Importance of Practice

Importance of Practice

Just about
anything can
be learning if
you're smart 
enough to shape
it and scoot over.

You've heard all of the cliches, quotes, and best practices regarding the importance of practice.  There is no arguing that those who are experienced are often much more capable than newbies...often because of many years of practice.  Some things we can "grow into "with practice like becoming a master at our chosen profession or vocation.  Other things, like becoming newly married, having a first child, or chronic illness are harder to practice before we're in that stage.  Similarly, as we change and adapt throughout our lives, often the practice struggles to keep up.  In other words, about the time we were figuring out how to be parents to toddlers...they went and became pre-schoolers and we had some new learning to do.  

All out of 
diapers but
still 
climbing.

That all said, part of what we wanted to talk about this week is using similar practice to improve across all facets of life - for example, patience practice helps you at home, work, church, school, and so forth.  You're likely going to figure out the "tactical" details around the house - how to change a diaper, how to do dishes or wash laundry.  Those less tangible skills are the ones that become lifelong practice toward increased mastery.  Hopefully, you'll look back on life and realize that being a kind or humble person over your life, striving and growing in those spaces, was better than being a ninja-level diaper changer.  

When it comes to practice, a few pointers.  One is that we have to have top of mind focus on what we're aiming at achieving.  This sounds simple, but the old quote about becoming what we think about since our habits, words, and actions conspire toward progress is important.  We've talked with families who have a "theme" or "word of the month, year, etc" that they post prominently around the house, inject into conversations, read about in books, and so forth.  For example, if you had a "season of faith" you were practicing on, your practice could take the practicality of putting church as a priority on your calendar, talking intentionally around the dinner table about how you were faithful that day, reading stories where faith was a major factor, or inserting a faith conversation with someone on a daily/weekly basis.  If your word is something else - patience, kindness, helping, finance, health, you could find similar ways to "tangible-lize" so you can track your progress.  

Practice, in large
part can be
injected anywhere
and anytime with
a little creative 
effort.

In the groundbreaking, Malcolm Gladwell in Outliers gave a compelling case that mastery develops somewhere around the 10,000 hours of practice marker.  He, and other experts, call for the use of deliberate practice, or injecting intentionality into our practice.  In other words, sitting down at the piano sporadically and dorking around for a few minutes here and there is far less effective practice than a regimented structure on a routine schedule.  This isn't a call for perfect practice, however.  Take raising readers for children who develop a lifelong love of learning for example.  Certainly, there are parts of learning to read that have some curriculum style needed approach.  There is also much to be said for, the "grab the closest kid, grab the closet book, read to them" approach on a daily, consistent basis to get both of you in the habit and cultivate the love of learning/reading.  In that example, any reading, not just the Shakespearean classics is a win, doubly so when compared to how many parents just plug their kids into screens these days.  

Sometimes practice...or
the reward...is shooting
a jug of expired milk.

Outside of an incredibly disciplined class of folks, most of us have to inject some fun into our practice to develop the staying power to make whatever it is we're practicing habitual.  Therefore, practice makes permanence, especially if we can keep it "entertaining" enough to get good at it.  In our reading example, injecting some fun books alongside some phonics books that get to a particular skill has proved important in helping our kids become readers.  In an example with family finance, if you want to get some solid, generation-changing habits and progress, you likely have to inject some fun/reward into your otherwise strict budgets that help you get closer to your goals.  For our family, we've had some big financial goals, punctuated in a countdown fashion with some family travel.  Practicing frugality or discipline at the store when you're staring a "want" in the eye becomes much easier when there's a reward around the corner that you can visualize.  We get what we incentivize, so as you're setting out your end goals, include incentives.  

Sometimes you need your 
posse to go practice.

Another tenet of practice is that it makes progress...not perfection.  When our kids were learning how to ride bikes, it was a slow process of falling, getting back on, correcting, then trying again...a little progress at a time until they "got it" and now ride right along.  For us, practicing contentment has been an acquired skill.  The "comparison is the thief of joy" mantra that drags so many of us down in today's society, largely connected with social media, is a siren song hard to ignore sometimes.  Being wealthy, defined as "wanting what you have" or "embracing enough" has been a continuous journey of practicing for our family.  We are blessed, beyond measure (like most of the folks likely reading this sort of article).  Sometimes we let our little problems eclipse or overshadow our multitude of blessings.  For us, practicing with a gratitude____ (journal, conversation, prayer, pumpkin, time of day/week) has helped us keep our positive parts of life paramount.  

We often practice for when it goes right...sometimes, we should practice for when it goes wrong.  It's been said of elite Tier 1 military units that they practice until they "can't get it wrong" since the science is pretty clear that you don't "rise to an occasion" but rather "fall to your level of training."  By working through the hard/soft skills necessary for readiness if it goes pear-shaped, you're preparing your family for what happens when the results are off par.  This could be taking a first aid class as a family before a backpacking trip.  It could also mean injecting fear and rejection at inoculation-level doses.  For example, recently with Scouts, our boys did door-to-door cold call fundraising.  That comes with rejection.  Practicing rejection at a small level helps you be ready when you're an adult and the 

Work at being
in the moment. 

We'll close with a couple other thoughts.  Proper practice is important.  In other words, consistency in form and function of practice builds a standard which is a "how to" practice.  Repeating your system over and over creates mastery and muscle memory.  Similarly, practice the component skills on both the hard (e.g. throwing a baseball), and soft (e.g. being present where you're feet are or being content) as a role model.  As the old saying goes, "More is caught than taught" and with children, it's important to see you practicing when you're telling them to do so.  Make practice a way of life in your family...and watch the power results compound and roll in.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three things you or someone in your family is going to practice...as a family (e.g. playing catch in the backyard, getting ready for a 5k fun run, reading at bedtime, etc.).  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) as it comes to practice...like carving out time on the calendar each night to devote toward some skill building.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Malcolm Gladwell - Outliers

I support the plan and accept the risk...

I Support the Plan & Accept the Risk...

This sign-off for disaster planning team meetings is an accountability measure that the "Incident

Even when you're little...you
can have a plan that you 
understand and support.

Commander" or person responsible for the whole thing approves the team's plan as presented...and accepts the inherent risk.  In supporting the plan, each of the section leaders makes the same affirmation verbally - a statement that, for better or worse, we're all in this together.  In a disaster response or family life, there is risk.  Period.  We, as disaster managers work to mitigate, reduce, shift, or otherwise minimize the risk as best as possible.  The reality is, no matter how hard we try, disaster work presents challenges and inherent residual (after our controls are implemented) risks...so does family life.  Hopefully, for most of the families out there the risks you face are far from those faced in a disaster environment...but no less significant in their ramifications.  

Sometimes the plan
is just to find a 
snuggy spot and 
snooze.

For our families, life requires planning...planning for marriage, for kids, for finances, for careers, for everything.  Too often, we do our planning around the event (wedding, birth, job interview) and not on the long-lasting "so what" parts of our life.  When we talk about those planning items we often need to systemize them and use consistent processes to understand the risks and how to best approach our courses of action for maximizing success.  In marriage, as an example, we know from statistics what many of the risks are to "splitting the sheets" as a friend recently put it.  Money troubles, infidelity, bad decision-making, impulsive commitments, and others all lead in the big league break-apart categories of analyzed divorce stats.  Looking at the root causes, truly unpacking, and understanding the risks, we can see a theme in those examples that all revolves around communication.  Gaining and maintaining, "gaintain" if you will, clarity in communication is part of our commitment by "supporting the plan and accepting the risk."  

Halloween candy route
planning...check!

Another key part of being able to honestly "support the plan and accept the risk" is to truly understand
the reality, not just our perception of it.  We often find what we look for or see what we want to see.  In sizing up the situation, gathering a common operating picture (COP) of our situation awareness (SA) is critical.  This "SA" or "COP" is directly related to our setting of accurate and shared expectations as a family...and most of our "sadnesses" in life are directly related to our unmet or unrealistic expectations, not our actual circumstances.  In family life, the "COP" can take the shape of a shared calendar, family budget, chore responsibilities list, or other tools that get us singing from the same sheet of music.  

Managing chaos, can
with practice become
a system like the 
scientific process.

Mica Endsley helped define Situational Awareness as "the perception of the elements in the environment within a volume of time and space, the comprehension of the meaning, and projection of their status in the near future."  Similar to the OODA loop or RPDM models (links below), Mica's SA model in stages of Perception, Comprehension, and Projection.  FEMA in their Lifelines calls this "What," "So What," "Now What" and "What's Next."  Research indicates that perhaps the most important phase and most messed up phase is "perception" where we miss seeing or see the wrong thing.  

We need to try to get to "pentimento" or our ability to see "the underlying image, often hidden to the eye or overlooked during the initial view."  In a firefighting context, we can see without "seeing."  When you roll up to the house on fire, we can see the fire coming out of it...we can also "see" if there are kids based on stuff in the front yard, if folks are likely to be in there based on time of day/vehicles in the driveway, etc.  We should, over time, be able to sense or perceive when we ask our spouse how their day was and they say "fine" that it might have been anything but...and we should follow up with more questions.  In order to "support the plan and accept the risk," we've got to be able to see the situation clearly by employing observation and sense-making skills.  

Sometimes you 
just have to suck
it in and press
forward.

Another piece of being a team player in this space we call life is that it's dynamic.  Our plan for a big fire might be to stop it at the highway...sometimes the fire doesn't support the plan and races right past our best-laid intentions.  Just like in life, we have to recognize that our situations are dynamic and don't live in a vacuum.  Over time, it's important to use our gained situational awareness to refine our plan against the current risks and landscape.  Your plan to take a gap year road trip and see all 50 states may get derailed when sickness enters your family...time for a new plan...that's the commitment of the team, to lean in and support the plan/accept the risks in more than lip service.  

Among many other factors, we'll wrap up with our commitment to the journey as part of our ability to support the plan and accept the risk.  The verbal affirmation as a meeting sign-off, whether at home or at a disaster, implies that you're willing, ready, and able to contribute your resources to support the plan - you've got skin in the game and a vested interest to see the team win.  This means that you're going to lean in with your actions, look for problems/gaps, identify solutions, and sacrifice for the good of the whole.  It also means when we say "accept the risk" that, for better or worse, we're in this as a team.  When we take our marriage vows, we hopefully have thought through and communicated a plan that will (a) get us to the finish line successfully and (b) that we're fully able/willing to support.  It also means, that over the years, we're going to identify, mitigate, and take ownership when the risk swamps our ship.  

Supporting
the plan is 
worth it!

Hopefully, the parables in this post landed with you and you can move forward applying the principles to your own family life.  In disaster management or family life, our commitment to "support the plan and accept the risk" needs to be far deeper than lip service or catchy platitude.  It needs to be a come-hell-or-high-water, you-can-count-on-me bond that takes the driver's seat in your life.  New, sexy, shiny job posting...that comes in conflict with your plan for intentional quality time and raising great adults...you signed on for that risk, and to that plan...slug away back in the salt mines.  Like all of our posts, look at the principles, take the nuggets that resonate with you, make a plan...toss out the rest...and use the lessons that stick to go live your best life.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three parts of life where you need to lean in and support the plan.  This may be calendar, budget, menu, diet, vacation, etc.  Unpack with your family what supporting the plan means, the risks inherent and how you'll support them.  Start small and practice doing this until its habitual.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of leaning in...for better or worse on practical items...not just shiny vows we recited back when.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Recognition Primed Decision Making (RPDM)

- Col John Boyd's OODA Loop

Just Start

Just Start

Just start.  Just one foot in front of the next, that very first step is the most important one.  Getting started is the hard part, for most folks just getting going is the hardest part in any particular journey.  Whatever facet of life, we have important starts that we have to do at times in our lives.  When I went to jump school, the "Stand In The Door" command was a rallying cry to jump out of the airplane, the first step being the doozy where you just started the "falling process," the hardest first step.  

If you're super cool
you'll do it on your
hands. 

We look at and celebrate starts - e.g. New Year's Day and New Year's Resolutions.  We see those starts to all the things we think we'll do and become in the coming months.  In all likelihood, we often don't start well, as in, we don't start a habit, but rather we start by saying we'll do something without starting a plan or a routine.  In a recent example from our house, my wife started a new habit with a 2-minute daily treadmill commitment.  Instead of trying to start a new 1-hour on the treadmill, or 1-marathon by next week, she started with a small habit.  Most days, this 2-minute turns into 20, but by only committing to 2 minutes, she gets on most days instead of some, a few, or no days in a row.  You can apply this same process to about whatever else in life - reading...1 page a day, writing...1 page a day, reading to kids...1 book a day.  

The first snowball
starts with the 
first flake...then
an avalanche.

By starting a habit, perhaps especially a small, doable habit, we can get a little momentum to start developing into a snowball.  Similarly, we can likely roll this inertia into something contagious to other parts of our lives.  By starting in one part of life, we can likely get started in several things in life.  For example, starting to go to bed earlier means you can start getting up earlier, which means you can start working out a little, which means you can start getting in better shape, which means you can start feeling better, which means you can start doing more novel experiences, and so forth.  You get the idea here - in this example, we make excuses that we can't go do novel things because, you know, we're too tired.  Whatever example or part of life, meaningful change comes with one small start that turns into several other small starts until your life is changed for the better.  Just get the snowball heading down the hill. 

When we talk about this "starting" power as magical, we can look at compounding/exponential growth as compared to linear growth.  We'll illustrate with a financial example for easy math, but you can apply the same model to other parts of your life.  

Just like grains of
sand, those $1 
bills can become
an army...1 by 1.

In the chart below, we show how $0 input (whether it be finance, or whatever else) gives you 0 output no matter how long you model it.  We can also see that some incremental growth, a "start" so to speak, we start to see real results.  In this example, getting from $100/month to $1,000/month is through a series of small starts.  Let's say you start taking your lunch to work or start delivering pizzas after work, or start whatever small habit or action to raise income/reduce spending.  Those little starts strung together into habits and all of a sudden we're looking at crazy progress over your lifetime.  Extrapolate out these variables and you can see generational/family tree changing potential.  The other day, we were looking at a retirement account (529 to Roth IRA conversions) for our children.  By the time our kids are 65, the $55/hour freelance we were contemplating is $20,000/hourly wage (using compound growth for 60 years).  A little bit of a start on taking a second job all of a sudden is a no-brainer.  

If you invest...	...$0 a month	...$ 100 a month	...$500 a month	...$1,000 a month
After 5 years you'll have	$0	$7,040	$35,200	$70,399
After 10 years you'll have	$0	$17,384	$86,919	$173,839
After 25 years you'll have	$0	$87,727	$438,636	$877,271
* Based on 8% returns

Bringing Spiderman
can never hurt on a
new start.

When we think about starting (or anything else), it's important to look at why we don't "just do it."  As Jill Winger from The Prairie Homesteader put it, "Procrastination often wraps itself in the packaging of due diligence."  This analysis paralysis can occur when we allow preparedness to morph into procrastination.  In many parts of life you'll never be ready...perhaps ready enough...and that's okay.  Growing up as a young adult in the military, and then the fire service...there were many times we were "ready enough."  In one high-angle rescue class, ready enough became clear when 20 minutes into the class we were engaging in firefighter bailouts.  I wasn't ready...but ready enough.  These lessons helped me develop the right attitude and confidence to later in life be "ready enough" for marriage, having kids, job changes, and so many others...just like most things, getting started is a muscle you can develop and hone over time through practice.  

There's a level of preparedness that is only prudent - you should tie knots well before jumping out a window and put on a parachute before exiting the aircraft if you partake in those activities...but at a certain point, the only thing left is to do the thing - start the process - take action.  At some point, and I know it sounds cliche, you've got to depart from the comfort zone and take flight.

Never miss a chance to be
a pirate...especially a 
steam train pirate.  

There is a term, Kaizen in Japanese project improvement, or the idea that small 1% increases in productivity, quality, etc, add up to massive traction over time.  Eventually, those little starts add up to meaningful, life-changing results.  When you think about the difference of one degree from 211 *F to 212 *F is where we hit steam power - it revolutionized the world.  It's the same change as, say 71 *F to 72*F...but has far outsized results in that one gradient.  And...you can only get to 212...if you started and got from 1 to 2, then 2 to 3, and so forth.  The idea is imperfect, decisive, continuous action.  It doesn't have to be perfect...just in the right direction.  

I'll leave you with two quotes "The one good thing about problems is they'll still be problems tomorrow."  John Dutton from Yellowstone and "Be impatient to act, but patient for results"  Huw Davies.  These two...your problems will be problems until you act on them...now get started and course correct as you go.  Just start.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick three things you/your family are going to commit to making a start on.  New diet, cooking at home, reading to kids, walking around the block, whatever it is...have one start each week for the next month. 
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) for starting.  This doesn't have to be a massive, life-changing action...but what "start" are you going to do this week?

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Steve Harvey - Just Start

- Quit Like a Millionaire by Kristy Shen - just getting started allows you, paradoxically to quit on your terms.  

Untimely Death

Untimely Death

When we talk about estate planning, I know there is a certain proclivity to "tune out" or "turn off" for a variety of reasons - downer of a topic, don't want to bring on or contemplate our own mortality, or other reasons.  That said...as they say...death and taxes...none of us get out of this life alive.  Morbid or not...that's reality.  That said, what do we do to avoid the untimely death(s) out there.  

Remember, this whole estate planning thing is likely one of the only "100% surety" plans you're going to actually execute...hopefully, not for a long time...but the time will come.  In the meantime, remember that estate planning, like many other plans, is a series of meaningful conversations with those around you - how you feel about them, your wishes, your dreams for them, and such.  Leave the dramatic opening and reading of a will from the mysterious uncle to the Soap Operas.  For you, tell those around you what matters most to you now...and after you're gone...tell them today.  

We've talked about the Zig Ziglar Wheel of Life in other posts, and I'd recommend that you consider it for your "estate" planning needs.  In other words, typically the idea of planning for your untimely demise (or that of a loved one) is relegated to the financial pie sector only and we believe that is shortsighted.  We'll unpack a few items in each of the below sectors to hopefully get you thinking more broadly about the idea of when you're not around.  Keep in mind, that much of this is not for you, but rather those who are close to you in this life who are left behind.  Don't miss that...when you're gone...they're not and if you love and care for them (like you say you do), take a minute to put your stuff in order.  

Whether it be the widow-maker-heart-attack, the driver who runs the red light, the convenience store robbery gone wrong, too many birthdays, or the shellfish that goes down the wrong pipe...for too many of us, we end up running out of tomorrows somewhere along the way before we're "ready."  To that end, it's important to lead a life that you can look back on with pride and enjoyment both through the windshield and in the rearview mirror.  I want you to hear that again...live today, so that...if you're gone tomorrow there are no regrets.  Taking some time to evaluate if you and your family are where you want to be is an important reminder, like Charles Dickens's Ghost of Christmas Past, Present, and Future, that it's up to you to be where you want to be.  We'll unpack how you may be able to make that work through Zig's Wheel.

Before we dive in, remember the first among equals here...family.  Your employer will have a "new you" in a month or two.  Your social circle will refill like when you pull your hand out of a bucket of water and the void closes.  The ones who will mourn you and you'll leave some scars deeply embedded are those in your family.  With that said, read below...and plan accordingly.  Set those most important to you up for success.  

Family: Love on them.  Do the things that your kids want to do.  Hug your wife.  Make the calls that should be made.  

Finances: There are plenty of resources and advice out there regarding the practical steps necessary to make this phase as uncomplicated as possible - in short...get good, term-life insurance and have the basic legal paperwork signed and shared.  

Physical: From a very practical standpoint, what do you want to be done with your physical self (burial, cremation, launched into space, composted, pushed out to sea on a firey pyre), you get the idea.  Again, this is in part about you, but also about the healing and closure process for those you're leaving behind.  Talk about your wishes, write them down while you're of sound mind and body, while there's no emotion of a tragedy.  In another way to construe "physical," you should go through and mark off the items that you want to go to someone specific and put that information in your will.  Chances are, no one wants the second-generation build-it-yourself furniture, but it might be a different story about Grandpa's musket or Grandma's Bible.  This proactive naming of a beneficiary...and communication can help avoid a major squabble that divides your family in a time of mourning.  

Social: Your social circle(s) are important parts of life.  The tribe around you and their average is largely who you likely become.  Don't leave some of those things unsaid to your friends.  I've lost a couple of friends/mentor folks that I didn't say what I should have before they were gone and I regret it.  Nothing I can do about it but hopefully learn and have the intestinal fortitude to say the things before the next time.  From a more practical perspective, your social media sites need to have a plan when you're gone.  Who is going to shut them off?  Or maintain them?  What are the passwords?  You get the idea, we hold those things deeply personal...until they're not really yours anymore.  

Personal Development/Intellectual: I've been an on-again, off-again creator over the years who is a pretty magnificent starter...not a stellar finisher.  Over that time, I've built up quite a stockpile of intellectual property-type things that I don't want to vanish with me.  In a "Letter of Intentions & Wishes," I've tried to fairly carefully put together some instructions on where to send links to some file folders.  They may go unopened and that may be it, but at least the message in the bottle will go out among the waves.  

Health: You can, in large part, hedge your bets for a long and healthy life through...drumroll, please...diet and exercise habits.  That doesn't mean you can stave off the inevitable with your kale smoothies, but don't be surprised if you shuffle off this mortal coil prematurely if you spend large percentages of your time and money in a drive-thru line.  Stay up on your health concerns (annual check-ups, dental cleanings, prescription meds, etc.).  Again, it's not just about you...it's about your being able to get down and wrestle a grandkid or go to a princess tea party thirty years from now.   

Spiritual: One of the channels I follow talks about the idea of "spiritual fitness" since we don't know when our last day comes to pass.  No matter the cause, being right with whatever is next is an important piece of life.  For our family, we take faith in our belief in Jesus and the next step is heaven down the road.  I've had atheist friends who have had great angst in the idea that they don't have "a next place" and it's been sad to watch one of them who passed and left his children with a perverse wondering of where they were if there wasn't a heaven.   

Career: There is a whole professional field devoted to the Continuity of Operations (COOP) for businesses and governments.  Depending on your work situation, especially in our modern cloud-sharing/telework world, it's important to have a plan for some of your projects and files.  This one sounds (and is) trivial compared to those above, but I'll tell you from the experience of filling in for friends who passed while working that some of your work legacy is wrapped up in the ability of those after you to be able to access, understand, and continue what you started.  I know I'm pretty bad at setting up files properly if I vanished overnight (mostly from bad habit, and probably a smidge of OCD tossed in), so this serves as a reminder to all of us that we should take a minute to visualize how to make post-you life easier on your work compatriots.  

As we depart this, find a document to help move you through the actions to become prepared.  Some of those practical "big rocks" homework items are listed below: 

     - Letters to Loved Ones (tell them what you want them to hear)...heck, just do that every day 

     - Last Will & Testament (use this to appoint a guardian for your minor children...among other things)

     - Life Insurance (Term is the right answer for most people)

     - Power of Attorney (financial and medical)

     - Trust, etc (keep in mind, many employers offer a legal benefit and you may be able to get some cost-effective "advanced" legal services in this realm).  

If you're convinced (or not) to take some next steps, I'd highly recommend the movement and book by Chanel Reynolds What Matters Most who dives deeply into this whole topic and space with her heart-wrenching story and plea for you to do it differently.  Another practical next steps guide is from Abby Schneiderman's In Case You Get Hit By A Bus.  Both of these books give you a great sense of some next steps and walk you through a more detailed set of steps and to-do items to get done.  

As the legendary Garth Brooks said way back in 1989, "If Tomorrow Never Comes," the most important thing likely is if your family knew how much you loved them.  Part of loving them is the whole idea of being present in the moment before your last day.  It's also doing the practical work that we talk about above to make sure that your family's grief is their biggest hurdle...not trying to grieve through foreclosure on top of you being gone.  

Before we depart here, I have no illusions that I've convinced you to get up, stop reading, and go do something to make this better.  To that end, I wanted to address a few reasons I've heard that folks don't get prepared.  

"It won't happen to me, I'm ______" - not so much, I've been around crisis management on the front lines and seen too many times when the young and the healthy meet their end right along with the old or less than healthy.  Death comes as an equal opportunity hitter, it doesn't particularly care about your age, race, social status, to-do list, economic potential, family ties, or anything else like your plans, hopes, or dreams.  Getting past this normalcy bias and getting your stuff together is a critical component for all of us.  

"I don't need_____(life insurance, a will, etc)" - 

"It's too expensive" - 

"It's too complex" - 

"I don't understand it" - 

"If I talk about it, it'll happen" - 

At the end of the day, we hopefully have convinced you that going through some of the practical steps above is a lasting and meaningful gift to those left in your wake.  Hopefully, that thought has convinced you to take action and check a few things off the board.  So, no matter what comes next (hopefully 90 more years of healthy and happy living), or where you believe you'll go when the "blood stops going round and round in your body", we'll leave you with a bit of a light-hearted look at some immediate next steps.  

Go - Stand In The Arena - or, as it were the library, accountant, or lawyer's office...or at least the keyboard for a bit...to build the peace of mind that your family deserves.  Once much of the work we talked about here is done, go do life more fully knowing that way down there below you is a bit of a strong, but out-of-sight safety net that empowers you to live a more full life.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three items that you and your family are going to do this week...one of which will be calling your insurance provider and ensuring you've got adequate term life insurance up to date.  Pick two more.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of how you're living life so that if, tragically one of you isn't living...the rest are as prepared as possible.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Chanel Reynolds - Get Your Shit Together

Will the real John Doe, please stand up?

Will the real John Doe, please stand up?

Seasons change...so 
do you.

We are not the same people we were once upon a time.  That's natural.  Think about who you were in high school, college, newly married, newly employed, newly parental, or whatever other emerging season/role.  You get the idea.  Much like a bird who molts or a snake who sheds its skin to reinvent itself throughout its life, in a way, a more subtle way, so do you.  Similarly, so are those around you - your spouse, children, parents, and employers - different over time.  I'm not the same guy who used to run marathons, jump out of airplanes, or go into burning buildings.  While I certainly miss those days from time to time, the "who I am today" is because of who I was then.  For better (more grounded, more adventurous, more well-versed in many topics) and for worse (a little more sore, more tired, more cynical), who we were/are helps inform and shape who we become.  

Or just dive in.

Some of this can vary on the micro timescale, month-to-month, or even day-to-day with our moods and activities.  Similar to weather and climate, the changes that we should probably focus on are more to do with the longer-term seasons of life (perhaps something like the next 3-5 years or so) than day-to-day.  That said, the day-to-day activities, habits, systems, and activities we engage in on a daily basis begin to shape our next self.  As such, you should engage in new activities and habits with careful contemplation before diving in blindly down a path that doesn't lead where you say you want to go.  

Volunteering
sometimes needs
a shovel.

As an example of a "shaping" activity that you may partake in to transition from a free-wheeling single young adult to an employed, married, parent, you might engage in an internship, volunteer at a daycare, or nanny for a relative in the summers.  On a more tactical, finite example, going into remodeling a house, we volunteered with Habitat for Humanity to develop some know-how we were missing while giving back to the community in a meaningful way.  

As you think about "the real you" (yesterday/today/tomorrow) as well as your real spouse/children/etc. in your circle, it's important to plot the current state and the desired end state.  From there, it becomes practical to start taking actions that are in the general line of effort between those two points.  As you look at "who you are" with some introspective questions, you may recognize that the "who you say you are" is different from the actual "who you are."  To get to the true foundation, you may need to check in with your circle.  For example, I may say "I'm a great father," but in talking with my wife and children, I may have some significant work to do in that realm of the arena.  This 360-degree evaluation gives you more "ground truth" to build a new foundation on for action.  

You might need a 
bigger fork.

We'd recommend you start with the idea of "how to eat an elephant" and break down the introspection of who you are from the perspective of the Zig Ziglar wheel segments of life.  Using the different parts of your life as a rubric, you can chart the "now" vs "next" and take action.  Also, by using the sectors in concert, you can keep a balance and harmony across life for a well-rounded journey of growth.  If we work on building one segment of our life without consideration for the others, it's the proverbial equivalent of skipping leg day.  As you grow in your component parts and the aggregate whole, you can continue to adjust to make sure you're not the "super CEO" on his third wife with estranged kids.  

We change...that's 
a good thing.

Getting to the real you, based on your roles, as we mentioned above, is a cyclical "point-in-time"snapshot.  At one point, I "was" a firefighter.  Today, "the real me" is not a firefighter.  I've taken some of the lessons learned, tangible skills, and so forth from those years of experience and I can apply them to today, but I've changed.  Those firefighting years have made me a more competent professional and better-equipped homeowner.  They've also helped me become a better, more patient teacher as a parent.  In less great ways, they're some of the seeds of cynicism and world-worn that I carry with me as well in the form of psyche scars and aches/pains.  

You might even 
change on a boat...

All of this to say, you're in the driver's seat with your hand on the steering wheel and your foot on the throttle.  The choices on who you are becoming are up to you...for better or worse.  Along the way, it's important to take stock on who you say you are/are becoming and who you actually are/becoming.  Having those two personas synced up is critical to a healthy, balanced self.  Be your authentic self...both in word and deed.  Point your thoughts, actions, habits, hobbies, and lifestyles in the direction of the self you desire to become.  The world and your circle needs the real you...not the pretend one.  Your circle also needs you to stand up, in the arena, and be in the game.  Go do that!

Our changes are, in 
large part due to those
who came before...

Note: we hope that you are like a Michelangelo statute where you're constantly polishing the marble until it is something remarkable.  If you look back at your last month, year, decade, lifetime...and you're exactly the same, especially if you're not stoked about it...you're not winning.  We've got people in our circle who have been couch potato video gamers for years on end...that's not the goal.  Choose greatness!

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out one of the Zig wheel segments of life and jot down a few "who I am" and a few "who I desire to be" sentences.  If they don't match, write out three action items to move them closer together.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of building your now self in the direction of the desired next steps self.  Help your kids talk through what this means as they're coming up on the next season of life. 

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- "When you're not rooted in your authentic self, you believe what someone tells you. You'll fall for it." Tabitha Brown

- Being Yourself - A Psychologists Guide

Stop Shrinking the Ladder

Stop Shrinking the Ladder

Christmas on a FL beach
is a good start to 
good works.

God made us in His image.  He made and intended us to do great and wonderful things.  We were called for more than just wallowing away life moving from one screen to the next.  We are called like Nehhemiah (6:1-3) to stand on our ladder and say "I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come down."  When we chose to become spouses and parents, we took an oath and made a commitment to not shirk or shrink in our capabilities and duties...but often we do.  Too often we find ourselves in a society surrounded by those who are constantly shrinking the ladder when it doesn't have to be shrunk.  

Getting a ladder
starts early.

A few recent highlights in our circle and headlines around the country sadly illustrate the point.  In a recent work conversation, a co-worker said, "I get paid at a C- level, so I'll do C- work..." and he was surprised when his supervisor rated him as such.  Quiet quitting has run rampant with people who strive, strive to do the bare minimum required.  That habit is cross-cutting, we see it at work and often hear about it from people at home as spouses and parents...choosing to shrink the ladder...shying away from doing what they are capable of doing, and therefore becoming through intentional action.  

My wife is a teacher and a recent article, I think out of Baltimore touted an innercity school's GPA middle ground was a .13.  You read that right, .13 as a GPA...to put you in the top half of the class.  Another article from Portland, OR was proud of the fact that there are effectively no academic graduation requirements to get out of high school.  This other article talked about how the Army recruiting class is "too fat to fight."  Read these three (or unfortunately many others like them) and you see that gone are the JFK days of "Ask not what your country can do for you...but what you can do for your country."  

You might have to
make your own 
stairs sometimes.

I happen to be writing this in the hallway outside of our monthly 4-H meeting and overhearing comments like, "That would've been a good lesson," or "Let's take the stairs, that's a healthier option."  Our small but mighty 4-H crowd's only pre-req requirement is that you care enough to show up.  The families who come to the group, most don't come from means, per se.  We're generally a working-class sort of folks and any of the group could probably come up with excuses, reasons to "shrink" the proverbial ladder...but we don't and they don't...and because of it, our community is a little stronger for it.  

We choose to homeschool for a variety of reasons, some of which is due to the fact that our children can rise to their potential far better than they could in the "teach to the lowest common denominator" necessity of public education.  We've pushed our kids hard...and they're doing amazing.  We've also played hard...our kids have been to hundreds of national park sites, museums, zoos, and general adventures around the country.  This isn't a brag moment, although I'm very thankful and proud of where we've gotten to in life and the choices we continue to make.  It is to say that by choosing excellence in a few categories...then sacrificing to fulfill those intentions...you too can do it.  

Fish or horseshoe
crab face mask...

We view ourselves as little fish in a little pond, content when our kid can tie their shoes a little before little Jane or little Johnny.  In reality, the competition for excellence now and in our children's future is not in a little pond but in the global economy...a very big pond and we owe it to our kids to help them be ready for that stage.  We're doing no favors when we change the measuring stick or shorten the 100-meter dash to 90 meters so that our time sounds a little better.  Instead, we need to fall back to our heartier roots, where we cast off the fear of failure and put in the sweat/frustration equity it takes to get good at something.  

You can, and should personally push back on this fallacy.  G. Michael Hopf talked

Or fly to rescue
yourself.

about this “Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times.”  We're in an era where we as men, women, and families are becoming weaker, more spoiled through constant comfort...and the world doesn't care when it applies the test.  What is the test, you ask?  When you lose a job, have an illness in the family, have a person who untimely passes, or deal with infertility - life's tests require us to rise to the occasion, not look for a bailout.  We do a disservice to our children when we constantly swoop in to rescue them when the going gets tough - helicopter parents.  We really, really cut them off at the knees when we remove all adversity and smooth out any bumps on their road - snowplow parents.  

Trees are for 
climbing...

Much like a strong oak tree only becomes so through toil, droughts, wind, and storms, adversity builds us into who we are and how we "make it" when the going gets tough.  Adversity strengthens us.  It shapes and reveals our character.  It is a good thing...especially in the development of our youth...and we're not doing a very good job en masse of letting our kids struggle mightily...so that, someday they can struggle effectively with mighty things.

From a practical perspective, I don't want to leave this post with "grumpy old man vibes" and we try to abide by the rule "if you bring a problem, bring some solutions."  To that end, how do you deal with proactively pushing your kids to the point of

A little moulage
helping dad 
with some 
training.

injecting failure as a learning moment?  Emotionally, in the moment, it hurts to see them sad, their little spirits bruised.  (Tough love time) - that's why you're their parent, not their friend.  Buck up...a skinned knee is far better than wrapping the first car around a telephone pole.  Look for opportunities to safely "get hurt."  This could mean emotionally, spiritually, financially...even physically.  When those hurts come in small, managed doses, we build a sort of inoculation to the bigger failures and hurts.  We learn that failure isn't final, or fatal.  We learn that we can get up, brush ourselves off, and carry forward.  In essence, we learn and develop our own resilience.  

Additionally, it could, and probably should mean that you're "picking up the slack" elsewhere.  For example, a family friend with daughters a few years ahead sort of did a 4-H and Girl Scout set of things with the club...and a 4-H and Girl Scout set of things at home.  The first was more about going through the motions to play the game.  The organization didn't care that her daughter had been practicing, failing and rising, for years and is a remarkable cook and cake decorator.  At home, she was building grand designs for competitions and running a mini-small business on the side of her 6th-grade English lessons.  At the club, she was "dumbed down" with the "average" kids her age, re-learning the rudimentary skills she'd dialed in years before.  

All games add up
to matter over 
time.  

At first, this "playing the game for the game's sake" struck me as a pretty inefficient use of time among other negatives.  In further conversation, I had an "aha" moment when it was translated into adulting...do we ever have "those" projects at work where we're spinning our wheels, feel talked down to by a supervisor, and so forth.  Maybe her parents weren't the dumb ones in preparing her for what was ahead.  Don't miss it though...most of the parents in the club were fine with their kids performing way below what they were capable of...because it had been normalized.  Instead of double doing it, they excused away their involvement and their kids are becoming increasingly less capable than their invested peers.  

All of this to say...few of us would likely answer a multiple choice test in any facet of our life with the answer "I want to be mediocre at best" but we end up falling to the level of the pack and coasting comfortably.  Hopefully, this post serves as a call to action for you to dig deep...since the "unexamined life is not worth living" according to Socrates...and define who you want you and yours to become.  Look for opportunities to build the practice muscles of excellence.  Do reading lessons at home with your kids, stay after t-ball and practice another half hour, scaffold the difficult situations until it can be safely managed, and celebrate and reward excellence.  If we want ourselves, our families, our community, our states, and our nation to be excellent, at some point we have to be the change we want to see in the world...and that means taking an active role...come join us in the arena and do the thing.  

Choose greatness...today!

(Side note: I don't want to put out there that you/your kid should be smarter than Einstein, faster than Usain Bolt, better at football than Brady, etc.  I am saying, we're far more capable than we let on and with proper preparation, we can all do greater things.  Look for your strengths, tend to your weaknesses, and be a person who can leave this life you get better than you found it.  Go do something great...but don't feel like you've got to be the perfectionist who only does great things...that takes us right back to the fear of failure and paralysis before we get started.  Give the gift of failure).  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three specific items that you're going to strive for greatness in to implement this week.  Commit to small actions and build upon them.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) with being great.  At home, at work, at church, at other parts of life...commit to a couple as a family.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Greatness is a Choice book

- “Excellence is never an accident. It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, and intelligent execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives - choice, not chance, determines your destiny.” Aristotle