Protector Parenting - the six inches between their ears

Protector Parenting - The Six Inches Between Their Ears

We so often fall into the tempting trap as protector parents to physically build castles and walls to hold the hordes back from our kids...rightfully so.  But, like the Great Wall of China, we let in the enemy when they show up with a compelling ask at the gate.  Hopefully, your compelling ask isn't a horde of mad Mongolians pointing an arrow at your heart, but honestly ask yourself if we let them past our wall today, just like yesteryear.  Chances are, for most of us, the threat of the boogeyman, statistically is an impossibility in modern-day America.  At the same time, we take the toxic faucet (actually fire hose) of friends, peers, media, etc, and pour it into our kid's minds...those fragile and sacred six inches between their ears through unplanned peer interactions and social media.  

Never hurts to have 
a superhero on your 
team!

There have been multiple studies out there with the exact numbers but take a minute to consider yourmedia consumption (reading, social media, video games, big screen, etc), what are you bathing your mind in every day?  The minds of your kids?  By the time your kids are 2, 4, 8, 12, 16, or 20 years old, how many assaults, sex acts, murders, cuss words, etc have they witnessed?  How many have you today, this week, this month, this year?  When we think about the old quote "You're the average of your six closest people" concept, how many of "those people" are strangers on the screen today?  

Can you follow that 
advanced teaching?

Mrs. P is a teacher and I can't tell you how many times she's had young kids (early elementary) tell her, "I'm mature, my parents let me play MA video games," or one recently, "I know everything about sex, there's nothing I don't know at this point."  As a parent, is that a pat-yourself-on-your-woke-back moment when a third grader gives a lecture on their sex knowledge to another adult?  How fast have we lost our innocence, co-opted our childhoods, and raced to "grow up" in recent years?  At what expense do these "fast-track" moments come?  How often, gone are the days of the awkward birds-and-bees conversation with a parent being hijacked by internet porn on their own or in a conversation with their elementary school peers?  

I'm not trying to be a prude here, I get (or will sadly admit that it's a new era), but I won't admit it's necessarily a better era.  I'm arguing that we often, as Alpha Males, think of all the what-if scenarios where you can whip out your James Bond EDC gadgets to slay the ninjas...but also let our toddler be immersed in Call of Duty or whatever other video game or TV show.  Keep in mind, it was not that long ago the "First Person Shooter" game concept was built as a way to help troops heading overseas become desensitized to taking human life as a training lead-up.  Is your pre-schooler heading to "the Nam" next year or the elementary school down the street?  In The New Good Life by John Robbins, "the average child in the United States at eighteen has seen 200,000 dramatized acts of violence, including 40,000 dramatized murders."  Still don't believe that violence doesn't wear off and influence kids?  How can you consume 40,000 murders and not become acclimated to it and see it as normalized?  

Consume media as a 
family...popcorn helps.

While you're thinking about your kids for a minute, also think about yourself.  Are you consuming the content that moves you closer to who you aspire to be as a spouse, parent, or citizen?  How much of what we watch desensitizes us to bad outcomes?  Talk to someone whose marriage was crushed from infidelity, I doubt the offender went along happily until they tripped and fell into someone else's bed while walking down the street.  More likely it was a "death of a thousand cuts" as, over time, they became more desensitized or open to the idea of cheating through media consumption - SitComs that highlight the one-night stand, apps that promote the hookup culture, social media that puts you on the 50-yard line of an old flame's life.  

There's a homeschool curriculum company called The Good and The Beautiful, it got me thinking...how much do we pour into our kids' heads, our spouses, or our own that would meet that definition?  If you had a set of labeled buckets that you poured all of your "consumption" into, what would the biggest buckets be called?  Take a few minutes to inventory "those" closest to you and your young children - are they pouring into who you want to be or pulling you further away?  Hopefully, your race through parenthood has a finish line marked by a prepared young adult who is ready to meet the world they face and all the challenges.  Remember, you're raising someone's future husband or wife in your home and someone out there is raising your child's spouse...act accordingly.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails! 

Call to Action: 

• Make a list of three top "influencers" in your life and objectively decide if you need to make a change (Social Media, Youtube, Hollywood Action Flick, Pastor, Mentor, Spouse)
• 1 - ___________________
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• For a week, do a "work time study" on your media consumption - just a quick tally mark by the bucket of what you saw, heard, etc - suggestive, wholesome, violent, beautiful, and such.  See if there are any surprises.  
• Do the same "work time study" for your children - is what they're consuming in the direction of your stated values and desired end state for them?  
• Commit to taking one small action today that moves you closer to one of your above-listed outcomes (screen tokens, parental controls, cutting out certain mediums)
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action)

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Focus on the Family - https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/the-influence-of-media/