Tradewinds

Tradewinds

Study the wind.

Dr. Seuss wrote a book, Oh, the Places You'll Go, and this week it seems like there is a parallel that is worth talking about.  There are times in life when we're sailing with the prevailing winds at our back.  Those times when it seems like in spite of us, everything is just working out in our favor.  Hopefully you've set you and your family up for a lifestyle that is mostly full of this type of "luck."  By adding and investing in margin continuously - calendar, budget, etc.- you can be here more often than not.  The secret of this time is to recognize, appreciate, and celebrate that you're in the "good old days" while you're still in them.  

Study the birds who
use the wind.

Other times we've got a headwind...sometimes it's more than a headwind and matures into an all-out hurricane-style storm.  These are the times when seemingly no matter what we do...we just can't run fast enough.  We can't catch our breath, and it feels like we've got a mountain in front of us that is unending.  It can feel like no matter what you do...you're losing and can't get ahead.  When we're in one of these on-the-ropes seasons, it's important to refocus on the priorities.  Oftentimes in this season, it's a call for a "slow down to go fast" approach where you look to cut things until you have enough margin to see clearly.  In disaster response, we call it a tactical pause where we seek to gain clarity before initiative.  

Practice harnessing 
the wind.

There are times that no matter what we do...big things don't go our way.  Loved ones pass away untimely.  People get sick.  Homes are impacted by disaster.  Jobs are lost.  These tradewinds can feel like they're an all-out gale in your face that knocks you down.  The important part is to take time to grieve and process...but then stand back up.  That can be easier said than done, but it's a critical part.  We've known people in our circle who have had all of those things happen...including us.  Knowing "the rest of the story," as Paul Harvey used to put it...everyone in the circle around those circumstances has figured out how to carry on.  Many are finding happiness and a new normal down the road with a little time in and space removed from the original situation.  In other words, their trade winds changed...in large part...because they figured out how to overcome and adjust the sails.  

Learn about
volatility. 

We've all been in both places, and obviously it feels nicer to be in the first.  That said, some of the struggle times are what make us capable of great things.  The old adage about the mighty oak only grows strong in the storms is true.  In that sense, we're capable of far more strength and resilience than we think we are.  Good news: we can also grow our resilience muscles and capacity through intentionally setting high goals and striving through struggle.  We can even create artificial struggle that helps us build our abilities - sports, learning new things, physical toil, exercise, and many other ways.  We can prepare ourselves to sail more smoothly...ironically...by sailing more roughly on purpose in small things.  

Get good at using
the wind in your favor.

Other times we're in the doldrums where there is no wind in our sails.  This might be that quintessential "mid-life crisis" that is always talked about where we're stuck in the ruts and routines and daily life can be summed up as "sameness."  This isn't all bad if you've got a good set of routines and ruts that provide margin while also filling your soul with contentment.  We've talked about "bedazzle your basic life" before.  We've also talked a lot about injecting novelty when, where, and how it makes sense for your family.  The important part here isn't to get so frustrated with the doldrums that you bring dynamite or gasoline to the party.  Too often we see the "damn the torpedos" approach that results in the consequence-giving new car, house, spouse, etc.  

Enjoy the wind...even
the headwinds.

The old adage, "the only constant is change," is an important thing to keep in mind here.  In wildland fire, we're constantly monitoring wind and weather shifts due to the potential for extreme fire behavior or "blow-ups," as they're sometimes called.  In your life, when you sense a windshift coming- an annual physical and your health numbers are slipping; you and your spouse growing apart; a sudden cold front on the annual performance review at work - double down and pay attention.  Seldom do the catastrophic changes fall on you like an out-of-the-blue piano from a Wile E. Coyote cartoon.  Most of the time they come with some level, albeit sometimes subtle, warning signs.  Our call here is to take notice of those onset indicators...and take action.  Double down on date nights with your spouse, lean in with your kids on their interests, take a family road trip, volunteer for that project at work.  

Teach others.

These tradewinds can be seasonal.  Retirees talk about three distinct bucket stages of "go go years," "slow go years," and "no go years."  There are other times throughout your life where everything goes in your favor and others where you just can't catch a break.  The secret here is largely to "bank up" the good times' momentum and feelings, and draw upon those when things aren't going well.  And, when they're not going well, reflect and remember the good times to give you hope for the good times still ahead.  It's easy to forget the rearview mirror when you're fixated on the windshield and vice versa.  Neither one has to be indicative of what's ahead...that's a daily decision that only you can make.  

Sit back and
enjoy!

As we wrap up, it's important to remember that skilled sailors learn to sail with the wind...no matter what it's doing or not.  It's also important to remember that you've got a hand in the driver's seat, and with modern technology and know-how...you can always apply the EMT's favorite treatment: "aggressive diesel therapy."  In other words, you can get yourself out of a particularly bad tradewind season by applying steering, initiative, and horsepower.  You're not a powerless victim of your own circumstances.  Don't like something...change it.  Also, cherish the good moments where everything is going right, appreciate the good old days...while you're in them, and be ready for those moments or months where it's not all sunshine and rainbows.  Happy sailing to you!

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few reflections on wind seasons in your past.  Now pick out three lessons learned that will help you and your family when the next wind shift happens.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of "weather monitoring" in your personal life.  How about with your spouse?  Kids?  Family at large?

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Fresh Starts

Time Travel

Time Travel

Say "yes" to new festivals.

We bent the space-time continuum this weekend...and...dirty little secret...we do so often.  Recently we went out on a guys' weekend camping trip.  We were gone less than 24 hours, but from the time we saw the moose near the interstate to the time we pulled back in the driveway the next day...truly felt like we'd been gone on an expedition for a month.  The secret that you can employ to warp time is simply novel experiences injected into your otherwise routine life.  Like much of what we talk about...moderation is key...but novelty is necessary.  As we've said and borrowed from The Money Guys, "bedazzle your ordinary life."  

Go visit old 
places.

We've talked about the fear of robbing the joy from later by doing so much with our kids now (cue the tiny violin).  But...the cool part...much like the zen "you can never step in the same river twice" mantra, you're a different person now, and the place you're visiting/novel thing you're doing is different later.  I'm shocked at what our kids (and us) do and don't remember about major events a year or two removed from the novelty.  Us and our kids could go back and visit Yellowstone National Park, New York City, or anything in between this year, next year, and next decade and see something new every time.  The novelty can come in when we see it through new eyes, look up the "off the beaten path" sites, or simply build in meander time.  We've been to Florida probably ten times, and while they all blend together, each trip had unique highlights and memorable memories.  

Let your imagination 
run wild.

And...another trade secret here...our world is gigantic, and you'll never hit all the novel things.  Last year we went to the Albuquerque Balloon Festival...and it was spectacular.  Perhaps not as bigger-than-life as the first time we went...but amazing.  This is a reminder to not let "comparison be the thief of joy."  You can choose to enjoy and revel in novelty or routine...do that.  Anyhow, talking with a police officer on detail from Santa Fe, he recommended coming back to Zozobra. So, a year later, we did.  It's an interesting cultural festival with incredible lights, pyrotechnics, music, dancing, and community flair.  It was novel...and again, that three-day weekend felt like three weeks.  The point here is...there is some version of a "Zozobra" community/regional festival going on in just about every town just about every year.  You won't run out.  

See yourself in 
new ways.

It's also important to remember that those time-bending experiences are what we'll tell our kids and grandkids about.  I doubt we'll be reminiscing about the good old days in thirty years and talk about the football game we watched on TV or the video game we played.  I do think we'll probably talk about...and hopefully go back to visit...the cave fort that we built in the forest 30 minutes from our home that one guy's weekend.  Again, don't mishear...the example we're talking about cost us a few bucks in canned food, a pack of pork chops (with lemon pepper), 60 minutes of round-trip gas, and 24 hours over a normal weekend.  This doesn't have to be expensive...just intentional.  

See theater.

I get it, time doesn't actually change.  I (and you) were only gone from the office for the same 48 hours between Friday and Monday...but...depending on how you chose to invest it...it'll run together or stand out in memory.  We're fortunate to live in a place where we can get out into nature fairly easily.  Don't mishear...we're not on the moon...we're at the confluence of two major interstates, in a capital city, 2 hours from one of the busiest airports on the planet.  I say that to say this...no matter where you live...novel is next door...you just have to look for it.  That said, we've talked to folks from around the country, big towns to small...and I've been floored by how many people say "there's nothing to do around here."  Time and again, when we ask...a ton of people say, "I've never heard of that" of some major (albeit some off the beaten path) attraction that is literally within a half an hour of the house they've lived in for years.  I'd suspect most of those families could, however, tell you who won the last season of the mainstream reality TV show.  

Try out a new museum.  

We talk about how life went so much slower when we were younger and how it's flying now.  Talk to an "old" person, and they'll tell you how much faster it's going every passing year.  I think, and research bears it out in part, that the reason it seems to be going so much faster each batch of 365 days is that we don't have so much novelty.  When we're young, everything is novel, and we're learning everything.  In earnest, what was the last new thing you learned as an adult?  I'll wait...chances are...you'll struggle since we're "out of school and done learning."  Don't subscribe to that mantra...read a book, travel, explore, build a new skill, get out in nature...adventure is all around us.  

Learn about people different than you.

Before we close, it's important to remind all of us that boredom is a good thing...don't steal the benefits by injecting too much novelty.  If we get rid of all routine and all tradition in order to have 24/7 novelty... like all good things...too much is still too much.  As we all seek to find our balance, it's important that you find what works for you...and your kids...and the adults your kids will become.  The novel experiences that you embark on this year and next and the one after that become the person that you'll be next.  

Visit a zoo.

As we depart for the week, remember, you don't have to have all the time or money in the world to make this work.  You just have to be intentional about putting in the time you have in order to make it happen.  Take a minute to look at the festivals in the region and the off-the-beaten-path nature spaces that you haven't visited.  Create the memories that you'll look back on and cherish forever.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three things you can do this week that are novel - new food, play at a new park, you pick.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of injecting novelty into your coming year.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Travel Bug Tonic on Novelty

- The Science of Novelty

Choose

Choose

It takes longer
but it's worth it.

Choose - There's a quote from a variety of sources that's been floating around the "meme" space of the internet and a bit of an unknown attribution: "Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard. Obesity is hard. Being fit is hard. Choose your hard. Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard. Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard. Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard. Pick wisely.”  This has been "quoted" by several Navy SEALs and other similar types, but I think it most often goes back to Dr. John Deloney, one of the Dave Ramsey media personalities.  Wherever it came from, it's true.  We have choices in life.  Sometimes between the best of two bad options...but regardless, we have to choose.  

Sweat makes 
you tough.

A quick look on the interwebs and so much of this straightforward sentiment is met with discontent...and excuses.  In reality, much like the rest of life, so much of life is what we choose and what we make of it. That's cliché...but think about it. We're often placed between two hard points - perhaps one that is in-your-face-today-tactical and the other that is longer-term-strategic. The decisions we make today have echoes in who we will be in the future.  This blog, for example, is "hard" to get done every week...172 weeks in a row right now.  The "hard" is giving up before week 173 for no particularly good reason.  I'd probably regret not doing this post at the 11th hour later...in the moment right now, I want to take a week off.  

Learning matters.

Similarly, I'd like to have ice cream for every meal...the hard part I'm choosing in that decision is being able to get up off the couch and out of the house ten years from now.  Pouring into work every waking hour now...my hard choice is having a relationship with my wife and kids down the road.  On the flip side, not working hard and investing today...the hard we're choosing is a retirement that doesn't meet the expectations we've set.  You can see here that the "hard" can come in different flavors and needs to be balanced in moderation between the now and the later.  

Build your 
castle.

When we think about "hard," it's mostly mental in today's day and age.  We're likely not stabbing woolly mammoths with a stick, driving buffalo off a cliff and hitting them with a baseball bat at the bottom, or running from saber-tooth tigers very often.  The good news is that since it's mostly mental, our ability to ignore the excuses and push through is much easier than it could otherwise be in a survival or highly physical situation.  We should be able to rise above our self-interest or our body telling us that we're "too tired" to make it happen.  

Just do it...it's never
convenient.  Do it anyway.

As we look at our hard, it's important to give words to "why" a particular thing is hard and make systems that get us away from the "hard."  In other words, if we're too tired to do a thing now...build into the system where we do the hard thing earlier in the day/week/month/year.  Brian Tracy wrote Eat That Frog, which talks about getting our worst/hardest thing out of the way earliest to set the tone for the rest of the day.  Elite special forces soldiers make their bed perfectly every morning in training in order to get an easy win early.  We too can build our system where we knock out our worst (hardest) first.  

Explore now...
so that you can 
and will later.

If, instead, we're looking at our current self in the moment and having a hard time delaying gratification...or choosing by default the hard thing later, we can work on that too.  There are cell phone apps out there now that can "age" you, where you can more fully visualize what your future self will look like...and what they will look back on you like. They may look back at the now-you with admiration and gratitude for good decisions and fortitude...or with regret.  The choice can sometimes come easier when we more fully visualize that future self.  The app too hokey?  Run down to visit your local nursing home and ask them who would like more mobility?  Work out more now.  Who would like more money/options?  Stop spending to the max and invest the difference.  You get the idea...so does the next-you.

Travel...lean in...even
when it's "hard." 

As we wrap up this week, take a minute to evaluate your current self and decisions...then look at what the ramifications are when you extrapolate out where those decisions will get you in 5, 10, 20, 50 years.  Your hard that you're leaning into now or avoiding will manifest and compound...for better or worse on those longer-range timelines.  Keep in mind, you've got to live in the moment now while preparing for the moments later.  As the Money Guys put it, "bedazzle your beautiful basic life."  We can stay active and healthy; we can save money; we can pour into our spouses and children...so that we've got loved ones, resources, and an ability to enjoy them in the decades to come.  Look at hard things now, find moderation...but lean in while the stakes are relatively low...choose hard today.

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three hard things that you've been avoiding up until now.  Do them this week.  Keep doing them.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of putting hard things first.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Eat That Frog - Brian Tracy  

Ask Not...

Ask Not What...

Go serve.

In 1961, John F. Kennedy said the famous quote, "Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country."  The motto-like quote has not aged well...it seems like more now than ever we're doing the opposite.  We're hanging our futures on a political candidate and asking what they can do for us...often trading our short-term pleasure for what likely will be our long-term pain through deferred spending liabilities.  Anyhow, the point here is more broadly...which side of the quote are you on?  Your family?  What are you asking of your country vs what are you doing for your country?  That's pretty broad and abstract when we zoom out to the national level. 

Help a 
neighbor. 

However, when you zoom in a little bit and ask the same question for your region?  State?  County?  City?  Neighborhood?  Somewhere along the line, from national to local...you likely (hopefully) get to a place where the question equation flips.  It's likely much easier to do something for your community than your nation.  Could you pick up trash along the road?  Could you do a service project?  Can you mow your neighbor's yard?  Scoop their snow?  There is probably a good chance that you can make a meaningful difference when you zoom in a bit.  

Help at the local
musuem.

When you zoom in a little farther, chances are that you can improve your church, local non-profit, school, library, etc.  Chances are you can volunteer to walk the dogs at the animal shelter, read to kids at the library, or help with Sunday School or Awana.  When we become the change we want to see in the world, the world begins to change.  That sounds cliche...but instead of complaining about how something should be that is within our range of influence, it's our responsibility to help influence it.  This isn't to say that you're solely responsible for "the thing" but you can be part of the solution.  You can double down by organizing your circle to also be helpful.  

Serve year
round. 

At work, we've talked about the grass being greener where you water it.  In the same vein, ask what you can do for your work?  How about for your supervisor, subordiantes, colleagues, and customers?  Are there things that you can do to go above and beyond that add value to your relationships with them?  To add another cliche, "people don't remember what you say, they remember how you made them feel."  We're not necessarily talking about doing a special new project...it could be as simple as making someone smile or make someone feel included.  Often times, those are more important markers of success than meeting some quarterly metric.  Keep the metrics in mind...and meet them...but do it while planting some smiles.  

Fix a tire.

And, when we get to the very inner circle, our spouses and children in our homes, it's perhaps most criticial what you can provide back to them.  This isn't transactional, but if you picture the what-you-get vs what-you-give as an account, it's critical that you not only keep the balance, but build up a surplus.  This means that all of the things you get from your family (hopefully) - sanctuary, peace, love, joy, and so forth are beyond belief amazing.  That said, your contributions to those items...and to the other things like dishes, laundry, honey-do-list, and such are critical.  The most important relationships of your life are just that...and should be treated as such.  Don't just say, "I love you," do the things that someone who loves, cherishes, and adores someone would do.  

Coach a team.  

As we wrap up this week, we all have questions that we need to ask...it's critical that we ask what we can do to make things better...for those that matter most...and those that are around us.  It's fine that we take, it's critical that we give.  Give at home.  Give in our communties.  Give in our cirlces that surround us.  When we leave it better than we found it...that means in the short term and the long term...we've got to answer the question more often than not on the positive side.  This leaving it better than we found it means that down the road (hopefully far down the road), you get to hear "well done, good and faithful servant."  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few actions that you can do this week in order to make the world and those around you better.  Take a few steps this week to ask the question...and answer it in a new way...consistently.  Write down three things that you'll do this week...as a family...to do for others.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action)

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Kennedy's Speech

Aviate, Navigate, Communicate

Aviate, Navigate, Communicate

It starts with talking.

Aviate, Navigate, Communicate - those are the things to do in an aircraft emergency.  When it all comes right down to it, having clarity of purpose and focus is critical.  Instead of a hundred or a dozen things to try to pay attention to, the little saying helps center the efforts of the pilot and aircrew.  On a normal day, there are so many things that go into making a flight a success.  Just like in life, we've got dozens of things that our families do in order to be successful - go to work, get kids to activities, attend church, you name it.  When your family goes into crisis mode, much like a pilot, you need to focus on the basics to get through it.  

Then with practice.

For the air crew, the basics of "fly the plane" seem silly to say out loud, but there have been cases where the crew gets so distracted with instruments, checklists, etc that they forget the basics of flying the plane.  Sometimes, maybe oftentimes, we overcomplicate our systems that hold our lives together.  Similarly, when you look at the Wright Flyer and today's modern aircraft...they're obviously more complicated.  In preparing for a crisis that may befall our families, it's important to figure out and be ready for the key basics that are necessary or parallel to aviate/navigate/communicate.  In our family, it may look like "stop, think, pray."  

Reinforce it so it's
second nature.

The idea is to be as proactive as possible instead of reactionary.  If you're faced with a medical emergency, financial setback, or violent encounter...there is a moment of response...for sure.  But, getting to a thoughtful response as quickly as possible is critical.  It's easy to be a pinball machine when you're reacting in reaction to a stimulus that's negative.  It's important to slow down enough to get your priorities back in line and start making decisions that "stop the bleed" and then start providing long-term solutions.  That's obviously easier said than done in the moment.  It's easier done as well when we've been thoughtful leading into whatever emergency you're facing.  

Keep it top of mind.

Similarly, pilots are trained to "fly as far into the crash as possible."  In other words, stay in control.  We can borrow these philosophies for our family emergencies that pop up.  Letting go of the proverbial wheel or going radio silent are not good ways to "survive" or thrive in a disaster.  It's easy when faced with a large trauma to turtle up in our shell or stick our head under the ground like an ostrich.  When we talk about "fly as far into the crash as possible," it means that we sit in the driver's seat and take steps to be a proactive and positive participant in our own rescue/recovery.  

Go over it occasionally
in small moments.

From the pilot perspective, instead of just letting go of the "wheel" and hoping it works out, they're trained to "glide" as best as possible by still doing the things flyers do.  In our family life, let's say a medical emergency hits.  You still need to, as best as possible in the new normal, do the things parents and spouses do - get up, get dressed, get kids fed, do laundry, etc.  These small actions keep the proverbial wheels on the bus...in spite of the chaos around ourselves.  This isn't to say that you shouldn't go to the hospital with a loved one since you need to unload the dishwasher.  It is to say that we can double down and make the most or worst of a bad situation.  A downturn can become a catastrophe...if we let it.  

It can be reassuring...
that you've got this, 
even on the worst days.

As we wrap up here this week, remember that calamity and crisis do strike... every day somewhere to someone...hopefully not you and not today.  No pilot comes to work in the morning with the plan to "auger one into the ground," and no family should wake up in the morning with the plan to sink their family ship.  The point here is...with some proactive, intentional thought ahead of time, we can hopefully avoid the worst of the bad days when they do come to visit.  Just like an aircrew who trains on emergency procedures ahead of time, you should have systems in place to help be a safety net - e.g., insurance.  You should also have some go-to actions thought out to quickly and efficiently make the best of the bad day...your family is counting on you to not clam up.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few things that are core to your family that will allow you to switch from reaction to action in a crisis. Have a few go-to's that you've thought through and communicated with each other.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of a bad day action plan.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- FAA Rules for Pilots

If You Build It...

If You Build It...

Raising more than a roof.

The Field of Dreams, a classic movie with Kevin Costner, the "if you build it, they will come" has been a punchline for decades now.  In the movie, the line refers to building a baseball field in the farmer's cornfield, much to the chagrin of his banker.  The cornfield can bring back legendary baseball figures...and the main character's father for one more game of catch.  Today, we wanted to talk to you about the physical act of building something.  We've talked about the importance of being a creator, not a consumer, here for years.  In today's day and age, it's easy to go through life in near total comfort without lifting a metaphorical or physical finger along the way to build anything.  

Skills matter.

The act of building something - fort, tree house, shed, cabin, playhouse, playground, etc., is not only a learning opportunity but more importantly a time for bonding.  Beyond the shared time in working together on something physical, it leaves behind a tangible marker to "I did that" that your children can build confidence upon.  In the recently released Toy Story 5, the tech "toys" talk about their lifecycle of a few months.  A physical thing you and your children build may last decades.  The skills that they'll develop, such as trial-and-error, planning, toughness, math, etc., are all useful in any occupation.  Should they choose to go into the trades, they're also well-positioned with the basics.  And, bonus time, when they have routine maintenance around their own homes later, they'll have the confidence to get it done.  

Even the dog 
can help.

Before you talk yourself out of it, it's easier now than perhaps ever before to undertake a project of pretty significant magnitude.  First off, the "how to" is more taken care of now with things like YouTube and, ironically, AI.  Chances are, there is a near full-length tutorial on any building project you could dream up.  And, when you get stuck on a particular step, AI can help break down the instructions in a step-by-step fashion.  In the old days, you largely had to grow up in an "apprenticeship" style culture where you learned from a master.  That's still great today, but not necessary.  Now that you have the know-how basics, you can move on to the logistics.  

It's easier than you think.

In getting ready for any new building project, the research, planning, budgeting, safety, risk management, and executive functioning for a parent-child team are a huge part of learning success.  This phase can last months as you keep an eye on the second-hand stores (i.e., Habitat ReStore), Yardsale circuit, and Facebook Marketplace.  Chances are, you can find the basic tools necessary and most of the building materials for next to nothing if you're a bit patient and open-minded.  We've had success with most of our building projects "one board at a time," like Johnny Cash's infamous Cadillac.  

Forts count.

If you say you don't have the room, chances are you have more room than you think.  And, if you're really out of room, consider asking a friend, relative, or neighbor if you can build something there.  Check in with the local senior center to see if anyone in their community needs something touched up.  Our backyard isn't anything out of the suburban ordinary in terms of size, but we've built, torn down, re-built, repurposed, etc., many creations along with several more permanent structures.  The kids have a "move-in-ready" treehouse, fort, dog "palace," and cabin/shed/thing, which have all fit into our backyard without appearing "crowded.  

And bridges.

The ability to be handy, capable, and confident cannot be overstated for our children.  The bonding time has been some of the best.  And, their ability to be systems thinkers who can put together a plan, budget, orderly steps, etc., will serve them well for years ahead.  The projects have also given us the shared reminders that we can make do with whatever we have and make things work, which can save tens or hundreds of thousands over a lifetime when incorporated as a mindset.  When all of us have had the minor dings, mashed thumbs, and such... the building has given us the conversation starter about being tough and getting the job done anyway.  

So do neighbor
service projects.

As we wrap up, giving you (and your children) the gift of building has countless tangible and intangible benefits.  The barriers to entry are not nearly what you might think...like most barriers, they're mostly in your own head.  As you prepare your kids to enter an ever-changing world, being grounded, capable, and confident may be more important than ever before.  And...if you're not convinced yet that "you've got this," go hang out at a Habitat for Humanity project for a few weekends to brush up.  Because, deep down, it's worth it...and "you've got this."  Good luck and happy hammering! 

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few small projects to get you started with some basic tools, skills, and confidence.  Then pick a capstone for this year to put together.  Start the steps now to getting it done.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of building something physical together as a family.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- You might just build your own house one day - Kyle's Cabin

- Or a heckuva lifestyle making content - Bushradical

Dragons Be There

Dragons Be There

Dragons are here.

On old maps, when the known world sort of ran out, there were markings, "Dragons be there."  In other words, the unknown was inherently scary and implied danger.  The same applies to our comfort zones...but...when we go past the boundaries and stare over the abyss, we often see that it is less unknown and likely less scary than we thought in our head.  Our brains have a way of telling a story that can grow out of proportion.  We've struggled or toyed with the idea of picking up and moving to a new part of the country...sight unseen, so to speak.  We've created the potential downsides of Godzilla along the way..."we'd never replace the salary we have here," "it'd take years to make new friends," etc.  In other words, "dragons be there" when we look at that part of the map.  And those dragons keep us from falling off the edge.  

And here.  

Sure, in that example, some of those dragons are real.  We could get ourselves into a regret pickle by making the jump.  We could also shine a little light in the dark places by researching, visiting, traveling, and poking holes in the pieces that scare us.  We could, in large part, minimize the parts of the map where our dragons live.  That doesn't mean we should just blow up a comfortable life...just because we can.  Societies and civilizations were built on the backs of curious dreamers and brave explorers who dared to go where the dragons were on the map.  The balance of "back office support" and "leading edge innovation" is what helped us as humans conquer our domains.  To do great things takes both, and we should seek to fill parts of our lives (and souls) with both.  

A sure sign of dragons in the area.

If you live a life where you allow yourself to fall into the monotony of "I get up, I go to work, I go to bed, I repeat," life gets pretty dour.  If instead, you inject novelty and adventure into your lives, life is pretty great.  The six inches between your ears to make the commitment that "we'll go camping this weekend" as a louder voice than, "I've got a ton to do around the house, and putting camping stuff away sucks" is critical.  There are plenty of wild things and wild spaces surrounding us that can be reached and immersed all around us.  The secret is, they're often just outside of our comfort zone.  Depending on who you are, the "dragons be there" for you may be going out to that ethnic restaurant and trying something new, attending the festival in the next town over, hiking a mountain, doing a road trip, etc.  Our dragons don't match...it's just important that you go face yours.  

Another sure sign...
launching a rock over
your dad and brother's
heads.

Across the space of our lives, we often get into a comfortable rut.  At work, the idea of moving to consulting, switching professions, opening a business, buying a rental property, or anything else is likely an unknown...to you.  Chances are, through exploration, research, mentorship, and seeking out learning, there are folks who have successfully done what you're attempting to do.  As you're staring down your dragons, find a person a few years ahead of you on that path and ask them which bends have the dragons...and how they got past them.  Before becoming a parent, the path was wrought with dragons - what if I put the diaper on the wrong end, what if I don't read to them enough...or too much...what if...  Turns out, for centuries, people have been able to figure those things out...and so will you too.

Dragons are 
all around.

I'm writing this, this week, from a road trip in Alaska.  Driving through a relatively small part of a giant state (turns out there's just not very many roads up here), one thing is apparent...dragons that have been unseen by human eyes probably could be hiding out among the trees, mountains, and glaciers.  This place is huge and wild.  It's also a reminder that there are wild, huge places still around...and that God, as the Creator, is powerful and mighty.  Too much time surrounded by cement and steel and glass can dull our senses and make us forget that there are dragons bigger and more powerful than Lance or Phillis down the row of cubicles at work.    Travelling is a wonderful way to remind ourselves that, yes...there are still dragons...and yes...that's still a good thing.  

They're right
around the 
bend in the 
trail.

As we close this week, remember that often, the dragons that are off the edge of our comfort zone map are there, but they're manageable.  They're less scary than we often originally make them out to be, and we can conquer them.  It's also important to remember that part of life is seeking out, finding, and facing dragons.  Our forefathers braved the literal peril to conquer new lands, explore new professions, pioneer new journeys...and now we're a comfortable lot.  Don't let those wild genes somewhere deep down within you lose the flickering flame of your own dragon.  Go out there, into the wild places, stretch your comfort zone, and make new memories.  If you're fortunate enough to have grandkids someday, the stories they'll want to hear about didn't involve a water cooler or cubicle or Taco Tuesday at work.  Make wise decisions...that make great stories.  Good luck!

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a scary dragon to mitigate this week through research or conversation...and a wild dragon that you'll take steps to get closer to.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of exploring the wild places.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Nat Geo Here Be Dragons

I Hope You Dance

I Hope You Dance

Build the cabin...
even in the back
yard.

Lee Ann Womack had it right all those years ago when she sang about "I hope you dance" in her great hit from back in the day.  The lyrics remind us to be in the moment...and to say "yes."  We're often faced with so many choices...some big, some small...some consequential, some trivial...every single day.  It's easy for us to say "no" as a default.  What if we flip the script and say "yes" as our status quo?  We want to raise our kids...and be...the sort of people who throw inhibitions to the wind and don't sit on the wall...we hope they dance.  This isn't to say all inhibitions, like becoming a crack head and streaking across the field at your next sporting event, are inhibitions.  We're talking the "I don't want to not look cool in front of my circle" kind of inhibitions that get in our way of joy.  

Meals on 
Wheels.  Be
the light.

Recently, we went square dancing.  Bet you didn't know that was still a thing, did you?  In the time leading up, we grumbled a bit and tried to make excuses.  I even suggested it might be worth a little bit of pinky finger in the saw on a project we were working on immediately leading up to the dance.  When we walked in, you could pick out a couple of "those awkward people" that didn't ooze cool.  A song in and those people were flat killin' it on the church dance floor...and looking positively joyful.  I don't remember a time when I felt that level of happiness in a moment, as what they looked like they were having.  It was clear that this was a passion, that they'd practiced...and that joy was filling them right then.  

A lot of fun
in a single
picture.

My default for that sort of thing is to say "no," politely excuse myself, and hide out.  If I had to pin down the "why," I'd probably say something about how "I'm no good at it," "I don't enjoy it," "I don't want to look uncool," or some other lame sounding (even to me as I say it) excuse.  I've always wanted to be one of those people who look like they're having fun in the moment...but I always get in my way.  Long story short, more for the sake of setting an example for our boys, I said "yes."  I hopped in there with my beautiful wife and danced in a square dance...for four hours.  Was I good...decidedly no.  Is it a talent I make go pro with... definitely not.  Did I end up having a blast...yes...in spite of myself.  Are we going again in a month...as it were...yes.  Does it matter if I wasn't great?  Or that the group is a bit nerdy?  Or any other thing?  Turns out...joy lives there...and we get to experience it for the low barrier of entry of getting over ourselves for a moment.  

Flying motorbikes...what's
not to love?  Don't have to
be all in...to get some
of the benefits.

We've talked about how important it is to have novel experiences in your life.  When you get into the ruts of routine, each day sort of blurs and blends together into a seamless montage of the "off-white" color sameness.  This becomes the default increasingly as we get older.  The "get up, go to work, come home, sleep, repeat" life can leave us missing the magic.  We have had more novel experiences, some big, some small, just by saying "yes" to pulling off the road.  The other day, coming back into town, we saw a bunch of trailers out by our fairgrounds.  Saying "yes" to curiosity allowed us to experience a motocross dirt bike jumping tournament.  We didn't have to stay for the weekend, or buy a new bike and start a new hobby...but we spent an hour enjoying what is possible for humans who have practiced a lot.  

Bring a friend. 
Hit the pool.

We had a friend who did a "yes day" with her family.  For 24 hours...she'd say "yes" to anything they asked.  They had a few ground rules, but generally speaking...the answer is a "yes."  Sort of a genie in a bottle kind of thing.  I remember talking with her family after the fact, and they had such a great time thinking about what to do and ask on their turn.  Donuts for breakfast - sure.  Go to the swimming pool - yep.  Watch this movie - let's do it.  Eat out at this place - done and done.  The only lasting "impact" or residual besides great memories after the day was over was the new puppy.  Our friend had realized she'd defaulted to "no" because life had gotten so busy...the "yes day" was a bit of a "let's dance" reset and part of a kick-off to summer.  

The crew is hard
at work.  Say "yes" 
to new things.  
They're right here.

I think it's important to add that a big chunk of this...is due to my beautiful and amazing wife...who is wired to say "yes."  My default is probably more wired to say "no" but she's growing on me.  The reason I point this out...is that she makes it easy.  That said, you don't have to wait to be asked if you want to dance...to say yes to dancing.  So many of the things we do that add spice and novelty to our lives come from injecting ourselves into situations that might be a little inconvenient or awkward...but that's okay.  Even if you're not wired for it...saying "yes" is as simple as a quick internet search for "things to do near me this weekend" and hopping in the car.  Guaranteed, within an hour's drive, you have a new festival, hiking path, sporting event, experience, meal, etc that you can say "yes" to without breaking the schedule or the budget.  Even if it's hard...it's worth it...say "yes." 

It's easy to say "no,"
go hang out at the 
free concert with 
your closest 1,000
friends.  It's fun.

It's important to do the right load balancing on your schedule and family budget when it comes to saying "yes," using some strategic planning and prioritization as a backdrop.  If we say "yes" to every opportunity, every possible fork in the road, while exciting...it will leave you exhausted and spent.  Part of the trick here is to right-size the "yes."  We want our kids to be healthy and relatively athletic to help them have as many options in the future as possible.  This is not the same as saying we want our kids to play in the NFL.  Pick-up game of ultimate frisbee in the park - yes.  Softball league with church - yes.  Wrestle with their kids or grandkids - yes.  Have lifelong hobbies like hiking - yes.  To get to "yes" in this case, the every night/every weekend tempo of some travel sports is a step backwards.  The community league where we coach...so it's on our schedule and learn a sport over the course of a month...that's a win.  This year, our kids have been exposed to wrestling, basketball, football, baseball, and soccer...and it hasn't come at too much of an opportunity cost around the rest of our lives.  

Fun is all around  
us.  It starts by 
saying "yes." 

As we wrap up this week, I'll leave you with the lyrics from Lee Ann below...but I hope you dance.  I hope that you say "yes" in the moment within reason.  This isn't the say yes to the 'Super Bowl tickets by cashing out your 401k and quitting your job so you have the time off" sort of thing.  It isn't the reinvention of yourself through a midlife crisis with a new blonde and a new sports car.  It is the idea of leaning in, of "Carpe Diem" as Robin Williams said in Dead Poets Society...seize the day.  Live in the moment...be present...show up...lean in...dance when you get the chance.  The memories that come from those moments are all we get to take with us.  Choose wisely before you become the person who raises the people who sit on the wall...you can change your family tree today...one "Turkey in the Straw" at a time.  Say yes.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three "dance" things in your life - whatever category - and say "yes" this next week.  Your family will appreciate you for it...even if they grumble a little bit at first.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of being the people and raising the people who say "yes" when it comes time to dance.  I haven't always been...that's okay.  I can be today...and that's even better.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- I Hope You Dance Lyrics

- I Hope You Dance