Will the real John Doe, please stand up?

Will the real John Doe, please stand up?

Seasons change...so 
do you.

We are not the same people we were once upon a time.  That's natural.  Think about who you were in high school, college, newly married, newly employed, newly parental, or whatever other emerging season/role.  You get the idea.  Much like a bird who molts or a snake who sheds its skin to reinvent itself throughout its life, in a way, a more subtle way, so do you.  Similarly, so are those around you - your spouse, children, parents, and employers - different over time.  I'm not the same guy who used to run marathons, jump out of airplanes, or go into burning buildings.  While I certainly miss those days from time to time, the "who I am today" is because of who I was then.  For better (more grounded, more adventurous, more well-versed in many topics) and for worse (a little more sore, more tired, more cynical), who we were/are helps inform and shape who we become.  

Or just dive in.

Some of this can vary on the micro timescale, month-to-month, or even day-to-day with our moods and activities.  Similar to weather and climate, the changes that we should probably focus on are more to do with the longer-term seasons of life (perhaps something like the next 3-5 years or so) than day-to-day.  That said, the day-to-day activities, habits, systems, and activities we engage in on a daily basis begin to shape our next self.  As such, you should engage in new activities and habits with careful contemplation before diving in blindly down a path that doesn't lead where you say you want to go.  

Volunteering
sometimes needs
a shovel.

As an example of a "shaping" activity that you may partake in to transition from a free-wheeling single young adult to an employed, married, parent, you might engage in an internship, volunteer at a daycare, or nanny for a relative in the summers.  On a more tactical, finite example, going into remodeling a house, we volunteered with Habitat for Humanity to develop some know-how we were missing while giving back to the community in a meaningful way.  

As you think about "the real you" (yesterday/today/tomorrow) as well as your real spouse/children/etc. in your circle, it's important to plot the current state and the desired end state.  From there, it becomes practical to start taking actions that are in the general line of effort between those two points.  As you look at "who you are" with some introspective questions, you may recognize that the "who you say you are" is different from the actual "who you are."  To get to the true foundation, you may need to check in with your circle.  For example, I may say "I'm a great father," but in talking with my wife and children, I may have some significant work to do in that realm of the arena.  This 360-degree evaluation gives you more "ground truth" to build a new foundation on for action.  

You might need a 
bigger fork.

We'd recommend you start with the idea of "how to eat an elephant" and break down the introspection of who you are from the perspective of the Zig Ziglar wheel segments of life.  Using the different parts of your life as a rubric, you can chart the "now" vs "next" and take action.  Also, by using the sectors in concert, you can keep a balance and harmony across life for a well-rounded journey of growth.  If we work on building one segment of our life without consideration for the others, it's the proverbial equivalent of skipping leg day.  As you grow in your component parts and the aggregate whole, you can continue to adjust to make sure you're not the "super CEO" on his third wife with estranged kids.  

We change...that's 
a good thing.

Getting to the real you, based on your roles, as we mentioned above, is a cyclical "point-in-time"snapshot.  At one point, I "was" a firefighter.  Today, "the real me" is not a firefighter.  I've taken some of the lessons learned, tangible skills, and so forth from those years of experience and I can apply them to today, but I've changed.  Those firefighting years have made me a more competent professional and better-equipped homeowner.  They've also helped me become a better, more patient teacher as a parent.  In less great ways, they're some of the seeds of cynicism and world-worn that I carry with me as well in the form of psyche scars and aches/pains.  

You might even 
change on a boat...

All of this to say, you're in the driver's seat with your hand on the steering wheel and your foot on the throttle.  The choices on who you are becoming are up to you...for better or worse.  Along the way, it's important to take stock on who you say you are/are becoming and who you actually are/becoming.  Having those two personas synced up is critical to a healthy, balanced self.  Be your authentic self...both in word and deed.  Point your thoughts, actions, habits, hobbies, and lifestyles in the direction of the self you desire to become.  The world and your circle needs the real you...not the pretend one.  Your circle also needs you to stand up, in the arena, and be in the game.  Go do that!

Our changes are, in 
large part due to those
who came before...

Note: we hope that you are like a Michelangelo statute where you're constantly polishing the marble until it is something remarkable.  If you look back at your last month, year, decade, lifetime...and you're exactly the same, especially if you're not stoked about it...you're not winning.  We've got people in our circle who have been couch potato video gamers for years on end...that's not the goal.  Choose greatness!

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out one of the Zig wheel segments of life and jot down a few "who I am" and a few "who I desire to be" sentences.  If they don't match, write out three action items to move them closer together.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of building your now self in the direction of the desired next steps self.  Help your kids talk through what this means as they're coming up on the next season of life. 

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- "When you're not rooted in your authentic self, you believe what someone tells you. You'll fall for it." Tabitha Brown

- Being Yourself - A Psychologists Guide