Train Yourself First

Train Yourself First

Many times in our lives, training ourselves is the first step to training others.  That sounds like, "No, duh, next article please," but hear me out.  We talk in first responder (or military) training that your body can't go where your mind has never been.  You've likely heard of visualization as a technique of high-performance athletes as they mentally walk through the upcoming event to truly see it in their minds.  You also probably have heard anything we create is first created in the mind, then with the hands (applies to both good and negative - e.g. an affair).  Also, training yourself first can become a catalyst to a habit, which, as we all likely know, can be life-changing in their daily implementation.  Lastly, there is research around the idea that true mastery comes when you begin teaching the concept.  

Sometimes when you
have an itch...you 
just have to scratch...
and scratch...
and scratch some more.

We've got many friends who excuse away inaction with little ones like, "When they turn ABC, then I'll do, 123."  We have seen this apply to various facets of life - reading, hiking, camping, whatever pursuits you did pre-kids.  We've also heard many people say, "If I had a million dollars, I'd do XYZ." You have a little bit of a million bucks, so what little bit of your XYZ dream are you doing today? In training ourselves, we often have to first get our heads around the fact that almost everything in life is far more possible than we believe it to be.  We also have to come to the reality or acceptance that we're in control and we get to choose.  Just because a colleague decided they couldn't take their tiny tots climbing anymore has no bearing on your ability to do so with your tiny tots. 

When our boys were tiny, even in the womb, in fact, we started reading to them, going hiking with them, road-tripping with them, and...fill-in-the-blank with them.  This wasn't for them.  In fact, some of those early adventures were probably even a pain in the neck for them and for us.  But, slowly, and bit by bit, we ended up training ourselves and now over time, our family culture has ingrained in them the things we hold dear.  They truly embody and identify themselves (our boys) as workers, readers, learners, adventurers, etc.  In those early years, despite our kids and the additional logistical burdens/hurdles that are required to undertake big things, we started training ourselves.  Now, we're seeing the results and rewards of our family in a constant state of becoming and evolving toward stated intentional outcomes through deliberate and planned activities.  

Most of this journey 
is making an ember
of a spark and then
getting out of the 
way.

Pick a spot to anchor in and start.  Try reading Dr. Suess to your pregnant wife's tummy...see how silly you feel.  Do that enough times and you'll be shocked that 1+1=2 and when your baby pops out they're soothed at the sound of your voice?  Practice reading Cat in the Hat or others enough times and you've developed the right inflections and accents to turn it from a simple recitation to a theatrical production.  Do that enough times to keep the kids' interest and soon you'll have kids who love reading.  The domino train continues...have kids that love reading and soon they'll fight through the tough "A says Ahhh" phase to crack the code and be readers.  Read enough and soon you'll be able to learn anything you want.  Learn anything you want and soon you can be exposed to doing whatever you want.  Extrapolate this out and greatness was planted with a few little seeds that started with us teaching ourselves first.

We'll talk to other families with little kids and they tell us, "Man, I wish our kids could do XYZ."  As we talk through, likely, how simple XYZ is with consistent, small actions over time, and more often than not, we get, "Nah, I/we could never do that."  We're conditioned to look for the get-rich-quick recipe...not the 20 minutes every day, day in and day out.  We had to condition ourselves first before we could condition and build a culture for our kids and our family.  The chicken did have to come before the egg.  Like exercising, one big blast of 1,000 pushups this afternoon (if even possible) isn't something that actually makes you much stronger.  25 a day for 100 days...now we're talking habits and meaningful, sustained change over time.  

Similarly, in our early years of marriage, we both traveled a lot...both of us hit all of the lower 48 states, most for a second or third time, shortly before getting married, and ended up going to Hawaii not long after getting hitched.  Heck, one time we drove 1,161 miles each way to Portland, OR on a three-day weekend to get donuts.  To say we value travel and adventure would be an understatement.  When we had kids, those in our circle told us to say adios to those freewheeling travel days...kids and travel did not mix, we heard over and over.  We'd trained ourselves first in how to travel and be adventurous.  Now we had a choice...give it all up or teach ourselves how to share it.  

A car seat kid headed to a Black Hills camp
out...in rent-a-car style.

With our oldest child, we did quite a bit of traveling, learning how to stick a pack-and-play, car seat, diaper bag, etc into a rental car.  With our youngest, 19 months later, we were on the road to a regional circus trip 11 days after he popped out into the world.  Both had hit all lower 48 states with countless cultural interactions by the time they were out of diapers...for the first time (hitting the states that is, not diapers).  

We're now a few years down the road, having trained us first, then the boys, and, as a family, we've got tens of thousands of miles under our road-tripping belts, dozens-upon-dozens of zoos, museums, science centers, nature centers, state parks, national parks, beaches, mountains, and about everything else in between with a six and four-year-old set of boys.  Throughout those amazing years, we've been told time and again, "It's impossible to travel," "It's certainly impossible to travel without plugging them into electronic devices," and so forth.  In all those thousands upon thousands of miles, we've not given into the siren song of screens once.  

I don't want you to miss the forest for the trees here...or hear "that's so Amish," or tune out in a holier than thou trumpet moment.  What I want to emphasize is that anything is possible...for us...for you...for anyone when they put their mind to it.  Recently, we were chatting with a family friend a few years "behind us" in the timeline as they were expecting their first.  She was talking about how they don't want to do screens (as a babysitter) but, "you know, everyone's doing it...I'm just not sure you could do it without anymore."  Before the baby is even here, they're already excusing away their ability to hold the course.  This is the same friend who we've talked to over the years about the pioneers and Oregon Trail...think they had the latest Nintendo DS and climate control on that journey?  

Stop to spot the wildlife, then
talk about it for the next
50 miles.

If you believe in something (e.g. no screen travel in this case) as a value you're trying to instill in your family, first, you teach yourselves, then your kids, then your circle.  Set the rules and set yourself up for success.  On our trips, it's not 10,000 miles of the sound of the wind.  We've listened to countless audiobooks, talked/Q&A about everything under the sun, read out loud, done probably just north of a million Lego creations, activity books, eye-spy (etc), sung songs, picked and de-kernelled corn (not sure that's a word...but if you need some corn, let us know), etc.  All of these are certainly "less easy/messy/time-consuming/etc" than plugging the kids into a portable DVD player and unplugging them when you get to where you're going.  That said, all of these activities are also more enriching than Dora the Explorer.

The point here is...and don't miss it...if you have a conviction you believe in...stick to it.  For us, the value of everything not-screen outweighed the mindless zombie A/V babysitter...we just had to train ourselves first.  For you, it could be whatever else and we end up excusing away our convictions.  Pick something, teach yourself (e.g. learn the thing, but more importantly, get whatever it is into your comfort zone), then repeat and teach it to others.  We've talked about travel and adventure...but the same principle, teach yourself first, can easily apply to items at work, personal finance, and whatever else is in your circle.  Once you've got it entrenched into who you are, you can reinforce and share it with others in your circle.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick a couple of items in your life where you can "train yourself" so you (and those around you can live their best lives)...singing, dancing, etc...start with something that makes you feel self-conscious and silly...but brings a smile to your inner circle.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Sit down with your family and look at your mission/vision/values...then take a moment to figure out what small things you can do that those around you may say is impossible.  Figure out how you'll overcome those obstacles.  Then, just go do it, (it doesn't have to be more complicated than that).  
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in training yourself first...then training those around you.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Toadstools & Fair Dust - It only takes 7 minutes