How You Do One Thing...

 How You Do One Thing...  

Jumping in...works no
matter what you're 
jumping into...

...Is How You Do Everything...or so it's been said.  We are generally creatures of habit full of our ruts and routines.  In those ruts, we tend to do life in all facets of life, in similar ways.  Within the roles that we play on this planet (parent, provider, spouse, child of God, leader, follower, and so many others), it's important to take note of how we "do one thing" because, over time, that is how we do all things.  I've got a bit of a mantra "do things right" when I'm tempted to cut a corner.  In large part, this is a call to action to lead by example for our children, to "be the person your dog thinks you are," and to try to be the spouse that your spouse married way back when.  Usually, I find myself saying this mantra on the little things that, to do them right, take the extra couple of seconds.  For example, tossing a sweater on the bed becomes "do things right...and just hang it up."  Instead of putting the dirty dish on the counter..."do things right...and just rinse/put it in the dishwasher."  

Find the path
that works
for you.

When we talk about the "contagious" nature of how we do one thing trickling into the rest of our life, our habitual nature builds the ruts that we fall into.  As an example, if you're messy in one area of life (say tidying up)...probably tend to be messy/disorganized/untidy in most other areas of life.  If you tend to be impulsive in spending, you're likely impulsive in your reactions to those around you.  If you're open to cheating on your taxes, likely more open to doing so at work or at home.  Similarly, over time, things tend toward "chaos" and it is only through conscious, intentional effort that we prevent or push back those chaotic parts of life.  Our athletic or at least in shape 20-year-old selves ease out of the activities that got us in that shape and we progress toward, "round is a shape."  This "inflation of the belt line" probably doesn't stop there and we notice over time that our financial lifestyles inflate right alongside everything else - bigger cars, bigger houses, bigger bills.  

Enjoy the journey 
along the way.

On the good news front...the same concept applies in reverse.  Generally, if you're killin' it in one part of life...you're likely pretty successful in the other facets of life as well.  Doubly good news, if you're intentional and dedicated, you can start the process of small, incremental steps to reverse the course.  With small steps, we can turn ourselves into something transformed.  Take organization for example, if we start with systems like a shared calendar or budget, then add a junk drawer organizer, and a mantra that everything goes in it's place.  Soon, the side effects or consequences of being disorganized will start to fade.  

Get to a vantage
point where you can
see the future.

There is talk in estate planning about generational wealth and in doing things right as a role model, you can "teach a man to fish" to build a pedestal for your future generations to stand upon.  My wife had a student who was turning 16 and shared, "now that I'm 16, I'll have a baby because my mom and my grandma both did, so now it's my turn."  If you're hitting those ages where "dad bod" becomes easier to slip into, be intentional about not allowing the slippery slope to start.  Your kids weren't around when you were tearing up the fields of your youth, your dad bod now will just be an excuse for them to "be lazy."  

Listen for the
echoes you create.

By taking the bull by the horns and committing to doing one small thing better (you determine what better means in relation to you and your situation, not a comparison to a peer), then cascading those gains into other facets of life, real progress becomes really possible.  As you lead yourself, so you'll lead your family, your future generations, and your community.  Through those actions, we define who and what we'll become - choose wisely.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three small habits or changes you're going to make to turn a part of life that you're not tickled with.  Share these with your family for accountability and teamwork.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in the next 30 days in terms of your above three points.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Habit Stacking by James Clear

- “What we do in life echoes in eternity”  Marcus Aurelius, or as paraphrased, "good deeds have echoes" - go make good deeds, small and large.  The ripples matter.

- I Hope You Dance by LeeAnn Womack

Rocks & Roles

Rocks & Roles

Build the foundation on stone
for your intentional life.

The big rocks, or as Steven Covey put it, "keep the main thing, the main thing" is a critical reminder in our ever-increasingly busy and distracted lives.  As you're looking at what are the right next steps in your journey, or what are the big rocks, it's important to actually label/name those rocks.  For most of us, the old Zig Ziglar buckets that we've talked a lot about are probably sufficient categories.  But...in spelling this out...in making it personal and real for you, let's get specific.  I'm a Christian who tries to follow the teachings of Jesus.  I'm a husband to a wonderful wife.  I'm a dad to two super kids.  I'm an employee for a government entity.  I'm a volunteer.  I'm an aspiring or at least hobbyist author.  I've got a lot of roles...they're not all rocks and they're not all created equal.  

Have a grand vision
from your stone start.

Generally speaking, we don't have to compare or "rank" our rocks until they intersect.  In other words, if your rocks are rolling along in parallel, no worries, it's when they merge into the other lanes that we need to have a prioritized order to keep each one right-sized relative to the others.  In a previous season of life, my "work" rock was zig-zagging all over my wife's calendar, our family priorities, and generally causing trouble.  It took some introspection, concentration, and commitment to help us understand where we should be and how to get there.  

Sometimes
you just 
have to take 
the leap.

When we're in sync and balance between our big rocks or the roles in our lives, everything can be groovy like Rock and Roll.  When it's out of balance and thumping down the highway of life like a hoopty...not so much.  You've probably had seasons of time when you've been going around in the crazy cycle like an out-of-balance washing machine with a sleeping bag.  Hopefully, you generally have the system running more smoothly and you're taking intentional, proactive, deliberate time to have the conversations to ensure that you and yours are all on the same page.  

There may be a 
patter here.

We work better when we have roles - the guitarist not playing the drums...the left tackle not chunking the ball, the teacher not taking a nap with her students.  We've left behind some of our tribal-style divisions of labor.  In the name of avoiding gender roles, we've put our whole families into trying to fulfill every role...which is not only exhausting but likely impossible.  We end up telling us that we each need our own income, car, job, career, bedroom, TV, cell phone, etc.  This isn't a plea to any traditional pattern of roles...but the idea that you create a division of labor in your home to try to help spread the weight and share the wealth.  These don't have to be permanent, but at least proactive and intentional.  If one of you hates doing dishes, but the other doesn't mind...guess what...that one gets assigned to them.  Roles help keep us grounded, balanced, and a productive part of any successful team.  

Climbing up is key
to any role.

Another part of big rocks and roles may be summed up with the analogy of brickmakers and brickmaker bosses.  We often tend to promote based on competence at a skill...not necessarily leadership aptitude or interest.  When we get promoted in our career, church, volunteer passion, or whatever else, we've got to get good at getting smart fast.  Sort of like getting a puppy, getting married, or having kids, the paradigm shift and having to "get smart fast" is an important skill.  When new roles emerge in our lives, we've got to have some practice on how to quickly get up to speed and lead.  This also applies to new seasons of life when we are transitioning from say toddler parent to preschool parent or teenager parent.  The birds-and-the-bees talk has to be ready to go when that new role (ours and our children's new roles) emerges.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a role in your life that you feel is out of balance (too big or too small) and pick out three action items to right size it this month.   
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) regarding putting your first things first and making your big rocks prioritized.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Gary Allen - Right Where I Need to Be

- Meir Kay - Mayonaise Jar

Great Planners Focus on Plan B

Great Planners Focus on Plan B

It hurts less
if they can't
reach the bag.

First plans rarely survive contact with the enemy - or, as the philosopher Mike Tyson put it "Everyone has a plan until you get punched in the mouth."  Typically, we think everything will go well...or at least hope everything will go well.  Rarely do we go into something with a plan or intention to fail...but in all likelihood, we will fail periodically...and hopefully so, because through failure comes growth.  Anyhow, with the reality that we'll have times when "it doesn't all work out," it's important to figure out a Plan B in different facets of life.  That said, there is some truth to the Navy SEAL's "never quit" attitude of the "Plan A or death" mantra...things like marriage and parenting should be absolutes.  Beyond that though, a Plan B is a good idea.  

Use visual
aids in planning.

In the military, we talk about PACE planning, particularly in communications.  In other words, what are the Primary Plan and the Alternate, Contingency, and Emergency ways to communicate?  In this example, the Primary might be using the radio on Channel 1.  Alternate might be to go to Channel 2.  Continency might be satellite communicator and Emergency could be signal panels or signal mirror.  The idea of PACE can be applied to parts of your family life.  Let's substitute our "plan B" philosophy for kid education...Primary might be homeschooling, alternate could be faith-based school, contingency could be virtual school, and emergency could be public school.  

If you find a dinosaur while
driving, go to Plan B.

For our Plan A/B (primary/alternate), we should have the details fairly figured out as there is a decent chance we could migrate from the main to the backup.  We should have a few details figured out as well as trigger points that tell us to head to Plan C/D/E if needed so we know when to cut our losses and move on.  As an example, with our career, the Primary is likely what we're doing currently.  The Alternate may be the same job with another company.  Those two options we likely have fairly fleshed out and figured out.  The next couple of levels down, however, may not be so detailed in their planning sophistication.  The contingency may be a local retail job, while the emergency may be unemployment insurance or disability. We may not have too many details (who to call, how it works, etc) on the disability/unemployment, knowing that in real-time, we can likely look up the phone call and particular process.  

Make a 
planning team.

For family, our "plan A" or most desired course of action is that we live a charmed life with a happy marriage, great kids, a beautiful house, and such.  That doesn't necessarily account for the bumps that are realities in life.  Sickness, struggle, frustration, job loss - those are all things that are realities and force us into Plan B, C, etc.  We don't plan (as a path toward the intended outcome) to struggle in marriage or parenting...but, do you have a plan for when struggle comes?  Do you have some courses of action thought through and prepped for when something goes sideways?  Our Plan A is to keep our job.  Our plan B is to have a resume ready, be well networked, have solid/up-to-date skills, and be scanning job search engines.  

The bigger problems need
bigger plans...but the process
is the same.

When we have contingencies pop up, if we've done some intentional, proactive consideration of options while we're not faced with the emotion and fear of the problem, we're ahead of where we would have been.  For example, if bullying, job loss, or natural disaster pops up in your neighborhood, if you've thought about where/how/when to move, it reduces the stress since you've worked through the details.  Knowing that you've covered some of the steps of moving/re-invention worked out, the fear and stress go down.  Through our planning, we can practice (in this case via travel), research (read/watch), and build/fill out plans or checklists ahead of time.  The value in doing some of this is essentially pre-thinking, pre-deciding, and pre-figuring out details so that our time horizon when a crisis does strike is essentially elongated since one of the main scarcities in crisis is the luxury of time.  

Planning ahead
may help you
see what can 
happen.

Lastly, consider the potential of prevention through PACE planning.  By going through the motions and work of planning ahead of time, we likely will recognize some of the pitfalls or speedbumps that we may then be able to avoid.  For example, if you've worked through a PACE plan for your career, we might be able to better see the writing on the wall when layoffs, industry shifts, market downturns, termination, or other hurdles are in the road.  By seeing those things because we did some planning, we may be able to sidestep.  For example, by carefully analyzing peers a few years ahead of where I was at in a previous non-profit, I was able to better position myself for an "alternate" career plan and switch to the government sector when some rough patches were headed our way.

To wrap it up, PACE planning or Plan B planning doesn't guarantee success, it may also distract from the Shark-Tank-Entrepreneur-or-Die.  It does however nearly ensure resilience or the idea that you'll bounce back strong or perhaps even stronger through adversity.  Communities that have a PACE construct set out ahead of a disaster come back stronger, quicker, and more vibrant than those that did not.  You'll have a few Mike-Tyson-Punch-In-The-Mouth moments throughout your life undoubtedly.  PACE planning won't get in front of every what-if...but the idea of intentionality and meaningful forethought in strategy will pay dividends.  Good luck PACE-ing!

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few items in your facets of life that could use a little more robust PACE style planning - finance, career, kid raising, where you live - and commit to writing out a 1-pager PACE on one of them...then repeat. 
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in this space.  What plans are you going to work through together?  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- DHS CISA PACE Planning

-  PACE Planning from a Green Beret - Great Channel by the way!

Life Lines

Paths of Life

Life can be lived in many different ways.  You may also have many different lives (family life, work life, adventure life, etc).  These two combined sums up where you are and how you do life - ultimately becoming who you are as a person and as a family.  In theory, the different lives do not overlap from a purely academic standpoint.  This means we can keep work at work and engage in "situational leadership" where we are a bit of a different person in the different parts of our lives.  We likely trick or convince ourselves that we can box ourselves up...but we spillover and who we are in one space is, surprise, surprise...who we are in summary.  "Nice guy" at work...probably nice guy at home...jerk here...probably jerk there.  

In practicality, your lanes of life likely look more like this if you're half-organized.  The parallel line fallacy that each life is totally segmented and does not intersect probably makes you a robotic drone.  In "real life" we have to leave work to let the dog out or take the kid to the dentist.  In real life, we have seasons where we lean into or away from particular parts of life.  Perhaps we're caring for small children, transitioning into retirement, or some other strategic-level season.  If we're able to continuously course correct as we go through life, we can hopefully make our "life graph" look fairly circular and generally balanced, that's a good thing.  When we notice that we're getting way too out of sync, it's time to "re-balance" just like getting our tires rotated.  

If you're not organized at all, your life graph is probably more like this.  This results in inefficiency and loss of effectiveness that puts you and yours into the crazy cycle.  This is part of life where we end up racing from one thing to the next, never getting ahead and doing "dumb" things to try to find the "get rich quick" or "get out of chaos immediately" approach that really doesn't work.  The old adage, "The best place to go when you're hungry is to a job."  Since the beginning of time, we humans have had to get up and get to work in order to bring anything worthwhile into our lives.  When you're in this sort of season of life...getting off the couch and hammering on the actions to make progress is critical.  

Roof rappelling.

When you take the above models and now overlay those similar models of your spouse, kids, co-workers, churchgoers, and others you do life with, you can imagine the spaghetti mess.  By being proactive with our tools like budgets, calendars, and plans we can help keep first things first and the right things in the right balance.  Similarly, by measuring where we are through family meetings or check-ins, we can stay on top of the system.  When we're doing so, we often feel less stressed and more in control.  Also, setting an example for your children through modeling and intentionality can be generational and family-tree-changing.  

Friendship line.

Lastly, thinking about (and talking about) life in this model, where we have lines or lanes that intersect, also helps us get our head around the idea that it is a line with a definitive start/endpoint.  As an example, our "working life" line started for most of us as a teen and for many ends at 65.  Hopefully, your adventure line or education/learning lines don't end prematurely through apathy or choice.  By thinking about our parts of life in these terms we can hopefully ensure that the lines go to the end of lives...or beyond.  For example, in our financial life, if we do the proper planning and organization, we can likely have our money extended for generations.  

All of that to say, changing the model and thinking about your life in terms of a system that you have an influence on helps you make the changes to get to where you want to go.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• What are three tangible, concrete action steps that you could take now based on what your life looks like today...and what you want it to look like tomorrow.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of your life lines and how they overlap/intersect with your family.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- The Secret Life of Walter Mitty - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HWRGKfSq3A