Protector Parent - physical harm...and its benefits...

Protector Parent - physical harm...and its benefits...

Starting fires...

We're called to be protectors and providers for our children and families.  We've talked about how that looks in several previous articles.  In some of the previous conversations, we've talked about protecting their mental health and perhaps more soft items in our more soft world.  That said, there is always a risk, albeit low, that our family will be confronted with a physical threat or situation.  Additionally, in our modern world, so many of us have stripped out physical harm, not just from the "bad-guy" but all physical harm to our children.  

We often fall into the trap of believing to be a "protector parent" and that "safe from physical harm" is the ultimate goal.  Certainly, it's part of it...channel your inner Rambo or Mama Bear to keep kids safe from the boogeyman...it's a thing, and an important one.  I'd argue that it might not be, and probably shouldn't be the only thing.  

...Cliff jumping...

I'll also argue, some physical harm is good.  Don't freak out and call social services here...any harm that rises to the level of a hint of abuse should - we should throw those people under the jail.  I'm talking about the increasing mindset that a skinned knee should be avoided at all costs in "modern parenting."  We were out at one of the playgrounds with a friend and their little boy the other day and the mom literally walked around like a human scaffold ensuring her pre-schooler couldn't possibly fall down.  This was on the super-engineered foam rubber matting, mind you.  

Ropes...and...

Kids, more accurately humans, learn through failure.  Our propensity toward helicopter/snowplow parenting where we so completely smooth the road before our children does them no long-term favors.  The skinned knee on the playground helps them, much like a river through a canyon over time, build their balance, coordination, confidence, boundaries, etc.  Avoiding the proverbial skinned knee throughout their time at home with us creates kid-dults that end up with an inability to function in adult life.  When I hit one of the struggle-adulting moments with a cantankerous co-worker, micro-manager boss, sick kid, more month than money, whatever it happens to be...I can trace my ability to work through it and come out resilient on the other side back to smaller-level failures growing up.  

Helmets are 
sometimes
required...

I remember being absolutely devastated as a "meritocracy" mindset sort of guy when, in college, a "no-brainer" position in an organization should've gone to our team but went to another.  Years later, talking to the decision maker, he hadn't thought anything of it more than balancing talent across fall and spring semesters...oh, mind-blown moment.  My utter brick wall was just a business decision balance for him at the time.  Fast forward now to a decision I had to implement from our nonprofit national headquarters of closing offices across the state...those learned moments once upon a time served me well to try to bring some level of peace, honor, comfort, and empathy to a tough situation.  

As we look at our parenting responsibilities, I believe one of ours is not to shield them from the bumps and bruises along the way.  We treat our kids "summer knees and legs" as badges of honor, an earned testament to their rough and tumble interactions with the playground, hiking paths, bike jumps, and assorted other learning that takes place outside.  Just the other night, our youngest ran his bike into the stop sign at the end of the road, bouncing off and skinning up an elbow.  Should, we as parents, say "no more bikes, ever" because of the chance that you might get a little road rash or help him get dusted off, back on the bike, and ingrain resiliency?  

Dogs are always
good adventure 
companions.

Again, to close, I'm far from advocating any threat-based physical harm from the bully or anyone in the circle.  I will advocate for the low-consequence harms (physical and otherwise) that build the mental fortitude to get through life as a content adult down the road.  We seek a balance in this space - we don't allow our kids to ride bikes off the Grand Canyon or down the interstate.  Nor do we allow them to ride on bikes without helmets or lacking brakes.  Hopefully, you all get the salient points here and will consider giving your kids a little more rein and latitude to skin some knees and learn some life lessons.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of ways that your family, especially your children, can do some things that are risky...in a safe way.  Go do them this month.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of injury-prone activities - hiking, mountain biking, and such where you can "skin a knee" without long-term trouble.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!” Cole Schafer

- Art of Manliness - The Risks of Not Letting Your Kids do Risky Things - https://www.artofmanliness.com/people/family/risk-not-letting-kids-risky-things/