Overdramatization

Overdramatization

Words add
up...a lot.

Growing up, and still today, I've been a fan of the cowboy western novels of yesteryear.  There is a series of audio dramatizations from Louis L'Amour that bring the West to life.  These are essentially audiobooks, but with added audio sound effects.  They effectively allow your imagination to run wild in a way that movies/screens can't do.  The "overdramatization" effectively makes the story bigger than life.  That's a great thing when it comes to entertainment.  It's less of a great thing when we use it in our own lives to blow our problems out of proportion.  

Not Everest,
and that's ok.

We recently heard someone talking about a pretty routine life situation regarding their car payment, and they described it as "it's just my Goliath."  When you think about the magnitude of the circumstances surrounding and facing a literal giant with everything on the line, it's almost unimaginable in our comfortable day and age.  Double down on that with David's challenge on center stage, and not only life-and-death, but the high stakes of a nation on the line...and there is no real comparison in our lives.  When we cheapen David's readiness for sacrifice and courage in the face of challenge, it's insulting at best. 

Make it
feel big.

In the David example with the car payment, when we equate something that is relatively trivial to something of such magnitude, it helps us excuse our inability to make progress and helps us ignore taking action.  The right sizing of our problems is critical to moving ahead.  When we remove drama from the equation, we can begin to see the problem for the real size that it is.  In first responderhood, we call this the "size-up," where we ascertain "how big is big and how bad is bad" so that we can properly apply resources to solve the problem.  

Build success.

In another recent example from when our kids were preschoolers, after climbing a nearby mountain, our kids equated it to, "that was just like Everest."  For their ages, it was certainly a challenge, and they rose to meet it...conquered it...but it wasn't Everest.  We can be proud of and celebrate the progress and results without blowing them out of proportion.  When we elevate our kids' peewee sports to the same level as if they were playing at Wrigley Field, we reduce the commitment needed to actually get to Wrigley Field (or whatever the equivalent will be in their own life).  

Training wheels
fall off.

When I was deployed to Hurricane Harvey, and the magnitude was nearly unimaginable, several of us compared it with some of the old timers to Hurricane Katrina.  We "overdramatized" what was a beyond-belief situation in Texas' Gulf Coast.  The old timers informed us that, while horrifically damaging, Harvey was a "cute little brother" to Katrina.  When we, as the response team for a major non-profit, came to the realization that others had conquered far bigger and more complex problems, it helped us find some additional confidence to get the job done.  

The dramatic view
is worth it.

In another home example, using family finance, if we equate financial freedom, a million dollars, or whatever impossible goal, to success, we allow it to be an untackleable challenge.  In reality, spending less than we make and investing consistently over time means that with patience and diligence...those goals are in reach.  Similarly, raising kids who can do great things in life in the future is equally doable with a similar recipe.  Chances are, raising kids is likely not a "Goliath problem" where we have to do one big right thing, but rather a trust and patience thing like Noah or Jacob.  

Be a team.

As we wrap it up, this is a reminder to right-size our problems...and our successes both at home and in the rest of our lives.  It's important that we try to boil the drama out of our situations wherever possible.  Keep the magic and the spice of life...but don't overblow it out of proportion.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out an area of your life where there is too much drama.  Pick out a particular problem and define it with three criteria that help to right-size it.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of removing your Goliaths.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Louis L'Amour Chick Bowdrie Stories

- 12 Easy Ways to Shrink Annoying Problems Down to Size

Leads, Lags, & the 9th Inning

Leads, Lags & the 9th Inning

We first have to
know where we're
going.

Lead measures, lag measures.  Among other things, the great book The Four Disciplines of Execution by Sean Covey, Chris McChesney, and Jim Huling, dives into the idea of lead and lag measures.  In an overly simplified explanation regarding goals, lag measures are "past" things that you can't influence directly in the "now."  In business, things like customer or employee satisfaction and total revenue are things that can only be measured in hindsight but are impacted in the present.  On the other side, lead measures are more predictive in nature and focus on the "now" actions that will drive future success, such as sales calls or website conversion rates.  

Then we break up
the milestones.

In the family sense and at home, some lag measures when we get there and reflect backwards might be our kids' high school grades, college choice/first job, and grandkid success.  Those are things that are among our hopes/dreams/goals/aspirations for our children and consequently should inspire our parental activities and current daily actions.  The lead measures that we can inject into those outcomes include things like reading to our kids when they're little, providing a rich, well-rounded upbringing, and so forth.  When we break down our parenting with a "I'm doing this because..." or "so that later, now" paradigm, it can help us ensure that we're building toward the future that we want to create.  

It can feel 
like magic.

Instead of having vague "hopes" for our children, we can translate those "wants" into more concrete current action steps that build upon themselves and compound over time.  Similarly, things like marital satisfaction as a lag measure can't be "wigned" in the 11th inning.  Instead, it's a byproduct, or rather, the result of a series of lead measures like showing love and respect, or going out of your way to serve your partner as a habit.  With our family finances, financial freedom comes from consistently spending less than you make and wisely investing it.  Doing the right thing, long enough over time, results in pretty great results.  

An off-road capable adult 
comes from a series of 
muddy puddles for years
...it adds up.

To say it a different way, we often win championships in the draft, the spring training camp, the pre-season selection...we count the score at the end of the Super Bowl final whistle...or the last inning of the World Series...but we win or lose in the little moments leading up.  The points we put up and the errors we avoid in the first innings often matter more than the bottom of the 9th inning, 3-2, all hinges on one-pitch heroics.  Years ago, superstar Ken Griffey was being interviewed about how he was never on the diving catch, highlight reel...his answer was...that he always made the right catch...because he'd be in the right spot at the right time that he didn't have to dive.  The point being...his early action resulted in the win...the sum of his little actions added up to major success.

Do the little things 
routinely long enough and
big results pop out.

For our families, we're not going to be successful if we try to do a massive cram session on the day before our kid heads off out of the nest to "real life."  We can't teach them how to be a kind human, use the bathroom, read, write, throw a baseball, cook chicken nuggets, or any of the other essentials of life in that last week.  The old book All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum sums up the concept.  We, as humans, or our kids, hopefully as humans, are a sum total of the lifetime of trial-and-error when they launch into life. 

It's really
that simple.

As we wrap it up, it's important to take a few moments to consider the small actions that we can compound over the years to become great.  Consider the lag measures of where you are right now...and if you're content with them.  If not, change the lead measures right now that will change your lag measures down the road.  If you're fortunate enough to be in a good spot...double down on what's working.  The old "the best time to plant a tree was ten years ago, the second best is today" means that right now we're in a first-inning situation of who we'll be in ten or twenty years...that's great news...but use it wisely.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of lead/lag measures that make sense for your family...select three lead measures you can take "today" to get to the lag measures you select.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of moving the needle today...so that you really move the needle tomorrow.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Lead Measures

- Leads Vs Lags 

Focus as a Superpower

Focus as a Superpower

When riding bucking
horses...don't take your
eyes off the prize.

Perhaps a summary word of our modern world could be "distraction."  Compare our world and the competing "things" battling for our attention to our parents, grandparents, or other distant relatives, and we're saturated with "things."  Gone are the days of a daily newspaper and three national channels on TV.  Gone are the days of a job where we left work at work.  We've ushered in a constant connection to "everything" out there - work and personal - via technology.  Think about the amount of content you can consume just on your smartphone, let alone tablet, laptop, desktop, big screen, and beyond.  Add to the fact that these things now "poke" us with a ton of moment-by-moment notifications...not only do we carry them in our pockets, but we're increasingly wearing them on smart watches and fancy glasses.  

It's hard to hit a 
target when you're
not looking at it.

When we consider this opt-in culture where we selectively choose to divide our attention as a mass cultural shift, we're, in a word, "distracted."  Double down on this at home with the approximately nine-gillion extracurriculars out there, as compared to when our generation and those before us were growing up.  Our kids have a couple of friends who almost need an executive assistant to help schedule the transportation between activities and deconflict the overlaps.  This lack of focus...or distraction in our modern world means that not only are we, as parents, split between many things, we're raising kids who are flighty at best.  The good news is...in large part...we can opt out and dial back our distracted dial...and turn up our focus.  

It takes deliberate focus
to catch a pollywog.

When we discuss "focus," we'll help define it as the opposite of distraction.  When we talk about it in more granular terms, it's important to frame it in terms of consequence.  For example, many car crashes are avoidable if we limit our distractions - turning to talk to a kid in the back seat, adjusting the dial on the heater or radio, monkeying with a phone.  In the blink of an eye, the lack of focus on our core task of safely navigating from Point A to Point B can be life-altering for not only us but all of those in proximity to our hurtling down the road heavy hunk of iron.  In parenting terms, our calling is to prepare our children to be successful in their own independent adulthood.  

Zooming in...on our
target is key.

Part of this preparation is a constant demonstration of our priorities by focusing on what matters most. Do your kids not only hear us talk about, but more importantly, see you prioritizing the priorities?  To clarify what our priorities are...or what they are in our home...are we holding up and protecting the schedule and resources (time, talent, dollars, etc) on the big rocks?  Are we getting to things like church and small group?  Are we showing up not only to our kids' games or activities, but also practicing with them at home?  Are we "being where our feet are" when we're there?  When our kid comes up to snuggle, read a book, or tell us about their day, are we getting on their level, leaning in...and being all in?  

If you're going to fish
with a dog...your 
whole team has to 
be on the same page. 

We talk a lot about the notion that we must be intentional in life if we want to end up where we want to be going.  We also talk a lot about the seasonal nature of life.  I'm here to tell you that we can't "accidentally" get solid outcomes at home, and we can't wait for a convenient time to be all in with our families.  There is quite a bit of research out there regarding the fact that our influence on kids starts to wane by early adolescence, when the power of their friends increases.  This means that if we're waiting to "focus on our family" when they're old enough to comprehend, we've missed the boat.  The old adage of "quantity precedes quality" is true.  If we don't put in the mundane shoulder-to-shoulder style time in volume, we likely won't be the person they're turning to for tough conversations.  

Shirts are 
optional.

Another "concept" of focus comes in our pursuits or investments.  There is an old story about the hunter or animal who tries to catch all the rabbits at once...only to go hungry that night.  Our ability to focus in on a particular target highly increases our chances of getting it done.  When you think about a finance example, if we've got money going a dozen different directions, none of the buckets fill up very quickly.  Dave Ramsey's "Debt Snowball" concept of focusing on the smallest debts to build momentum is a quinessential example of focus in action.  Similarly, at work or when we're building a skill, the "sprint sessions" of intentional focus move the needle quickly.  

It takes concentration to catch
a slippery pig.

As we talk about focus, another paradigm that comes to mind is the focus of a river.  If you ever go to the Grand Canyon, you quickly realize that a focused effort over time makes huge impacts.  This long-standing day-after-day effort, perhaps called "habitual" focus, can have powerful outcomes.  On a more micro level, focus becomes a message to our children that they're more important than whatever trivial thing pops up on our screens.  When we translate much of this into our children, in an unprecedented era of distraction, giving them the gift and ability of focus can set them far ahead of their peers.  When it comes to skill building and timeless knowledge transfer, the ability to focus on a book, on a subject, on a project, on a peer, on a future spouse, a future job, a future life...focus can be seen as a superpower that is, sadly, increasingly rare.  

March Mammal Madness
(look it up)...requires 
you to focus on the
attributes...and...the 
end zone.

As we translate this to action, you can jump light years ahead by simply "being where your feet are in the moment they're there."  This means your eyes, ears, undivided attention, care, and respect are focused on the person you're with.  This isn't the self-centered child where you "drop everything at their beck and call," but, in general, when we're with our kids (or spouse, boss, co-workers, friends, etc), we need to be right there with them.  Another action step likely centers on the word "no."  When we preempt the tension that comes from distraction by not signing up for one more thing, we help ensure that our attention (and other resources) are inherently more focused.  Lastly, for this post, ditch (or at least tone/turn down the pace, volume, frequency, etc) on your cell phone and push notifications.  The constant "ding" of our Pavlov's dog that yanks us into digital land is, in large part, optional.  When we split our focus with screen time and loved one times...pick your priorities...and live it out wisely.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of push notifications that you can "delete" and do that today.  Think about a couple of other things that keep you in the moment and strive for that this week. 
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of being a "focused family."  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Focus on the Family

- All Pro Dad - How to Focus on Your Kids

Power & Pursuit of Awe

Power and Pursuit of Awe 

Awe can be
inflated...

In our modern world, we're increasingly missing "awe."  With the advent of screens and all the multimedia in our world, we increasingly trade the things that were awe-inspiring for a copy of that on screen.  In a recent example, we had a circus come to town with all the spectacles and human feats that go with it.  When you think about the time and talent that go into being able to walk a tight rope or be shot out of a cannon, the result should be awe-inspiring.  At the circus, one of the people sitting beside us was engrossed in their phone...the rationale being that "they'd seen something similar online before."  Think about the height of the circus...before TV, social media, the internet, and so forth...I can't imagine how much "awe" those early spectators would have been witnessing.  There are all sorts of things that fit into that category.  We have awe all around us...if and when we look for it....again.    

...or in
crowds.

Recently, on a trip to Yellowstone, a family was standing at a famous vista, the parents were telling the kids to get off their phones and pay attention, the kid said, "I've seen a picture online."  Similarly, at Carlsbad Caverns, NM...keep in mind it's in the boonies and you didn't get there by accident...they are famous for a bazillion bats that fly out.  One family there saw the first few bats, then started to hit the road because they'd "checked the box."  Online and box checking are not where you find awe.  The good news is, you don't have to go to the ends of the earth or do something extreme in order to find and experience awe.  

...for sure in nature.

If you're blessed enough to have kids...take a walk around the block with them and "see" the world through their eyes...you'll find awe.  Get up and watch a sunrise or sunset...again, awe.  Go sit outside somewhere where it's dark and watch the stars...especially if you see a shooting star...it can bring awe.  Witness a big prairie thunderstorm...awe.  Turns out, when we pursue awe (much like most anything else), we tend to find it.  When we open our minds, eyes, hearts, and most likely our schedules, we can find awe in the most unexpected places.  While you can certainly find "awe" around the corner, our world is also jam-packed further away with awe-full places - nature spaces like National Parks, the ocean, even big cities and new cultures.  

And among the rocks.

As AI doubles down on "creating" things...we have to deliberately go to where THE Creator is more readily visible.  Think about the last time you weren't in sight of something that "man" did not create?  In our modern city/suburban lives, our "miracles" of running water, power, sanitation, and so forth become pretty "expected" instead of "impressed."  This frame of reference changes our perspective from gratitude to entitlement.  When was the last time that something took your breath away?  Getting out into nature...more than the city park, but not necessarily way more than the local "state park" can help you reset.  Chances are, a little time in nature helps us reset or recalibrate our "awe antenna" away from the constant "one-up" and "bigger" that the internet is full of.  

Or near the sea.

One "habit" that makes awe easier to find is the seeking out of novel experiences.  A few that stand out were the first time trips to New York City, where everything is bigger than life, the Balloon Festival in Albuquerque, and the Redwoods out west. Those bigger-than-life experiences and sites can be powerful and memorable.  We often get stuck in our habitual ruts, and seeing that something is bigger than ourselves, sometimes far bigger than ourselves, is inherently full of awe.  Recently we went to a history museum and when you realize how long some of our ancestors have been around...and what they had to endure, right sizes our current struggles and puts them into perspective.  We can reflect on the "awe" of how resilient our forefathers were, and how truly blessed we are in modern society.  

We can ignite it.

As we talk about "awe," the "power of awe" is something that is worth mentioning.  When we look at life with an "awe-full" eye or paradigm, I believe it can help us find contentment and embrace the concept of "enough."  It has been said that wealth can be defined as "wanting what I have."  Historically, our "catalog" of desire was pretty restricted to our immediate community...today, it's everything under the sun.  We can find "awe" in other people's experiences and toys.  When we covet or find awe in other people's stuff, it cheapens and reduces our enjoyment of our own circumstances.  If, instead, we seek and find awe in our own...car, adventures, job, kids, spouse, life...we're content, whole, and invigorated.  

Tomorrow is a new
day...put awe into it!

Wrapping up for the week...awe is all around us...we just have to be still and listen to the "still small voice" and seek out "the good and the beautiful" in our world around us.  In doing so, through a combination of less screens and more nature/novel, we can begin to create habits, hobbies, and an overall lifestyle where awe becomes increasingly baked in.  In doing so, you'll find an increased contentment and appreciation of our Creator's creations in and around us and our families.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three things (novel experiences or places) that you're going to go find the awe that lives there with your family this week.  Immerse yourself in it...not screens...and the reflect on it as a family.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in your daily/weekly/monthly/seasonal pursuit of "awe."  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- The Power of Awe by Dr. Michael Amster and Jake Eagle

- “Awe is the feeling of being in the presence of something vast that transcends your current understanding of the world.” - Dacher Keltner, Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder

- "The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself."  Henry Miller