You're Average

You're Average

Check the
numbers.

You're average, so am I, so are all of us.  That's the definition.  That's how averages work...half of all of usare above the number, half are below (although that's technically the median but for our puroses today...that's not the point).  When you think about just about any category of life, you're somewhere on the continuum or on the spectrum between worst and best...probably toward the middle.  There are certainly outliers and you may be one of them in some part of your life.  Chances of you (or any of us) being an outlier in all the parts of life aren't stellar.  There's not many genius level, perfect saint, MVP ball playing, CEOs with perfect marriages and outstanding kids out there.  

Study the 
history.

Before we dive into it too deeply, careful with the comparison trap here.  Average is inherently a comparison with those around you...and those not around you via social media.  It's easy to fall into the trap of seeing what you don't have without the full story and letting it steal the joy.  When we look at others and see the person with the nicer _____ (car, house, job, salary, spouse, kid, life, etc), it's a dangerous slippery slope of trouble.  Unless you've got the fortitude to stay the course that you've set...don't go hunting the "always better than you" zone.  If you're not there yet, just do a quick internet search for "average" age, gender, location person and a category (example below).  

Measure the 
results.

This is isn't a rah, rah post to get make you consider changing all that you do to "not be average," nor is it a comparison-is-the-thief-of-joy thing.  It's a permission slip to be okay with being average.  This isn't to say striving for excellence is a bad thing...it's to say that making excellence the singular focus pursuit in your life is probably at the best shortsited and worst potentially toxic.  I work hard at my job...it provides for my family...but I wouldn't say I'm "excellent."  I don't say yes to out of town travel.  I don't sign up for after hours projects or extra shifts that take away from interacting at home.  I may take a long lunch to watch our kids play football.  In turn, I do my best when I'm there...but in our profession, on the national scale...I'm probably average.

Adjust the aim for 
the next shot.

More broadly, in terms of profession, my wife and I work in "average" type industries...neither one of us is chasing the corporate ladder or in an emerging "venture capital" style career path.  Both of us work in government jobs...her very part time as a teacher these days and me as a manager with a state agency.  Neither profession is one that comes with much of an "above average" salary potential.  Both us could make more by changing what...or how we do it.  She could make more by working full time or pursuing adminitsration.  I could certainly make more in the contractor space side of our industry.  That said, being average here works just fine for our family.  We make enough to make our lifestyle work.  Messing with that calculus or trying to optimize for the peak...would...without a doubt...crash our overall system.  

Make a commitment.

As we look at the different arenas or buckets of life, it's important to define average.  It's also important, like we've chatted, to set a target "enough number" so to speak in each bucket.  I try to be an "A" level family guy.  I'm not an "A" level in other parts of my life...in large part because the opportunity cost of what it would take to make it happen.  This blog...pretty average.  I've made it consistent...sometimes at the expense of quality.  I could chase monetizatin and engage in social media to drum up readership, but it's not about that for me.  I'm okay with where we are with it.  

Keep practicing. 

My wife and I still joke that when we were dating, we tried Guitar Hero, the video game.  While she scored high 90s...I scored a literal 3%...far below average.  There are many things that I am really, really not good at...and not willing to get better.  There are others that are a constant work in progress that I do want to get better at.  Faith for example...I'm not wonderful at leading our family in this space.  I can (and am trying to) get better at things like being consistent in praying, getting to church regularly, engaging in reading the Bible.  

Learn from others.

We were visiting a friend recently who was in a quandry about what she and her family should do for the next chapter in their life.  They are in a spot where they've got three sweet girls, a great home, nice lifestyle, and he's working a job making bank...but a lot of hours.  They're ultimate goal is to get back closer to family a state away.  In part...they're trying to go be small-town average.  Fortunately, for them, they're using their above average income years to set themselves up for a "below average" next chapter...that is a perfect ideal for them.  The seasonality is trading between buckets...now one bucket is above average so that...in the next stage the important bucket of home and kids can be stellar.  

Do the 
thing.

As we wrap up this week, take a minute to think about the old "what would you do for a Klondike bar?" jingle but substitute in "above average" and a bucket.  I've had a small business on the side for several years...multiple peoplehave told me that it could be fairly successful if we did something with it.  The problem is...the "cost" of making it above average...is not a cost we're willing to pay...not at this stage of life.  I'm okay being average in this part of life...so that...our family can have excellent adventure and presence in this chapter.  Hopefully you can find peace with the parts of average that are at or below...and make sure the ones above...are the right ones.   

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out what you think you're "better than average" at - list them out here...and make sure they're the right things you say you want to be good at.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of the average family and where you're at.  Pick carefully where you need to course adjust.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Average Profile Example

Tradewinds

Tradewinds

Study the wind.

Dr. Seuss wrote a book, Oh, the Places You'll Go, and this week it seems like there is a parallel that is worth talking about.  There are times in life when we're sailing with the prevailing winds at our back.  Those times when it seems like in spite of us, everything is just working out in our favor.  Hopefully you've set you and your family up for a lifestyle that is mostly full of this type of "luck."  By adding and investing in margin continuously - calendar, budget, etc.- you can be here more often than not.  The secret of this time is to recognize, appreciate, and celebrate that you're in the "good old days" while you're still in them.  

Study the birds who
use the wind.

Other times we've got a headwind...sometimes it's more than a headwind and matures into an all-out hurricane-style storm.  These are the times when seemingly no matter what we do...we just can't run fast enough.  We can't catch our breath, and it feels like we've got a mountain in front of us that is unending.  It can feel like no matter what you do...you're losing and can't get ahead.  When we're in one of these on-the-ropes seasons, it's important to refocus on the priorities.  Oftentimes in this season, it's a call for a "slow down to go fast" approach where you look to cut things until you have enough margin to see clearly.  In disaster response, we call it a tactical pause where we seek to gain clarity before initiative.  

Practice harnessing 
the wind.

There are times that no matter what we do...big things don't go our way.  Loved ones pass away untimely.  People get sick.  Homes are impacted by disaster.  Jobs are lost.  These tradewinds can feel like they're an all-out gale in your face that knocks you down.  The important part is to take time to grieve and process...but then stand back up.  That can be easier said than done, but it's a critical part.  We've known people in our circle who have had all of those things happen...including us.  Knowing "the rest of the story," as Paul Harvey used to put it...everyone in the circle around those circumstances has figured out how to carry on.  Many are finding happiness and a new normal down the road with a little time in and space removed from the original situation.  In other words, their trade winds changed...in large part...because they figured out how to overcome and adjust the sails.  

Learn about
volatility. 

We've all been in both places, and obviously it feels nicer to be in the first.  That said, some of the struggle times are what make us capable of great things.  The old adage about the mighty oak only grows strong in the storms is true.  In that sense, we're capable of far more strength and resilience than we think we are.  Good news: we can also grow our resilience muscles and capacity through intentionally setting high goals and striving through struggle.  We can even create artificial struggle that helps us build our abilities - sports, learning new things, physical toil, exercise, and many other ways.  We can prepare ourselves to sail more smoothly...ironically...by sailing more roughly on purpose in small things.  

Get good at using
the wind in your favor.

Other times we're in the doldrums where there is no wind in our sails.  This might be that quintessential "mid-life crisis" that is always talked about where we're stuck in the ruts and routines and daily life can be summed up as "sameness."  This isn't all bad if you've got a good set of routines and ruts that provide margin while also filling your soul with contentment.  We've talked about "bedazzle your basic life" before.  We've also talked a lot about injecting novelty when, where, and how it makes sense for your family.  The important part here isn't to get so frustrated with the doldrums that you bring dynamite or gasoline to the party.  Too often we see the "damn the torpedos" approach that results in the consequence-giving new car, house, spouse, etc.  

Enjoy the wind...even
the headwinds.

The old adage, "the only constant is change," is an important thing to keep in mind here.  In wildland fire, we're constantly monitoring wind and weather shifts due to the potential for extreme fire behavior or "blow-ups," as they're sometimes called.  In your life, when you sense a windshift coming- an annual physical and your health numbers are slipping; you and your spouse growing apart; a sudden cold front on the annual performance review at work - double down and pay attention.  Seldom do the catastrophic changes fall on you like an out-of-the-blue piano from a Wile E. Coyote cartoon.  Most of the time they come with some level, albeit sometimes subtle, warning signs.  Our call here is to take notice of those onset indicators...and take action.  Double down on date nights with your spouse, lean in with your kids on their interests, take a family road trip, volunteer for that project at work.  

Teach others.

These tradewinds can be seasonal.  Retirees talk about three distinct bucket stages of "go go years," "slow go years," and "no go years."  There are other times throughout your life where everything goes in your favor and others where you just can't catch a break.  The secret here is largely to "bank up" the good times' momentum and feelings, and draw upon those when things aren't going well.  And, when they're not going well, reflect and remember the good times to give you hope for the good times still ahead.  It's easy to forget the rearview mirror when you're fixated on the windshield and vice versa.  Neither one has to be indicative of what's ahead...that's a daily decision that only you can make.  

Sit back and
enjoy!

As we wrap up, it's important to remember that skilled sailors learn to sail with the wind...no matter what it's doing or not.  It's also important to remember that you've got a hand in the driver's seat, and with modern technology and know-how...you can always apply the EMT's favorite treatment: "aggressive diesel therapy."  In other words, you can get yourself out of a particularly bad tradewind season by applying steering, initiative, and horsepower.  You're not a powerless victim of your own circumstances.  Don't like something...change it.  Also, cherish the good moments where everything is going right, appreciate the good old days...while you're in them, and be ready for those moments or months where it's not all sunshine and rainbows.  Happy sailing to you!

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few reflections on wind seasons in your past.  Now pick out three lessons learned that will help you and your family when the next wind shift happens.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of "weather monitoring" in your personal life.  How about with your spouse?  Kids?  Family at large?

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Fresh Starts

Solve the Problem

 Solve The Problem

Bring the right stuff.

We often make our issues overly complicated or excuse away all the reasons something won't work.  One thing with emergency services, and I'm sure other professions, is that paralysis of action has consequences.  Whether or not we're feeling 100%, whether or not all the conditions are right, whether or not the right team is on the field...we've got to show up and solve the problem.  There is little room for excuses when someone's life is on the line.  They called us.  They trust in our institution and, by proxy, trust in us without knowing us individually... to show up and solve the problem.  

Maybe the tech.

Similarly, in life, particularly in our role as parents, we're called to show up and solve the problem.  Whether or not we feel 100% ready to be a parent in this particular season of life...the kid is going to be a toddler, teenager, empty nester...and we have to solve the problem.  This isn't to excuse away the practice, preparedness, and repetition that can help ready us for the problems we'll face.  In fact, in large part, the wide-ranging preparedness is what builds our toolbox of abilities that allow us to show up and solve a multitude of problems.  

Or the pencil.

We can set the pre-conditions, or shape the battlespace, so to speak, so that when problems do show up, they're more on our terms or more right-sized than they otherwise might be.  By identifying possible future problems...not all of them...but the likely ones based on your context, we can hopefully get out in front of solutions.  For example, if poor diet/exercise habits run in your family along with cardiac issues...you can see that problem coming in your future...and you can get in front of it with better diet and exercise habits.  Similarly...if you've got a history of financial trouble...before it gets worse...start spending less than you make.  

Or the team.  

By right-sizing, then solving the problems that pop up...we get in a paradigm of problem solving...we become problem solvers.  We've got folks in our circle that are decidedly not inherent problem solvers.  Anytime a bump pops up, they clam up, put their head in the sand like an ostrich, and freeze.  Like most things in life, problem-solving is a learned skill and can be enhanced through deliberate practice.  Much like Toast Masters for public speaking, we can seek out opportunities for problem-solving and decision-making.  This can be through volunteer service, special projects at work, or among friends and loved ones.  In my experience, much of problem-solving is rooted in decision-making.  Often, folks aren't stuck on the "how" but more on the "oomph" of starting to solve a problem. 

Go to the problem.

When we are working with our families, we can try to see around the corner with the problems that our next selves and our family's next season will likely face.  I've never been a dad of pre-teens, teens, or early adults.  I have tried, as a dad of infants, toddlers, and elementary school kids, to be the kind of dad that will be successful in our next season.  The problems our children will face when they're older likely include things with girls, cars, education, money, etc.  By prepping the answers for those problems before they get there, we're better prepared to team up and solve those problems that will likely pop up.

Size it up.

In the more real-time, now and in the next season of life, part of solving the problem is understanding the problem.  It's easy to solve the wrong problem or solve a problem in a way that creates unintended consequences or worse outcomes.  In other words, when we set out to fix something, try to unpack the context and surrounding information with enough calmness to try to avoid additional trouble.  For example, we've talked about 1% changes where we make tiny tweaks to make our lives better instead of blowing up the whole thing in a baby-out-with-the-bathwater/nuclear option sort of thing.  If we solve the wrong problem, we can end up regretting the solution more than the original problem.  

Dig in.

As we wrap it up for the week, it's a reminder to start practicing problem-solving.  We can work as a family to jointly identify problems, unpack the situation and circumstances surrounding the problem, then brainstorm through the options...and implement solutions.  As we talk through the situations that we, our spouses, and our children face, we get better at solving problems as we go.  One of the best gifts we can give our kids is the gift of independence, where they're able to work through the situations they may end up facing.  Through practice...they'll be ready. 

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of problems that have been nagging you recently...now work through the possibilities...and solve the problem. 
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of talking through the problems in your (and your family's) life; now start working through them...one by one until you're getting better at the process.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- University of Iowa - 8 Step Problem Solving Process

Time is Everything

Time is Everything

Time is a vortex.

I recently read a blog article from author Eric O'Neill regarding the fact that "time is everything."  One line caught me..."are you investing or wasting" your time?  That's a question that we can ask on the micro and macro throughout our lives and busy schedules.  It's important that we look at our schedule - daily, weekly, monthly, annually, and in our season of life with an introspection that allows us to get honest about our alignment of values vs practicality.  In other words, this is an audit that looks at our "budget vs actual" of what we say is critical and valuable as compared to what we're actually spending our most valuable resource on.  

Make time for the moments 
in all seasons.

When we look at the micro scale, or our daily/weekly/monthy interactions, it's critical that we get our "to-do list" items done.  Walk the dog.  Feed the kids.  Show up to work.  Pay the bills.  Those things have to happen in order for us to function in our overall system.  That said, those moments and the moments in between have to be utilized wisely and invested strategically.  When we view time as the valuable commodity and store of value that it is, similar to the way we often view money, it begins to take on the gravity it deserves.  Our weekly schedule can easily get eaten up with endless scrolling and autoplay monotony.  Fortunately, all of that is within our control to be efficient.  

Measure.

Similarly, many of the daily living activities now have more efficient options than perhaps any time in history.  Our great-grandparents likely had to plant, steward, and harvest their own food through seasonal toil.  Today, we can sign up economically for grocery delivery from our nearby big-box store...utilizing a fraction of the hours to feed ourselves than our ancestors did.  By examining those small moments that would have otherwise been consumed in yesteryear, we can easily find a start to our more efficient time investments.  Taking that a step further, we can examine our habits, hobbies, and extracurriculars to likely find and free up additional minutes that become hours.  

Practice.

In the great book Atomic Habits, the author talks about how efficiency that can come through wise habits can be powerful.  As you create time in the little moments (e.g., start a load of laundry and fold it while watching a movie), we begin to build a lever we can apply to making meaningful momentum toward our larger time investments.  In what the Money Guys call the "messy middle" part of life, where we're balancing work, raising kids, supporting parents, and everything else, it's easy to let the time slip away...that we can't get back.  We've talked about the pre-req of quality time is quantity time.  In other words, those small "garbage time" moments, as Scott Galloway put it - dinner around the table, driving kids to school, going on a walk - all add up.  

Schedule.

By carving out some efficiency in our schedules, we can invest those saved moments into the moments that matter - read with the kids, play catch, talk with your spouse - build up the proverbial relationship bank through quality...and quantity time.  For many of us, we can likely tweak the equations of life to balance the scales.  Short on cash...cut back or make more.  Short on time...you can't go back and make that up very well.  We were talking the other day and talked about the idea of a barbell-shaped retirement.  In other words, if we hammer it early to build up some investments that can grow, we can then shift gears to spend more time with our kids when they're small.  And, if we need to, sprint again when the kids are up and out to supercharge our way into retirement if needed.  

Prioritize.

This whole thing isn't to say that you should shirk your responsibilities as a provider for your family.  It is to say that you should widen your aperture to more than just measuring that with a paycheck.  In order to provide wholly for our family's needs, we have to build in enough time to be home and be present...not just for the highlight reel.  In order to do so, if we haven't gotten there with the above small systemic changes...the next step is saying "no" to the one-more/too-many-good-things category items.  It'd be great to volunteer for the soup kitchen...it isn't greater than building a bond with your family (but maybe you could win-win by volunteering...with your family).  Anyhow, getting ruthlessly protective and selective within our calendars is critical to ensure our families are our priority.  

Execute.

As we wrap up, this post has been all over the pinball table.  The salient point is that time is everything.  The old cliché "how do you know you're in the good old days before you're out of the good old days" rings true.  It's easy to miss the forest for the trees and live out the Cat's Cradle song where we look back and realize we missed what was really important.  Perhaps this can be a reminder and wake-up call to be present where your feet are at...and work hard to schedule your feet in the right places more often.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of time swaps (one more meeting for one more walk with kids over lunch) that you can make this week...and put them on your schedule.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of right-sizing your calendar and schedule this week.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References: 

- Eric O'Neill original article

Ask Not...

Ask Not What...

Go serve.

In 1961, John F. Kennedy said the famous quote, "Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country."  The motto-like quote has not aged well...it seems like more now than ever we're doing the opposite.  We're hanging our futures on a political candidate and asking what they can do for us...often trading our short-term pleasure for what likely will be our long-term pain through deferred spending liabilities.  Anyhow, the point here is more broadly...which side of the quote are you on?  Your family?  What are you asking of your country vs what are you doing for your country?  That's pretty broad and abstract when we zoom out to the national level. 

Help a 
neighbor. 

However, when you zoom in a little bit and ask the same question for your region?  State?  County?  City?  Neighborhood?  Somewhere along the line, from national to local...you likely (hopefully) get to a place where the question equation flips.  It's likely much easier to do something for your community than your nation.  Could you pick up trash along the road?  Could you do a service project?  Can you mow your neighbor's yard?  Scoop their snow?  There is probably a good chance that you can make a meaningful difference when you zoom in a bit.  

Help at the local
musuem.

When you zoom in a little farther, chances are that you can improve your church, local non-profit, school, library, etc.  Chances are you can volunteer to walk the dogs at the animal shelter, read to kids at the library, or help with Sunday School or Awana.  When we become the change we want to see in the world, the world begins to change.  That sounds cliche...but instead of complaining about how something should be that is within our range of influence, it's our responsibility to help influence it.  This isn't to say that you're solely responsible for "the thing" but you can be part of the solution.  You can double down by organizing your circle to also be helpful.  

Serve year
round. 

At work, we've talked about the grass being greener where you water it.  In the same vein, ask what you can do for your work?  How about for your supervisor, subordiantes, colleagues, and customers?  Are there things that you can do to go above and beyond that add value to your relationships with them?  To add another cliche, "people don't remember what you say, they remember how you made them feel."  We're not necessarily talking about doing a special new project...it could be as simple as making someone smile or make someone feel included.  Often times, those are more important markers of success than meeting some quarterly metric.  Keep the metrics in mind...and meet them...but do it while planting some smiles.  

Fix a tire.

And, when we get to the very inner circle, our spouses and children in our homes, it's perhaps most criticial what you can provide back to them.  This isn't transactional, but if you picture the what-you-get vs what-you-give as an account, it's critical that you not only keep the balance, but build up a surplus.  This means that all of the things you get from your family (hopefully) - sanctuary, peace, love, joy, and so forth are beyond belief amazing.  That said, your contributions to those items...and to the other things like dishes, laundry, honey-do-list, and such are critical.  The most important relationships of your life are just that...and should be treated as such.  Don't just say, "I love you," do the things that someone who loves, cherishes, and adores someone would do.  

Coach a team.  

As we wrap up this week, we all have questions that we need to ask...it's critical that we ask what we can do to make things better...for those that matter most...and those that are around us.  It's fine that we take, it's critical that we give.  Give at home.  Give in our communties.  Give in our cirlces that surround us.  When we leave it better than we found it...that means in the short term and the long term...we've got to answer the question more often than not on the positive side.  This leaving it better than we found it means that down the road (hopefully far down the road), you get to hear "well done, good and faithful servant."  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few actions that you can do this week in order to make the world and those around you better.  Take a few steps this week to ask the question...and answer it in a new way...consistently.  Write down three things that you'll do this week...as a family...to do for others.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action)

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Kennedy's Speech

Safety-fied

Safety-fied

Wear a hair net, 
but learn to cook.

There is a scene in the epic Lonesome Dove where the two main protagonists are lamenting their contributions in taming the West.  As they reflect on civilization coming to the wild, they realize or admit that running out all the danger might not have been a great idea in hindsight.  In today's day and age, we've only hammered on the proverbial safety pedal.  When we prioritize safety over all other things, we lose our ability to build our risk management muscles because we've engineered the real danger out of so many things.  In other words, we do things differently when we have a soft landing or "out" available to us.  At some level, it's great, a wonderful thing, that things like childhood mortality have gone down.  Period.  But, in getting through small risks successfully (or adding a few bumps and learning), we build our ability to be able to navigate large risks.  

Go see the old
school.

In our modern world, things like seat belts, helmets, and lifejackets have obviously been good inventions for our children and ourselves.  That said, when was the last time you saw some kid doing an epic bike jump, riding in the back of a pickup truck, or doing some crazy swimming thing?  I'm not advocating that we lose our safety gear.  I am advocating that we leverage it to do the things that give us scars and stories.  Couple this safety-above-all attitude with the pervasiveness of electronics (particularly gaming), and our young people are in for it.  Growing up, any "armor" for kids was quite literally bubble wrap.  Now, you can get some pretty snazzy-looking pads for every part of your body...to enable you to do cool things.   

Practice dangerous
things.

On the flip side, for better or worse, some safety items make us behave differently, more riskily and sometimes beyond our capabilities. In wildland firefighting, several major countries do not have their firefighters carry fireshelters (the "tinfoil" tent that protects you from a burnover incident).  Their rationale is that you'll do less "dumb" things or overly aggressive things if you think you have a magic blanket on your belt to bail you out of the consequences.  Similarly, a pilot with a parachute is enabled to fly differently than one without.  In some contexts, that overly aggressive enabling is a positive thing; in others it reinforces our "exit ramp" attitude as a first course of action conundrum.  

Work on new 
skills.

Translating this a bit back to our homes, the same principles apply where we put things like bankruptcy and divorce in the "plan A" bucket if something doesn't go well.  This excuses our due diligence, preparation, and commitment because "we've got an out."  When we take our "til death do us part" vows, we're saying the words out loud, but are we internalizing and truly committing to the activities necessary to make the promise?  Are we also committing to putting our spouse's needs, wants, and desires above our own?  Are we committed to being all in?  All the time?  Would we do things differently before and during marriage if the alternative to divorce was truly death?  Cut up the contract and shuffle off the mortal coil?  

Shoes may be 
a good idea.

In the family finance category, is our behavior changed when we count the cost?  If we take away the so-called safety nets of bankruptcy, social security, etc, would we behave differently?  Would we still buy the bigger house, fancier car, and nicer stuff along the way?  Or, would we, like the generations before us, put necessity before niceties?  For our grandparents and beyond that, if you made poor financial decisions...you lived with it.  The consequences were natural and severe.  Instead of a swipe now, pay later, they had to save first, which often required much more scrutiny and consideration before parting with their dollars.  

Go see hail...
bring a helmet. 

Overall, the ability for us to have an "easy out" has contributed to our dumber decisions and softer abilities.  The good news is...you don't have to.  We can have our cake and eat it too when it comes to the best of yesteryear with the safety features available today.  Just because you likely won't get scalped, eaten by a bear, or die of dysentery...doesn't mean you can't still go do amazing outdoor adventures.  Just because you have an AC-filled house with endless entertainment online... doesn't mean you can't go lay out under the stars or have a picnic with your loved ones.  Just because you can delegate your travel to a safe airline...doesn't mean you shouldn't pack up the car and go on a road trip.  And, just because you could tell your boss to take this job and shove it...or your spouse...doesn't mean you should.  

Have a safety 
rope when it is
necessary.

As we wrap up, use the back half of the year to leverage safety...without changing behavior.  Wear the seatbelt without jumping the car.  Put on the bike helmet...but still jump the bike.  Take an informed risk on a new business adventure...but save up ahead of time.  All in all, we're in a great time in life to leverage the lessons that aren't so far gone from our ancestors...if we're willing to listen to them and incorporate them.  All in all, use the best parts that are available from yesterday, today, and tomorrow to live the big, beautiful, best life that you've been called to...and wear a helmet when it makes sense.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few things that you need to change this week that help you reset your safety equipment...ones that make sense (helmets and seatbelts) and others that don't (divorce).  Double down where it matters.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of making the right decisions for the safety, sanity, and sanctity of your family.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Safety Third with Mike Rowe

Aviate, Navigate, Communicate

Aviate, Navigate, Communicate

It starts with talking.

Aviate, Navigate, Communicate - those are the things to do in an aircraft emergency.  When it all comes right down to it, having clarity of purpose and focus is critical.  Instead of a hundred or a dozen things to try to pay attention to, the little saying helps center the efforts of the pilot and aircrew.  On a normal day, there are so many things that go into making a flight a success.  Just like in life, we've got dozens of things that our families do in order to be successful - go to work, get kids to activities, attend church, you name it.  When your family goes into crisis mode, much like a pilot, you need to focus on the basics to get through it.  

Then with practice.

For the air crew, the basics of "fly the plane" seem silly to say out loud, but there have been cases where the crew gets so distracted with instruments, checklists, etc that they forget the basics of flying the plane.  Sometimes, maybe oftentimes, we overcomplicate our systems that hold our lives together.  Similarly, when you look at the Wright Flyer and today's modern aircraft...they're obviously more complicated.  In preparing for a crisis that may befall our families, it's important to figure out and be ready for the key basics that are necessary or parallel to aviate/navigate/communicate.  In our family, it may look like "stop, think, pray."  

Reinforce it so it's
second nature.

The idea is to be as proactive as possible instead of reactionary.  If you're faced with a medical emergency, financial setback, or violent encounter...there is a moment of response...for sure.  But, getting to a thoughtful response as quickly as possible is critical.  It's easy to be a pinball machine when you're reacting in reaction to a stimulus that's negative.  It's important to slow down enough to get your priorities back in line and start making decisions that "stop the bleed" and then start providing long-term solutions.  That's obviously easier said than done in the moment.  It's easier done as well when we've been thoughtful leading into whatever emergency you're facing.  

Keep it top of mind.

Similarly, pilots are trained to "fly as far into the crash as possible."  In other words, stay in control.  We can borrow these philosophies for our family emergencies that pop up.  Letting go of the proverbial wheel or going radio silent are not good ways to "survive" or thrive in a disaster.  It's easy when faced with a large trauma to turtle up in our shell or stick our head under the ground like an ostrich.  When we talk about "fly as far into the crash as possible," it means that we sit in the driver's seat and take steps to be a proactive and positive participant in our own rescue/recovery.  

Go over it occasionally
in small moments.

From the pilot perspective, instead of just letting go of the "wheel" and hoping it works out, they're trained to "glide" as best as possible by still doing the things flyers do.  In our family life, let's say a medical emergency hits.  You still need to, as best as possible in the new normal, do the things parents and spouses do - get up, get dressed, get kids fed, do laundry, etc.  These small actions keep the proverbial wheels on the bus...in spite of the chaos around ourselves.  This isn't to say that you shouldn't go to the hospital with a loved one since you need to unload the dishwasher.  It is to say that we can double down and make the most or worst of a bad situation.  A downturn can become a catastrophe...if we let it.  

It can be reassuring...
that you've got this, 
even on the worst days.

As we wrap up here this week, remember that calamity and crisis do strike... every day somewhere to someone...hopefully not you and not today.  No pilot comes to work in the morning with the plan to "auger one into the ground," and no family should wake up in the morning with the plan to sink their family ship.  The point here is...with some proactive, intentional thought ahead of time, we can hopefully avoid the worst of the bad days when they do come to visit.  Just like an aircrew who trains on emergency procedures ahead of time, you should have systems in place to help be a safety net - e.g., insurance.  You should also have some go-to actions thought out to quickly and efficiently make the best of the bad day...your family is counting on you to not clam up.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few things that are core to your family that will allow you to switch from reaction to action in a crisis. Have a few go-to's that you've thought through and communicated with each other.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of a bad day action plan.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- FAA Rules for Pilots

Use the Right Ruler

Use The Right Ruler

Some rulers pop 
right up in front of you
if you know where
to look.

There are rulers all around us that we measure ourselves against - our status, our success, our worth, our wealth, our purpose, etc.  It's important that as we go throughout our lives, we try to avoid the constant measuring...but if and when we do measure...that we use the right ruler.  Recently, I was teaching a class at the fire department and realized that I'm short on the proverbial "cool-guy war stories" that jazz up a class.  The other half of that coin and the realization that hit me that night is the fact that the reason (in large part) that I don't have those war stories anymore is because I've got a ton of family stories being home every night instead of traveling the country slaying disaster dragons.  Back when, I'd seriously considered a regional job.  My friend and the would-be supervisor said, "It says 75% travel, it's really 90...but it's yours if you want it."  It was tempting, but I would have missed what Scott Galloway calls "garbage time," or the time between our so-called "quality time."  The problem is that garbage time is soaked in bonding and a pre-req for the quality time.  For our family, I had to be there for tucking kids in, saying howdy in the morning, wrestling, tickle-tackles, reading, dishes, laundry, cleaning, and so forth...not just parachute in on the weekend for the highlight reel.

Some rulers are
on the road side.

We've talked a lot about the idea that "comparison is the thief of joy," where we minimize and essentially lose our joy when we look at ourselves through the lens of another.  Historically, we were really only able to compare our lot in life to those in our neighborhood or work as a matter of practical purpose.  With the constant and pervasive pressure of social media in our pockets, our comparison is now universal in terms of time, space, and how often we do it.  In our modern times, we can compare ourselves (whether we try to or not) to just about anyone on the planet at all hours of the day on any topic.  Vacations, homes, cars, spouses, etc.  Someone out there has a better time of it than we do...and that's okay.  

Some rulers
zoom way, way in.

When we talk about the rulers we use, it's critical that we make an internalized version within our family and ourselves that is agreed upon.  If we don't, we find ourselves inadvertently using the rulers we see all around us.  The neighbor with the cooler car.  The co-worker with the cooler house.  The guy/gal at the store with the cooler spouse.  The list can go on and on if we let it.  In this same vein, the comparison trap of comparing to others also includes the fact that the curated social media version is not the full story...it's the polished up, window display version.  Our mundane Tuesday afternoon gets compared to the fictional story of someone's snapshot in time, airbrushed, Instagram-worthy selfie.  That's not a fair comparison on any level.  But...we end up doing it anyway, more often and often subconsciously than we know.  

Some rulers
multiply.

Perhaps a way to frame the whole ruler conversations is to put it in the perspective of "within these constraints" when we consider something.  This helps us to keep a thing right-sized and be disciplined.  It could be loosely paralleled to the idea of a diet/exercise/calendar.  I'll go out to eat, but won't get dessert.  I'll go on vacation, but I won't do the upsell activities that we haven't planned for.  I'll do my best work at work...but within my 9-to-5 schedule.  Jocko Willink, famed Navy SEAL and motivational speaker/content creator, talks about the freedom in discipline.  These "stick to your guns" discipline statements help you have the best time, do the best work, live the best life...in balance across all spectrums.  

Sometimes the 
ruler is just you
and yourself.

I've got colleagues and co-workers who have made sacrifices to get to places further in their careers, resumes, and professions than I have.  A couple of them have done it at what seems from the outside as a healthy balance of juggling successful families.  Most of them, however, are estranged from families, have broken homes, or otherwise present an unenviable picture from the end zone.  In other words, they're further from the starting line...but perhaps in the wrong direction.  I could make more money, have more prestige, and feed my ego bigger by switching to a heavy travel job and hitting the road.  In doing so, I'd also be an absentee father and husband.  My alimony and child support checks would, in effect, be bigger because I'd have missed the forest for the trees.  It'd be easy enough to look across at someone else's journey and be ready to hop ship...if I wasn't firmly anchored in the ruler of "enough" that we've set for our family.

Sometimes 
the ruler is a
public one.

Throughout your journey and the seasons of life, you can swap your rulers around a bit.  There were seasons as an early adult before being married or having kids that I worked sort of around the clock - between volunteering, paid gigs, etc.  There will be other seasons where our kids are grown, and presumably we'll be retired, and my ruler may measure more sunsets/sunrises.  It could also look in that season like a consultant/contractor/have-slidedeck-will-travel instructor, perhaps.  We don't need to make those decisions until we get closer...but it's important to have the conversations now about the next seasons.  By honing and sculpting the right ruler ahead of time, we build shared expectations and collective buy-in necessary for balanced success.  

You only get to do
this if you did that
right.  Choose
wisely...everyday.

As we wrap up, perhaps you can evaluate your set of rulers like I did mine recently by reflecting on the stories you have to tell.  My realization that my lack of war stories from fire and disaster was directly comparable to my increase in family stories was telling and reinforcing.  This isn't to say that you shouldn't go out there and economically kill the woolly mammoth and drag it back to the cave.  That is to say, that's not the only part of the equation.  It's also to say that if you seek, create, tend, and steward your budget, calendar, diet, habits, hobbies...you can have both.  Be where your feet are when you're there.  Keep each bucket in its own bucket as much as possible.  And...put down the dang social media.  Make your own family set of rulers...then let that be enough.  Choose wisely and embrace the changes.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three rulers in your life that you may have been pursuing or climbing or measuring...that are the wrong rulers.  Now shape and craft those rulers through research and conversation...then commit a weekly action for each ruler...starting...now.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action)

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

-  Scott Galloway Notes on Being a Man

- Jocko Willink Discipline Equals Freedom