea on a firey pyre), you get the idea. Again, this is in part about you, but also about the healing and closure process for those you're leaving behind. Talk about your wishes, write them down while you're of sound mind and body, while there's no emotion of a tragedy. In another way to construe "physical," you should go through and mark off the items that you want to go to someone specific and put that information in your will. Chances are, no one wants the second-generation build-it-yourself furniture, but it might be a different story about Grandpa's musket or Grandma's Bible. This proactive naming of a beneficiary...and communication can help avoid a major squabble that divides your family in a time of mourning.
Social: Your social circle(s) are important parts of life. The tribe around you and their average is largely who you likely become. Don't leave some of those things unsaid to your friends. I've lost a couple of friends/mentor folks that I didn't say what I should have before they were gone and I regret it. Nothing I can do about it but hopefully learn and have the intestinal fortitude to say the things before the next time. From a more practical perspective, your social media sites need to have a plan when you're gone. Who is going to shut them off? Or maintain them? What are the passwords? You get the idea, we hold those things deeply personal...until they're not really yours anymore.
Personal Development/Intellectual: I've been an on-again, off-again creator over the years who is a pretty magnificent starter...not a stellar finisher. Over that time, I've built up quite a stockpile of intellectual property-type things that I don't want to vanish with me. In a "Letter of Intentions & Wishes," I've tried to fairly carefully put together some instructions on where to send links to some file folders. They may go unopened and that may be it, but at least the message in the bottle will go out among the waves.
Health: You can, in large part, hedge your bets for a long and healthy life through...drumroll, please...diet and exercise habits. That doesn't mean you can stave off the inevitable with your kale smoothies, but don't be surprised if you shuffle off this mortal coil prematurely if you spend large percentages of your time and money in a drive-thru line. Stay up on your health concerns (annual check-ups, dental cleanings, prescription meds, etc.). Again, it's not just about you...it's about your being able to get down and wrestle a grandkid or go to a princess tea party thirty years from now.
Spiritual: One of the channels I follow talks about the idea of "spiritual fitness" since we don't know when our last day comes to pass. No matter the cause, being right with whatever is next is an important piece of life. For our family, we take faith in our belief in Jesus and the next step is heaven down the road. I've had atheist friends who have had great angst in the idea that they don't have "a next place" and it's been sad to watch one of them who passed and left his children with a perverse wondering of where they were if there wasn't a heaven.
Career: There is a whole professional field devoted to the Continuity of Operations (COOP) for businesses and governments. Depending on your work situation, especially in our modern cloud-sharing/telework world, it's important to have a plan for some of your projects and files. This one sounds (and is) trivial compared to those above, but I'll tell you from the experience of filling in for friends who passed while working that some of your work legacy is wrapped up in the ability of those after you to be able to access, understand, and continue what you started. I know I'm pretty bad at setting up files properly if I vanished overnight (mostly from bad habit, and probably a smidge of OCD tossed in), so this serves as a reminder to all of us that we should take a minute to visualize how to make post-you life easier on your work compatriots.
As we depart this, find a document to help move you through the actions to become prepared. Some of those practical "big rocks" homework items are listed below:
- Letters to Loved Ones (tell them what you want them to hear)...heck, just do that every day
- Last Will & Testament (use this to appoint a guardian for your minor children...among other things)
- Life Insurance (Term is the right answer for most people)
- Power of Attorney (financial and medical)
- Trust, etc (keep in mind, many employers offer a legal benefit and you may be able to get some cost-effective "advanced" legal services in this realm).
If you're convinced (or not) to take some next steps, I'd highly recommend the movement and book by Chanel Reynolds What Matters Most who dives deeply into this whole topic and space with her heart-wrenching story and plea for you to do it differently. Another practical next steps guide is from Abby Schneiderman's In Case You Get Hit By A Bus. Both of these books give you a great sense of some next steps and walk you through a more detailed set of steps and to-do items to get done.
As the legendary Garth Brooks said way back in 1989, "If Tomorrow Never Comes," the most important thing likely is if your family knew how much you loved them. Part of loving them is the whole idea of being present in the moment before your last day. It's also doing the practical work that we talk about above to make sure that your family's grief is their biggest hurdle...not trying to grieve through foreclosure on top of you being gone.
Before we depart here, I have no illusions that I've convinced you to get up, stop reading, and go do something to make this better. To that end, I wanted to address a few reasons I've heard that folks don't get prepared.
"It won't happen to me, I'm ______" - not so much, I've been around crisis management on the front lines and seen too many times when the young and the healthy meet their end right along with the old or less than healthy. Death comes as an equal opportunity hitter, it doesn't particularly care about your age, race, social status, to-do list, economic potential, family ties, or anything else like your plans, hopes, or dreams. Getting past this normalcy bias and getting your stuff together is a critical component for all of us.
"I don't need_____(life insurance, a will, etc)" -
"It's too expensive" -
"It's too complex" -
"I don't understand it" -
"If I talk about it, it'll happen" -
At the end of the day, we hopefully have convinced you that going through some of the practical steps above is a lasting and meaningful gift to those left in your wake. Hopefully, that thought has convinced you to take action and check a few things off the board. So, no matter what comes next (hopefully 90 more years of healthy and happy living), or where you believe you'll go when the "blood stops going round and round in your body", we'll leave you with a bit of a light-hearted look at some immediate next steps.
Go - Stand In The Arena - or, as it were the library, accountant, or lawyer's office...or at least the keyboard for a bit...to build the peace of mind that your family deserves. Once much of the work we talked about here is done, go do life more fully knowing that way down there below you is a bit of a strong, but out-of-sight safety net that empowers you to live a more full life.
With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!
Call to Action:
- Pick out three items that you and your family are going to do this week...one of which will be calling your insurance provider and ensuring you've got adequate term life insurance up to date. Pick two more.
- 1 - ___________________
- 2 - ___________________
- 3 - ___________________
- Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of how you're living life so that if, tragically one of you isn't living...the rest are as prepared as possible.
Further Reading, Motivation, and References:
- Chanel Reynolds - Get Your Shit Together
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