Habitual Ruts

Habitual Ruts

Overcome rut
obstacles.

We tend to associate ruts with a negative connotation...that's not necessarily accurate.  Much like the drive to familiar places like work/church/school/groceries, we routinely go on "autopilot."  Similarly, our ability to walk through our home in the dark, neural paths that become ruts allow us to be more efficient.  If we had to think through each task we do, every single time, we'd turn into basket cases.  As you're thinking through the systems that you employ in your life...consider what we can put onto the habitual ruts to create progress.  

Ruts can be made
to be useful.

Some parts of our life are more conducive to the benefits of habitual rut.  When we think about things like budgeting...we can do things like automatic transfers, automatic payroll investing, and other things that become the "fire and forget" automation.  Similarly, with our calendar or to-do list we can leverage technology to make our ruts deeper.  Proactively adding a calendar check-in/family meeting allows us to make that touch point weekly as a habit...not when the proverbial dumpster is burning down.  Our habitual ruts allow us to get to the Covey Q2 (not urgent, but important) tasks and slide from response to prevention.  This intentional, proactive work means that we're less likely to have a continuing series of "crazy-cycle" encounters by getting out in front of them and avoiding the root causes.  

Start early.

We were at the Guernsey, WY Oregon Trail ruts a while back and it's a powerful place to stand and look at the physical ruts.  Those repetitive wagon wheels rolling over the same piece of ground...150 years ago are a reminder that ruts can help us build upon those before us...and do better.  Instead of wandering aimlessly or dangerously across the wild west country, the trail and corresponding ruts allowed subsequent travelers to more easily, quickly, efficiently, effectively, and safely navigate a wild place.  Those ruts, at the beginning, were a few small tracks through the grass...now, sort of, those "ruts" have turned into a railroad and interstate highway system that has transformed our world.  

Ruts (and water)
can do amazing
things.

As you unpack some of our family roles, can we build some "how-to parent" ruts by volunteering to babysit, coach a Little League team, or help out with kid care at church?  Chances are, if we're intentional and proactive, we can likely avoid the bumps on the horizon.  When we're looking to make a career change, we can likely find an internship/volunteer opportunity that gives us a few small ruts to figure out if we want to invest the time/energy/resources to build an entire "road system."  For example, during grad school, we had a classmate who had finished her dental degree...only to realize she didn't like doing dental work.  Long story short, she was transitioning to administration stuff (not in health care).  Had she perhaps made a little rut before doubling down on a doctorate degree...life might've been smoother.  

Go see the 
physical ruts.

In his book Atomic Habits, James Clear lays out the idea of habits as systems.  By taking the small habits and "stacking" them, we can create a more useful system/network that enables us to do some great things.  When we talk about a system, those habit ruts can be powerful.  Let's use an example of physical fitness - some of the ruts might include putting our water bottle and shoes by the door to get up first thing and take a walk/run.  Another rut might be getting into the habit of every time a commercial comes on or a streaming episode ends, you do 10/20/200 (you pick) pushups and put the TV on mute.  Similarly, we can make a habitual rut in healthy eating by not going to the grocery store hungry, shopping with a list, staying on the outside loop (not in the aisles), and getting veggies instead of ice cream when you're not in a moment of weakness.  

They can lead to
beautiful places.

Another benefit of habit ruts is that they create a certain momentum that leads us closer to who we say we want to become.  For example, with faith, doing prayers at dinner, talking about the Bible, going to church, and so forth creates a rut that then makes us a faithful person.  Getting out and doing adventure with kids when it is cold, they're tired, and it's generally a pain in the butt, eventually create adventurous people who do adventurous things.  The cool thing about the rut is that the habit of, say, outdoor adventure, is that we'll likely have our kids grow up to be a next generation of adventurous parents who raise adventure kids, who become adventurous parents...and so forth.  The small ruts you start now can compound and cascade decades into the future.  

Get a carry if you
need it.

Part of the idea of ruts is that we can use them to look forward to where we're going...but also backwards to where we've been.  This can be particularly important and empowering when you're in a season of struggle.  When you look at the rut/paths/people who came before you...and think about the repetitive nature of ruts necessary to be in place to get you to where you are often helps to right-size our perception of the struggle.  Think back, say 10 generations...you had 2 parents, who each had 2 parents (up to 4), who each had 2 parents...when you get to 10 generations...we had to have had 2,048 people all "survive" or thrive to make it possible for us to show up.  Looking back down those ruts can help us remember who we are (our values, heritage, and so forth).  They can help us overcome the fears, frustrations, and struggles we're facing.  

Sometimes they
split different
ways.

As we broaden out with ruts...we can also have them be negative.  If we have a habitual rut of coming home, kicking off our shoes, turning on the TV, and becoming a couch potato...we have to work to "drive" out of that rut.  The first part of doing so is noticing we're in a rut...and the rut is on a trail that will take us where we don't want to go.  It's important every so often to spend some introspective time evaluating where your current trails are taking you (and your family).  If we aren't tickled with where our small habits are going...we can then take actions to create new habits.  For example, if you spend too much money...long enough, we call it bankruptcy.  Instead, we can look at what causes us to spend money (e.g. I always stop for coffee when I drive by the ABC store).  In unpacking it (highly recommend you read Atomic Habits for more details), perhaps we take a different route (rut) to work to break our trigger/catalyst.  

Create some 
new ruts.

Lastly, as we depart our discussion on habit ruts, it's important to remember that when we're in a rut, the days tend to blur together.  Get up, go to work, go to sleep - repeat.  The days become a gray oneness.  Instead, by injecting some novelty into our lives (trying something new), we can distort our perception of time.  When we do a "honey do" weekend, it seems pretty seamless with the rest of our week.  Instead, if we do something new like a long weekend trip, staycation, or other novelty, when we get back to life/work on Monday, it feels like we've been gone a month.  In a perfect world, you create a habitual rut that adds novelty to your life as the status quo.  This doesn't have to be particularly costly or even take a ton of time - go to the concert in the park, have a picnic over lunch, go stargazing...the idea is to inject novelty intentionally and regularly.

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of "bad" habits and a couple of good habits that point to where you want to go.  Now, this week, take a few small actions to minimize/delete a bad habit or create the beginnings of a rut for a good one.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of recognizing ruts and getting into/out of ones in your life.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- James Clear Discussion

Do it Scared...Part III

                                                  Do It Scared...Part III

Grab your net
and get going.

Wrapping up our series on "Do It Scared," we want to get to the "do it" part.  We've talked about some thoughts on fear and what stalls us out.  We've also talked a little bit about the benefits of "doing it anyway."  Today, we'll talk a bit about how we overcome our fears to get across the finish line.  Hopefully, the series has unpacked for your family what you're scared of (even if you wouldn't have described it necessarily that way) and how to "do the thing" to live a fuller life.  

Just slide
down.

One way that we can get past our fears is to take small steps or small doses of our particular fear.  For the more tangible fears like heights, you could work your way up - playground, ladder, sit on the roof, etc, until your fear starts to get under control.  In the more theoretical, if you're worried about having kids, consider doing small steps like volunteering to watch kids at church.  Worried about buying a house, consider volunteering at Habitat for Humanity to get a better sense of being an informed consumer...or go to about a zillion open houses so that you get a good sense of price and value.  

Go try out the 
scary lava tube.
Just say "yes."

Another way to knock down your fear is to shine a light that helps cast out the shadows.  Often, most of what we "think" we're afraid of is actually uncertainty.  By shining light into the dark places, we can see more clearly what is there...that clarity helps quash the fear.  Some of the "light" can be through learning more about our particular fear - read a book, pray about it, watch a video, ask AI, listen to a podcast, go to coffee with someone who has been there before.   Chances are, in today's day and age, your particular fear or problem isn't one that is particularly novel.  Nor is it likely that there is a lack of information on the topic...perhaps too much info or noise that you have to distill.  Chances are, though, with a little intentional study, you can shine a light and get a sense of what you need to learn to drive out the unknown and consequently, the fear.  

Bring your 
dog with you.

As it comes to the "do it" part...you can give yourself inoculations that ultimately make you immune, or at least competent in the face of the fear.  Say that you're scared of the dark...take a flashlight with you and sit in the dark house...escalate it to the back yard...then try the park down the way.  As you work your way up, try a night hike where you're watching the stars.  The point is, like stair steps, bumping up until you're capable of working fully in spite of your fear.  When you get practiced at seeking out your fear and engaging in it, you'll notice that other things you were scared of will lessen as well. 

Don't get blown away.

Lots in patenting that is unknown.  Some are actually fearful.  Do it anyway.  We talk about adventure and raising our next generation of adventurers.  Climbing mountains, rafting rapids, or skiing down the big hill are all potentially fearful.  Transitioning toddlers to teenagers can be full of times and situations that cause us worry.  Similar to the "shine a light on it," we can often push out the unknown and tamp down the fear.  Hopefully, people in your circle (and certainly those outside of it) have done any wild, adventurous activity...and successfully raised competent adults.  Chances are, they had fearful moments, good news is, that they overcame that...didn't give into it.  You don't have to either.  

Public speaking...
might be your thing.

Before we leave this series, one more item of note - don't entirely ignore the fear.  Our body's fear reaction is an important sanity check on what we're about to do.  This doesn't mean we embrace or ignore...it means we evaluate what our body is trying to tell us...and working through it.  We may need to mitigate the risk by making good decisions, slowing down, adding training or protective equipment.  As we work through our fears, don't jump out of a plane without a parachute...but, perhaps consider taking training, equipment, and so forth to jump out.  Whatever example applies to you...deliberately evaluate the risks, ask "why" you're feeling fearful, address the fear...and do the thing.  

We can 
build our
anti-fear
muscles.

As we depart, I'll leave you with a saying we had at jump school, "Stand in the door."  This was the mantra, rallying cry, and first step order in getting in the airplane door...to jump out.  We spent time in the ground school part that pushed us through our paces and went over every contingency until the responses were second nature.  When we got up on our first jump and the jump master opened the door - the rush of air, noise, and fuel smell filled the aircraft.  The first person to "stand in the door" realized that the cars below were Matchbox size, and then they disappeared into the windstream...gone in an instant.  At the moment, inherently fearful...every single person "stood in the door" and jumped.  Fear...and courage...are both contagious.  With you and your family...be courageous...get the ball rolling in the face of fear...and ride the momentum to a fuller life.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of the fears you've thought about the last few weeks and pick out one.  Now pick three actions that are going to make you "do the thing" that you haven't.  Repeat.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of being scared - go do the small things...then the big ones.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Fear, Is a Liar with Zach Williams 

Do it Scared...Part II

                                                 Do It Scared...Part II

Practice 
makes perfect.

Continuing on our journey from last week on being scared...but saddling up anyway.  Fear has a way of making us both our worst...and best selves.  When you think about the times where you're most (or least) proud of yourself in your past...chances are it involves when you overcame or gave in to fear.  I know there have been moments in my life that I overcame my initial instincts...or gave into them and look back fondly (or with shame) on those moments.  When we have the opportunity to look back, we can hopefully learn and implement those lessons later in our lives.  

Acclimation
is key.

Having worked in disaster response for many years, there can be a contagious nature to fear.  We've seen herd-style stampede-type behavior.  We've also seen leaders get past their fears and inject themselves, like a nuclear control rod, into the situation to bring calm that settles the whole thing down.  As you think about the fearful points in your (and your family's) life ahead, try to pre-script your responses (instead of reactions) to how you'll overcome those moments instead of giving in to them.  For example, I worry (or am fearful) about our kids starting to drive.  To overcome that, or get in front of it, we're working on bicycles, talking about driving safely, giving examples of peer pressure (don't let your friends talk you into jumping the car), and implementing safety rules (seatbelts every time).  

Find a role model.

Another thing about fear is that we can get in front if it...based on our backgrounds.  With firefighting (or other stressful, inherently fearful things), we can build experience that effectively negates or minimizes fear reactions.  Through training, exercise, and scenario-driven practice (e.g., role playing), we can help you build your toolkit that can help tamp down the fear when it arrives.  At home, we can help get there by cultivating multi-generational relationships, particularly with those in your community who are a little ahead of you in life.  For example, by doing life with peers who have junior high kids when yours are in elementary, you can learn from their mistakes, wins, and lessons.  When your kids get to those seasons of life, there is less unknown...and consequently...less fear.  

Just start.

One of the fears that many of us toy with is the fear of perfection.  If we wait until we get to perfection, chances are, we'll have missed the boat.  It's often said that "perfection is the enemy of good enough."  Newsflash, you'll never be the "perfect" parent, spouse, employee/er, or anything else.  If we let the fear of being perfect stagnate or paralyze us, we'll miss the season of life where it's applicable.  Say you've got pre-schoolers...and you're torn on the best of advice how to perfectly build their reading skills.  Chances are...just grab a book, grab a kid...read will work far better than trying to optimize every minute detail.  

Keep at it.

Mark Twain said, "I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened."  Most of our worries or fears are never realized.  When was the last time the stock market went to zero?  How about the ice age?  Meteor shower?  Invasion by aliens?  In less dramatic fashion, when was the last time you went bankrupt?  Divorced?  Cancer?  Kidnapping?  We're surrounded by stories of those things via social and traditional media so our risk perception tells us that those are right around the corner.  By weaning ourselves out of that constant soaking in negativity...our fear reduces.  

And rappel 
from your 
bunk bed.

Another thing we've lost in our fear-soaked life today is the ability or the willingness to leave the screens behind and get outdoors.  We have friends who go "camping" often in their mega-RV and spend the weekend sitting by the lake watching the big screen while scrolling on their iPads and cell phones.  Nature has a way of healing us and connecting us with things bigger than ourselves...it helps right-size and put in perspective our fears.  Even that, though, gets co-opted with fear-inducing headlines of grizzly bear attacks, giardia outbreaks, and horror stories of killers in the woods.  When we search for fear...we find it.  When we start looking for the positive, sun-shiny parts of life, we find those too.  

As we wrap up this week, keep in mind that fear is out there...we get that.  We also get that you can reduce it, right-size it, and respond to it.  Or, you can let it cripple you and convince you that you must do or not do things that you're called to do.  Next week, we'll wrap up with some of the "what to do" in the face of fear.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of the fears that have stopped you...what small action can you do...this week...to help make that fear smaller.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of understanding and overcoming your fears.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Fight Your Fears

Do It Scared...Part I

Do It Scared...Part I

We can scaffold
our scary...

Do it scared.  When we talk about scared, the definition is "thrown into or being in a state of fear, fright, or panic."  For most of us, in modern first world situations, there's not much that falls into the "physical" component of scared as compared to past generations - scared of war, measles, getting eaten by a saber tooth tiger, or whatever else.  That said, we're a more scared and flighty people than maybe any generation before.  Headlines scream about how many folks suffer from anxiety and depression in our modern world.  The boogeyman that we're "scared" of is a much more made-up version than perhaps ever before.  

...until it's
not so scary.

 With parenting and family, there are so many things that we can feel scared by, most of them exist in the space between our ears more than the world around us - the uncertainty, stress, a war on the other side of the world, or many other "non-tangible" things.  For many of us, we grew up with "get back by the time the street lights come on," but now we raise our kids while hovering too close in our proverbial helicopters.  The chances of your kid being nabbed by the plethora of pedophiles and serial killers in the house next door are exceedingly small...granted, never zero...but exceedingly small.  

When we get
more comfortable,

We can tackle some of those things with knowledge...we're far from the first generation to raise kids...we can learn from others.  When you think about your great-grandparents who lived through WWI, WWII, the Great Depression, the Dust Bowl, Spanish Flu, and so many more strategic-level "disasters," we can hopefully find some peace.  For the generations before that era, our ancestors lived without many of the creature comforts we take for granted...including indoor plumbing and electricity.  Learning from their resilience and the "stiff upper lip" that got them through the fearful moments can help us get through our low or dark, scary parts of life.  

we become
less scared.

The bombardment of a constant news cycle likely helps keep us "scared" since "if it bleeds, it leads," and good news doesn't sell.  To that end, shut off the screens.  When we get away from the algorithm that tells us that we should be scared of our own shadows, life gets better.  We're led to believe that there is some version of a boogeyman behind every tree, and in nervously searching for it, we often forget that life is, in general, pretty darn good.  Instead of watching the trees, go to the park and have a picnic with your loved ones.  

We can improve
over time.

The initial reaction to fear is avoidance (feels safe from the discomfort and danger).  The problem is, "giving up" or "giving in" is highly reinforcing from a psychological standpoint (Recognition Primed Decision Making - RPDM).  We can inadvertently tip the sled down the hill when we don't "do it scared."  You can use fearful things to inoculate yourself like a booster shot.  Again, at the fire department, it was full of the traditionally fearful things (heights, tight spaces, people in crisis...and the occasional snake or spider).  By injecting yourself into your particular boogeyman's space a little at a time, you got to where you knew and understood your perceived limits...then pressed them out over time.  You might have been scared at the top of the ladder still...but you were up there doing the thing...and that's a win.  

No matter what your scary is...
you can overcome it.

Researchers and journalists who have interviewed Medal of Honor recipients talk about how they were brave, perhaps just a few minutes longer than their peers.  All of their peers were there at the battle...those that rose above were just a little braver, a little longer.  At the fire department, I had a close friend who was petrified of heights and another of claustrophobia.  Over time, working with them through the academy process, we saw them make progress until they were able to do the thing...may not have enjoyed it...but do the thing nonetheless.  When we got into real-world situations where "the thing" was needed, the guys could rise to the occasion.  

We'll wrap up this week with the idea that fear..."he is a liar" as Zach Williams sang so poignantly, and next week tie in with some more thoughts on the topic.  Hopefully, you're getting the sense that fear...whatever color, size, shape, that is your particular monster, you can likely get past it.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple things that have historically been worrisome for you...think about why and list out three things that you're going to challenge yourself with when it comes to being scared.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) to help you each move past whatever is fearful.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Fear, Is a Liar with Zach Williams 

- Quit Looking for the Easy Way Out - Dave Ramsey

- Keep Your Daydream It's All Risky

The C-words of Goals

The C-Words of Goals

As we continue our series on goal setting, we can continue to help you dive deeper into what "good goals" look like and how we talk about them in our homes.  We'll add on a few vocabulary words as concepts or principles to make your goal setting and achieving more effective, efficient, and standardized.  As you work on making new goals...or making your old goals better, hopefully, you can find a few takeaways to help you live out your best lives.  Hopefully, the thoughts below can help tease out some principles you and your family can think about as you work to make your life more intentional...and consequently meaningful.  Think about the following sentences in the context of you and your family.

Commitments...by yourself and from others. "You'll practice 2 minutes per day, every day.  From us, it's a safe space to try, you'll need up and we'll still adore you... And we'll help you practice."

Consistency...you'll show up...again and again...and you'll practice properly...same form every time, same routine.  (Practicing either the wrong thing or the right thing the wrong way leaves training scars).

Connections...this is connected to a bigger desired end state of being able to juggle all the moving parts in relation to each other.  

Consequences..."If I miss a practice day, I'll do double days for 3 days." Set meaningful consequences to keep you or get you back on the proverbial treadmill.  

Celebrations..." We will go see a circus if we ___ get ___ done by ___ " - make meaningful milestones to stop and celebrate.

Curbs...left and right limits help us with guardrails that keep our goal progress on track.  "I won't say yes to any new volunteer opportunities until we get to the ___ milestone." 

Canyons and Known speedbumps or road blocks...what will be the hardest part for you? Try to pick out what will trip you up...and make a plan before you get there.

Calendar milestones...check progress for course correction.  Where should you be at the 30, 60, 90, and 180 day marks?  Are you on track?

Components...break down your big SMART goals into smaller parts.  Instead of the "teach kids how to catch a ball," break it down to a system of scheduling 30 minutes every night for a month to practice.  Celebrate by going to a baseball game.  

Check-ins...track progress and process pieces.  How - graph, chat, checklist, checkbook reconcile, scale measurements, etc.  Take time to do some measurements before you get too far down the road. 

Cancel...Mechanism for the off-ramp... evaluation points for cutting and failing forward.  What are the conditions that tell you it's time to cut your losses?

Cost, currency, cutbacks... like Jericho, size it up before construction. What is the currency...hours, dollars? How many? Is it worth it? What trade-off or opportunity cost is required/ that you're willing to give?

Closest unit to current selves... one x/day more real and doable than 500/ by New Year's.  We overestimate what we can do in a day/week/month and underestimate what we can do in a year/decade/lifetime.  

Category...which Zig Wheel and how does it interact with the others?  Great CEO...is it at the cost of your marriage?

Communication...do you need to message this to others for understanding and buy-in?  Are your spouse and kids on the same page?

Contagious or catching...companions...can you loop others in?  Will bringing in accountability or other team members help?  

Calving...will this goal have potential for offspring, good and bad, intended and otherwise?  Will your hobby grow into a small business?  Do you want it to?  Happy accident?

Colorful enough to be inspirational...incorporate your "why" into the goal itself.  "Cut expenses" is less empowering for sacrifice than "reduce expenses by $xx, so that we can do YY by this date."  

Conditions...what has to be true to say yes?  "Our small business has to be making $xx per month for us to consider stepping away from the full-time job."  

Consume, contribute, create cycle - goals should help you grow.  At first, we only consume something, then hopefully we contribute to the conversation, and finally are creators.  In other words, the crawl-walk-run cycle should be an integral part of your goal-setting journey.  Hopefully, you get to where you stop consuming and start creating in whatever circles you invest in.

The last... cherish each 4-year-old snuggle, one will be your last.  Not morbid, at some point, it just gets weird if you wrap up your 20-year-old for bed.  The "last" of each thing happens. Even football players coming out of retirement... we each want one more last.  Don't stop
cherishing them along the way...not just the firsts (e.g., first steps, words, etc).  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of the principles above and write out how you'll implement them in your goal system.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in changing your system.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Goal Verbs - look at other goal words to make your goals more meaningful.  

The Language of Goals

The Language of Goals

Summer 
sledding.

Just like most everything else in life, there is a particular language that goes along with being successful.  When you think about an industry or profession, there is a common, shared set of language (jargon, slang, inside jokes, etc) that go along with making the team a team.  Similarly, when we start talking about goals, we end up with shared language that helps get everyone on the proverbial same sheet of music, so to speak.  When we're starting out with goals and actions toward more intentional life, it's important that we socialize and agree upon the foundational vernacular we'll be using so that we have a shared, common understanding of who, what, and how we're going to build our goals...and achieve them.  To get started, here are a few that can help you begin to get joint language and concepts: 

On the outside of a bridge.

Mission, Vision, Values - these are often touted as the "big three" in studies of organizational leadership.  They're charting the course for where the team will be going.  They can be loosely equated to the "what we do," the "why we do it," and the "how we go about getting it done."  These are loftier and above the tasks or tactics level...but should inspire the actions that will make up those tasks, timelines, and tactics.  

Medieval 
fest.

ICS Priorities - The Incident Command System (how we fight disasters) outlines four high-level priorities: life safety, incident stabilization, property conservation, and societal restoration.  This ordering allows responders to focus on the first things first and keep a balance/assign resources.  At home, we should have a similar set of priorities that guide our system.  This could look like "we prioritize dinner around the dinner table" as a clear statement instead of cruise control, where the schedule eats up our unstated priorities.  

Swing high.

Objectives, strategies, tactics - this is perhaps the next level down in the proverbial pyramid where we begin to set concrete objective statements that will help us carry out actions necessary to achieve our desired mission.  The objectives are written "SMART"ly, and then our strategies are a set of big-bucket alternatives that may get us to the finish line.  This is then further fleshed out when we select a strategy by writing tactics that will be specific actions necessary to "do the thing."  

Take the dog.

Task, Purpose, End State - this set of words can help us communicate the selected strategies and tactics to the "worker bees."  When we talk about this, it's equating and drawing the picture of how an individual's work to the greater efforts.  For our families, this helps us connect the small daily habits of today to the grandiose outcomes you desire years from now.  

Stop and search.

Timelines, Tools, and Task (and Checkbooks/Calendar Appointments) - when we break down the big rocks into even smaller rocks, it takes the form of calendars, budgets, to-do lists, and so forth.  When we do the first things (above) first, then our smaller level items can nest with trajectory toward the big things.  In other words, if we know that we want to spend quality time with our family...that translates into not filling every moment with things like travel sports.  Similarly, we don't "buy" some of the ethereal items (an adventurous family)...we spend the money at the task level (saying yes to the canoe on the Facebook Marketplace).  

Ask the beaver.

Management Action Points (MAPs) and Triggerpoints - along the way, we can set up triggers or mileposts that remind us to stop and have a conversation or make a decision.  This could be the good things like anniversaries or Christmas traditions, or the bad things, like layoffs, sickness, and so forth.  Without proactive and intentional consideration, we likely will be overcome with the stress and chaos of a situation that can, unfortunately, derail and erase our progress.  

Learn to fish.

Branches and Sequels - this concept is looking out ahead to the known (or anticipated) changes in life.  With seasons, we can assume that some seasons will start/end, and we should have a sequel plan.  For example, we should hopefully think about early elementary...while we're in toddler years, so we're more intentional.  We can use the idea of branch planning (picture a tree trunk), where there is a shift away from the main plan - job change, moving across country, etc.  

Courses of Action - too often in planning, we artificially put in constraints that aren't really there - "I could never leave this job because there are no other jobs."  When we force ourselves to craft alternate scenarios or courses of action, we can get out of short-sightedness and make a decision in the moment that better aligns with our priorities and objectives.  

Watch the
Thunderbirds

Pitfalls and risk assessment/mitigations - bad things will happen...and, in large part, are fairly predictable.  When we look around the proverbial corner, we can hopefully identify the current actions to change our course.  For example, the convenience of the screen "babysitter" when the kids are little...left unchecked...we'll raise screen addicted adolescents.  The idea is to identify trouble as far on the horizon as possible.  

Climb a tree
to see farther.

Progress review and course correction - along the way, we need to check in.  The idea of 1% or 1 degree off course having crazy results when done over a long distance is very true.  We have to check in with ourselves and our loved ones periodically that we're on the right track...and change if necessary.  This can be connected to temporal landmarks - birthday, new year, etc.  

Celebrations - slogging along with your head down can get you a ways...you can likely (and your family) can keep the pace much longer when you build celebrations along the way.  They don't have to be expensive, just intentional and meaningful.  This can take the shape of a family movie night, staycation, vacation, new family toy, etc.  

Or just for fun.

Systems - to wrap it up, hopefully you've gotten the idea that "systems are better than goals."  Goals are great - they point the direction we should be heading.  But...without the systemized actions, the proverbial train of life will run us over if we're just sitting on the tracks.  We can use habits to add meat to the skeleton of our system.  Let the "things" you do help fill the wind in your sails to get you where your goal-storming pointed you and your family.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of items above that resonate with you and talk through it with your family.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of goals or systems.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Stephen Covey - 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families

- Family Planning Schedule

Musings on Goals

Musings on Goals

Written Goals - In many parts of life, our goals may not be clearly defined or written down. 

The desert is good for refection.

For most of those parts of life, we're making a mistake.  Sure, the goal of getting to work on time may be more of a habit than a "big goal," but by writing them down, we gain stickiness.  In writing them down, we also find the opportunity to refine or shape them to be more meaningful to our situation.  Through the writing, we can use one of the monikers like SMART - specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely (substitute your own criteria from the many out there) to enhance our goals.  Also, through the writing, we internalize and can create more shared buy-in by posting them in prominent places.  As it's been said, "hazy goals make hazy results" - the writing of them helps take the haziness out.  

Writing...even in
sand counts.

Speaking it into existence...whether that's putting pen to paper and posting in a prominent place...or casting it out to those in your circle... your odds of success go up.  When you have a team around you that can share in your action, momentum, and progress, you build accountability partners.  For some goals, like say the "maintain, don't gain" challenge for weight around Christmas, the crowdsourcing of motivation and competition can serve everyone well.  For others, like say paying off your mortgage earlier, the group around you may be an online Dave Ramsey-type support group, a financially focused small group at church, or simply your spouse and a financial advisor.  

Celebrations can be timeless.

Celebration is a key piece of goals.  It's hard to get excited when we don't know where the finish line or goal post is.  It's even harder to get excited if that goal post moves randomly around the field without our knowledge.  When we set out with a goal, we should define what success looks like at the end of our sprint (or marathon) challenge...and the "so what" of how we're going to celebrate.  For example, we may have a goal of paying off all of our debts...and then go to Nashville to do the public "Debt Free Scream" with Dave Ramsey.  We should try to align our goal completion celebration(s) with our overall goals.  In other words, don't celebrate hitting a diet target by eating a bucket of ice cream.  The celebration doesn't need to be extravagant or expensive...just meaningful to you and your family.  

We get better...
when we work.

Practice towards progress towards perfection.  In other words, we shouldn't expect to be good or necessarily even competent when we start out.  Therefore, on both the goals, the habit, and the celebrations, we should work our way up as we go with baby steps.  As we're figuring out meaningful celebrations, practice with small ones.  For example, if we, as a family, can get our schoolwork caught up and the house cleaned, we'll go to the zoo on Saturday.  As far as actions go, say we're paying off debt, before we downsize the house, trade our car for a bike, and dumpster dive food...perhaps we work our way up with small "no" moments like saying "yes" to eating at home on Friday night instead of going out.  By practicing the little steps and little wins, we can better understand the bigger rocks and actions necessary to make meaningful progress.  

Each step is one
closer.

Momentum matters.  As we piggyback off of the small wins, keep in mind the saying "don't despise these small beginnings" has been paraphrased and repeated from Zechariah 4:10.  When we make meaningful, sometimes almost imperceptible gains in the right direction, our momentum builds.  As the momentum builds, it allows us to "clear" obstacles that pop up, threatening to derail our progress.  The more small actions and wins we rack up, the larger our momentum until we've effectively created a tsunami that can run over even the largest obstacles.  Take infidelity as an example, if you've chalked up the small wins over and over through the years and decades, you're nowhere near the edge...and consequently, when life gets rocky and an "out" appears with the opposite sex...you're not tempted.  If, instead, you allow the momentum to work backwards, constantly tempted and playing into the flirtation, not filling your spouse's love tank...chances are when it gets rocky, you go for the eject handles.  

Having a system...even dad 
pulling counts.

Systems over "goals."  It seems this saying has popped up over the past few years.  While I don't disagree with it...I would say it's not "over" but perhaps more accurately "goals through systems."  To say it differently, you should have a goal that sets the conditions for success, it tells us when we've won and what winning looks like.  That, however, is often not enough to make it happen.  We need to build the systems around us that can help orient and direct our actions meaningfully toward the goal itself.  For example, within budgeting, it's easy to say, "We want to be debt-free."  The system looks like making a budget to spend within our means, saying "no" to things that don't bring us value or joy, getting our big rocks (housing, transportation, food) in order, and checking in transparently with our spouse on the actions and results.  The system by itself is pretty hollow.  The goals by themselves make a pretty motivational poster for an office.    

Keeping the main thing
the main thing is 
critical.

Task and Purpose - goals on their lofty pedestals aren't enough.  Our systems ultimately get made up of tasks with a defined purpose for meaningful action.  In our disaster incident action plans (IAPs), the sort of playbook or sheet of music we use to get everyone's rowing in the right direction together, many teams use the "task, purpose, end state" language to clarify the needed work to be done...while unifying everyone's individual contributions to the overall endzone.  If you think of your "end state" or goal as the seat of your stool or the body of your car, the purposeful tasks become the legs or wheels.  By tying the work and result together, we can help everyone be more motivated through understanding how they fit into the bigger picture.  Similarly, by tying every task to a purpose, we can help ensure that we reduce the "busy work" that tends to come with a bureaucracy, whether it's at home or in another part of your life.  

At the end of the day...
it's on your shoulders.

Own the field - an Incident Commander and long-time "mentor" type uses this mantra as a rallying cry for the team.  Similarly, with your goals, you've got to own them for long-term sustainability.  While "arranged marriage" type goal adoption of goals can work, doing something big (e.g., my dad wants me to go to law school) for someone else's approval or ownership is likely a bad idea.  Without the internalization of the goal and finish line for you and your family, you'll likely spin your wheels in the mud, failing to find traction and wasting resources (time, energy, effort, attention, money, etc.).  With most goals, once you're a married, family team, the royal "we" needs to take up the ownership of the goals.  If one of you is bailing out water while the other is filling the boat with a bucket...it's counterproductive and frustrating to say the least of paralyzing to your progress.  

Own it...whatever
it is for you.

As we wrap up this week's post, it's important to remember that goals can be a powerful tool.  They help us organize, orient, and commit our actions and resources effectively and efficiently.  When we set out on a new goal journey, we can build on our past lessons learned and progress.  By using the "best practices" that resonate with you from above, chances are, your goal progress will improve fairly rapidly.  As you and your family reflect on "who you want to be when you grow up," consider setting out goals for the different Zig Buckets of your life for each person in your family.  By defining the what and why, our brains and ultimately our systems can help us figure out the how, who, when, and where to get us closer to our desired end states...and ultimately help us live our best lives.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of areas of your life and set a good goal within them.  Or, consider three goals you've had for a while and if one of the best practices from above will get you unstuck.  Discuss it with your family...and get a little progress...this week.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of getting more intentional toward your "end state" that you've called for your family.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- SMART Goals