Permanence

Permanence

Recently, a colleague was talking about "her ex-husband and her current wife."  All beliefs and politics aside on switching teams...the word "current" was heartbreaking.  No matter who you marry, you hope (and work toward) permanence...the whole "til death do us part" part of your vows.  The word "current" implied to me, a not close friend or colleague, as a flippant "until I find someone one better," which is a far cry from the "in sickness, and in health" commitment we hope for when we tie the knot.

In another instance, someone in our circle is "transitioning" genders and in trying to unpack it with some questions, I asked "trans" as in "transitioning" or implying going from one thing to an endpoint of another thing.  I can sort of get my head around that...maybe...butterflies in nature coming from a caterpillar, and on a lighter note, Michael Martin Murphy's old cowboy song "Where Do Cowboys Go When They Die?."  I was fairly ripped a new one when I was told there is no end point... it is fluid...it's whatever you want, right now, in the moment, whatever feels good.  That's a far cry from a base of a fundamental truth that you can build everything else upon.  

Some of our human history 
is pretty permanent...go see it.

That slippery slope is beyond scary...when we strip away whatever fundamental truths we've held and at a core level, strip away our base nature (hormones, body parts, etc), what's left?  We seem, en mass, to have forgotten that there are consequences, real and immediate as well as lasting and/or costly consequences for our decisions and actions.  At what point do those deeply held (conditioned through years of trial/error, course correction, dedication, and commitment) roles become transitory to our most selfish and shortsighted desires?  Can I just wake up tomorrow morning and decide I'm not going to be a worker anymore?  I'm transitioning.  When I see an attractive person, can I put my marriage on hold and simply "not be married" for a while?  I'm transitioning.  How about when parenting gets tough and I decide, to make the conscious decision, not to be a parent anymore?  I'm transitioning.  Our communities and country were built on the bedrock of commitment, courage, and steadiness.  

Like someone cascading down a slippery hill and can't stop with calamity at the bottom, so goes our unmooring from the realities we've created.  Do transitions in life happen?  Sure.  Are some intentional and some accidental?  Sure and sure.  Does the normalizing of "transitioning" make it easier for the rest of us to view our selfish desires as king?  Scary questions.  

Perhaps, continuing the cowboy song analogy, flowers in nature, especially in the mountains are in constant transition.  They pop up around the snow, live a short but spectacular life, and are fairly quickly consumed or wither.  They can transition to smiles, especially if you're a kid delivering them to your mother, even if she's got allergies that make her sneeze when she gets them.  

Permanence in many ways is 
comforting.

Random side note, but recently at a friend's house, their teen son was glued...glued semi-permanently to the gaming system and the big screen.  The characters on screen dying, coming back, dying again.  The games switching from one to another.  In parallel, we were recently out on a hike in nature near our home and walking through giant granite spires...rocks that had been there mostly forever.  Rocks that you can count on...rocks that if you fell off of, you'd be dead...permanently.  I can't help but wonder if our remote-controlled, multi-screen device lifestyle and lack of nature are leading us to some of these transitions.  

I'm no Freud, and far from an expert on any of this stuff, just a dad and husband who is trying to understand the world to hopefully best prepare our kids for whatever is around the bend.  I, we, in our home try to be and raise kids who are open-minded, critical thinkers, who seek to understand a situation, and so forth.  I'm hopeful, but not so optimistic, that our world can have dialogue and conversation to understand complex topics...not vehemently get shut down when you ask a question.  

All of that said, perhaps getting out in nature, seeing the relative permanence of rocks, mountains, deserts, oceans, stars...as well as the transitory nature of seasons, streams, forests, and animals to find a balance and peace that leads to understanding.  Perhaps, leaving the "trappings of man" (mostly disguised anymore as something with a screen), we can find the clarity that helps us all better understand our world and those we share it with.  

Here's to shared understandings through open, non-judgy conversations and dialogue. 

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Talk with your family about three things that are transitionary in your life (i.e. toddlerhood, pre-school) and three that are permanent (i.e. God's creation, our love for the kids).  Define the differences.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Take a moment to identify permanent things around your home and those that are maybe not so much - buildings, roads, streets, etc.  Use those moments to have a conversation about foundational, permanent truths.  
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) relating to being permanent.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

-  George Strait Love Without End, Amen - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkscNqCCDl0