Stay In The Fight

Stay In The Fight

Typically, a fight - sporting event, military, whatever else - is decided when one of the opponents gives up.  This could be tossing in the proverbial towel, handing in your rifle to the enemy, waving the white flag, or just downshifting to coast mode...in any case, you're not on the field and engaged in the battle.  Any of the "tier 1" super special forces types out there typically share the superpower of "staying in the fight" when it gets tough.  Any of those training pipelines are designed to put you in the fight against yourself, others, and enemies until you're hardened and dependable.  The test is getting the quitters out of the way so we can train those remaining in the game to all the sexy ninja skills that Hollywood admires.  The point though is, the training is geared to see who will stay in the fight when it's tough.  

Like most things,
it starts with practice.

Over the years, I've had the good fortune to teach a lot of first responders and some of them on topics
relating to "officer survival."  So much of the difference between making it...or not...is in the headspace and presence of mind to stay in the fight.  Pilots are taught to fly as far into a crash as possible - stay in the fight.  Disaster survivors are told to "be an active part of their own rescue/recovery" - stay in the fight.  My wife is the eternal optimist that thinks it just might be possible with two minutes left in the 4th quarter to score five touchdowns in an epic comeback...that same optimism has probably contributed to our success and satisfaction today.  The point is, we don't talk around the proverbial water cooler very often of the blowout where one team was outpaced in the first quarter - we talk about those games where everyone stayed in the fight down to the bitter, photo-finish ending.  

1,000 hours has been a commitment, a fight
to build young outdoorsmen in a world of 
consumers and screens.

In part, our preparedness is the key part of the fight scene.  It's long been said in the military and first responder circles that you "don't rise to the occasion" so much as you "fall to your level of preparedness."  In other words, the reason a Navy SEAL or Green Beret can do something beyond belief on the battlefield is that they've likely been there in their mind and body through what people would describe as a ridiculously intense training regimen in the past.  For us, that training or preparedness likely takes the form of building the habits, emotions, and capabilities in the proverbial "peacetime" so that when the going gets tough...we know we can do it...because we've done it before.  Another part of being able to "stay in the fight" is defining the enemy and team early.  In marriage, the fight isn't between you...him vs her...it's them(the team, both of you) vs EVERYTHING else that comes against it...hobbies, addictions, schedules, whatever else pops up.  That deep-seated commitment that it is "us against the world" is a critical prerequisite component to staying in the fight when it comes.  

As Pastor Andy Stanley put it, "this is just part of your story" (see below).  The premise becomes that no matter how involved we are in a season of life, or how important that season seems in the moment when we look back, "it's just part of your story."  For example, you may fondly look back at your "high school glory days" fondly...but in a blink of an eye, they're gone and just part of your story.  Some of these seasons resonate more than others...think about the old man who hasn't been in the military for going on 80 years but still chooses a military burial.  It is heartbreaking to see so many of our military and first responders who serve, make positive impacts on so many lives, then choose to check out of the game with suicide.  Staying in the fight is a struggle...every day...sometimes every moment.  Having struggled through some of those moments myself over the years, it's a good and worthwhile fight to stay in.  

Early responsibility taught
a lot of "stay in the fight" 
soft skills that serve a person 
well throughout life.

During middle and high school, I had the opportunity to work in commercial agriculture...first for a neighbor, then for a big traveling outfit.  The main guy I worked for, we'll call him Bob, was (and is still) bigger than life, a man who worked hard, played hard, lived hard, loved hard, and such.  He was married with several great kids and an enviable lifestyle of a farmer/rancher.  That was the Bob I knew. 
Turns out, a few years before I came to know Bob, he was married to a first wife with a baby and his mother in the car when he had a major car crash that left him physically injured and suddenly wife/mom/baby-less in an instant.  Now, as an adult, I can't begin to imagine the pain and anguish he must've gone through on that journey to recovery and becoming the Bob who poured into me.  Seeing him when I was in high school, and now twenty years later, I'm amazed at how he was able to stay in the fight, to continue to choose to stand in the arena.  In the seasons of life that I've known him, he's had a wonderful marriage, an amazing lifestyle, and raised great kids...what more could a man wish for.  He's also the same Bob who went through hell and back.  Stay in the fight.  

It matters.  They matter.
You matter.

So, after that long lead-up - what does all of this mean to us as a Family In The Arena, how do we or
what does it look like to stay in the fight?  Hopefully, you'll not find yourself in a life-and-death struggle where staying in the fight takes on Hollywood story physicality.  For most of us, while we may prepare for those eventualities, stay in the fight serves as a rallying cry in a more metaphorical sense.  Staying in the fight as a family, a father, mother, parent, or child - means staying engaged when the going gets tough.  This means plugging in, leaning in - emotionally, spiritually, physically - through all the seasons...for better or worse...through sickness and in health.  

Increasingly, it seems like we're unplugging...statistics and headliner stories talk about, in particular, men who are opting out.  Whether that means leaving behind marriage, abandoning kids, saying goodbye to gainful employment, or whatever form that takes.  Perhaps even more ugly, many are opting out without exiting, leaving behind a zombie shell in their wake.  This can take the form of booze, pills, video games, or whatever hobby that becomes more important than fighting for your family.  Sometimes staying in the fight is as simple as saying "no" to our more selfish selves.  Sometimes it requires heroic, rise-to-the-occasion type action.  More often, it simply requires a commitment to hold up our end of the deal we've made.  Whatever it looks like in your life - big or small, heroic or routine, often or far between - we hope you practice and build the muscles necessary to stay in the fight.  Keep standing in the arena - it's worth it...your family is worth it.  Stay in the fight.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Make a list of three "fights" you may face in the future
• 1 - ___________________
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Work backward to prepare for those fights...training, practice, conversation, prayer
• Recommit to your family (literally, tonight at dinner, sit around the table and verbalize how you're on the same team and how you fight for them)
• Point out (or create) opportunities for your kids to practice fighting for what's right, what they value
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in the next 30 days.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Andy Stanley

Sanctus Real - Lead Me

Dierks Bentley - The Mountain

Dierks Bentley - I Hold On