There Will Be Signs

There Will Be Signs

If you ignore the sign...
you might get more work.

There are a series of memes along the lines of "If I win the lottery, I'm not telling anyone...but there will be signs" and then a picture of some clever take on the "new boat" or something.  These clever, make-you-smile memes got me thinking the other day.  In most facets of life, there are signs that we ignore when we're making decisions in life.  In life, mountainous driving has giant, brightly colored, often flashing signs that say, "if you drive faster than X, you'll fly off the curve that's just ahead and die in a firey, painful way."  They're attention-grabbing, eye-catching, and dare you to "make my day punk, go on, make my day, see if you're the one who can do 90 mph here, go on, try it.  You'll only beat the ambulance to the bottom of the cliff by an hour or so."  There is a reason car insurance rates drop for males after 25, most of us that have made it this far in life not only look for, but trust the signs...and heed their advice.  

Signs keep
us safe.

The warning signs are more subtle in real life - consistently spend more than you make, ignore the ant and grasshopper, and you'll end up begging for dog food as a retirement.  Go bar hopping and sleep around enough, don't be shocked when your future spouse is the equivalent of the proverbial "tramp/man-whore" and everything that comes with the future chapters of that storybook.  Be an absentee father where everything other than your wife and kids is more important...and your kids will grow up resenting...but repeating you.  There is much truth and irony in the Harry Chapin Cat's in the Cradle song.  Along the way, we're not saying that there is no redemption or ability to off-ramp or U-turn...we're saying, hopefully loud and clear, life easier, smoother, more fulfilling when you heed the warning signs.  

Really pay attention to 
any sign about 
alligators...

Perhaps our biggest collection of warning signs is handily written down in the Bible.  It's not only a love story but a cautionary tale of how to do life more smoothly.  Sure, you can choose to sleep around before marriage or cheat after the wedding...but it's not a good idea.  The Bible tells us that there are real-life, natural, life-altering consequences in that behavior.  By ignoring the wisdom and commandments that God gives us, we're effectively choosing the thing the sign warns us about.  We're also essentially choosing, by taking the action, to live with the consequences.  There is an old saying, "you can make the choice, but you can't choose the consequences or who has to pay them."  Sleeping around...the payment invoice is likely sent not just to you...but your spouse, your children, and your future family tree.  

...and empty desert
roads in the boonies.

In terms of family finance, the warning signs of impending peril are the little things...if you look for them, listen to them, and course correct.  Things like not paying off the credit card this month.  Being late on a bill payment.  Dipping into the emergency fund savings.  When you're seeing those warning signs on the side of the road you're on, it's time to slow down, evaluate, and consider enough so that you don't turn one month into two...and two into twelve.  By pumping the breaks and engaging in a family meeting about the whole situation that's going on...and the manifestation on the budget...we can stay on the goal road that we've created...not fly off and try to figure out how to recover from a bad crash.  These warning signs can serve as a "ghost of Christmas future" and give you a "before it's too late" message when you need it most.  

Warning signs
help us steer...

In practical family life, the fun guy that was the life of the party, always with a different girl at the bar...is that guy. We recently had a friend who got into a pretty awful, abusive relationship. While we all came around her, none of us in the little circle really were shocked. The guy she picked is that guy...the impulsive, damn-the-torpedoes guy, the one with a temper and a self-centered attitude and a "violence is the answer" bumper sticker.  I don't want to victim-blame here at all. He's the guilty one...the one who did inexcusable things...the one who should be punished.  He's also the one that we all knew would do such things.  After her first divorce, she was so wrapped up in emotion and stress, and in needing her re-bound, so to speak, she ignored all of the warning signs.  The rose colored glasses that she put on, were the same shade, so to speak, as his warning signs.  The signs were there...she didn't (couldn't/wouldn't) see them.  

...find the fun
things...

As we go through our lives, try to make sure you're going at such a pace and with the right color glasses, not so distracted, that you can see the signs.  Recently, on a family mountain biking outing, our youngest did a full flip off of a turn, landing handlebars and helmet first in a muddy creek in spectacular fashion.   In talking through it afterwards, he said, "mom, I thought you said 90 miles per hour, not 90 degrees."  Though he ignored the "sign, " he landed it well and took the consequences...and his brother still tells him, "you should've seen it from my angle."  In life, let's teach our children how to drive well enough that they're in a good position to see, understand, judge their abilities, weigh their consequences, and interact with the signs they'll encounter when we're not in their metaphorical car.  

...and enjoy the road.

Take some time to think about what warning signs are flashing around you.  Are there some that you've been driving by at top speed?  Are you living a life that is heeding the warning signs - the subtle ones and the ones screaming in your face?  Are you raising a family and setting an example of looking for the road signs?  Don't mistake doing wild, adventurous, big-life sort of things...with not being stupid and reckless along the way.  The warning signs aren't to tamp down our spirit...they're there to allow us to big adventurous things...and come back home at the end of it.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few road signs that you'll tune into (or start looking for) in life - whatever addiction you face - workaholic, substance, screens, something else - perhaps start there.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of holding each other accountable this week in regard to the warning signs in your life.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Andy Stanley Guardrails

- Andy Stanley Rules for the Road

Fake and Real

Fake and Real

Build a real
treehouse.

Sometimes it's easiest to define a term by comparing it to it's opposite.  In that vein, "fake" might be a corollary to "genuine, authentic, actual, tangible, or real." It used to be that most everything, in a so-called "simpler" time was inherently more "genuine" or real. It used to be that if you wanted a new table, it was made by a real person, with real wood, and provided real meal time interactions. Similarly, if you wanted to correspond with someone else, you had a real, face-to-face conversation, in person or wrote a physical, tangible, "real" letter. Now, we buy particle board from a big box story factory and zap IMs, text messages, emails as a series of electron bits through a "web" that we can't "really" see, touch, taste, feel, etc. 

Building real things
builds real skills.

When it came to our jobs...our ancestors did "real" things.  They moved this physical thing from here to there...really.  They took these real raw materials and turned them into a real building.  Now so many jobs are sort of "made up" where we doddle between meetings, sending emails, and filling out spreadsheets.  Even in our food, largely, gone are the days of "real" ingredients that you planted a seed, then ate a vegetable.  Now, "thanks" to modern convenience society, most of our food is made up of "fake" engineered ingredients. Try to read the back of most freezer bags at the grocery store. 

Really practice.

For millennia, we've had real truth.  Hard and fast belief in a higher power.  Communities and countries built on Biblical truth.  Societies built on then 10 commandments and a moral compass.  It's heartbreaking to see that we're slipping toward a series of fake "embrace your truth" as opposed to real truth.  We've got an opportunity to be the light in our circles.  We can raise our families and conduct our lives in a way that brings us...and consequently others around us...closer to the truth...not convenient fakes.  

Go see real
places.

Historically, in terms of relationship and companionship, it was the "real" deal or nothing at all. Today, largely through technology, we can have "fake" friends - we "like" a post online but wouldn't think to ask or offer to bring a meal in a time of need. We cultivate a "fake" version of our best selves instead of having a real community where we struggle through the actual struggles of modern life. Our manicured, cultivated, curated versions of ourselves with airbrushes and social media are not us...and they don't meet our real needs. 

Do real
things.

In terms of finance, there are plenty of articles and information out there about "fake rich" vs "real rich."  To unpack it, the hallmarks of "fake rich" are purchasing the things that you can't actually afford...but can maybe hold together the payments.  It becomes, as Dave Ramsey says, “We buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like.”  Instead of a fake, debt-propped-up lifestyle...real rich is a lack of payments, a lack of stress, and a financial "peace" that helps you create options that facilitate     the life you want to live...not a rat race chasing an uncatchable "more."  

There are real big
amounts of food 
coloring.

In today's day and age, adventure is incredibly accessible...and yet, for many of us, rarely chosen.  With the modern conveniences and affordability in travel (hotels, rental cars, RVs, airplanes, you name it), you can have real adventure easier than probably any time in history.  The problem, in part, it seems is that we're looking for the "picture" of adventure...the sunset after the hike that looks good on the socials...rarely do we sit and reflect on that same sunset as a real inspiration of beauty.  Sit and soak in the moment, building a real memory...not just taking the snazzy picture of a memory.  

Fake things 
can look real. 

With hookup culture and pornography, you can get the "fake" thing...without the real, God-created things in those parts of our life.  The more we blend these fake/real worlds, the worse it is for not only us...but for humanity and the future. The more we distance ourselves from the "real" for the fake, the closer we get to a robotic, humanoid with a pulse existence.  Hollowness and loneliness are the direct byproducts of this mad rush toward artificiality.  For the history of humans, in order to build relationships, you had to put in real work, make real sacrifices, do the real things...to be successful. Today, we've cheapened and diluted so much of life that it's watered down.

Go see the real thing...
not the movie version.

Bots and AI only make this worse.  There is no shortage of completely fake...not just emotionally fake...but never existed anywhere before in any form sort of fake.  As we raise up our children in this new day and age, it's critical that we educate our children to the dangers and temptations of these new threats...while providing them a sound foundation rooted in real love and respect.  As we're raising up our children, in an era where they're "digitally native," that means we need to keep up on the understanding of the technology and help our children responsibly leverage the benefits of the new tech.  

Really rappel 
off the roof.

The good news is that there is still "real" stuff out there...a lot of it out in nature.  This could be the walk around your block, the city park, state park, national park, national forest, or any other setting where you're screen free...and under the sun or stars.  Good news is that it's also a bit of a paradigm or attitude.  We've seen people at some spectacular places (e.g. Yellowstone) and watching the sites through their phone camera lens.  Don't go out of your way to get the facsimile or copy...when you can get the real thing.  Similarly, when you can get a real conversation, face-to-face, emotion and body language...instead of the IM, text, email, or other method.  Real bonds...real life is one conversation, one commitment, one cultivation at a time.  Choose real.    

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick our a few "real" things that have been missing from your life...seek them out...embrace them...celebrate them.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of moving away from fake and closer to real.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- "Everything you can imagine is real."  Pablo Picasso

Daylight Saving Time

Daylight Saving Time

Harry Potter
shoveling...
like magic.

It's about that time of year again.  In life, there are times, due to "no fault of our own," we either fall backward universally or get rocketed ahead.  A loved one unexpectedly dies.  A company downsizes and lays you off.  Your car just decides it's had enough.  An electrical short burns your house down.  Or...a long-lost relative passes away and leaves you unexpected money.  A new company finds your resume and headhunts you away.  You find the new-to-you mint car online way under price...and it works great.  Either way, the "no fault of your own," something went well or not so much. 

Waiting for the boom
at Yellowstone.

As we come around the corner, this "temporal landmark" on the calendar gives us some time to reflect on those "out of the blue" things that pop into our lives.  Certainly, some are the "no fault of your own" and others cross some invisible milemarker in the sand where, "after twenty years of work, I was an overnight success."  Either way, it's important to have a plan on how to handle our newfound circumstances in a responsible, humble way.  Whether you win the actual or proverbial lottery, or the hand of cards that you get dealt isn't a great one, the next steps are up to you and yours.  

Still waiting...
years later.

When we have an unexpected or, at least, what we feel is "undeserved" loss in life, it's important to remember God's hand and plan in the situation (on the unexpected good side as well).  Having worked around emergencies enough, I know it's beyond our understanding why the seemingly minor fender bender resulted in someone dying on the side of the road, while the Hollywood flip-o-rama and the person is standing by the car waiting for us.  Getting our head around the idea that sometimes bad things happen to good people...and...that in spite of doing everything "right" bad things can still happen is part of maturing and growing up.  I remember both my wife and I, in different situations, were fairly emotionally/spiritually crushed when that realization came to pass...but we're stronger now for it.

Big things
take big time
to get right.

Much like the story of the mighty oak tree growing not in spite of the wind and foul weather, but because of it.  Our lives and our resolution/fortitude/grit come not from an easy life but from the friction, stress, and trauma.  It's been said that we should pray not for an easy life, but for the strength to handle a difficult one.  Our kids are just starting into wrestling, and there are some other kids that may be a thousand matches into their careers...those don't end well for the less experienced.  But, in the losing comes the life lessons that help harden our hearts and bolster our spirits.  They help us remember that failure is seldom fatal and remind us that, at some level, winning is getting back up on the proverbial horse.  Years from now, when "daylight saving time" hits in some unexpected way for our children, I hope that they can trace the seeds of their resilience back to the lessons on the wrestling mat today.  

Grandma
is a bonus.

On the flip side, using a financial example, for when we unexpectedly "spring forward," let's say you get the "surprise" tax refund, the holiday bonus, the house that sells above asking, or the lucky stock pick that goes big.  Or (not recommended or endorsed here), the winning lottery ticket, lucky when you put it all on red in Vegas, or whatever long shot gamble that went lucky.  In both cases, there is some of your steering hand and gas/brake pedal involved...but in both cases, the result may be unexpected.  In a perfect world, you'd set aside a large portion of those "winnings" to help meet your goals - fill up an emergency fund, top off a retirement goal, etc.  In the real world, we just don't want you to "blow it" on plastic junk.  

Have a helmet for the
bad days.

In disasters, depending on the circumstances, there is a cash outlay of "direct financial assistance" that is sometimes available via non-profits, church groups, or FEMA.  The idea is that if you've lost your home, vehicle, all your belongings, is that you can use the "gift" toward your deductible, first month at an apartment, or perhaps a start on a car to get you back to work.  I remember distinctly a disaster in the southern US where the "free money wagon" rolled into town.  Within hours, you couldn't find a big screen TV, gaming console, or beer in three counties.  This "daylight saving time" influx of cash came and went in an instant...but the tornado damage was still there staring at the newly entertained, but still newly homeless folks, in the face the next day.  

Always be
ready for
whatever 
may come.

As we wrap it up this week, use "Daylight Saving Time" wisely to think through your "what if" plan so that you're more prepared should a bad day come to visit without the emotion and trauma of the moment.  Similarly, think through the plan for an unexpected win.  Christmas bonus...what are some goals it could help with, not just a spending spree?  Lastly, it's a convenient marker on the calendar to leverage and reflect (and a little time to course correct) before we close out the year.  Are we where we want to be on the Zig Wheel segments?  If not, you've got two months to lean in a little harder.  It's also a good time to think about what the holiday season looks like in relation to our goals and aspirations.  Holidays can be a convenient time to blow the budget, blow the belt line, and feel awful with the lasting consequences in the new year.  Or, it can be a great time to set yourself and your family up for the "new year, new you" kind of thing.  The choice is yours...and now's a great time to make it.  As we "fall back" this fall...maybe do a little reflective planning so you can keep on killin' it.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three things you'll reflect on and commit to changing before we come into the holiday season.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of planning for a what if (estate documents, good-bye letter, etc) and what insurance coverages you have in place to be adequately protected.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- "An extra yawn one morning in the springtime, an extra snooze one night in the autumn, is all that we ask in return for dazzling gifts."  Winston Churchill

- "I don't mind going back to daylight saving time.  With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year."  Victor Borge