Moments or Momentum?

Moments or Momentum?

You might have to 
study the frog...

Being overweight, screen-addicted, having an affair, or whatnot doesn't happen in a moment, they happen through momentum.  I had a pastor friend from church pouring into some of us when we were younger and he was unpacking the warning signs and watch-out situations that we needed to be aware of as newly married guys.  He said, "You don't just go walking down the street, trip on a crack, and fall into someone else's private parts."  Wowzer, it sounds crude even writing it all these years later...but he wasn't wrong.  His point was, affairs don't happen in an instant, they happen because we sat on a slippery slope and tempted fate, seeing just how far we could go before we fell over the edge...all excited with the adrenaline...until we fall over the edge.  Affairs may have started innocently enough by laughing at a joke, flirting across the business table, confiding spousal frustrations to a co-worker, or making eye contact in the hotel bar.  Over time, through momentum, we suddenly realize that "that last thing wasn't so bad" and we up the ante just a little bit.  Like the proverbial old boiling water frog, when we realize we're in it up to our neck, it's far too late.  

Kids can drive...
sort of...

In order to help protect ourselves and honor/hold up our commitments to our spouses and families, we have to protect ourselves from both the moments, but more importantly the momentum.  In order to do so, it's important to have rules and a process for exceptions.  We can statistically hedge against many of the catastrophic bad outcomes with intentional systems.  As an example, habitually, consistently wearing a seatbelt makes you less likely to die in a car accident.  Having a rule that firmly states that "the car doesn't move until everyone is seatbelted in" sounds silly to say, especially when your 4-year-old reminds you from the backseat that you forgot to buckle yours before backing out of the garage.  Even with rules, we sometimes get into a terrible car accident the first time we decided not to wear a seatbelt...but statistically, that's unlikely.  

Helmets may
be required.

With our rules firmly in place, we can have a process or set of conditions that are pre-established for exceptions.  In our seatbelt example, our family has a pass to a regional "drive-thru" zoo...and a seatbelt exception that while on the 5 mph road, our kids can unbuckle and sit up front (and even drive sometimes).  This exception was put into place with clear analysis and conversations about the upside and downside potentials in the situation.  Our kids clearly know that we have a seatbelt rule 100% of the time and can articulate the rare exceptions and, more importantly, "why" they're exceptions (under 10 mph, no other traffic, etc).  

Pump the brakes when you 
don't have guardrails.

Applied to other parts of family life, we can put up guard rails to help fence ourselves from the sharp edges and dangerous curves of life.  You've likely heard it before, but it's a best practice to avoid riding solo on the road with a member of the opposite sex.  Call me a prude but as a very experienced road tripper, long car rides are an intimate experience.  The miles and rhythms of the highway end up leading the conversation into personal spaces.  Our rule, or a guard rail, if you will, is that my wife and I won't ride with members of the opposite sex.  There's a certain practicality that sometimes requires an exception...and we've clearly communicated (my wife and I) those criteria.  A few include, telling each other about it (no secrets), we both know the person/they're significantly older (e.g. I've got a co-worker old enough to be my mother), or it's transactional in nature (e.g. the shuttle driver from the oil change place).  

Cookie bandits...might become 
momentum worthy.

As you're thinking about the idea of moment or momentum, hopefully, you're seeing the principles from the above examples and applying them to your own life and circumstances.  From a health perspective, one donut (moment) doesn't really matter, one bag of donuts every Saturday (momentum) adds up.  In a financial context, one moderate splurge occasionally fits (moment), and trading up a new car every year (momentum) will break the bank long term.  In parenting, having a bad day and hollering at the kids (moment) can be forgiven, being a raging jerk every day (momentum) is abusive.  

This is where it starts.

We can apply the same rules/exceptions to any category of life (e.g. rule = check with the other spouse if we're going to spend over $100, not on groceries or fuel).  Our rules can (and should) become habitual (e.g. we generally eat well-balanced, nutritional-rich meals at home).  They can also fall down a slippery slope when we let the moment gain momentum (e.g. finishing the Halloween candy turns into binging at Thanksgiving, then hammering the Christmas cookies).  The idea of rules/exceptions isn't to be some restrictive construct that rules your life with an iron fist.  Much like diet and budgeting are amazing tools to help you live your best life, rules/exceptions inspired by the momentum act as the guardrail to keep us from careening off the cliffs when we're going too fast for conditions.  

Have guardrails...
but do life BIG!

As you're thinking about your own life, consider the habitual patterns/ruts/momentum you've generated over time in each category.  Is your momentum taking you closer or further away from where you say you want to be as a family?  Do you have rules in place to help you avoid the bad moments or momentum that can lead to tragedy?  We hope this post inspires some conversation that leads to some course correcting in your home so that you can live your best life.  As we depart, remember that guardrails aren't there to see how close you can get to the edge without splattering, they're there so that we can drive through beautiful places while safely traversing tough terrain.  Go out and do big, beautiful, amazing things...just make sure you're financially, relationally, spiritually, emotionally, physically - still alive when you cross the finish line.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of "new rules" that you're going to implement with your family.  Grab a couple small ones (e.g. move the snacks out of site/off the kitchen counter) and one larger one that you can get some momentum going with.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of helping each other stay accountable to both the moments and momentum.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Jocko Willink - Discipline Equals Freedom