Number 100

 Number 100

100 posts of great
sunsets.

Welcome to Blog Post Number 100!  We've talked before that the journey of 10, 100, 1,000, 10,000, 100,000, or 1,000,000 steps/dollars/miles/days/pages/etc starts after you make it past the 1st one.  This post represents the next milestone after the 1st, 10th, and now the 100th week in a row.  Over that time, I've enjoyed and learned much in the research and the practice of writing the posts.  The reflection and introspection that has come with 100 posts hopefully has helped you and your family grow closer to each other...and your life closer to the best life.  

And
holidays.

Throughout the two years that the 100 posts represent, we've hopefully held up our end of the bargain of representing the ideals of Teddy Roosevelt's "Standing In The Arena."  While these posts haven't been necessarily written for you, but perhaps more to help us clarify and sharpen our marriage and parenting skills and habits.  Along the way, hopefully, the posts have caused you to think, dig deeper, and become a stronger family as well.  As we continue the journey, we'll continue to work on...and hopefully, you will too...the leaning in with habits and actions necessary to take the baby steps to march toward being a better version of yourself in the roles of spouse and parent.  From there, hopefully, that same "better" in those parts of life can cascade to other parts of your life as well.  

And lakes.

These first 100 posts have covered a range of topics within the buckets of or lanes of life on Zig Ziglar's original Wheel.  In discussing the topics of family through the lenses of physical, financial, spiritual, personal, mental, career, and family...with topics around planning, protection, and a litany of others, hopefully, you've found ones that are inspiring, motivating, or otherwise resonate with you and yours.  The trends of planning, proactivity, just-starting, priorities, and others have made our family more intentional and we've become more of who God has called us to be over the last few years.  I think we've made different decisions than we might have otherwise done so, not because of the writing, but because of the conversations as a family in and around the writing.  It has focused and hopefully directed us...and you.  

And shovels...lots
of shovels.

The writing of these has taught us or perhaps reminded us in that "top of mind" way that we should work on this or that.  Like some old study had said, those parents who simply have parenting books scattered around the house are better parents.  Those of us who are reading/writing content about being better family members are likely taking action steps, subtle or overt, to be better spouses and parents.  As we move forward for the next 100, hopefully, the topics continue to make you think...and hopefully keep you inspired to take the actions necessary to live the life you've been called to live.  

And walks.

I wasn't sure in starting out that I'd make it to 2 posts, 5, or even 10...but once I was there...getting to 100 wasn't terribly surprising.  The routine one-foot-in-front-of-the-other habitual that led to 100 posts is the same set of "muscles" that leads to becoming a 100-aire, 1,000-aire, or millionaire.  They're the same skills that your family needs to raise awesome kids.  Any of the "marathon" type activities in your life require the stamina and habits that become ways of life as opposed to the "sprint" session that probably any of us can do once...but then abandon afterward.  In writing these articles..., the secret is that most big, worthwhile things in life are in the marathon, not the sprint category.  

And beaches.

In thinking about what I might have wanted this to be at the outset, I'm not sure it's what I'm glad it is now.  In other words, over the last two years, this has been almost a journal of sorts or a chronicling of the things we've been thinking about and working on as a family.  It's also hopefully serving as a letter to our children that they can consider reading when they're older.  With life being unpredictable and sometimes too short, this record will be something that our boys can look back on as a sort of "how-to" chapters that we've found helpful in life and that they might as well.  

Lots of beaches.

This post has been pretty full of the word "hopefully" and while we hope that you have learned something along the way...we perhaps hope more that you've been challenged and inspired.  There are a ton of resources out there for the "learning" or "how-to" out there from so many different sources.  In today's busy life, however, there may be a shortage of motivation at the forefront...and translating the ideas out there into useful actions.  As you move forward, feel free to use the keyword searches to find the posts that might be what you're looking for.  Feel free to let us know if there are topics on your heart or mind that you'd like to explore, as well.  

But mostly memories.

As we depart from the 100th post, we're looking forward to the next 100...and perhaps the next 1,000.  We're also looking forward to expanding a few of the key topics into longer-form writing pieces.  The seasons of life ahead as our children get older will hopefully allow for continued writing and sharing of some ideas on life that have worked for us.  As we grow...and hopefully you and your family grow over the time the next 100 posts represent, you're growing stronger, closer to each other, and closer to the family you desire to become.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of actions that you've found helpful in the last few years...and do a check-in with your family on how they are doing.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of what you've hopefully learned from us over the years.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- The first 100...

The Enemies of Done...

The Enemies of Done...

You have to 
take the first 
step to take 
the last one.

"Done" as a desired end state is typically the endzone of most projects whether at home, the office, or any other arena of life.  For so many projects on the to-do list, stuff gets in the way, in certain seasons of life, maybe lots of things get in the way.  The Money Guys describe the season of life where we're making a family and raising kids "the messy middle" for a reason.  Too often we let the enemies of done get in our way and we stagnate or rust out.  It's important to keep going, to get closer to done, and to cross the finish lines - large and small - throughout our lives.  Without "done" in our lives, we never get to move on to the next projects...and without moving on, we never grow...we never reach our full potential and live our best lives.   

Getting sidetracked is great...
but doesn't help you get done.

Over the years I've found that the first enemy of done, perhaps one of the biggest "stoppiest" enemies of done is the lack of starting.  Starting is, or can often be, a scary proposition that stalls us out.  When we fail to start, we can't help but fail to eventually get done.  There are many reasons we don't start, many reasons we convince ourselves we're incapable or the "done" is too far away that the effort required isn't worth giving...so starting isn't worth starting.  In Zach Williams's song, Fear Is a Liar, we learn that the fear of starting that holds us back is usually artificial and that one-step-in-front-of-the-other baby step progress is initiated with a single step.  Repeat that over and over...and we get done.

Keep going in
the race.

Another enemy to done is not knowing (or thinking we don't know) every step on the pathway to the "done" stage.  This can often get us stuck in analysis paralysis where we stagnate and stall out.  Seldom do we need to process map out every step of the potential journey to be successful.  Rather, we likely need to have a solidly defined "desired end state" and know the next step or two that lead us closer to that place.  For example, with schooling our children...we don't have to (and shouldn't) pick out their college major, high school prom date, and first car while they're in kindergarten.  Instead, we should define that we want them to be responsible, capable, kind adults...end state.  Then we can pick out the next few activities - learn to read, write, do math...and learn social skills.  Those next steps lead us to the next, next steps or "tomorrow's tomorrow" as our youngest puts it.  

Put in all the
ingredients.

Another major roadblock on the road to done is the "good and perfect" as enemies of done.  I know I'm often guilty of "if it isn't perfect...it isn't done" and therefore don't get done.  This blog, as an example, sat on the shelf for years because I hadn't worked out the perfect strategy for marketing or capitalizing on SEO optimization, color schemes, or whatever else.  Turns out, this has served as a creative outlet and stress reliever.  It also likely will serve as a "love letter" to our children as they get older with my thoughts on how they could/should/perhaps would do life later.  This isn't an effort for only you, dear reader...it's probably equal parts for me...and if you benefit from it...all the better.  In other words, if I'd have waited to get everything perfect for the proverbial you...I'd never have gotten "done" with the first article...let alone, at the end of this article...the 99th one.  

Recruit your infant brother
to help get the fence done.

We can often let complexity be an enemy of done.  Our world sometimes tells us that if we don't have complexity in our system, it likely isn't good enough.  As it were, simplicity and complexity often run as parallel lines.  We should strive for something that is complex enough to be comprehensive, yet simple enough to be executable.  In our family lives, chances are the doing of the "basics" will get us a long way down the racetrack of life.  If we fall into the temptation of overcomplicating (schedule, get-rich-quick, optimize our junior baseball players, etc), we'll often miss the forest for the proverbial trees...or...we'll get to the other side of this child-rearing season of life only to realize we missed it.  Live your basic life...but make it a bedazzled basic life, as The Money Guys say.  

Watch out for the 
old red coat enemies.

Texas A&M TEEX is a first responder-focused education arm and they've got a "thin red slice" concept in some of their curriculum.  They describe the idea of information in terms of what we know, what we know we don't know, and what we don't know we don't know.  The idea is that we need enough information, or a threshold of information, to take action.  In getting to done, we have to be able to make decisions.  In life, having enough information to make those decisions in a timely and confident manner can be challenging.  In our family life, let's say "retirement is a done" end state...in some cases, we know we don't know enough about, say investing.  We can remedy that with research, learning, etc.  There will be things we don't know we don't know that we'll stumble into along the way.  The point here is, that we have to have the confidence that we'll be able to learn it as we go...so that we set off.  If we never invested because we didn't know something...guess what...we'll probably never be "done" and be able to retire.  

You're the 
one.

Failure is another enemy of done.  Chances are, most failures in life aren't final or fatal...unless you choose for them to be.  When done right, failure can be a powerful learning tool and springboard motivator to launch ourselves forward.  People have talked about failing fast, failing forward, failing early...so that we can adapt, evolve, and course correct.  As we set out with our family lives, take the risks early, figure out the failure points in parenting, marriage, and so forth in small doses so that you learn how to avoid the pitfalls...and learn to get back up.  For too many along the way, the first bump in the road and we throw in the towel...we allow...choose...failure to be final.  Think about marriage - too often we choose to allow a small failure to turn into a divorce.  We won't get to the "death do us part" done phase of marriage if we allow failure along the way to derail us.  

Race fast.

As we pack it up for the week...I think it is important to remind you...and me...that time is moving on with...or without us.  Our children will grow old and independent whether or not we're "done" getting them ready for adulthood.  As we say in fire and EMS, "all bleeding stops, and all fires go out...eventually."  Our job is to try to stop the bleeding and put out the fires on our terms.  In family life, "done" will eventually happen to all of us...our decisions and actions just allow us to get "done" on our terms.  When you look back from hopefully a life well lived decades from now, it will be important to be able to say "Well done, good and faithful servant, your time on earth is done" and not be wishing or regretting you'd done it differently.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of facets of life or big rocks in life that you have a "done" end state in mind.  List out three things you'll do this week to get closer to "done."  Be thinking about what you'll do next when you're done...you've got a great big, beautiful life ahead of you...choose your next adventure wisely.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) should do to get closer to done...and move on.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Fear is a Liar

- Time Marches On 

Shoulders of Giants

Shoulders of Giants

Sometimes you
need shoulders
to reach a nut.

We don't have to (and shouldn't) avoid learning from others' mistakes.  As humans, part of our "evolution" is that we're wiser (hopefully) than our younger selves and in large part because of those that we look toward who have come before us.  When we think about family matters, we can (and should) seek out those who are in the next chapters of their lives and are winning.  As Dave Ramsey says, "If you want to be skinny, do what the skinny people do, if you want to be rich, do what the rich people do."  He goes on to say that you shouldn't be taking your financial advice from your broke uncle or your fitness pointers from the guy who looks like a bag of donuts.  We need to seek out those giants around us and see how they do life...and then implement those things.  

Watch out 
for giants.

When we talk about giants and standing on their shoulders, Pastor Andy Stanley comes to mind.  When we were seriously dating through our early marriage years, we listened to some of his online sermons, read several of his books, and actually went to Atlanta to see him preach.  One of his main dating advice tag lines was to "be the person you're looking for is looking for."  In other words, if you do not want to find a partner who is hitting the bars and sleeping around...don't be the person hitting the bars and sleeping around.  If you want to be the person, and eventual couple/family who puts God first...find couples who are doing that and emulate them.  

Shoulders can see Vegas.

From a financial perspective, author Thomas Corley talks about his Rich Habits in his books and online presence.  Similar to The Millionaire Next Door, Cooley talks about who those are who are winning big with money and the how/what/when/where/why they got there.  If you want to be successful in that arena in life, look at what they're doing, learn from their successes and failures...and skip to the front of the line.  In short, the "earn more, spend less, invest the difference" mantra has lots of examples of how giants are doing it...and you can do those things without some of the hard-earned lessons that slowed down those before you.    

Double 
shoulders.

In today's day and age, there is no shortage of information out there on "how" to be successful in finances...or any other facet of life.  Our challenge becomes how to distill those lessons, synthesize them, and avoid the overwhelming "too much information" problem.  If it were simply a "read it" solution, we'd all be skinny, rich, and winning at every facet of life.  The idea of finding those giants ahead of you and teasing out the nuggets is the important part as we seek to operationalize their advice and truly stand on their shoulders.  Instead of trying to live someone else's life, we should take our life, combined with the nuggets to make small, perhaps 1% improvements that move us closer to our "best life."  

Mom shoulders.

We should seek out those giants specifically for what we need in our lives for those upcoming chapters of our lives.  We should also use the complement of one-to-one and one-to-many giants.  There are certain things we can learn from the celebrity influencer types - Tony Robbins, Dave Ramsey, Zig Ziglar, Andy Stanley - whoever those people are that you admire and look up to in your space.  We also need those more intimate "mentor" types who we can learn from and bounce our ideas off of/course correct along the way.  These could be those older/wiser co-workers, church family, grandparents, in-laws, business connections, or whatnot in your circle.  

Double-decker
shoulders.

As you go through life, it's often said that "true mastery comes through teaching" and you have a responsibility of sorts to "pay it back."  We've got a freelance work gig that was a sort of happy accident, a Swiss cheese tunnel aligned that would be hard to duplicate again.  In happening into the opportunity over a decade or so, I've learned lessons that, while they don't duplicate my path or process, significantly fast-track those behind me along their parallel journey.  I've tried to share my "giant" perspective in this manner with those coming up behind me to help them avoid the pitfalls, take the shortcuts, and generally get closer to this particular opportunity quicker based on my lessons.  

As we depart, take a minute to think about the areas of your life where you should seek out a giant or become a giant to those in your circle.  In the different facets of life, consider the parts where you feel your family is lacking...or excelling.  Also, think about what you could do to stand (or be a stand)...the "how" of sharing or learning.  It could be a 1-on-1 interaction or a more 1-to-many with a small group, blog, content creation, or something else.  After you've learned from other giants...be the giant to others in your circle.  Best of luck...and enjoy!

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few items that you'll commit to finding...or being a help to someone with.  List out three things that you'll do this week to get closer to mastery.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) to make real or operationalize this giantness.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- "If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants."  Sir Issac Newton, 1675.  

Happy Accidents

Happy Accidents

You might find
accidental 
treasure.

Sometimes, without much of our own doing we end up with an outcome or result that ends positively.  The history of inventors and scientists is ripe with stories where a byproduct became far more successful than the original hypothesis or attempt.  In our families, there are likely times when something we weren't expecting turns out to be a blessing in disguise.  The doors that closed we were hoping wouldn't end up being the door that had to close to get us to where we needed to be are happy accidents.  The importance of this is to watch for how to find the silver lining or make the accidents happy as we go through life.  

You might
find an
astronaut.

There are times when we can build the "triple option" to use a football analogy or, in other words, set up the fertile ground where something going right is more likely.  In the idea of making our own luck through preparedness, we can make happy accidents more likely.  For example, if we build a system where we create resilience...say multiple streams of income, disability insurance, education, networking, and so forth...a layoff has the potential to turn into a reinvention, gap year, travel opportunity, or something else positive.  On the other side, if you're living paycheck-to-paycheck, the same layoff can send you into a tailspin catastrophe.  

You'll learn how
to go fast...
eventually.

Part of the "happy accident" idea is a mindset that makes the best of whatever set of circumstances we're in. So much of our happiness or satisfaction is based on our expectations and our outcomes in relation to our expectations.  When we see the proverbial glass as half full, we're more likely to see the silver lining in an apparent negative situation and make the most out of the circumstances.  For our part in this, we should try to see our expectations right size or level so that our aspirations continue to push us forward. However, we aren't so lofty that a perceived failure becomes a fatal off-ramp to our life trajectory.  

This led to a 
new tree 
house.

Sometimes, as we explore these situations, we aren't able to see the happy accident in the moment.  A good friend once called it the "celestial theater," where we, years from now with wisdom and age can look back to see the blessing something was that changed our course...even if it was painful in the moment.  Some of these may be in heaven where we can see the turns like The Five People We Meet In Heaven from Mitch Albom that were invisible in the moment...but in hindsight had to happen.  As we look back...or forward...hopefully we have the wisdom or patience to know that God has a plan for us...even when we can't understand the turn-by-turn directions.  

You might
get a horse
out of the deal

What happens when things accidentally go right?  When we're accidentally lucky?  We've talked about the upside above...but it bears reminding that, while we should look for the happy in the accidents...we must watch for bad habits.  We've talked about it before, but the concept of normalized deviance is a dangerous precedent where just because a risky behavior turned out in our favor doesn't mean we should keep doing the risky thing and/or not learn from the near miss.  

Get up...
learn...go 
again.

Part of avoiding normalized deviance while embracing the happy accidents is to do an "after action review" or AAR as it's called.  This is a deliberate and intentional process of introspection and facilitated discussion questions.  What went well in spite or despite of you and your efforts?  Can you count on those things happening again?  Can you prime the ground to be more fertile/can you "create" luck? Did what we intended to do occur?  Often we frame it with what should we start/stop/sustain (keep) doing so that we can capitalize don't the successes and correct the failures.  

As we wrap up, think about what you can do to look for the blessings and the happy accidents in the paths of life.  As you start to see the ups in the downs, you can begin to get in front of your system and build it so that there are more wins in losses.  More lessons learned and high points in the failures.  As you start to look for the happy accidents...you'll start to see them and over time, you'll be able to get closer to creating them.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of historic happy accidents that you didn't want to happen in the moment but wouldn't change now.  Take a moment to explore the situations and apply a lesson or principle that you can use in the future.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of seeing...and creating happy accidents.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- There Goes My Life - Kenny Chesney

Shortcuts and Speeding

Shortcuts and Speeding

Ramps help.

Shortcuts and speeding. In life, or on the road, neither is likely to get you to your destination way ahead of schedule.  Do the math on 5 or 10 over as it relates to reaction time, stopping distance, in time on arrival.  Say you've got a 60-mile drive (for the sake of easy math) the difference between 60 mph to 120 mph is 30 minutes.  At 90 mph, it's only 15 minutes.  At 75 mph, it's closer to 5 minutes.  Having driven to many emergencies over the years, the ability to safely drive those high-end speed limits is largely a farce.  Your reaction time to anything going wrong or any dynamic variables is significantly reduced and puts you (and all those around you) in harm's way.  This is to say nothing of the difference in a fine for 60, 30, 15 over.  

Sometimes
we need an
assist.

Similarly, the shortcuts of "turn down this back alley" generally don't end up saving you much time in the long run.  Sure, you might get lucky with the detour on a frontage road around a stall on the interstate...or you might just end up stuck in the residential street system with you and your closest 500 clever compatriots.  I'm writing this post shortly after the ChatGPT AI on the main stage moment.  Holy cow, there's a feeling of dread for many out there in the content creation space that the shortcut of AI is going to ruin the blog/vlog/podcast/etc space.  It sure has that potential, but asking yourself honestly why you're doing what you're doing is a critical component of living a meaningful life.  For me, this blog isn't about "making cash" but enjoying the writing and having accountability to stick after it...I don't need the shortcut...nor do I want it.  

Hop a golf
cart cab.

If you're only doing something to check a box or do the minimum to raise a child, be a spouse, earn a paycheck, etc - sure, shortcuts and speeding will get you by for a long time.  If instead, you're trying to live a full and rich life, your best life...avoid the shortcuts and speeding.  Ultimately when you cheat long enough, your whole identity becomes that of a cheater.  When you think about what shortcuts look like in family life, it likely involves putting the wrong things in the top of your priority list.  Are you cheating with your football games by taking time away from family and putting it toward that?  What about sticking around after work until the kids go to bed?  I understand balance and advocate that you have to keep things right-sized...but I know I'm guilty sometimes of taking shortcuts or speeding at home.  

Or a 
subway.

There was a sign in a mechanic shop the other day - "Service - fast, quality, cheap - pick 2."  In other words, you can have fast and cheap service...but it won't be quality.  Similarly, you can have cheap, quality service...but it won't be fast.  There aren't really shortcuts, just dueling tradeoffs that you have to choose carefully from throughout life.  When we talk about home life in terms of calendars or budgets for a minute the "shortcut" of not talking about money or managing your time likely means you'll end up out of sync, frustrated, and spend more time in the long run trying to undo the momentum of the train going the wrong direction for too long.  

Or a bridge.

Over the years, we've tried to be good stewards of finances and share the knowledge of "how to" and "why to" with those in our circles (e.g. teaching the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace course at church).  I don't know how many friends over the years have opted, instead for the get-rich-quick schemes only to realize that there isn't such a thing.  The old truth of "make more than you spend, invest the difference, then wait" is hard to beat and time-tested.  When we try to find shortcuts or speed up the process, there's a chance it'll go right...but a bigger chance that, particularly in this case, you'll end up just missing the critical time for compound interest to get established and take root.  

Or harness
up your dog.

Another example with road trips.  It's tempting to get on the road and hurry along, trying to shave minutes off of the potty stop and fueling up.  Furthermore, speeding along a few over the speed limit with the hope of arriving on time at your destination.  By doing so, you'll likely squish out the margin - you'll end up with a frustrated family, miss seeing the roadside attraction, get a speeding ticket, or be going too quick to miss the deer who jumps into the road.  Perhaps, instead of trying for shortcuts or speeding, just leave an hour early...it'll go better for everyone involved.  The same is true with life.  Speeding and shortcuts shrink margins and make you miss some of the spice of life that makes life worthwhile.  

Or a scooter and
a big hill.

Lastly, as we depart, remember that hurrying things along in seasons of life is a fool's rush.  We may feel like we want to get out of whatever season of life - diaper stage, toddlerhood, teenage years...but when they're gone...they're gone and we can't get them back.  If you visit a nursing home, chances are most of the folks in there would trade you places to go back to your frazzled diaper season of life.  If you, instead, just pour into the season you're in as opposed to rushing you'll be able to look back on life without or without as many regrets as you might've otherwise had.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few places where you've been speeding or taking shortcuts.  Write out three action steps to get the margin back and balance out the speedometer.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of keeping each other accountable for being on the right track...at the right pace.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Speeding & Aggressive Driving

Go Bigger

Go Bigger

Mammoths are bigger.

It's been said that we should take a minute for introspective pause and reflection where we write our obituary...a moment to sum up who we are when we're done.  Warren Buffett flipped it and summed it up, [On living your best life:] “You should write your obituary and then try to figure out how to live up to it.  It’s not that complicated.”  This desired end-state thinking likely means you've got to go bigger.  When you consider your life summed up, your legacy, so to speak, it hopefully is a call to action to do life bigger.  Could be this means bigger travel, bigger family, bigger servant in the community...think about what you want to be known for...then just go do that.  

Superman...big
and little.

Too often in life, we're our own worst enemy or at least our own worst brake pedal.  Much like Roger Bannister going bigger and running the first 4-minute mile unlocked the impossible, we each have our own barriers.  I remember in high school, I "couldn't" pass a particular buddy in running.  In one race, he just wasn't passing another runner...and I passed them both.  Impossible is only impossible until you...or someone does it.  Once I was able to get out of my own head and "go bigger," I was able to work through training to get faster than I thought was possible.  Nothing spectacular but faster than I thought possible.  

Realizing the 
gator is bigger 
enough to eat you.

Let's think about what bigger could look like in your family life.  In each facet of our lives, we can define a "bigger" way of doing life.  Just because someone told you it's impossible doesn't mean you have to believe them.  Let's talk finances for a minute.  You've likely heard or been told directly, "It's impossible to buy a house."  Tune into Dave Ramsey and you'll hear from folks who not only found it possible...but found it possible to buy a house for cash...no mortgage.  Never thought you could become a millionaire?  Again, tune into Dave...there are 22 million millionaires in the US...that's one in fifteen Americans.  Why not you?  The math isn't complicated, actually, the path is relatively simple and although challenging, overall simple in nature.  

NYC is bigger
than life.

Told you have to raise your children on screens as the only way possible.  Turns out generations for millennia successfully got kids to adulthood without tech devices in their hands.  There is an entire movement of 1,000 Hours Outside that helps families get outdoors, away from screens.  The founders of the movement...from the inner city.  It's possible.  We've had folks in our circle who didn't think big enough, and because it was easy, plugged their tiny babies into screens.  Fast forward and now their "adult" children are unable to function in polite society without staring at a screen at the dinner table and barely able to hold down a job.  Going bigger is worth it...you just have to choose to do so.  

Bigger right before blowing
it up to a million bits.

In another facet, we've had folks tell us "It must be nice to be able to home-school, I wish we could do that."  In going bigger, oftentimes it's not a wish...but a series of small decisions, sacrifices, and voila...overnight success, so to speak.  Our homeschooling journey has involved rethinking employment, cutting back on income potential fairly significantly, and changing up how we were planning on doing life.  That said, it's also entailed an incredible journey traveling to 49 of the states and most all of the national parks (among many other incredible sights) in the last eight years.  Along the way, our family has found new friendships, connected deeply to our community, and have kids who seem well-adjusted and on the path to successful adulthood.  

Biggest buffalo.

When we talk about going bigger, we're not talking about the tangible...bigger car, bigger house, bigger mortgage, bigger waistline.  We're talking about the philosophical answer to the Mary Oliver question, "Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"  When you're living your best life, the answer becomes a resounding, well-rounded, "bigger."  We'll do life bigger.  That means we'll hit goals that we thought were insurmountable in all the facets of our lives.  We'll live and love our family bigger than what society tells us we should or are capable of.  When we get out of our own way...when we cast off the anchors that we self-imposed...when we live life bigger...we can truly say that we're living our best life and not have it be a pithy bumper sticker slogan.  

Stop doing only the things you know you'll have success on...or know you can accomplish.  Start trying things you're not so sure about.  Look at the benchmarks and do bigger.

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out something you can "go bigger" on this week - write down three actions that you'll go bigger on.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of doing life in a bigger way.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Eric Thomas 

- Thousand Hours Outside 

Normalizing Deviance

Normalizing Deviance

Gotta have a
bag.

We often deviate from our processes or protocols that have been instituted habitually.  Over time, we get risky habits that have been accidentally lucky and end up standardizing our departure from "the plan or checklist."  We have to take a look at what we're doing and make sure we're not taking shortcuts that will eventually catch up to us when we "run out of luck."  This phenomenon of normalized deviance has been well-studied in the aviation/aeronautics industry with the lessons spilling over into other professions.  In the fire service, we've studied the lessons in the quintessential NASA Challenger tragedy.  

Learn from 
others.

The short version of the Challenger was that over time, the o-rings in the fuel cylinder were known to be potentially problematic, particularly in cold weather, although they hadn't "been" problematic up until the launch.  Fast forward, this known deviance through testing, over and over without consequence from the o-rings was allowed to progress...because you know...nothing had actually happened so far.  On the date of the flight, a cold day, the o-rings failed allowing flames from the engine into the fuel tanks, resulting in a catastrophic accident killing everyone on board.  The normalized deviance from the process, the summation of a series of accidentally lucky occurrences, culminated in tragedy.  

You might get stuck.

At home and in family life, we can likely find parallel to the normalized deviance process...and hopefully, you're reading this before tragedy strikes.  We'll use a few examples of systems around the house that may unpack what a "standard operating procedure (SOP)" may be and what deviance may look like.  In a diet/exercise example, we may have a set number of calories that we maintain to keep solid energy and a healthy weight.  The deviance that we normalize might be the proverbial "cheat day" where we sneak a cookie or a piece of cake.  One probably no big deal...one a week, one a day, one an hour suddenly become a big deal.  

Catch a frog. 

Similar to the old adage of the frog in the boiling pot of water doesn't notice he's boiling until it's too late, normalized deviance sneaks up on us.  You could probably get away with not wearing a seatbelt or bike helmet for years...until the day you don't.  You can probably get by with smoking cigarettes, having a drink, or an extra cookie...until you get that doctor's visit.  The point of systems, as Jocko Wilink puts it with his, "discipline equals freedom," mantra is to give you a framework that allows healthy daily activity and long-term results.  

Talk your bro
into hauling you.

To use the analogy of budgeting as an example, your system of putting some money toward your future (savings and investments) a little bit every month over time can become a pile, a life-changing pile with the miracle of compounding interest.  On the flip side, the normalized deviance of spending everything (and sometimes more) than what is coming in every month is a dangerous precedent.  In the beginning, not investing $50/month doesn't seem like a huge loss...compounded over time, not just as money but as habit means you're also not saving or investing the $1,000/month when your income grows.  When you run this normalized deviance out over a lifetime, is it any wonder why so many folks have to rely only on Social Security?  

Don't fall in when you 
feed the ducks. 

Shifting gears a little bit, chances are no one, or hopefully no one, sets out to commit adultery intentionally.  Chances are most cases are a slippery slope of normalized deviance involving a series of escalating small steps until you fall over the edge of a cliff.  Smiling, flirting, lunch, dinner, business trip, and so forth until you've gone too far.  The importance of SOPs, systems, and rules in our lives cannot be overstated.  This isn't a "thou shalt not have a cookie" scolding but rather a reminder that things like your marriage vows and such are sacred and should be treated as such.  

In your home, you hopefully have systems for money management, scheduling activities, expectation setting, and goal selection.  You likely sense when something is out of balance when there's a disturbance in the Force.  When you notice that you're cutting corners or that the results you desire are slipping further away instead of getting closer...probably a good reminder to look at the systems you have...and if you're deviating.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a part of life that you're noticing is slipping.  Look for three things that are small deviations from your "normal" and apply corrective steps.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of a system and how to lean in together as a family.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Normalizing Deviance - NASA and firefighting

- Normalized Deviance - Ted Talk

- Normalized Deviance - Challenger Article