Good, Perfect, Better, Good Enough

 Good, Perfect, Better, Good Enough

Too often we get stuck in a "climb the ladder" mode where chasing a degree of "better" is a never-ending process.  In large part, chasing, growing, developing, climbing...seeking better isn't a bad thing.  Becoming a constant learner who gets better at their faith, their family, their hobbies, their relationships, and so forth over a lifetime...those are good things.  There is power in small, incremental growth steps that build and compound over decades.  I'd like to think I'm a better father now than when we first had our kids.  I'd also like to think I'm becoming a better father through study, practice, and prayer in the future.  

The dark side of "continuous improvement" comes when we let the constant climb be a bottomless pit or a topless mountain.  Think about it in terms of a grading rubric for a minute.  Let's use family finance as an example with a "perfect/A+/extra credit" being the pinnacle of everything exactly in working order.  Now determine what an A-, B, C, D, F look like in your family.  Perhaps a "good" grade or A is making your bills every month with some margin for future expenses down the road.  Maybe a "good enough" is a B which means all your bills are covered and you have the occasional splurges like a summer vacation or something.  

When we start talking about "what's gotta give" to get to the next/desired echelon in our example the conversation begins to become more honest.  "We can achieve ABC with the time/ energy /investment/ commitment we're willing to make as a family in this season of life."  If we make our polar star "better" instead of a defined end state, the constant hunt begins to run over our "what's gotta give."  Let's say, our example, our "what's gotta give" honest conversation about "good enough" is a job that doesn't require a ton of travel, home with the family, work within work hours, and so forth.  The intersection of peace of mind between income and outgo "how" conversations is the sweet spot we're seeking.  

The Bible talks about the "love of money" as the root of all evil.  In our above example, the always hungry "better" lies to us with the nicer car, nicer house, nicer clothes, nicer food, and nicer vacations are a must, a pre-req to happiness.  With each "nicer/better" ratchet upwards our baseline standard slowly adjusts.  I know when traveling as a single guy in the military, newly married hubby, and now years later...our standard of travel has changed.  Some of that is okay...some of that is great.  You probably shouldn't be sleeping in cars after driving all night with kids after driving back from some faraway adventure for your whole life.  That said, there's always a "better" in front of you...a nicer hotel, a 4-star instead of 3...then a 5 instead of 4...then a "black card elite instead of a 5" sort of ladder.  Finding your "spot" and sticking with it is key to happiness and contentment.  Look for the 1% small changes that bring a "luxury" to life...not the 10%/year/person/whim that becomes rapidly unsustainable.  

Shifting gears a little bit to other categories of our lives, hopefully, the clarity of "good enough" as an end zone comes into sharper focus.  When we got married, did any of our vows say "Until I find someone better?"  That'd be a pretty demoralizing entry point into a lifelong commitment...does anyone honestly wonder why our divorce rate is so high?  Imagine telling your child that you'd prefer the "better" version of themselves...e.g. some other kid.  Again, I'm not saying our calling as humans isn't to "iron sharpen iron" and make those around us better versions of themselves.  I am saying there is no mileage in the constant trade-up to a standard that shifts in the wind.  

Let's talk physical health for a minute...am I in better shape at 40 than 20?  No.  Am I in good enough shape at 40 to stay active with our kids, lead them on hikes, carry them occasionally when they need it, and so forth?  Yes.  Can I (we all) be in better physical shape?  Yes.  Should we quit our jobs, move to the gym, get an IV drip of pre-workout, and attempt to make our ears more muscular?  Probably not.  Better or perfect isn't the standard when we think about it in these terms...good enough is a more manageable, more balanced approach.  

To put it in another light, we've been at a career crossroads here recently...in doing some more work with contractors in our profession it's come to light that there is some serious money to be made in that space.  The professional growth and contributions are "shinier" over there.  The promotion potential is higher.  That all said, in one recent conversation with a contractor friend he said "The job posting says 75% travel...in reality it's probably closer to 90...just so you know."  Would going over to the "dark side" be "better" in some respects?  Probably.  Would it be better for our marriage?  No.  Would it be better for our family?  No.  Is my current job "good enough?"  Yes.  That doesn't mean I can't work each day to do better work, make our team better, and set an example of focus for others...within my 40 hours.  That "within" is the key word that helps us enforce the "good enough" in our lives.  

Shifting gears one more time to volunteerism and faith.  We've got family friends who are "those people" - the "same ten people" types that are volunteering for everything...they're Kiwanis members, board members at United Way, serve on multiple things at church, and so forth.  In the quiet conversations, the ones just past the public front they put up...they're exhausted and resentful that "they have to keep being those people."  Without the "good enough" finish line, any "good thing" that floated past them, despite being "one too many good things" ended up on their plate.  Over time, too many good things have diluted their ability to do well at any of the good things...and ultimately their quality of life.  Within what you're willing to give...be the best server/volunteer for the causes you're passionate about.  Don't let "better" or perfect be the enemy that slowly sinks your ship from a thousand cuts.  

Lastly, as we depart, we've talked about it before but the "perfect being the enemy of good" can lead to some ugly procrastination.  We've had those projects around the house that have been on the back burner waiting for "the" perfect time or "the" perfect set of circumstances to get started.  We recently put in a "good enough" light in the living room.  It'd been on the back burner, waiting for just the right conditions - finding the right light, the right price, the right weather to get into the attic, and so forth.  The "good enough" light has transformed our living room into "almost a whole new house" and we've found ourselves utilizing the space way more as a family.  In the projects of your life, don't let the false standard of perfection lock your parking brake from getting started...good enough is good enough.  

As we pump the brakes this week, hopefully, you've got some things to think about.  Hopefully, you're convinced that "good enough" is a good standard.  If you're not sure yet, go tell your spouse tonight that effective immediately you'll be in the market for a "better" or "perfect" version...word to the wise...maybe look for a perfect couch before you spring that little gem.  As we part, don't stop working on the "getting better" in your life...but with the important "within what I'm willing to give" lens of good enough.  Good luck!

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out something that you're going to be "good enough" on and write out three descriptions of what that looks like - practical, tangible steps.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action)

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Why Good Enough is Good Enough