Systems over Goals

Systems Over Goals

Having a target is what starts the system.

In The Ten Roads to Riches, Ken Fisher talked about building systems to help you automate success "We never heard from her again, but I believe she succeeded since she built a machine for it."  By building a repeatable machine that helps you keep your system driving forward is huge.  Each January 1st...or perhaps your birthday or other temporal milestone, we make these grandiose wishes that we toss out into the ether.  Those so-called "goals" only make traction when we create an underlying system as a scaffold or superstructure to hold us up.  Whereas the goal may point the way toward a particular desired outcome, a system is the component parts to get across the finish line.  

Systems and steps 
make up progress.

When we make this applicable to our own lives in a more practical sense, we may have (probably should have) goals or targets that we're aiming at in each facet of our lives.  To get actual results or progress, we should build systems that get us closer to those stated targets.  In the example of a budget, our goal may be a finite number...save $20,000 for a car.  As we build a system, we begin adding details like buy it by when, which car, and so forth.  We also flesh out the system with items like how much we'll need to save each month, automate the process, which accounts to use, and so forth.  The system of $500/month automatically going to a set-aside bank account for 20 months enables us to actually make the purchase.  

Practicing your system
brings improvement.

You can extrapolate out systems into whatever other facet of life.  For example, with a goal around faith, the system could look like praying at dinner, reading the Bible on a phone app, or setting alarms 30 minutes before church on Sunday.  In health, a system could look like meal planning, not buying snacks/junk food, and habitually parking at the end of a parking lot or pre-deciding to take the stairs whenever they're available.  

Interconnected systems
can intertwine.

It has been said as a mantra, that "nothing changes if nothing changes."  With our New Year's Resolution style wishing, we may "hope" that something changes...but until we change parts of the equation.  You've likely heard that "hope is not a plan" and the good news is that most everything in our lives is an equation of sorts and therefore we can change it.  Double good news, we can also likely use the combination of habits and systems to make meaningful, lasting changes.  The first step is just deciding to make a change, then writing up a system/set of systems to implement daily, small changes, and viola...a little patience later and you're nailing it!

Learning about
other systems helps
refine ours.

Before we depart, we wanted to mention Parkinson's Law which states that generally "work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion."  This likely applies to other parts of our life including discretionary time and distractions.  Building a system that helps inject items that get you closer to your goals is critical.  The old adage "idle handles are the devil's playground" remains true.  Idle hands today tend to lead us into mindless scrolling of social media, binge-watching shows, or otherwise being largely stationary in mind and body.  With this problem only growing, we wanted to mention the importance of systems that address our screen time.  

Target
practice helps.

You can find win-win solutions as well.  As an example with the screen time from above, the system to reduce our screen addiction may include plugging the phone/tablet/device in when you get home and then having a timer when you can use it so you have to get up to go get it.  You may also combine it with activities like "I'll only scroll on my phone if I'm walking around the block and being physical."  Similarly, your system might be installing a self-imposed gatekeeper of only touching a screen if no one else is in the room (e.g. you're not distracted at the expense of your loved ones).  

All of this to say, goals are great...start with those and then work on putting the engine and wheels on the vehicle to get you across the finish line.  The systems you employ... particularly when habitual...are a powerful force.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of new systems that help you get closer to one of your goals you've struggled with.  Employ calendars, technology, alarms, accountability, etc to get these systems cemented firmly.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of family systems.  Chances are, some of your goals/systems involve the whole family...build a system that helps move all of you together.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- “The score takes care of itself.” - Bill Walsh, hall of fame type Football Coach.  

Protector Parent: Indian, Not the Arrow

 Protector Parent: Indian, Not the Arrow

Gotta train like a 
warrior.

The Native American Plains Tribes of North America and likely most everywhere else around the world have a long heritage of strong warrior ethos.  They had centuries of fierce fighting against other tribes, invaders, wild animals, inclement weather, and a dozen other threats and hazards.  Some of the traditions and preparations are incredible in their lineage.  They learned and honed survival and warriorhood over the centuries.  Their history and ability to live and thrive in a harsh land can teach us about tribal-like teamwork, preparations, sacrifice, strategy, self-sustainment, and tactics that should not be lost on us in our modern convenience-driven world.    

We were recently in Yellowstone for a long weekend and sitting near the Obsidian Cliffs, we were reflecting on the idea that for some 600 generations...for real...600 generations...warriors had come there to harvest and craft obsidian weapons and tools.  Over those warrior years, there was an evolution in tactics and tools...but ultimately, the warrior was the center of the equation.  Today, no matter the tools and tactics...you're the warrior in your home...charged with protecting and providing for those under your roof.  

No shirt helps...

When discussing protector parenting, or probably anything else in life, you can't "buy" your way into being a better warrior.  Certainly, you can buy "things" that may make you a better protector, but without the additional mindset and training, you're not likely to build actual capacity.  Certainly, you can "buy better arrows" but that doesn't make you a better warrior.  The better warrior part, in reality, the only part that matters comes through building skills that you can weave into capability and capacity.  For example, you may be able to go out and buy the most state-of-the-art defensive weapon...without training in the mechanics of it (crawl), connecting component skills (walk), and vetting those in realistic exercise scenarios (run), you've got a fancy paperweight.  

Train each 
season

For most of us out there, the goal should be "better warrior or protector" in this space...not collector of the coolest toys.  Also, sadly, many of us, tend to be much more able to collect fancy arrows than invest the resources (time, energy, focus) into building capacities.  In your journey to becoming a better protector parent, it is important to identify and lay out a strategy to move you from budding Padawan to Jedi Master.  Most of us will never become Ninja-SEAL-Delta-Viking level competent in the ways of war...and for most all of us, that's okay.  Every one of us, however, can take proactive, intentional steps to incrementally increase our protective capacities.  

Practice 
works.

Taking the leadership role as a warrior in your life, you can bring a lifestyle and mindset to home/family defense.  This can take the shape of teaching/training yourself and your family in things like CPR, First Aid, Stop the Bleed, Fire Drill, evacuations/shelter-in-place, and other all-hazard items.  You can follow this up by instilling the habits of situational awareness, assertiveness, mannerisms, and other non-victim items/styles.  

Lean in with
your kids.

With almost any capability you're trying to develop in life there are a series of independent component skills that when mastered and linked together translate into a new ability.  For a few examples in the "protector parenting" realm, we'll talk about some necessary softer skills.  The old adage "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure," is critical in protection.  Learning to avoid an issue is a critical first step.  That said, when avoidance doesn't work, having the ability to inflict targeted violence is important for warriorhood and self-defense.  

As you're protecting and teaching/raising the next generation of protectors, it's important to not only have protector items/tools/"arrows" but more importantly, can use said arrows effectively.  As your children grow up, the roles transition from strictly protecting to teaching how to protect should occur.  Raise "Indians" who can use arrows and ultimately raise more warriors.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few things that you can work on/learn/develop.  Pick out a few more for your spouse and kids.  Now go learn/practice those things.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) - take a class, learn a skill, practice a "martial" art, etc.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Warrior Poet Society -https://www.youtube.com/@WarriorPoetSociety 

Creator vs Consumer

Creator vs Consumer

Legos are a great way
to start creating.

It often seems like we've got to pick a side in a variety of "binary" topics today...left vs right...pro-choice vs pro-life...mustard vs ketchup...baseball vs football.  Oftentimes, in reality, we have a gray zone in the middle that is moderation and likely a healthy place to reside.  This isn't a lukewarm approach but rather a more realistic approach to doing life in a community and society...being less polarized than the world tends to force upon us.  In this realm, we want to talk about the dichotomy of creator vs consumer.  

We get better the more
we practice.

Consumer vs creator - when we talk about this, you get a choice to become a creator...or a consumer.  In our modern era of kids saying they want to be influencers or content creators...fewer and fewer of us are creating anything.  Think about your lifestyle as compared to your ancestors...when was the last time you created something you wore, ate, drove, or used?  Our great-grandparent's generation likely had a garden, created clothing, and perhaps even tools.  Today, we likely purchase all of those items...or in other words, consume someone else's (or more likely a factory's) creations.  

We can create
things like
responsibility...which
is contagious.

As we unpack this, creation takes guts...far more than consuming.  Creation is a process of failure, rising, continuing, failing, and continuing again.  With consumption, we simply have to show up...and consume.  This goes for media, food, attention, or whatever else.  Consumption is often far more comfortable than creation.  It's often far easier than creation.  It's also far less satisfying, character-forming, and useful to others than creation.   In many ways, the essence of the Teddy Roosevelt quote (this blogs namesake), the "man in the arena" is a creator...not a consumer.  

Creation is 
made up of 
building 
blocks.

As we talk about our lives and our children as creators, we must realize that some people (perhaps even us) make amazing content (or other items).  Others make mediocre items.  Chances are, all of the good ones made worse creations at the beginning of their journey.  Along the creation path, the creators paid their dues, hit the street grinding, and used their path to learn, implement lessons, and get better than when they started.  Creation is a vulnerable state where a participant has to be active.  They have to show up and try, then try again...they have to put themselves out there.  Consumers...none of that is true.  The patterns, habits, and essence of a creator give you the ability to create in other parts of life - health, happiness, wealth, and other less tangibles are products of creation...not consumption.  

Too many people do no creation...ever.  Only consumption.  Historically we had to create in order to consume as a pre-req.  We had to grow our food to eat it.  We had to write our books before we could read them.  Now, instant gratification, AI, and other comfort-creating things are making the need for creators increasingly scarce.  You could "survive" on pure consumption with big box deliveries and fast food delivery.  This is increasingly common with things like DoorDash, grocery delivery, and other modern creature comforts...they're also making us, as a society, and a species increasingly soft.  

Baby steps add up.

At a certain level, we are what we consume - food becomes fuel or fat - depending on if we choose consumption or creation.  When we consider media/content - we become more of what we watch through polarization in the echo chamber that algorithms feed us.  The lack of modern creation, or perhaps more accurately, constant consumption makes us less patient.  In yesteryear, we had to do a ton of work to get a particular meal...now we push a button on our phone.  We used to have to wait for a weekly newspaper or the 6pm news...now we have push notifications.  This sort of consumption makes us far less patient...which translates to how we interact with our loved ones and co-workers.  

We can build 
big dreams...
and treehouses.

We slowly become what we consume.  Like a river cutting through a canyon, we, over time have grooves that are cut in us - read/watch/listen to the Bible, we became more like that.  Pour filth in your ears, eyes, and everything else...and, over time, you're full of filth.  Long term, what we consume, also becomes we tend to create if we make that choice...overtly or subtly.  It'd be one thing if you consumed filth and it stopped with you...but it oozes out in our daily life.  In many cases, our consumption comes out with direct outputs, but in many cases it comes out in the way we do life and/or how we pour into our loved ones.  Abusers tend to raise future abusers.  Fortunately, creators also tend to raise future creators.  This means you've got a huge responsibility and privilege to be a role model for those around you...especially your family.  

Creations start
with small dreams.

Creators...more than consumers...raise the bar and push the needle.  When you think about historical figures...those folks who have biographies written about them...were all creators.  Some were creating movements, empires, nations, dreams, maps, inventions...they weren't known for consumption.  When you talk about what you want your kids to become...it's likely not focused on consumption.  No matter what your kids are into...hopefully it's creation...creating scholars, leaders in Sunday school, baseball players...whatever flavor, the hope is they create, not consume.  

Lastly, as we close, remember, that we're made in the image of our Creator...God made us to go forth and create...in the world around us and to create more disciples.  By practicing creation (instead of consumption) and keeping a balance, we become closer to our creator - His hands, feet, and mouthpiece.  All of this to say, practice creating small things, over and over, and we become creators.  Habits become ingrained.  When you catch yourself in a consumption season...go create...write a poem, build a treehouse, plant a garden...just create.  As a parent, we're "creating" a new generation...practice makes perfect...create!

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three things that you're going to create in the next month.  Talk to your family and put the building blocks (schedule, budget, etc) in place to make something new.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of creating/consuming - planting a garden, getting rid of streaming, etc.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Become a Creator...content...but the steps can be a parallel.  

On Maturity

On Maturity

Or...you can go
play with a 
shovel.

Kids today talk about how their parents told them they were mature...mature enough to play M-rated video games.  Mature enough to be able to explain all the ins and outs of anything sexual.  At a recent play date, one mom was recounting how a 6 and 8-year-old in her life were joking about some sexual concept she'd never even heard of, nor could wrap her mind around.  Beyond the ridiculousness of the idea of a 6-year-old playing a video game designed for US soldiers to become desensitized to killing.  Or, how ridiculous is it that the pre-schoolers were able to describe not only the birds and the bees like some ranch kid...but the kinky, freaky bees.  

There might 
be a theme.

We're somehow on this race car track where we feel like we've got to race to adulthood.  I did a lot of growing up early with young years working in commercial agriculture, firefighting, and the military...to say I've been around curse words is an understatement.  Recently, I've heard kids...little, early elementary school kids, who curse like the proverbial sailors of yesteryear and are proud of their ability to do so.  On the flip side, I've seen plenty of young men and women while I was teaching at our local community college who still viewed their 20-25 year old selves as "kid-dults" and wanted no part of anything that looked like "adulting" (read responsibility).  

Maturity comes with
building blocks.

In trying to reconcile these two concepts, the young who are racing to "be mature" and those old enough to know better who are shirking anything that looks like maturity, it seems like we, as a people are wanting to avoid the consequences (emotional, physical, financial, etc) while grabbing the benefits.  In the "every-child-gets-a-trophy" mentality, we've raised a generation that feels entitled to the "winning" (even though we aren't allowed to keep score), without putting in the work.  When we talk about maturity and how we "become mature" I think it's important to really get better, more intentional about defining the 5 Ws before we get to the H.  

Don't wish the
years away.

In other words, I think we owe it to our kids and coming generations to do a better job spelling out, perhaps selling the concepts of what is maturity (how to become responsible, delaying gratification, budgeting our resources, sacrificing for greater goods).  We also need to do a better job with "why" being mature is a good thing ("if not you, then who" mentality of maturity in being part of the solution).  Who/when/where all have a place to play in maturity - I've had friends who were ready for when/where much earlier or later than other friends.  As we approach middle age, I've got friends who are still "hooking up" every weekend, living in a perpetual Peter Pan state.  I've got other friends who are rocking it by embodying the citizen ethic of leaving our world better than they found it.  

The training wheels fall off
too soon, even on their own
time...don't hurry it.

Maturity, hopefully for your family, like ours, isn't a race to see whose kid can watch their first R-rated movie ahead of their peers, play the most violent video game, or sleep with the most people as a teenager.  Maturity is or should be, an equally yoked responsibility and privilege connection in our actions.  Our goal, largely, as parents is to raise good adults who don't need us.  When our kids are young, we're scaffolding everything, even their most basic needs.  As they grow, hopefully, we're "leaving and cleaving," weaning them off of us as parents and helping them sprout their own independent wings.  In making that journey, as your child shows "maturity" or responsibility in the little things, we can trust them with bigger things.  

You may
need to make
a path.

This path has many milestones and waypoints along the way.  Many of our preschoolers' friends (and particularly their parents) are shocked that our kids have helped with axes and chainsaws, have their own bows and arrows, or have climbed mountains far above their perceived age abilities.  Most of those same parents will also talk about how they don't have enough time to teach their kids anything...while telling all about the streaming binge they just had and are caught up on all the recent "must-see" shows.  As parents, it's our responsibility (and sacrifice) to help our kids understand and move toward maturity.  In part, that's a constant setting of the example - not in doing "mature things" but being a mature person.

Often when we try to define maturity, it comes in the context of an age-based scale (18 to vote, 21 to drink, 13 to watch that particular movie, and so forth).  It's also generally couched as an "opposite" of sort of a coin to "being fun."  Both of these are generally untrue or at the very least, not a complete or accurate portrayal of maturity.  As we talked, your kid (or you) might be ready far before or after someone else's kid...but as a friend said recently with a 2-year-old, "I'm not worried about it, I don't know any adults who are still wetting their pants and crawling around."   The point is, we all generally can do "mature things," eventually, on those age-based markers...we only get to be "mature people" through intentional, proactive growth.  

Keep an 
eye on the
horizon.

This post was a bit all over the place...but hopefully, like all the rest of the content here, your wheels are turning as you noodle on what is maturity for you and your home.  As you think about maturity and how it can be a good thing...or a bad thing as we define it, it's important for your family to create and own a definition.  I want our children to grow up and be mature people who are able to hold down a steady job, raise their own awesome kids, live independently, and, generally be functional adults.  I don't want to raise kids who "can do mature things" who are consumed with video games, R-rated movies, pornography, hitting the bottle or drugs, wearing trampy clothing, or any other thing out there that is so-called "mature."  For us, maturity lives somewhere in the intersection of where consequences, choices, responsibility, and rewards all come together.  Hopefully, you and yours can see that intersection from where you're heading (and steering) as a parent.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few ways that your children are "too mature" and a few ways that they need to be "more mature" - right down a couple of action steps on moving the needle over the next month.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) 

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Chris Ledoux, Slow Down