You're Average

You're Average

Check the
numbers.

You're average, so am I, so are all of us.  That's the definition.  That's how averages work...half of all of usare above the number, half are below (although that's technically the median but for our puroses today...that's not the point).  When you think about just about any category of life, you're somewhere on the continuum or on the spectrum between worst and best...probably toward the middle.  There are certainly outliers and you may be one of them in some part of your life.  Chances of you (or any of us) being an outlier in all the parts of life aren't stellar.  There's not many genius level, perfect saint, MVP ball playing, CEOs with perfect marriages and outstanding kids out there.  

Study the 
history.

Before we dive into it too deeply, careful with the comparison trap here.  Average is inherently a comparison with those around you...and those not around you via social media.  It's easy to fall into the trap of seeing what you don't have without the full story and letting it steal the joy.  When we look at others and see the person with the nicer _____ (car, house, job, salary, spouse, kid, life, etc), it's a dangerous slippery slope of trouble.  Unless you've got the fortitude to stay the course that you've set...don't go hunting the "always better than you" zone.  If you're not there yet, just do a quick internet search for "average" age, gender, location person and a category (example below).  

Measure the 
results.

This is isn't a rah, rah post to get make you consider changing all that you do to "not be average," nor is it a comparison-is-the-thief-of-joy thing.  It's a permission slip to be okay with being average.  This isn't to say striving for excellence is a bad thing...it's to say that making excellence the singular focus pursuit in your life is probably at the best shortsited and worst potentially toxic.  I work hard at my job...it provides for my family...but I wouldn't say I'm "excellent."  I don't say yes to out of town travel.  I don't sign up for after hours projects or extra shifts that take away from interacting at home.  I may take a long lunch to watch our kids play football.  In turn, I do my best when I'm there...but in our profession, on the national scale...I'm probably average.

Adjust the aim for 
the next shot.

More broadly, in terms of profession, my wife and I work in "average" type industries...neither one of us is chasing the corporate ladder or in an emerging "venture capital" style career path.  Both of us work in government jobs...her very part time as a teacher these days and me as a manager with a state agency.  Neither profession is one that comes with much of an "above average" salary potential.  Both us could make more by changing what...or how we do it.  She could make more by working full time or pursuing adminitsration.  I could certainly make more in the contractor space side of our industry.  That said, being average here works just fine for our family.  We make enough to make our lifestyle work.  Messing with that calculus or trying to optimize for the peak...would...without a doubt...crash our overall system.  

Make a commitment.

As we look at the different arenas or buckets of life, it's important to define average.  It's also important, like we've chatted, to set a target "enough number" so to speak in each bucket.  I try to be an "A" level family guy.  I'm not an "A" level in other parts of my life...in large part because the opportunity cost of what it would take to make it happen.  This blog...pretty average.  I've made it consistent...sometimes at the expense of quality.  I could chase monetizatin and engage in social media to drum up readership, but it's not about that for me.  I'm okay with where we are with it.  

Keep practicing. 

My wife and I still joke that when we were dating, we tried Guitar Hero, the video game.  While she scored high 90s...I scored a literal 3%...far below average.  There are many things that I am really, really not good at...and not willing to get better.  There are others that are a constant work in progress that I do want to get better at.  Faith for example...I'm not wonderful at leading our family in this space.  I can (and am trying to) get better at things like being consistent in praying, getting to church regularly, engaging in reading the Bible.  

Learn from others.

We were visiting a friend recently who was in a quandry about what she and her family should do for the next chapter in their life.  They are in a spot where they've got three sweet girls, a great home, nice lifestyle, and he's working a job making bank...but a lot of hours.  They're ultimate goal is to get back closer to family a state away.  In part...they're trying to go be small-town average.  Fortunately, for them, they're using their above average income years to set themselves up for a "below average" next chapter...that is a perfect ideal for them.  The seasonality is trading between buckets...now one bucket is above average so that...in the next stage the important bucket of home and kids can be stellar.  

Do the 
thing.

As we wrap up this week, take a minute to think about the old "what would you do for a Klondike bar?" jingle but substitute in "above average" and a bucket.  I've had a small business on the side for several years...multiple peoplehave told me that it could be fairly successful if we did something with it.  The problem is...the "cost" of making it above average...is not a cost we're willing to pay...not at this stage of life.  I'm okay being average in this part of life...so that...our family can have excellent adventure and presence in this chapter.  Hopefully you can find peace with the parts of average that are at or below...and make sure the ones above...are the right ones.   

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out what you think you're "better than average" at - list them out here...and make sure they're the right things you say you want to be good at.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of the average family and where you're at.  Pick carefully where you need to course adjust.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Average Profile Example

Don't Blink

 Don't Blink

Dive right in and 
swim along.  The 
boat is going ready
or not.

The country song "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chesney helps remind us that time is short and that we've got to cherish every moment while we can.  As I'm sure you know, your kids are only little for a little while.  It's ridiculous how fast time flies with our little ones.  Our role with each stage of our kids is to prepare them for the next stage they're going into.  Those early years are for working on talking, walking, toileting, and the basic life skills.  The next stage branches into the old "reading, writing, 'rithmatic" phase.  As they get older, we add in other life skills that will serve them well, like budgeting, scheduling, and career readiness.  Peanut butter smeared across all of the stages is helping them develop their character, faith, and foundations that anchor them when times get hard.  

Stay active.

As you work on parenting, it's critical that we pour in our heart, soul, and resources to set our children up for success in the rest of their lives.  That said, along the way, it's also important that we continue to build ourselves in terms of our spouse role and other pieces into who we need to be next as well.  Tim Urban of "Wait but Why" estimated that some 93% of our in-person time with our kids is in their first 18 years.  Think about that for a second: if you live to be 90...that means 4/5ths of the time on earth...isn't with your kids.  Sure, you had the time when you were a kid...but chances are...you'll have a lot of time after your kids are up and out to still have you and your spouse.  

Be inventive.

In part, like a lot of what we talk about, it's important to have a plan for the "empty-nester" part of life.  That's not really one of those things where they move out...then you die the next day.  It could be another 50 years.  That's a lot of time to reinvent yourself and lean into your spouse.  You've got to do the things today while your kids are little to set the course for when they're not little.  This means pouring into date night, saying "yes" to a weekend away with your spouse, and keeping passion projects alive.  I have colleagues who are in that empty nest stage and are a lonely shell of who they once were.  I've got other people in our circle who are busier in this stage than they ever were before.  Like everything, start with the end in mind and work backwards with your spouse so you have a shared vision and shared expectations of what that next chapter should look like.  

Make friends. 

Throughout your working years, or the "messy middle" as it's been termed, it's important to keep pouring into the "you and yours" of tomorrow.  This means setting aside retirement money...or...if you think you might exit work early...a bridge account.  It also means keeping up with the maintenance items around the house...including paying off your mortgage and other liabilities.  As you're dream-storming with your spouse, recognize what the pre-reqs are that are necessary for that dream life you envision.  This may include doubling down on your health and fitness now.  It may also mean saying "yes" to social activities that may carry you into those next years (pickleball anyone?).  

Travel to beautiful places.

We're not saying you need to play every grandparent outing while you've got a kid in diapers...but you should start setting expectations and plans in place for the life you say you want.  Are you hoping to spend time with the grandkids...but want to move to Florida?  Are those at odds?  Do you want to retire early?  But also help kids with college?  Do you have aging parents that are expecting some level of support?  Are you on the "sell it all, buy an RV" track while your spouse is more on the mindset of hunker down in the Villages in Florida and watch sports?  These at-odds questions need to be answered and reconciled.  The problem isn't in disagreements but rather expectations and dreams that grow apart or dreams that don't have the foundational pre-reqs ready when you are.  

Try new festivals.

On the flip side, cherish the moments when your little ones are at home and not consumed with friends and activities.  Say "yes" to adventure in those small, wonderfully short years.  It doesn't take long for your kids to get engrossed in sports, extracurriculars, and begin the early stages of adulthood.  This path toward leaving-and-cleaving is necessary, albeit painful.  The end goal isn't living on the couch in the basement - it's off, thriving in their own big, amazing life.  That all said, prioritize the moments when you have them at home with you and under your roof/influence.  This isn't to say "quit your job and wing it;" you still have to provide...but that means pouring in more than just your paycheck.  It starts with your time, attention, and interests beyond just your time away at work.  

Take time to 
relax.

As we wrap it up, lean in to live in the moment.  These are years you cannot get back.  They should be lived in the present and cherished.  When done right, you can live your big, beautiful, best, bedazzled life now...while setting yourself up for the same lofty lifestyle that you define in your next chapter or season.  Have the conversations and do the things today that your future self will thank you for your fortitude, foresight, and sacrifice.  It's never easier than now to get your calendar, budget, fitness, and general well-being going in the right direction...because...you're the youngest you'll ever be again today.  So are your kids.  Act accordingly.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a time this week where you'll brainstorm 3 actions you can start implementing today with your spouse this week.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of next steps to be on the same page. 

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Mr. Fire Station

100 Feet...

100 Feet...

Go to wild places.

...that's how far the average US National Park visitor gets from the pavement.  In fact, it's estimated that 90 to 95 percent of all visitors stay within sight of their cars, parking lots, visitor centers, and paved overlooks.  This isn't to say go romping off trail in your monster truck and voiding all "leave no trace principles."  It is to say that the adventure isn't often on the boardwalk.  There are ways that most every national park can be explored with your hiking boots, mountain bike, canoe, cross-country skis, etc that are ecologically responsible...and help you find the real adventure.  We used to joke that it didn't count as an adventure if you couldn't get eaten by a grizzly bear during your outing.  There is obviously a happy middle ground...the folks that visit national parks got the first step down...visiting...but they miss the marrow.  

Do wild things.  

The reason, in part, that we bring this up is to encourage you to look at your life and your family's lives to see how far you get from the proverbial pavement.  Do you pour all the way in?  Are you lukewarm?  We've been blessed to visit many national parks...some immersive...others zipping through on the pavement because that was all that time would allow.  Most wild, scenic places could (and have) soaked up lifetimes of adventure.  When you're in your daily life at work...are you on the pavement?  At church?  At home?  In your marriage?  It's easy to stay on the easy street where millions have gone before you.  It's harder...and more rewarding...to embody the "don't go where the path may lead, go where there is no path and make a trail" quote.  

See wild areas.

This isn't to say that you should be a maverick in every respect.  There are times for go-along-to-get-along.  There are other times when a bold faith, bold marriage, bold commitment in whatever you're doing is absolutely necessary.  Think about what the 100 feet...or proverbial pavement...actually looks like in different parts of your life.  As you're thinking about that...keep in mind that moderation still applies.  Sure, you could sell all of your possessions, grow your hair out, and through-hike every national park.  Or, you could go visit the paved places...and throw in an out-and-back picnic hike to a natural wonder that most people don't ever get to see. 

Build wild things.

Using the parallels at work, what does the pavement look like?  Turning in your TPS reports on time?   Maybe you could spice things up by helping figure out why you do the whole Office Space TPS reports in the first place and develop a way to automate the process and bring efficiency to the team.  Maybe you could be bold and suggest a 4- 10 schedule where you come in early and stay late...but get six months or a year's worth of three-day weekends.  Perhaps you could negotiate a "give back leave" policy where every quarter or bi-annually the whole company spends the day volunteering at their favorite charity, then gives a "book report" about the experience at the next staff meeting.  

Walk on 
the wild side.

Next time you travel to a new place, do you "stay on the pavement" by going to chain restaurants, staying at the chain hotel by the highway?  Or do you consider eating at the ethnic food truck where you can't pronounce any of the words and try out some perhaps life-inspiring lodging situation?  (PS here...we've stayed in hostels, rentals by owners, tipis, yurts, cabooses, hotels, motels, cars, tents, etc.  The most memorable ones that we look back on fondly...or with laughs...weren't hotels with a breakfast bar).  Travel is such a wonderful way to "get off the pavement."  It doesn't have to be Around the World in 80 Days; it can be a much more affordable and moderate stay-cation style trip to the "town next door" to still get you out of your comfort zone.  

Start early. 

In your marriage and faith, think about what the pavement is.  Most people (me and probably you often enough) take for granted the blessings that come with marriage.  We assume that the smooth sailing on the pavement is good sailing.  It may be a decent autopilot, but we still need to keep our hands on the wheel and be paying attention, leaning in for and with our spouse.  It's easy to drift along with the proverbial cruise control and autopilot steering the way...the routines of our lives and schedules just humming along without much thought.  You can get off the main road by setting goals with your spouse, carving out time for date nights, and putting your full focus into your loved one when you're with them.  

Do it often.  It matters.

As we wrap up, whether you're literally at a beautiful natural space or more metaphorically, it's important that you proactively and regularly get off the beaten path and into the wild places.  Don't just fall into the ruts, but rather get out and live your big, full life.  Whether it's your budget, schedule, lifestyle, habits, hobbies, or anything else, don't just blindly follow where the wind blows, but pick out your end zone...then work backwards to put the pieces in place that will get you there...no matter what others around you think...it's you and your loved ones that matter most.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three spots where you're in a rut on the main road...now pick out three trails and try them out.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of getting out into the wild places of your life.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Thousand Hours Outside Podcast

Time is Everything

Time is Everything

Time is a vortex.

I recently read a blog article from author Eric O'Neill regarding the fact that "time is everything."  One line caught me..."are you investing or wasting" your time?  That's a question that we can ask on the micro and macro throughout our lives and busy schedules.  It's important that we look at our schedule - daily, weekly, monthly, annually, and in our season of life with an introspection that allows us to get honest about our alignment of values vs practicality.  In other words, this is an audit that looks at our "budget vs actual" of what we say is critical and valuable as compared to what we're actually spending our most valuable resource on.  

Make time for the moments 
in all seasons.

When we look at the micro scale, or our daily/weekly/monthy interactions, it's critical that we get our "to-do list" items done.  Walk the dog.  Feed the kids.  Show up to work.  Pay the bills.  Those things have to happen in order for us to function in our overall system.  That said, those moments and the moments in between have to be utilized wisely and invested strategically.  When we view time as the valuable commodity and store of value that it is, similar to the way we often view money, it begins to take on the gravity it deserves.  Our weekly schedule can easily get eaten up with endless scrolling and autoplay monotony.  Fortunately, all of that is within our control to be efficient.  

Measure.

Similarly, many of the daily living activities now have more efficient options than perhaps any time in history.  Our great-grandparents likely had to plant, steward, and harvest their own food through seasonal toil.  Today, we can sign up economically for grocery delivery from our nearby big-box store...utilizing a fraction of the hours to feed ourselves than our ancestors did.  By examining those small moments that would have otherwise been consumed in yesteryear, we can easily find a start to our more efficient time investments.  Taking that a step further, we can examine our habits, hobbies, and extracurriculars to likely find and free up additional minutes that become hours.  

Practice.

In the great book Atomic Habits, the author talks about how efficiency that can come through wise habits can be powerful.  As you create time in the little moments (e.g., start a load of laundry and fold it while watching a movie), we begin to build a lever we can apply to making meaningful momentum toward our larger time investments.  In what the Money Guys call the "messy middle" part of life, where we're balancing work, raising kids, supporting parents, and everything else, it's easy to let the time slip away...that we can't get back.  We've talked about the pre-req of quality time is quantity time.  In other words, those small "garbage time" moments, as Scott Galloway put it - dinner around the table, driving kids to school, going on a walk - all add up.  

Schedule.

By carving out some efficiency in our schedules, we can invest those saved moments into the moments that matter - read with the kids, play catch, talk with your spouse - build up the proverbial relationship bank through quality...and quantity time.  For many of us, we can likely tweak the equations of life to balance the scales.  Short on cash...cut back or make more.  Short on time...you can't go back and make that up very well.  We were talking the other day and talked about the idea of a barbell-shaped retirement.  In other words, if we hammer it early to build up some investments that can grow, we can then shift gears to spend more time with our kids when they're small.  And, if we need to, sprint again when the kids are up and out to supercharge our way into retirement if needed.  

Prioritize.

This whole thing isn't to say that you should shirk your responsibilities as a provider for your family.  It is to say that you should widen your aperture to more than just measuring that with a paycheck.  In order to provide wholly for our family's needs, we have to build in enough time to be home and be present...not just for the highlight reel.  In order to do so, if we haven't gotten there with the above small systemic changes...the next step is saying "no" to the one-more/too-many-good-things category items.  It'd be great to volunteer for the soup kitchen...it isn't greater than building a bond with your family (but maybe you could win-win by volunteering...with your family).  Anyhow, getting ruthlessly protective and selective within our calendars is critical to ensure our families are our priority.  

Execute.

As we wrap up, this post has been all over the pinball table.  The salient point is that time is everything.  The old cliché "how do you know you're in the good old days before you're out of the good old days" rings true.  It's easy to miss the forest for the trees and live out the Cat's Cradle song where we look back and realize we missed what was really important.  Perhaps this can be a reminder and wake-up call to be present where your feet are at...and work hard to schedule your feet in the right places more often.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of time swaps (one more meeting for one more walk with kids over lunch) that you can make this week...and put them on your schedule.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of right-sizing your calendar and schedule this week.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References: 

- Eric O'Neill original article

Ask Not...

Ask Not What...

Go serve.

In 1961, John F. Kennedy said the famous quote, "Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country."  The motto-like quote has not aged well...it seems like more now than ever we're doing the opposite.  We're hanging our futures on a political candidate and asking what they can do for us...often trading our short-term pleasure for what likely will be our long-term pain through deferred spending liabilities.  Anyhow, the point here is more broadly...which side of the quote are you on?  Your family?  What are you asking of your country vs what are you doing for your country?  That's pretty broad and abstract when we zoom out to the national level. 

Help a 
neighbor. 

However, when you zoom in a little bit and ask the same question for your region?  State?  County?  City?  Neighborhood?  Somewhere along the line, from national to local...you likely (hopefully) get to a place where the question equation flips.  It's likely much easier to do something for your community than your nation.  Could you pick up trash along the road?  Could you do a service project?  Can you mow your neighbor's yard?  Scoop their snow?  There is probably a good chance that you can make a meaningful difference when you zoom in a bit.  

Help at the local
musuem.

When you zoom in a little farther, chances are that you can improve your church, local non-profit, school, library, etc.  Chances are you can volunteer to walk the dogs at the animal shelter, read to kids at the library, or help with Sunday School or Awana.  When we become the change we want to see in the world, the world begins to change.  That sounds cliche...but instead of complaining about how something should be that is within our range of influence, it's our responsibility to help influence it.  This isn't to say that you're solely responsible for "the thing" but you can be part of the solution.  You can double down by organizing your circle to also be helpful.  

Serve year
round. 

At work, we've talked about the grass being greener where you water it.  In the same vein, ask what you can do for your work?  How about for your supervisor, subordiantes, colleagues, and customers?  Are there things that you can do to go above and beyond that add value to your relationships with them?  To add another cliche, "people don't remember what you say, they remember how you made them feel."  We're not necessarily talking about doing a special new project...it could be as simple as making someone smile or make someone feel included.  Often times, those are more important markers of success than meeting some quarterly metric.  Keep the metrics in mind...and meet them...but do it while planting some smiles.  

Fix a tire.

And, when we get to the very inner circle, our spouses and children in our homes, it's perhaps most criticial what you can provide back to them.  This isn't transactional, but if you picture the what-you-get vs what-you-give as an account, it's critical that you not only keep the balance, but build up a surplus.  This means that all of the things you get from your family (hopefully) - sanctuary, peace, love, joy, and so forth are beyond belief amazing.  That said, your contributions to those items...and to the other things like dishes, laundry, honey-do-list, and such are critical.  The most important relationships of your life are just that...and should be treated as such.  Don't just say, "I love you," do the things that someone who loves, cherishes, and adores someone would do.  

Coach a team.  

As we wrap up this week, we all have questions that we need to ask...it's critical that we ask what we can do to make things better...for those that matter most...and those that are around us.  It's fine that we take, it's critical that we give.  Give at home.  Give in our communties.  Give in our cirlces that surround us.  When we leave it better than we found it...that means in the short term and the long term...we've got to answer the question more often than not on the positive side.  This leaving it better than we found it means that down the road (hopefully far down the road), you get to hear "well done, good and faithful servant."  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few actions that you can do this week in order to make the world and those around you better.  Take a few steps this week to ask the question...and answer it in a new way...consistently.  Write down three things that you'll do this week...as a family...to do for others.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action)

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Kennedy's Speech

Aviate, Navigate, Communicate

Aviate, Navigate, Communicate

It starts with talking.

Aviate, Navigate, Communicate - those are the things to do in an aircraft emergency.  When it all comes right down to it, having clarity of purpose and focus is critical.  Instead of a hundred or a dozen things to try to pay attention to, the little saying helps center the efforts of the pilot and aircrew.  On a normal day, there are so many things that go into making a flight a success.  Just like in life, we've got dozens of things that our families do in order to be successful - go to work, get kids to activities, attend church, you name it.  When your family goes into crisis mode, much like a pilot, you need to focus on the basics to get through it.  

Then with practice.

For the air crew, the basics of "fly the plane" seem silly to say out loud, but there have been cases where the crew gets so distracted with instruments, checklists, etc that they forget the basics of flying the plane.  Sometimes, maybe oftentimes, we overcomplicate our systems that hold our lives together.  Similarly, when you look at the Wright Flyer and today's modern aircraft...they're obviously more complicated.  In preparing for a crisis that may befall our families, it's important to figure out and be ready for the key basics that are necessary or parallel to aviate/navigate/communicate.  In our family, it may look like "stop, think, pray."  

Reinforce it so it's
second nature.

The idea is to be as proactive as possible instead of reactionary.  If you're faced with a medical emergency, financial setback, or violent encounter...there is a moment of response...for sure.  But, getting to a thoughtful response as quickly as possible is critical.  It's easy to be a pinball machine when you're reacting in reaction to a stimulus that's negative.  It's important to slow down enough to get your priorities back in line and start making decisions that "stop the bleed" and then start providing long-term solutions.  That's obviously easier said than done in the moment.  It's easier done as well when we've been thoughtful leading into whatever emergency you're facing.  

Keep it top of mind.

Similarly, pilots are trained to "fly as far into the crash as possible."  In other words, stay in control.  We can borrow these philosophies for our family emergencies that pop up.  Letting go of the proverbial wheel or going radio silent are not good ways to "survive" or thrive in a disaster.  It's easy when faced with a large trauma to turtle up in our shell or stick our head under the ground like an ostrich.  When we talk about "fly as far into the crash as possible," it means that we sit in the driver's seat and take steps to be a proactive and positive participant in our own rescue/recovery.  

Go over it occasionally
in small moments.

From the pilot perspective, instead of just letting go of the "wheel" and hoping it works out, they're trained to "glide" as best as possible by still doing the things flyers do.  In our family life, let's say a medical emergency hits.  You still need to, as best as possible in the new normal, do the things parents and spouses do - get up, get dressed, get kids fed, do laundry, etc.  These small actions keep the proverbial wheels on the bus...in spite of the chaos around ourselves.  This isn't to say that you shouldn't go to the hospital with a loved one since you need to unload the dishwasher.  It is to say that we can double down and make the most or worst of a bad situation.  A downturn can become a catastrophe...if we let it.  

It can be reassuring...
that you've got this, 
even on the worst days.

As we wrap up here this week, remember that calamity and crisis do strike... every day somewhere to someone...hopefully not you and not today.  No pilot comes to work in the morning with the plan to "auger one into the ground," and no family should wake up in the morning with the plan to sink their family ship.  The point here is...with some proactive, intentional thought ahead of time, we can hopefully avoid the worst of the bad days when they do come to visit.  Just like an aircrew who trains on emergency procedures ahead of time, you should have systems in place to help be a safety net - e.g., insurance.  You should also have some go-to actions thought out to quickly and efficiently make the best of the bad day...your family is counting on you to not clam up.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few things that are core to your family that will allow you to switch from reaction to action in a crisis. Have a few go-to's that you've thought through and communicated with each other.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of a bad day action plan.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- FAA Rules for Pilots

Aphelion

Aphelion

Go build a fort 
in a tree.

According to the NYT, July 2 at noon, we reached the exact middle of 2026, 182.5 days on either side, or aphelion.  We're halfway through 2026.  Are you halfway to your goals so far?  Are you halfway through your budget?  It's a good time as America turns 250 years old to check in on your goals with your family to see if you're on pace and on track to meet the things you said you'd get accomplished this year.  We're far enough along that you should have most of your systems figured out.  We're far enough along that you've got momentum...for better or worse.  And, great news...we're not so far enough along that your fate is sealed for the year, you've got time to make a course correction.

Do a 5k, with 
a guy in a 
wagon.

The softer skill goals are ones you can always work on, but things like walks with your family, outdoor time, or books read.  Whatever you said you'd get done six months ago, it's time to check in now and then re-evaluate if you have changes you would/could/should make.  Hopefully, you wrote down some goals that lead you toward the person you say you want to be when you grow up, back at the beginning of the year.  Are you closer to or further away from that person?  There's no time like the present to turn things around if you're not liking the "man in the mirror."  Are there things that you can work on in the dimensions of your life that will make it "your best life?"  We'll talk about a few broad categories and some probing questions to get you thinking.  

Go for a walk in the woods
with a bb gun and a box of 
magnets. 

In terms of fitness, go get your annual physical if you haven't.  Same with teeth cleaned and eyes checked.  It's also a good time to get your blood chemistry checked to look at things like cholesterol or blood pressure that may be indicative of problems that will only get worse unchecked.  In the same vein, take a set of measurements and step on a scale.  If you're not tickled at where the pants size is going...use the nice summer weather to add some healthy hobbies to your schedule.  Similarly, open the freezer or pantry and take a peek.  If it's mostly processed stuff from the middle aisles of the grocery store, maybe a time to take advantage of the fresh fruits and veggies down at the Farmer's Market.  

Test your helmet 
in a hail storm.

From a finance perspective, do a bit of an audit.  You've got enough data from the first half of the year that you can determine if you're going to end the end of the year in a good spot.  Look at your goal accounts - savings, checking, investing.  Do you have any markers that you said you'd reach...are you halfway?  More/less?  Again, you can have the runway ahead of you to make some changes that put a few more bucks in the bank that can multiply when wisely invested for a few decades.  Look at your debt - is it getting smaller so far this year in spite of inflation and higher prices?  That'd be good.  Take your first six months of budget data and talk about any outliers (e.g., big purchases done or upcoming), then do some forecasting through the end of the year based on the first half of the year.  Is it promising?  Do you need to tweak some things?  

Go play a little baseball.

In terms of marriage and parenting, take advantage of the more lax summer schedule where you can stay up a little later, and the weather is a little more conducive.  Eat around the table...in the backyard.  Go see some stars.  Have a campfire.  Go on a hike.  Get in the habit of family walks or bike rides.  Check in with your loved ones to see how they think you're doing and where you can change for the better...and vice versa (ps - check the ego at the door for this conversation).  When was the last time you all did a board game?  Played a bit of catch?  Built something?  Just talked with your spouse?  Went on a date night?  Life gets busy, I get it, but when we take time and intention to "calendar our priorities" as opposed to prioritizing our calendar, we make sure the right things are on the books, not just more efficient things.  

Hit the water.

Think about where you're at with your job/career.  These first six months have been a fast-forward button held down in terms of AI adoption.  Are you embracing it?  Learning from it?  Augmenting your current skills and experience to make your job or your performance at your job more efficient?  Effective?  Are there metrics that you're behind on or can get ahead on as we cross into Q3?  Are there any special projects that you want to take on or ones that you've done that you want to be sure your boss knows about and appreciates?  Any opportunities for some extra freelance work coming up that can move your goals?  Any additional learning that will better prepare you for your current role?  Any consideration to other roles that you've had an eye on for a while?  

Be in the front
row for fireworks.

Before we depart, it's worth noting that where you and your family are winning...take time to celebrate.  The first six months have been crazy politically, internationally, and in our pocketbooks in the big economy.  Here's a chance to reflect on what's been going right.  Here's a chance to stop and count your blessings, then thank God for where you're at right now.  Recently, we've been hiring for a new position at work.  The job that is posted will be a good job, but not out of this world.  We've got stellar candidates who are desperate to uproot their lives to come take the job.  That should be a reminder to you to appreciate what you do have.  And a double down to make the "grass greener where you water it."  This applies to your work, home, neighborhood, and everywhere in between.  Stand on your blessings and make the world a little better for those around you than you found it as you go into the next season of life.  

Pump up your tires, 
put on your helmet,  
get ready for a 
great ride ahead!

As we cross through another set of six months, the world may be crazy around us at a macro level.  Hopefully, at your family level, you're heading into a rewarding, restful, and peaceful six months ahead.  But...that sort of depends on your decisions right now.  Count aphelion as "day one" of the rest of the year.  Cast off any baggage that's held you back from that best life so far this year.  That may mean saying yes to some new healthy habits.  It may mean saying no to some of the things that are good things...but just one too many good things.  Here's your chance to really lay down your priorities with this temporal landmark to anchor to in order to make a course correction or change moving forward.  Double whammy benefit that you've got more daylight hours and nice weather days to help you get the motivation to move the needle.  All of that to say, good luck with the back half, whether or not the front half of the year was stellar...here's your chance for a stellar back half and bettering the overall averages across the board for the year.   

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three small wins that you can pick up quickly this week to start moving the needle.  Do those things this afternoon.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of the next six-month steps.  Think about what you can then multiply that progress into for next year's goals to get a jump start on major life improvements a year from now.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Fresh Start Landmarks

Ruler Perspective

Ruler Perspective

Sometimes, bring a
squirrel to measure. 

We've often talked about the power of changing your paradigm or perspective when it comes to making progress and traction toward intentionality throughout your life.  Sometimes, when we change the way we view our proverbial ruler, we get a better opportunity to find the motivation necessary to make a big change that can alter not only our life course but our family tree.  This week, we'll talk about the idea of converting or calculating the cost of something by stretching or shrinking our time horizon ruler.  We'll also talk about the perspective of opportunity costs and incremental gains.  We've got friends who skip over the small stuff since "it's too insignificant to matter," while also asking how we got where we got.  The answer is...doing the small stuff day in and day out for a long time.  

Sometimes
get the fold-y
ruler.

First off, let's chat about counting the cost with different units of measurement.  The oft quoted millenial avacado toast and coffee are ripe for this example.  Let's say the morning snack (for easy math) is $5 bucks...no big deal.  All of a sudden, that's $25/work week.  It becomes $100 a month and $1,200 a year.  Changing our ruler changes the idea.  Now, toss on the opportunity cost and incremental gains idea...that $1,200 a year in a decade is $12,000 under the mattress.  Toss this math problem in the Nerd Wallet (or your favorite) compound interest calculator over the course of a career...$378,228.85.  That example, or one like it, runs rampant through the finance space.  

Sometimes get 
a running 
head start.

Less quoted, but similar, let's look at one of the big three (housing, transportation, food).  The "guest" room that you bust your budget on in the new house over time is a powerful example.  With a little research, it seems like the average "extra" cost of a three bedroom vs four bedroom is about $30-60,000 on a $300,000 home.  At 6.5% mortgage rates over 30 years...that extra room costs you roughly $136,500 all in - interest, principal, etc.  Now divide that math backwards into the number of nights that you had guests who could use that house.  Not sure who keeps stats, but apparently 3-5 nights/year is an "average" amount.  Let's split the difference and say 4/year x 30 years is 120 nights, which comes out to $1,138/night.  When we change the perspective...maybe we should squeeze on the air mattress or buy Grandma a hotel room.  

Look closely.

Another ruler shift that can be eye-opening is playing with the "feels like" cost or perhaps what could be described as the "heat index" of finance.  Let's take your actual hourly rate when we have it fully loaded - commute cost, time, actual hours not at home, tax, benefits, etc., divided into your take-home pay.  When we crunch all that math, let's say it comes out to $20/hour.  Now, let's look at the all-in cost of dinner out or the new shoes.  For easy math's sake, that $100 expense becomes more than half a day of work.  What might've been a "sure, let's go out tonight" can change to "let's stay in and make popcorn for our home movie" can shift (and still be wonderful) when we look at "feels like" cost.  

Sometimes you
have to zoom in.

Another way to look at changing your ruler perspective is by breaking the cost down or changing it to cost per day/week/month/year/decade.  In other words, my such-and-such habit costs me $20/month.  That comes down to $240 in a year, $2,400 in a decade, $14,400 over an adulthood.  Maybe that's not so bad or so good...but allows us to think about it differently.  On the flip side, let's go backwards with a $50,000 new car (average in 2026), and the average (according to Google) time someone keeps it is 8 years.  That's $6,250/year...before title, taxes, maintenance, gas, tires, etc., which is estimated to be an average of a $1,000/month.  All in, $18,250 per year...or $50 bucks per day...every day of the year, whether you use it or not.  I'm not saying sell the car and ride the bus...but when we think through the cost of something through different lenses, we may make different decisions.  

Sometimes you
have to zoom out.

In this example, we wanted to look at the opportunity cost.  Sure, there's the "if I didn't spend my money on this, I could've invested it in that" with the traditional definition.  We wanted to think about the time cost.  I have a friend who has a cabin...he ends up with probably 4-6 weekends a year just in maintenance stuff.  When he was talking about plans for the coming summer, he listed out all sorts of stuff...and grudgingly said, "but I've got to go do this-and-that to the cabin."  It'd flipped from cool thing to say he had at the office parties...to a pain in the neck.  This is to say nothing of the amount of all in purchase and carrying cost divided per night slept up there, relaxing.  Spoiler alert...it was way higher than just staying at the nearby hotel and resort on a per-night basis.  And...another spoiler ruler alert...a few years ago, a big wildland fire was heading through, and though the cabin survived, he was beside himself.  Before you go all in on a new big toy...look at what you could/would/should do with the same level of time/cost/etc investment.  

Sometimes bring 
an alligator.  

Consider applying this ruler perspective conversation to your schedule, your budget, your diet, your exercise, your family focuses...or whatever other commodity you want to measure.  One cookie a day seems like no big deal...that's 10 boxes a year, all for you or 19,200 calories in a year...but really...how many of us can only eat just one?  (PS - that equates to about 5.5 pounds of body fat by itself...per year).  That activity that only takes two nights a week?  That's 28% of your evenings in a year.  The average (again, according to Google) that a dad spends with a kid per day is 1-1.8 hours/day.  We'll split the difference at 1.5...that means for 94% of the day...we're doing something other than hanging out with our kids.  I get it...We have jobs and busy schedules and sleep...but still 8 for work, 8 for sleep, still leave 33% available, and we use 6%.  

Sometimes get
closer.

As we wrap up, consider using this week as a jumping-off point to recalculating how we look at the most important things in our lives.  When we change our proverbial glasses, sometimes it helps us look at the way we count the cost a little differently.  Hopefully you can re-figure what and why you do some of the things you do and see if it still makes sense...or if you want to change it up.  Best of luck in the counting and measuring! 

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three parts of life that you want to recount this week.  Once you re-look carefully at how and why you've leaned in...does it still make sense to lean in?  Double down?  Back out?  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of evaluating how you do life...and if it's the right way you want it to be?  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

-  Don't Measure Your Life with Someone Else's Ruler