First, Worst, and Last

First, Worst, and Last

In many cases across the country, big disasters are typically the first, worst, and last in the careers of

Sometimes it's your first flood...

those locally involved.  In other words, let's say you're the fire chief, mayor, or dog catcher - the big flood/fire/tornado/whatever is likely/hopefully the first in your career, the worst in your career, and the last of your career.  In general, unless you live in the hurricane country where you're getting hit time and again, most of us either move away, or the disasters are spaced far enough apart to avoid your tenure.  

For us, here at Family In The Arena, we hope that the same holds true for you...those "no good, very bad" events hopefully never cross your door...and if they do, hopefully, they're once-in-a-lifetime occurrences.  We can list those activities that fall into the "no good, very bad" categories and then work backward on how we avoid those outcomes.  Certainly, natural disasters and the like make the list and there are plenty of resources out there addressing our general preparedness against such things, including some resources we share on this site.  We're talking more about those that impact your family...from within your family.  For illustrative purposes, let's look at our threats/hazards risk assessment, including untimely death, divorce, sudden illness, and job loss.  

Have a plan.

In examining those "big four," we hopefully experience them so infrequently in our lives that we're unfamiliar with them and haven't learned how to deal with them through personal experience.  If they do cross our doorstep, they've got big enough consequences that it's important we have an organized way to deal with them thought through ahead of time.  This also means that we've got to learn from others to distill some best practices without learning them personally.  Our hope for you and your family is that you don't know how to navigate divorce proceedings because you're on your fourth wife, nor how to survive job loss from the repetitions in the unemployment line.  

Or your first delivery sleigh...

With any of the "personal disasters" that can befall you, you'll hopefully be able to put in some preventative steps to entirely avoid the situations...and if that doesn't work, have mitigations to reduce the severity.  Unlike, say a tornado and more like a hurricane, there are often plenty of lead-up warning times/signs to help you avoid some personal disasters.  In other words, a divorce or heart attack aren't generally (or shouldn't be) gigantic surprises, which, for our planning purposes is a good thing.  Also, most of these disasters have predictable commonalities, which means we can prepare for them more intelligently from other people's experiences.   

Have a game plan,
or at least a bat.

For those days that end up beyond imaginable in our own lives or those in our close circles, it's important to have a worked-through set of core plans that you can go to quickly to minimize your necessary actions, reduce inefficient movements, and allow us to focus on our grief and emotions in the moment.  Whether a community disaster plan for a mayor or a personal how-to guide in your own home, a checklist that you personalize can help you get more smoothly through those awful days.  By creating and refining those personal checklists throughout your life, you'll be better prepared to walk (or help loved ones, perhaps your loved ones if you're gone) through those beyond-emotional experiences that pop up in life.  

We've got a few of those templates available (e.g. an untimely death plan that spells out our final wishes and gives helpful directions/information like passwords/accounts, and the corresponding essential legal paperwork).  We'd encourage you to build your own "emergency binder" or as we call it "3-2 Binder" from the (a) severity of the situation like a 3-2 pitch in baseball and (b) some personal haptics here our little family code of 3="I Love You" and 2="Thank You" combine to be a tool we can leave behind if we go early.  Organize those important documents, write a letter telling them how much you love them, and set them up for success.  This organizational work is something you'll be grateful for if one (or heaven forbid, both of you) passes early, you suffer a natural disaster or find yourself suddenly unemployed.  The universal nature of being organized provides a margin and runway to get your feet underneath you because you've pre-decided some of the important decisions and put some of the things in place that lessen the practical impacts.  

Take a minute to learn from others and plan/prepare ahead of time...because like it or not, fair or not, bad things happen all too frequently in our lives.  As bad as those situations are, they can be made exponentially worse with a lack of a little planning.  We hope that you live a blessed and charmed life where those bad days truly are "first, worst, and last" in your life.  When they hit (and they will in some shape or form), we hope you've done some due diligence that lessens their practical impact so you can focus on the emotional impacts.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out one of the biggest hazards out there...list out three first actions you would do if they occur.  List out three things you can do to prevent the bad thing from happening.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in order to be ready for any sideways turns.  Have a conversation with your immediate family on those big four items and how to avoid them.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Chanel Reynolds - Get Your Sh*t Together - https://getyourshittogether.org/ 

- Dear Wife... from BudgetsAreSexy.com - https://budgetsaresexy.com/dear-wife-heres-how-to-fire-if-i-die-early/