Scoot Closer

Scoot Closer

It may involve wrestling.

I've noticed recently that we all have a tendency to "scoot" out to our furthest range and cut out the margin...then we're surprised when something isn't working.  We recently started coaching our local Little League basketball.  Within a few minutes on the first practice, we had kids trying to long bomb the super 3-pointers right off of Dude Perfect while they were struggling with a simple layup.  Similarly, in coaching some 4-H archery...kids wanted to shoot at the really long-range 3-D dinosaur target...right off the bat.  In both cases, we ended up with airballs crashing around the other kids and arrows skidding across the floor.  In both cases...we were missing the target.  In both cases, the answer is pretty simple..."scoot closer."  

Sometimes bring rotten
apples.

In other parts of life, we tend to forget we're the beginner and go for the long bomb, Tom Brady style Hail Mary.  Quickly, in practicing some catch in the backyard...the kids had scooted out to where they had to use all their muscles to make the whole-body super throw.  Scoot closer.  When we are beginners and start too far away from our target, we have to cheat our consistent form in order to compensate for the distance.  In doing so, we learn and reinforce bad habits.  Over time, these become habitual, and we struggle to get past our training scars or habit ruts...and they drag us into the ditch.  I remember an Army shooting instructor who could shoot the target holder's clothespins off the target holder...consistently.  He could do so because he'd practiced for years on end.  By the end of the school, those of us who had worked the basics could hit them more often than not...the students who'd gone for the gimmicky shots early...still couldn't do it.  

Sometimes not too close.

For most any "hand-eye-coordination" skill, it's important to scoot closer earlier to get the right form down...then...as our basics build and we improve, we can increase the distance.  With the strong foundation we've built, the results will come...but only if we have the footers in place...from a lot of short-range work.  It was said that Michael Jordan would shoot "short shots" in bed every night with a basketball to work on just the right form.  His mom probably wouldn't have been tickled if he'd been launching 3-pointer distances across the house every night.  The results speak for themselves...he grew to where he could scoot further away...only after he scooted closer.  

You might need
a pokey floormat.

The metaphor, like most metaphors we talk about here and in life, can hold for the rest of your life...not just your ability to throw a baseball.  When we think about our parenting and our marriages, it's very easy to let distractions drift us apart from the things that we say matter most.  During busy seasons of life, it's easy to let the distractions and worries of the day drag us further and further away until we're an island or boat in the middle of a lake.  When you're in one of those detached moments, it's important to...you guessed it...scoot closer.  Often, our physical proximity can help lead our mental focus back to where it needs to be.  We've talked about "be where your feet are at" many times, and physically scooting closer can help us on the first step back to re-connection.

You build from crawl to run.

If you've slipped further away, intentionally or just drifted, it's time to come back...to scoot closer.  I'm always absolutely shocked at how fast time flies.  We recently chatted with an older gentleman selling his house to move closer to the hospital after his wife had a stroke..."we lived our dreams, and now they're gone" was his storied warning.  You have to be intentional and proactive about scooting closer to your kids and spouse...today.  Don't wait for the perfect moment...just take the moment you have in front of you and...scoot closer.  Go for a walk and hold hands.  Go out for dinner.  Stay up talking.  The point is...lean in and focus on your loved ones.  

Sometimes it's messy. 

On a similar note, if you feel like you've drifted away from God and your faith in our busy and fallen world...good news is...you can scoot closer.  By going to church, attending a small group, being intentional about praying, listening to K-Love or AirOne, and reading your Bible...you scoot closer back to God.  Good news is that he's there...always and forever.  You just have to set aside whatever holdups or hangups that have you too far away...and scoot closer.   We don't have to have everything just right or just perfect to begin...we just have to take that intentional step...to scoot closer.  

Be ready for results.

Whether you're a new beginner on an actual skill or hobby, or you've slipped away from what was working...we can scoot closer.  The coming closer helps us get our form consistent, our habits routine, and our results on autopilot.  This scooting closer can be the actual, physical scooting closer or the directing of more time, energy, attention, and focus on a particular topic.  Finances are going nuts...scoot closer to paying attention to your budget.  Kids slipping or marriage stagnating...scoot closer in time and space.  Whatever the case...scoot closer and get ready for the results.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three areas or small moments where you can lean in and scoot closer this week.  Do three of them.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of where you've scooted apart and how/where you'll scoot in.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Bring Your Spouse Closer Than Ever

- Grow Closer as a Couple - Focus on the Family

1 Second Rule

1-Second Rule

Practice doing hard 
things.

Last week, we talked about the 1% improvements.  This week, we're sticking with the theme but talking about the 1-Second Rule.  Famed Navy SEAL David Goggins talks about how you may have a major challenge in front of you, in his case, SEAL Hell Week of 130 hours.  That's made up of a lot of seconds, and you have to win every one of them.  If you lose one second and then ring the bell, it's all over.  In his case, your dreams and aspirations are over in a loss of a 1-second battle.  When you see old men who've lived an entire life...but had a few short youthful years as an elite soldier...you see the price of that 1-second battle loss by ringing the bell.  The SEALs talk about how you have to get to the next mile marker, get to the next meal, get to the next short-range target right in front of you.  When you stare at the whole of SEAL training, it's too big, too insurmountable not to fail...but breaking it down to a series of 1-second wins...people pass.  

Sometimes it's not a 
hard physical thing.

In much the same way, when we stare at an eternity of death-do-us-part in marriage or a lifetime of raising kids from babies to adults...those are big things...or should be big-thing level commitments.  That said, the way we win the marathon of these critical parts of life is through winning the 1-second moments... over and over.  In raising kids, these may be the moments where you have to pick reading a book to the kids, or throwing a ball in the backyard, or signing up for Little League...instead of filling the moments with "your" stuff.  It's the "we" over "me" moments that add up.  Each of those 1-second battles that you win is a testament that your kids matter to you.  

Sports
help.

Similarly, in marriage, the "we" more than "me" moments are critical.  It may take a different flavor with having "peaceful" arguments where the goal is not "winning" the argument but rather win-win and what is best in the long term for the family as it relates to whatever issue that caused the argument in the first place.  Each of those interactions - each "good morning" and "kiss good night" is a chance to win the 1-second moments.  Good news is...they reset every day, and you can start winning tomorrow.  Bad news - too many tomorrows add together until you end up with the battles becoming the lost war.  On the other side of the coin...the 1-second wins add up just the same for a great, contented life.  

Nature is
great
training.

We can apply this to our financial or fitness life with the idea of diet, exercise, and budgeting.  In those small moments when you're falling for the extra cookie or the impulse purchase, you've got to win more often than not.  This isn't to say that you have to make every treat or splurge an adversarial "battle."  We can make a budget - for our food, money, or schedule - and then eat/spend/do within our means.  The 1-second battle becomes a problem when it starts "leading us into temptation"...and once we're slipping, we're sliding.  I don't know how we can sit down...and a whole pan of brownies sometimes vanishes.  Put guardrails in place around the places where you know you're most likely to struggle or trip.

Don't stop.

For those struggling with mental health, depression, or addiction - oftentimes the difference between falling down and staying standing is the wins of the mini-moments.  I had a friend on the fire department who was struggling...but managing.  He was winning and stacking the moments day-by-day...until one day...he lost the ultimate 1-second battle.  After a few too many drinks and a bad phone call with an ex-girlfriend and mother of their child, he made a permanent decision based on a series of temporary life circumstances.  He lost the most important 1-second battle in the moment that mattered most.  He's been gone more than ten years now.  Every 1-second battle matters...every time.  

Winning often 
comes with a 
great view.

When it comes to faith, perhaps that's our most important 1-second set of battles we have to win.  When we have moments of doubt...we have to win...every time.  In survival, it's been said you can survive three weeks without food, three days without water, three minutes without oxygen...and three seconds without hope or faith.  There's a reason survival experts put this at the top.  Part of this (and all the categories) is to build up the bank account so that when the 1-second moments arrive, we're ready for them.  In the faith realm - reading the Bible, attending church, making prayer part of the daily cadence.  Those little proactive wins build up enough momentum to help you carry through the challenging times.  

In our lives, we have many challenges that have many seconds that we have to win.  Losing one second with snapping at a kid, your spouse, cheating, etc., happens.  But, with time, patience, and a big why...it can happen less and less.  Here's to you and yours...winning all of the 1-second battles in your pathway.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of things in the coming week that are 1-second potential...and commit to winning them.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) for supporting each other in the moments this week.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Legendary David Goggins

- The 1-Second Decision, Talent vs. Genius, & More - Sahil Bloom

1% Improvements

1% Improvements

A map can 
help improve.

We talked about grading your lifestyle, then comparing a more accurate apples-to-apples look.  In part, this careful look at your life - bucket by bucket and dive down to the subcomponents allows us to really identify, then target our careful investments (time, energy, finances, etc.), in a more targeted, scapel style approach instead of a chainsaw with dynamite.  This small, 1% improvement style continuous improvement allows us to identify and target our pain points necessary to bring higher satisfaction and contentment.  This isn't exactly the Kaizen idea we've talked about, where you strive to be 1% better every day, but rather small upgrades to life that make life 1% better.  

A little better
every day.

Last week, we talked about an example of potentially moving to Omaha, in large part due to some general angst and getting caught up in the emotion that comes with new beginnings.  As we talked, when we graded the "this vs that," it became objectively clear...moving was the wrong answer.  That said, in doing the grading to help us make a more informed decision, we identified a few small things that made outsized differences in our overall satisfaction.  One small example was an upgrade of winter gloves.  That sounds silly at face value, but our climate is known for being cold and windy through the winter season.  Our family loves getting out...but cold hands were taking the fun out of it.  For an investment of a few hundred dollars in gloves, electronic handwarmers, and a "cocoa kit," we'd meaningfully moved our contentment in getting out in the winter.  

Little adds up.

And, like we talked last week, moving to Omaha would've been a $12,000 per year increase on an identical apples-to-apples comparison.  Our 1% improvement, as it were, $120 per year for warmer hands, perhaps saved us from letting a small frustration (cold hands) from costing us big time.  All in all, without a few small 1% changes...we might've thrown the proverbial baby out...and regretted it for all these years since.  

Trial and error.

In a similar example, when our first son was born, we were largely "overcome by events" and at max capacity.  My wife and I were engaged in a series of jobs, volunteer engagements, and had spent years packing out our schedules.  Instead of looking at 1% changes that were tweaking our "statute" with sandpaper instead of a chisel or sledgehammer, we started a new proverbial statute.  Within the span of a few months, we both extricated ourselves from most of our volunteer commitments, switched organizations that we worked for, and moved from an apartment to a fixer-upper house.  As you might imagine, not a strategy to replicate.  

Engage in the
community.

It's hard to look back and second-guess what would've happened if we'd stayed the course...but we certainly know that we could/would/should have made small, not sweeping, changes.  Chances are, you can take a parallel on most any other part of life.  Instead of leaving your spouse over whatever frustration...perhaps try 1% changes like date nights, shared goals, couples therapy as preventative maintenance, or something.  Instead of telling your boss to "take this job and shove it," perhaps try negotiating fitness time, more time off, telework, or volunteering for a new project that builds a skill you've wanted to acquire.  

Wear a helmet.  

As we wrap up, hopefully you're thinking about the pain points of your current set of circumstances...and what are some of the small things... sometimes seemingly stupidly small things, that make life a little bit better.  Those little bit better items add up to perhaps help you reduce your stress enough...that you don't do something that you'll regret.  As we've talked, probably the first step is carefully grading against a rubric that is meaningful to you...then identifying carefully targeted investments that have the most move-the-needle ROI for your family.  Best of luck with identifying...and improving life satisfaction for you and your family.  It's worth it...and not that hard...1% at a time.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of things in life that are 1% improvements opportunities in your life...do them (or start them) this week.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of committing to life being better in small, actionable ways.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- The Power of Tiny Gains

Grading Your Life - II

Grading Your Life - Part II

Grading
leads to
improving.

Now that you've spent some introspection and family time talking about the facets of your life in detail and have assigned "point values" to different components, it's time for the so-what.  When we do the more analytical analysis work of comparing an apple-to-apple, it helps us get a better sense of what and why we're potentially making a change.  It also likely helps us reduce our "buyer's remorse" or see past the unintended consequences of a particular decision or change in our lives.  As a caveat reminder, the idea of "grading your life" is to help you decouple the emotion or feelings about a particular topic, or more likely a particular piece of a particular topic in order to make a more informed decision.  That said, if we cheapened everything in life to "good decisions" vs "good feelings," it'd be a less rich experience.  Like anything in life...balance is the key.  The grading of your life components should help you more wisely invest the time, energy, and effort to get the good feelings.

Lift each 
other up.

When we look at a few comparative examples, it's easy to pick on work.  We've talked about how "comparison is the thief of joy," and often in work, we can look across the fence to a perceived greener pasture.  Recently, I had a friend who left our agency for a similar one and, within months, looked back and said, "I should've stayed."  He'd gotten enamored with the flexibility in their work-from-home policies and made the jump.  In getting wrapped around the one variable, he'd not asked important questions about the rest of the job, workplace, culture, or team.  

Bring the 
water.

As we've talked before, oftentimes the "it's greener where you water it" applies to most things in life.  In the case above, if my friend had taken the time to get over the fact that we had less work-from-home flexibility...but looked at what we did have...and brought in his own proverbial water and fertilizer, the totality of the system he was in might've dawned on him...that he didn't have it so bad.  The internalizing of "how do I make my present life circumstances better" instead of waiting on someone else to come solve all your problems is huge.  By grading the components and subcomponents carefully, it allows us to tailor and focus our energy on the critical few areas that may make the most difference in quality of life.  

And a
screw
driver.

We've talked about our consideration of moving to Omaha, NE, here a few times.  At the age and stage of our children at the time, a few major highlights were the Omaha Zoo, the Children's Museum, and a few state parks that were right for their ages.  As we made a rubric and assigned "grades" or point values, it became clear that visiting Omaha was better (for us) than moving to Omaha.  In the finance bucket, we evaluated cost of living, insurance cost, tax (income, property, sales), income potential, housing cost, etc.  At the end of the day, with everything being identical here and there...it'd cost us $12,000 per year to live there vs our current situation.  Fast forward all these years later, and we've visited more than a dozen times...and banked that $12k...every year along the way.    

Climb 
higher to see.

To continue our Omaha discussion, we also broke down this season and our next season, and what would be valuable.  For us, public lands to get out and enjoy nature are a big deal (and get bigger as our kids do).  Our current state has about 50/50 public vs private land.  Nebraska...about 1.3,% and "wild" is more KOA campground than get eaten by a bear kind of wild.  As we went through other facets of what mattered to us in life, it quickly became clear that the emotion of making a change and enjoying Omaha...didn't mean that we should've moved there.  As we looked at our "current," all-in, status quo numerical grade...we were at a, say, 90% A-.  The forecast of the move to Omaha likely would've been much lower - # of sunny days, cost of living, nature, population density, etc., maybe C+, which equals regret.  

And even 
higher.

As we wrap up this series, we'd encourage you to take a look at your current situation...carefully build the rubric of what matters to you...in detail.  Then, evaluate how you bump those components up, little by little, until you improve your grade.  Chances are, if you're like us, you'll realize that life is better than you think it is off the cuff...and second, through a series of small changes, you'll improve in meaningful ways.  The caution here is to be sure not to throw the baby out with the bathwater in the scorched-earth, drop-the-nukes, burn-the-boats style.  Having worked around a lot of folks in a variety of roles...rarely is the nuclear option the best one.  Good luck making small changes to become big wins.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of parts of life where you've graded...and think about how to bump them higher.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in the grading system.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- How do you grade yourself?   

Grading Your Life - I

Grading Your Life - Part I

Grading starts
early.

It's been said, "What gets measured, gets managed."  We can measure our lives, not so we can compare them to other people...but rather to compare our current (or next season) circumstances with our own ideal or desired end state.  When we create a shared vision, shared language, and shared culture of reflection/introspection, it facilitates us growing together...and leaning in individually...to make the collective whole really move synergy from a buzz word to a way of life.  

Grading leads
to growth.

When we talk about grading your life, it's important to take the first step to define your rubric.  It's also important that you dive deeper than the surface into the sub-components.  Using a finance example, our rubric might be a desired end state of "having financial peace and enough margin to not "worry" about money."  The subcomponents...or smaller items we'll assign a grade value to may include income that covers our needs, staying out of debt, driving paid off cars, continuing to live in our "starter" home, and investing XX% each year.  Those are the subcomponents that matter to us and are the associated building blocks that get us to our desired end state.  For many, "successful" finance might look like a new car, a new house, a new vacation, etc. ...but those aren't the ingredients to real success.  

Measure to
begin action.

We'd encourage you to, as you're getting started, actually sit down and write out your rubric...sub components and all.  This should be a team effort between you, your spouse, and perhaps your children.  The meaningful conversations and efforts help identify a shared reality...and an end zone that you're all aiming at.  It allows you to say "no" to a Disney weekend, so you can say "yes" to an Alaskan road trip (or whatever matters to you).  As you get going, once you've defined the rubric, each member of your family can grade where you are, and as you average out those grades, you'll get a pretty good picture of where you're actually at.  

Grading is 
learning.

Often, the first step of a journey is understanding where you're at...so that you can figure out where you're going...and chart a roadmap from here to there.  By carefully grading, you'll likely become attuned to the low spots so that you can have a conversation...then invest more wisely in what matters to you for improvements.  This wider understanding of your status and "flight plan" allows you to also get a more balanced approach to life.  Our grade for work may be a B-...but in the wider context of the rest of our life, B- may be good enough.  For us, I could make more, have more flexibility, etc....at the expense of living out of a suitcase or moving.  B- is good enough because with all things considered, we're probably at a solid A grade overall.  By trying to move my B- work situation up, we could easily knock our overall grade back to a C by being on the road a lot.  

Grading is doing.

As we grade, I'll say it again, "comparison is the thief of joy."  With social media, it's incredibly easy to fall into the "grass seems greener everywhere else" trap when we're only seeing the highlight reels of the proverbial Joneses.  We may look at a video online that appears someone is an A+ without asking or seeing beyond their 30 seconds to realize their situation isn't all it's cracked up to be.  At one point, we got enamored with the #VanLife lifestyle where you see picturesque backdrops of National Parks everynight (A+ grade by the way).  The reality, without the airbrushed makeup applied to the video, is that for every night you're in the A+ location, you're probably doing 10 nights at the truckstop or Walmart parking lot (not A+).  

Sometimes
make a new
grade
category.

As you get practiced with the idea of grading, you'll get faster and more accurate.  As your family makes this a shared construct and similar language, you can use the concept of grading to bounce big (or small) decisions off of before diving in.  When we first started this model, it was clunky and awkward.  We've grown, through practice, to where we can look at a decision like "should we coach Little League next season?" through a grade rubric.  It'll move our kids' ball skills, and from C to B.  It'll move our discretionary time from B+ to B-.  It'll move our budget for the season from A- to B+.  Overall, let's say it'll move our overall grade for this season from an A- to an A, but our long-term grade (more capable, healthy kids) from an A to an A+.  That's a convoluted example...but couple the grade with the kids' interest, our emotion/gut reaction, and we've noticed that we make better, more informed decisions by considering grades as part of the decision calculus.  

Grading is a one-by-one
process.

The other benefit of grading your life is that you'll likely notice that overall, you'll realize life is better than you otherwise thought it might be at face value.  For example, it's easy to get caught up in a "life sucks" mood when you get snipped at during work or cut off in traffic, and forget or dismiss all the rest of the blessings in the background that we often take for granted.  Our emotions often bring the "if it bleeds, it leads" mantra moments to the forefront when we reflect on our day.  When we widen the aperture a bit to get the totality of the circumstances...by writing them down piece by piece, we realize that life is good.  We talked about the idea that "what if you only had tomorrow, what you thanked God for today."  When we grade, we realize there's a lot to thank God for... every day.  

Perfection
is not the goal.

Perhaps the last step in the process is to keep measuring.  Much like the quarterly elementary school report card, measuring over time begins to give us trends and draw patterns.  Similar to a cholesterol test, a single moment in time is just that; the trend over time is what causes course correction or inspires action.  Perhaps you "check in" verbally with your spouse on a grade once a month and more formally twice a year, where you sit down and "update" your report card.  Instead of looking back when your kids move out of the house, and they say, "dang, childhood was a C-," the continued checking in helps you course correct along the way.  

Grading is
helping.

You can also inject a parallel in daily life when you check in with your family - "What was your grade today?"  And, if it's less than great, "what would've made it move from a C to a B or B to an A?"  This framing gives us a shared language to help better lean in and support each other in more personally meaningful ways.  In doing these "daily check-ins," it also right-sizes our perceived injustices.  "I'm a F because so and so called me a such-and-such" is a jumping-off point to great lessons in resilience and reality.  This isn't to be used as a "toughen-up, buttercup" punching bag, but to remind ourselves and each other that we're stronger than we seem.  It also allows us to really lean in better when the days really are D's or F's because we've built deeper trust along the way.  

Grading
is team.

You can also use the principles to grade each other.  Asking your spouse and kids, "What grade would you give me as a dad this past month?" is a vulnerable and powerful experience.  When they tell you you're at a C-...then follow up with a conversation (and willingness to listen), you can chart a course to make this month better than last.   When done consistently, that translates to this year better than last, this decade better than last, and getting to the finish line with "well done, good and faithful servant."  

Grading
is climbing.

As we wrap it up, remember to balance the grading or gradepoint average across the time-and-space of our life seasons.  We've had periods of life where we're sprinting incredibly hard at work to meet a short-term goal.  Our report card reflects that as I get out of touch with my wife, kids, and nature.  For a shared commitment, short season...we can make that work.  Longer term, the report card on the fridge reminds us to inject balance back in, and when we've met our short-term goal, it's time to re-spread our time, energy, and attention more intentionally.  This re-balancing helps us keep from driving 90 mph...right over the edge of the cliff and the point of no return.  All in all, hopefully these principles of evaluation allow us (and our families) to communicate better...and ultimately win together...more likely than not.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a place to start grading...and three subcomponents to get you started.  Sit down with your family, define the "what does success look like for us" rubric, and get started.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) across the different facets of life by assigning a grade to how things are going.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- What is your Life Score? 

Next Chapters

Next Chapters

Grow.

The beginning of the end...or the end of the beginning?  You get to...you have to make that choice in the different facets of life.  At times, you'll likely find that one door is closing and another door is opening.  Other times, you'll end up so sick and tired of being sick and tired that any action or change is viewed positively when compared to the status quo.  As you look at the different parts of life, it's important to remember that we get to/have to make decisions on which chapters we'll start, stop, or continue.  

Life goes by...
try to keep up.

In many ways, without stewardship and work on our status quo, we tend toward chaos.  In a marriage example, without continued leaning in...we tend to drift apart.  As we go through the seasons of life and change ourselves as we go...we have to remember that our choice on the next chapter is really up to us.  My wife and I are not the same people we were as newlyweds...or as new parents...or as the parents of toddlers...and so on.  As these next chapters have come and gone, we've had to ask ourselves (consciously or otherwise) if that chapter is the beginning of the end...or the end of a beginning.  Hopefully for you and yours, you continue to choose to make your last chapter set you up for an even better next chapter.  

Dreaming with
Olympians.

To continue our marriage example, the paradigm of the end of the beginning means that you're investing in the now for tomorrow.  In other words, activities such as routine date nights, making time for meaningful conversations, praying together, connecting with families in the now and next chapters, and so forth help us make smoother transitions.  By prioritizing and creating time (through saying "no" and making sacrifices) we help ensure that we're prepared for the next chapters as they show up.  

Homework with a 
periscope.

When we stop making the decisions necessary to lean in, we tend toward falling apart.  The term "slippage" has been used to describe the disconnections that are small...but pile up like an avalanche over time.  Just as no single raindrop is responsible for the flood, small disconnections with our spouse add up over time.  Much like "failing to plan is planning to fail," by not making the decisions proactively to be ready for new beginnings, we are inherently choosing to let our now be the beginning of the end.  

Long jump.

As you think about the next chapters and the paradigm above in terms of other facets, we can similarly apply the ideas.  When we look at our parenting roles, it's perhaps more clear that new chapters are around the corner...because our children get older whether or not we're prepared.  Our job is to try to help make sure that they (and us) are ready for those inevitable transitions.  When we're getting closer to the natural breaks - junior high, high school, adulthood, grandparenthood, etc, we can help set our children up for success and prosperity.  At each next step, it's far easier and smoother if we come prepared as opposed to being reactionary after we arrive.  

Make the most of 
all the moments.

For us, one of the next chapters of life will be the empty nester phase.  I worry that we've poured so much into our "little kid years" that we could end that harvest season with blank fields for the next season.  In other words, we're proactively injecting shared habits and conversations about dreams when our daily lives aren't wrapped around the business of child-rearing.  In that absence, many folks around us end up realizing without the shared bond of parenting that they've grown apart...and when the kids move out...so do they.  In order to prevent the negative outcomes that we can see on the horizon...we've got to do the things in this season that ensure a positive outcome.  

Chunking axes.

Similarly, this model can apply to other parts of life, like finance or retirement.  Things like new home purchases can be full of blessings, setting off a new chapter full of great memories...or can be a stressful kickoff to an "in over our heads" race toward bankruptcy.  Likewise, if done right, our step into retirement can be a new beginning as opposed to a finance-restricted countdown to the end of life.  By making the decisions along the way, like living on less than we make, investing wisely, and staying away from debt, we set ourselves up for a meaningful and fulfilling retirement journey.  

Passing the 
baton.

We can also apply this paradigm to new jobs, volunteer roles, or special projects.  With the end in mind that we're plowing and planting a field that will return fertile harvests, we approach our daily work with more passion that translates into more prideful results.  With practice of routinely, habitually asking ourselves if we're on a journey that is the end of a new beginning...or the beginning of an end, we'll hopefully make more wise and future-focused decisions that help set us up for a lifestyle that is far more rewarding.  Best of luck with seeing life in a new way...and here's to new beginnings.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of parts of life that have been heading toward "the end" and inject ways that add new beginnings.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) that you can do this week as a family to double down on planting seeds for a better ending.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Begin with the end in mind - Stephen Covey  

Sacrifice - the other side of the coin

Sacrifice -the other side of the coin

Make the sacrifice
worth it.

Last week, we talked about the importance and concept of sacrifice in our human existence.  It is important...in fact, critical to our continued existence.  Perhaps it's the defining essence of humanness compared to the rest of the world around us.  The ability to act outside of our own self-interest is what moves our greater-good collective ahead.  That said, this week I want to talk about stupid sacrifice or "too much" sacrifice.  Before we depart, I want to reiterate our theme of balance here - some sacrifice is necessary.  Trading the big prestige job for the one that keeps you home...but you still have to bring home the bacon.  

Invest the sacrifice
wisely and routinely.

In any given year, there are roughly 100 firefighter fatalities (similar ratios in military, law enforcement, etc.).  About half of those are related to cardiac health - heart attacks, strokes, etc.  About half of the half remaining (25 or so) are vehicle-related, many of those involve no seat belts, driving recklessly, and making stupid decisions.  Of the remaining quarter (25 or so), those are the "necessary sacrifices" where someone paid the ultimate price...where luck ran out, and they traded their life in an effort (successful or otherwise) to save another.  Those deaths are the heroic ones that we should celebrate.  The statutes we should build.  The stories we should never forget.  But...those first 75...it's not heroic, it's tragic that we ate like crap and a heart attack got us...or we weren't wearing a seatbelt...or we drove 900 miles an hour.  Play stupid games, win stupid prizes - don't do dumb stuff...that's not sacrificial...it's stupidity.  

Do good and beautiful
things.

There are times when sacrifice is not in the greater good.  If all of the generals had run into the battle at the front...their deaths wouldn't be for the greater good...the whole army would perish in their vacuum.  Similarly, if the start-up CEO started doing energy drinks via Red Bull, working 20 hours a day, cat-napping under their desk...sure...for a minute that might move the needle.  Long-term, though, it creates a toxic culture at best.  At worst, they become a zombie who is incapable of leading.  Perhaps worse yet, they die early, and the company fizzles out.  Their "worthy" sacrifice might look more like pumping the brakes and leaving a little growth on the table for the right kind and right pace of sustainable growth.  

It often doesn't
take much to 
make it worth it.  

Sometimes, sacrifice needs to be a sprint or a season.  We've all had times in our lives where we've had to run hard...sometimes harder than we think we can.  Long term, that insanity mode is not sustainable.  Short term, it can be freeing...it can be family-tree level altering.  In our family finances, the sprint session of hard grind for a few short years can set up the rest of your life.  Early on, we lived in a crappy apartment, drove crappy cars, worked every overtime hour, hustle-and-grind...grind-and-hustle - investing all the fruits of our sacrifice wisely.  Now, those investments are gaining a life of their own.  Had we tried to maintain that lifestyle long term....sure, we'd possibly have another zero in an account somewhere...we'd also probably have a divorce or two, an ulcer, a first heart attack, an estranged kid, and more in the rearview mirror  

Bring the 
team along.

Good, healthy, productive sacrifice shouldn't be a stick to beat others with.  When it's working, it's a teamwork value.  I'll go to work and sacrifice to make the money for our family.  My wife will sacrifice her career ambitions to stay home and raise our children.  Both of us are pouring in, equally yoked, in our sacrifice.  The sacrifices don't have to be equal...our willingness to make the sacrifice is the necessary equalness.  The team or family's commitment to sacrifice based on our individual strengths, weaknesses, capabilities, and communication are where the magic happens.  Additionally, our sacrifice towards a shared vision of the greater good is important.  If it's a blind sprint toward a brick wall...that does no one any good.  

Just keep taking one step in front
of the other...for a while.

At home, if we work nine gillion hours...that's not sacrifice, that's idiocy empowered.  Sacrifice is important...critical even...but only when strategically aligned in a system ready to take it.  If sacrifice occurs, especially over a long time horizon, it becomes a resentment and bitterness fills the hole it creates.  I've known people in my circle who embrace sacrifice as the humble-brag, "I sacrificed more than you" or "I only sleep two hours a night so that I can sacrifice for you."  Those are not sustainable.  They're not healthy.  They're enabling, not empowering.  

And enjoy
the journey.

As we depart this week, hopefully something here has resonated with you.  Sacrifice is critical.  We have to do it to be functional parents or spouses...or employers/employees...or leaders/followers...or about any other role in life.  We have to choose to do it smartly.  We have to choose the right level, right time, right duration, right tempo, right reason to give our sacrifice.  Sometimes the "jump in front of the bullet" sacrifice is the easiest kind.  Often, the long slog sacrifice or the pump-the-brakes sacrifice is more difficult to get our arms around...but it's often more meaningful with more staying power.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three examples of sacrifice to unpack, study, and discuss as a family this week.  What made the sacrifice "good" and worthwhile?  What made it stupid?  What are you going to learn from and implement in your home based on those case studies?  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of stupid and smart sacrifice.  Are there changes at home (and beyond) you're called to make in reflection?  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Mark Tey - Too much sacrifice

- Mark & Jill Savage