You're Average

You're Average

Check the
numbers.

You're average, so am I, so are all of us.  That's the definition.  That's how averages work...half of all of usare above the number, half are below (although that's technically the median but for our puroses today...that's not the point).  When you think about just about any category of life, you're somewhere on the continuum or on the spectrum between worst and best...probably toward the middle.  There are certainly outliers and you may be one of them in some part of your life.  Chances of you (or any of us) being an outlier in all the parts of life aren't stellar.  There's not many genius level, perfect saint, MVP ball playing, CEOs with perfect marriages and outstanding kids out there.  

Study the 
history.

Before we dive into it too deeply, careful with the comparison trap here.  Average is inherently a comparison with those around you...and those not around you via social media.  It's easy to fall into the trap of seeing what you don't have without the full story and letting it steal the joy.  When we look at others and see the person with the nicer _____ (car, house, job, salary, spouse, kid, life, etc), it's a dangerous slippery slope of trouble.  Unless you've got the fortitude to stay the course that you've set...don't go hunting the "always better than you" zone.  If you're not there yet, just do a quick internet search for "average" age, gender, location person and a category (example below).  

Measure the 
results.

This is isn't a rah, rah post to get make you consider changing all that you do to "not be average," nor is it a comparison-is-the-thief-of-joy thing.  It's a permission slip to be okay with being average.  This isn't to say striving for excellence is a bad thing...it's to say that making excellence the singular focus pursuit in your life is probably at the best shortsited and worst potentially toxic.  I work hard at my job...it provides for my family...but I wouldn't say I'm "excellent."  I don't say yes to out of town travel.  I don't sign up for after hours projects or extra shifts that take away from interacting at home.  I may take a long lunch to watch our kids play football.  In turn, I do my best when I'm there...but in our profession, on the national scale...I'm probably average.

Adjust the aim for 
the next shot.

More broadly, in terms of profession, my wife and I work in "average" type industries...neither one of us is chasing the corporate ladder or in an emerging "venture capital" style career path.  Both of us work in government jobs...her very part time as a teacher these days and me as a manager with a state agency.  Neither profession is one that comes with much of an "above average" salary potential.  Both us could make more by changing what...or how we do it.  She could make more by working full time or pursuing adminitsration.  I could certainly make more in the contractor space side of our industry.  That said, being average here works just fine for our family.  We make enough to make our lifestyle work.  Messing with that calculus or trying to optimize for the peak...would...without a doubt...crash our overall system.  

Make a commitment.

As we look at the different arenas or buckets of life, it's important to define average.  It's also important, like we've chatted, to set a target "enough number" so to speak in each bucket.  I try to be an "A" level family guy.  I'm not an "A" level in other parts of my life...in large part because the opportunity cost of what it would take to make it happen.  This blog...pretty average.  I've made it consistent...sometimes at the expense of quality.  I could chase monetizatin and engage in social media to drum up readership, but it's not about that for me.  I'm okay with where we are with it.  

Keep practicing. 

My wife and I still joke that when we were dating, we tried Guitar Hero, the video game.  While she scored high 90s...I scored a literal 3%...far below average.  There are many things that I am really, really not good at...and not willing to get better.  There are others that are a constant work in progress that I do want to get better at.  Faith for example...I'm not wonderful at leading our family in this space.  I can (and am trying to) get better at things like being consistent in praying, getting to church regularly, engaging in reading the Bible.  

Learn from others.

We were visiting a friend recently who was in a quandry about what she and her family should do for the next chapter in their life.  They are in a spot where they've got three sweet girls, a great home, nice lifestyle, and he's working a job making bank...but a lot of hours.  They're ultimate goal is to get back closer to family a state away.  In part...they're trying to go be small-town average.  Fortunately, for them, they're using their above average income years to set themselves up for a "below average" next chapter...that is a perfect ideal for them.  The seasonality is trading between buckets...now one bucket is above average so that...in the next stage the important bucket of home and kids can be stellar.  

Do the 
thing.

As we wrap up this week, take a minute to think about the old "what would you do for a Klondike bar?" jingle but substitute in "above average" and a bucket.  I've had a small business on the side for several years...multiple peoplehave told me that it could be fairly successful if we did something with it.  The problem is...the "cost" of making it above average...is not a cost we're willing to pay...not at this stage of life.  I'm okay being average in this part of life...so that...our family can have excellent adventure and presence in this chapter.  Hopefully you can find peace with the parts of average that are at or below...and make sure the ones above...are the right ones.   

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out what you think you're "better than average" at - list them out here...and make sure they're the right things you say you want to be good at.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of the average family and where you're at.  Pick carefully where you need to course adjust.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Average Profile Example

Tradewinds

Tradewinds

Study the wind.

Dr. Seuss wrote a book, Oh, the Places You'll Go, and this week it seems like there is a parallel that is worth talking about.  There are times in life when we're sailing with the prevailing winds at our back.  Those times when it seems like in spite of us, everything is just working out in our favor.  Hopefully you've set you and your family up for a lifestyle that is mostly full of this type of "luck."  By adding and investing in margin continuously - calendar, budget, etc.- you can be here more often than not.  The secret of this time is to recognize, appreciate, and celebrate that you're in the "good old days" while you're still in them.  

Study the birds who
use the wind.

Other times we've got a headwind...sometimes it's more than a headwind and matures into an all-out hurricane-style storm.  These are the times when seemingly no matter what we do...we just can't run fast enough.  We can't catch our breath, and it feels like we've got a mountain in front of us that is unending.  It can feel like no matter what you do...you're losing and can't get ahead.  When we're in one of these on-the-ropes seasons, it's important to refocus on the priorities.  Oftentimes in this season, it's a call for a "slow down to go fast" approach where you look to cut things until you have enough margin to see clearly.  In disaster response, we call it a tactical pause where we seek to gain clarity before initiative.  

Practice harnessing 
the wind.

There are times that no matter what we do...big things don't go our way.  Loved ones pass away untimely.  People get sick.  Homes are impacted by disaster.  Jobs are lost.  These tradewinds can feel like they're an all-out gale in your face that knocks you down.  The important part is to take time to grieve and process...but then stand back up.  That can be easier said than done, but it's a critical part.  We've known people in our circle who have had all of those things happen...including us.  Knowing "the rest of the story," as Paul Harvey used to put it...everyone in the circle around those circumstances has figured out how to carry on.  Many are finding happiness and a new normal down the road with a little time in and space removed from the original situation.  In other words, their trade winds changed...in large part...because they figured out how to overcome and adjust the sails.  

Learn about
volatility. 

We've all been in both places, and obviously it feels nicer to be in the first.  That said, some of the struggle times are what make us capable of great things.  The old adage about the mighty oak only grows strong in the storms is true.  In that sense, we're capable of far more strength and resilience than we think we are.  Good news: we can also grow our resilience muscles and capacity through intentionally setting high goals and striving through struggle.  We can even create artificial struggle that helps us build our abilities - sports, learning new things, physical toil, exercise, and many other ways.  We can prepare ourselves to sail more smoothly...ironically...by sailing more roughly on purpose in small things.  

Get good at using
the wind in your favor.

Other times we're in the doldrums where there is no wind in our sails.  This might be that quintessential "mid-life crisis" that is always talked about where we're stuck in the ruts and routines and daily life can be summed up as "sameness."  This isn't all bad if you've got a good set of routines and ruts that provide margin while also filling your soul with contentment.  We've talked about "bedazzle your basic life" before.  We've also talked a lot about injecting novelty when, where, and how it makes sense for your family.  The important part here isn't to get so frustrated with the doldrums that you bring dynamite or gasoline to the party.  Too often we see the "damn the torpedos" approach that results in the consequence-giving new car, house, spouse, etc.  

Enjoy the wind...even
the headwinds.

The old adage, "the only constant is change," is an important thing to keep in mind here.  In wildland fire, we're constantly monitoring wind and weather shifts due to the potential for extreme fire behavior or "blow-ups," as they're sometimes called.  In your life, when you sense a windshift coming- an annual physical and your health numbers are slipping; you and your spouse growing apart; a sudden cold front on the annual performance review at work - double down and pay attention.  Seldom do the catastrophic changes fall on you like an out-of-the-blue piano from a Wile E. Coyote cartoon.  Most of the time they come with some level, albeit sometimes subtle, warning signs.  Our call here is to take notice of those onset indicators...and take action.  Double down on date nights with your spouse, lean in with your kids on their interests, take a family road trip, volunteer for that project at work.  

Teach others.

These tradewinds can be seasonal.  Retirees talk about three distinct bucket stages of "go go years," "slow go years," and "no go years."  There are other times throughout your life where everything goes in your favor and others where you just can't catch a break.  The secret here is largely to "bank up" the good times' momentum and feelings, and draw upon those when things aren't going well.  And, when they're not going well, reflect and remember the good times to give you hope for the good times still ahead.  It's easy to forget the rearview mirror when you're fixated on the windshield and vice versa.  Neither one has to be indicative of what's ahead...that's a daily decision that only you can make.  

Sit back and
enjoy!

As we wrap up, it's important to remember that skilled sailors learn to sail with the wind...no matter what it's doing or not.  It's also important to remember that you've got a hand in the driver's seat, and with modern technology and know-how...you can always apply the EMT's favorite treatment: "aggressive diesel therapy."  In other words, you can get yourself out of a particularly bad tradewind season by applying steering, initiative, and horsepower.  You're not a powerless victim of your own circumstances.  Don't like something...change it.  Also, cherish the good moments where everything is going right, appreciate the good old days...while you're in them, and be ready for those moments or months where it's not all sunshine and rainbows.  Happy sailing to you!

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few reflections on wind seasons in your past.  Now pick out three lessons learned that will help you and your family when the next wind shift happens.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of "weather monitoring" in your personal life.  How about with your spouse?  Kids?  Family at large?

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Fresh Starts

Don't Blink

 Don't Blink

Dive right in and 
swim along.  The 
boat is going ready
or not.

The country song "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chesney helps remind us that time is short and that we've got to cherish every moment while we can.  As I'm sure you know, your kids are only little for a little while.  It's ridiculous how fast time flies with our little ones.  Our role with each stage of our kids is to prepare them for the next stage they're going into.  Those early years are for working on talking, walking, toileting, and the basic life skills.  The next stage branches into the old "reading, writing, 'rithmatic" phase.  As they get older, we add in other life skills that will serve them well, like budgeting, scheduling, and career readiness.  Peanut butter smeared across all of the stages is helping them develop their character, faith, and foundations that anchor them when times get hard.  

Stay active.

As you work on parenting, it's critical that we pour in our heart, soul, and resources to set our children up for success in the rest of their lives.  That said, along the way, it's also important that we continue to build ourselves in terms of our spouse role and other pieces into who we need to be next as well.  Tim Urban of "Wait but Why" estimated that some 93% of our in-person time with our kids is in their first 18 years.  Think about that for a second: if you live to be 90...that means 4/5ths of the time on earth...isn't with your kids.  Sure, you had the time when you were a kid...but chances are...you'll have a lot of time after your kids are up and out to still have you and your spouse.  

Be inventive.

In part, like a lot of what we talk about, it's important to have a plan for the "empty-nester" part of life.  That's not really one of those things where they move out...then you die the next day.  It could be another 50 years.  That's a lot of time to reinvent yourself and lean into your spouse.  You've got to do the things today while your kids are little to set the course for when they're not little.  This means pouring into date night, saying "yes" to a weekend away with your spouse, and keeping passion projects alive.  I have colleagues who are in that empty nest stage and are a lonely shell of who they once were.  I've got other people in our circle who are busier in this stage than they ever were before.  Like everything, start with the end in mind and work backwards with your spouse so you have a shared vision and shared expectations of what that next chapter should look like.  

Make friends. 

Throughout your working years, or the "messy middle" as it's been termed, it's important to keep pouring into the "you and yours" of tomorrow.  This means setting aside retirement money...or...if you think you might exit work early...a bridge account.  It also means keeping up with the maintenance items around the house...including paying off your mortgage and other liabilities.  As you're dream-storming with your spouse, recognize what the pre-reqs are that are necessary for that dream life you envision.  This may include doubling down on your health and fitness now.  It may also mean saying "yes" to social activities that may carry you into those next years (pickleball anyone?).  

Travel to beautiful places.

We're not saying you need to play every grandparent outing while you've got a kid in diapers...but you should start setting expectations and plans in place for the life you say you want.  Are you hoping to spend time with the grandkids...but want to move to Florida?  Are those at odds?  Do you want to retire early?  But also help kids with college?  Do you have aging parents that are expecting some level of support?  Are you on the "sell it all, buy an RV" track while your spouse is more on the mindset of hunker down in the Villages in Florida and watch sports?  These at-odds questions need to be answered and reconciled.  The problem isn't in disagreements but rather expectations and dreams that grow apart or dreams that don't have the foundational pre-reqs ready when you are.  

Try new festivals.

On the flip side, cherish the moments when your little ones are at home and not consumed with friends and activities.  Say "yes" to adventure in those small, wonderfully short years.  It doesn't take long for your kids to get engrossed in sports, extracurriculars, and begin the early stages of adulthood.  This path toward leaving-and-cleaving is necessary, albeit painful.  The end goal isn't living on the couch in the basement - it's off, thriving in their own big, amazing life.  That all said, prioritize the moments when you have them at home with you and under your roof/influence.  This isn't to say "quit your job and wing it;" you still have to provide...but that means pouring in more than just your paycheck.  It starts with your time, attention, and interests beyond just your time away at work.  

Take time to 
relax.

As we wrap it up, lean in to live in the moment.  These are years you cannot get back.  They should be lived in the present and cherished.  When done right, you can live your big, beautiful, best, bedazzled life now...while setting yourself up for the same lofty lifestyle that you define in your next chapter or season.  Have the conversations and do the things today that your future self will thank you for your fortitude, foresight, and sacrifice.  It's never easier than now to get your calendar, budget, fitness, and general well-being going in the right direction...because...you're the youngest you'll ever be again today.  So are your kids.  Act accordingly.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a time this week where you'll brainstorm 3 actions you can start implementing today with your spouse this week.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of next steps to be on the same page. 

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Mr. Fire Station

Choose

Choose

It takes longer
but it's worth it.

Choose - There's a quote from a variety of sources that's been floating around the "meme" space of the internet and a bit of an unknown attribution: "Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard. Obesity is hard. Being fit is hard. Choose your hard. Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard. Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard. Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard. Pick wisely.”  This has been "quoted" by several Navy SEALs and other similar types, but I think it most often goes back to Dr. John Deloney, one of the Dave Ramsey media personalities.  Wherever it came from, it's true.  We have choices in life.  Sometimes between the best of two bad options...but regardless, we have to choose.  

Sweat makes 
you tough.

A quick look on the interwebs and so much of this straightforward sentiment is met with discontent...and excuses.  In reality, much like the rest of life, so much of life is what we choose and what we make of it. That's cliché...but think about it. We're often placed between two hard points - perhaps one that is in-your-face-today-tactical and the other that is longer-term-strategic. The decisions we make today have echoes in who we will be in the future.  This blog, for example, is "hard" to get done every week...172 weeks in a row right now.  The "hard" is giving up before week 173 for no particularly good reason.  I'd probably regret not doing this post at the 11th hour later...in the moment right now, I want to take a week off.  

Learning matters.

Similarly, I'd like to have ice cream for every meal...the hard part I'm choosing in that decision is being able to get up off the couch and out of the house ten years from now.  Pouring into work every waking hour now...my hard choice is having a relationship with my wife and kids down the road.  On the flip side, not working hard and investing today...the hard we're choosing is a retirement that doesn't meet the expectations we've set.  You can see here that the "hard" can come in different flavors and needs to be balanced in moderation between the now and the later.  

Build your 
castle.

When we think about "hard," it's mostly mental in today's day and age.  We're likely not stabbing woolly mammoths with a stick, driving buffalo off a cliff and hitting them with a baseball bat at the bottom, or running from saber-tooth tigers very often.  The good news is that since it's mostly mental, our ability to ignore the excuses and push through is much easier than it could otherwise be in a survival or highly physical situation.  We should be able to rise above our self-interest or our body telling us that we're "too tired" to make it happen.  

Just do it...it's never
convenient.  Do it anyway.

As we look at our hard, it's important to give words to "why" a particular thing is hard and make systems that get us away from the "hard."  In other words, if we're too tired to do a thing now...build into the system where we do the hard thing earlier in the day/week/month/year.  Brian Tracy wrote Eat That Frog, which talks about getting our worst/hardest thing out of the way earliest to set the tone for the rest of the day.  Elite special forces soldiers make their bed perfectly every morning in training in order to get an easy win early.  We too can build our system where we knock out our worst (hardest) first.  

Explore now...
so that you can 
and will later.

If, instead, we're looking at our current self in the moment and having a hard time delaying gratification...or choosing by default the hard thing later, we can work on that too.  There are cell phone apps out there now that can "age" you, where you can more fully visualize what your future self will look like...and what they will look back on you like. They may look back at the now-you with admiration and gratitude for good decisions and fortitude...or with regret.  The choice can sometimes come easier when we more fully visualize that future self.  The app too hokey?  Run down to visit your local nursing home and ask them who would like more mobility?  Work out more now.  Who would like more money/options?  Stop spending to the max and invest the difference.  You get the idea...so does the next-you.

Travel...lean in...even
when it's "hard." 

As we wrap up this week, take a minute to evaluate your current self and decisions...then look at what the ramifications are when you extrapolate out where those decisions will get you in 5, 10, 20, 50 years.  Your hard that you're leaning into now or avoiding will manifest and compound...for better or worse on those longer-range timelines.  Keep in mind, you've got to live in the moment now while preparing for the moments later.  As the Money Guys put it, "bedazzle your beautiful basic life."  We can stay active and healthy; we can save money; we can pour into our spouses and children...so that we've got loved ones, resources, and an ability to enjoy them in the decades to come.  Look at hard things now, find moderation...but lean in while the stakes are relatively low...choose hard today.

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three hard things that you've been avoiding up until now.  Do them this week.  Keep doing them.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of putting hard things first.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Eat That Frog - Brian Tracy  

Adventure Is Out There

Adventure is Out There

Go cow tanking down
the river.

Adventure is out there...the premise being that it's outside your four walls at home.  Whether you live in an apartment, a van, a modest home, or a monster mansion...most adventure is past the front door.  The good news is that we don't often have to go very far from home to find it - backyard, walk around the block, greenway, city park, nearby state park, national park, or anywhere in between.  There are some adventure-adjacent things we can do at home - read about it, watch shows about it, study it...but it's hard to do when we're inside.  Watching a show about fishing is not the same as actually fishing.  Reading about mountain climbing isn't the same as doing it.  

Or climbing.

When we "consume" adventure instead of participating in it, we slowly but surely lose our will and ability to partake physically in it.  My grandfather, as a young man, was a pretty active outdoorsman.  By the time I'd come along, he'd spent so much time sitting in the easy chair watching adventure that he'd lost the physical ability to actually do much outside.  He'd traded doing for storytelling...then slowly lost his own stories to recollections of other people's televised travels.  We owe it to ourselves...particularly our future selves to get outside and "do" adventure so that we can later get out and do adventure.  Similarly, we owe our children and grandchildren the continued commitment to getting out.  

Or bird watching on 
the roof.

We noticed on a recent trip to a Midwest state that most people were pretty comfortable going from air-conditioned space to air-conditioned space - home to car to store to dinner to store to car to home.  Consequently, over time, they (and we) become conditioned and addicted to the creature comforts...and it becomes easier to say "no" when the adventure opportunities present themselves.  This has a slippery slope effect as it relates to mental, physical, and probably gets into emotional/spiritiual health as well.  I know when we're engaged beyond ourselves...life is better at our house.  When we're out and doing physical things, we stay in better shape...which in turn...makes it easier to do more things.  Similarly, our mental/emotional/spiritual health all feels more in balance and more healthy when we're not just staring at screens.  

Or hiking.

Stewardship is another big part of getting our kids out the door to adventure.  Our children are getting increasingly removed from adventure and the outdoors in general.  Between our safety-fied culture where we inordinately avoid anything that might create a band-aid and our busy schedules that make it easy to skip adventures - big and small...our children aren't learning to love our natural spaces.  Similarly, as we do more screen time instead of travel time, we lose our appreciation for those around us and different from us.  As this generation grows up...without a strong adventure/outdoor/travel foundation...they'll vote differently in their elections and with their dollars.  We'll officially lose the things we've already given up because we learned not to love the wild places and spaces.  

Or build something.

Adventure can take many, many forms and shapes.  This summer we've been building the cabin/shed/fort/castle in the backyard.  The kids have had an opportunity to learn building skills while working on their math and planning as well.  You can add in a road trip, hike, camp out, new festival, or food...there isn't a strict rubric of "if you didn't get eaten by a grizzly bear, it doesn't count as adventure."  If anything, perhaps the rubric is "would you tell your grandkids about it?"  In other words, the reminder here is that chances of you telling your grandkids about that epic spreadsheet you made in your fluorescent-lit office... are slim to none.  

Or just a 
walk.

As we wrap up this week, we're sitting in a hotel in Santa Fe, NM after attending the Zozobra Festival last night (following a recommendation from last year at the Albuquerque Balloon Festival).  Sure, it's 12 round-trip hours in the car and a few bucks in gas and hotels...but at a certain level...you were going to spend the time anyway, and it can cost what you want it to in large part.  Spending a few hours of great music, reminding you to burn your glooms every so often, and seeing maybe the best pyrotechnic show we've ever seen...priceless...and probably on the tell-grandkids-list.  It doesn't have to be epic...it does have to be routine...and you just have to do it.  Go adventure...out there.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three adventures - big or small - that you and your family can partake in during the next month.  Schedule them and keep the plan.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of the calendar and budget that you're going to make your adventure lifestyle.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Zozobra

Solve the Problem

 Solve The Problem

Bring the right stuff.

We often make our issues overly complicated or excuse away all the reasons something won't work.  One thing with emergency services, and I'm sure other professions, is that paralysis of action has consequences.  Whether or not we're feeling 100%, whether or not all the conditions are right, whether or not the right team is on the field...we've got to show up and solve the problem.  There is little room for excuses when someone's life is on the line.  They called us.  They trust in our institution and, by proxy, trust in us without knowing us individually... to show up and solve the problem.  

Maybe the tech.

Similarly, in life, particularly in our role as parents, we're called to show up and solve the problem.  Whether or not we feel 100% ready to be a parent in this particular season of life...the kid is going to be a toddler, teenager, empty nester...and we have to solve the problem.  This isn't to excuse away the practice, preparedness, and repetition that can help ready us for the problems we'll face.  In fact, in large part, the wide-ranging preparedness is what builds our toolbox of abilities that allow us to show up and solve a multitude of problems.  

Or the pencil.

We can set the pre-conditions, or shape the battlespace, so to speak, so that when problems do show up, they're more on our terms or more right-sized than they otherwise might be.  By identifying possible future problems...not all of them...but the likely ones based on your context, we can hopefully get out in front of solutions.  For example, if poor diet/exercise habits run in your family along with cardiac issues...you can see that problem coming in your future...and you can get in front of it with better diet and exercise habits.  Similarly...if you've got a history of financial trouble...before it gets worse...start spending less than you make.  

Or the team.  

By right-sizing, then solving the problems that pop up...we get in a paradigm of problem solving...we become problem solvers.  We've got folks in our circle that are decidedly not inherent problem solvers.  Anytime a bump pops up, they clam up, put their head in the sand like an ostrich, and freeze.  Like most things in life, problem-solving is a learned skill and can be enhanced through deliberate practice.  Much like Toast Masters for public speaking, we can seek out opportunities for problem-solving and decision-making.  This can be through volunteer service, special projects at work, or among friends and loved ones.  In my experience, much of problem-solving is rooted in decision-making.  Often, folks aren't stuck on the "how" but more on the "oomph" of starting to solve a problem. 

Go to the problem.

When we are working with our families, we can try to see around the corner with the problems that our next selves and our family's next season will likely face.  I've never been a dad of pre-teens, teens, or early adults.  I have tried, as a dad of infants, toddlers, and elementary school kids, to be the kind of dad that will be successful in our next season.  The problems our children will face when they're older likely include things with girls, cars, education, money, etc.  By prepping the answers for those problems before they get there, we're better prepared to team up and solve those problems that will likely pop up.

Size it up.

In the more real-time, now and in the next season of life, part of solving the problem is understanding the problem.  It's easy to solve the wrong problem or solve a problem in a way that creates unintended consequences or worse outcomes.  In other words, when we set out to fix something, try to unpack the context and surrounding information with enough calmness to try to avoid additional trouble.  For example, we've talked about 1% changes where we make tiny tweaks to make our lives better instead of blowing up the whole thing in a baby-out-with-the-bathwater/nuclear option sort of thing.  If we solve the wrong problem, we can end up regretting the solution more than the original problem.  

Dig in.

As we wrap it up for the week, it's a reminder to start practicing problem-solving.  We can work as a family to jointly identify problems, unpack the situation and circumstances surrounding the problem, then brainstorm through the options...and implement solutions.  As we talk through the situations that we, our spouses, and our children face, we get better at solving problems as we go.  One of the best gifts we can give our kids is the gift of independence, where they're able to work through the situations they may end up facing.  Through practice...they'll be ready. 

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of problems that have been nagging you recently...now work through the possibilities...and solve the problem. 
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of talking through the problems in your (and your family's) life; now start working through them...one by one until you're getting better at the process.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- University of Iowa - 8 Step Problem Solving Process

Time is Everything

Time is Everything

Time is a vortex.

I recently read a blog article from author Eric O'Neill regarding the fact that "time is everything."  One line caught me..."are you investing or wasting" your time?  That's a question that we can ask on the micro and macro throughout our lives and busy schedules.  It's important that we look at our schedule - daily, weekly, monthly, annually, and in our season of life with an introspection that allows us to get honest about our alignment of values vs practicality.  In other words, this is an audit that looks at our "budget vs actual" of what we say is critical and valuable as compared to what we're actually spending our most valuable resource on.  

Make time for the moments 
in all seasons.

When we look at the micro scale, or our daily/weekly/monthy interactions, it's critical that we get our "to-do list" items done.  Walk the dog.  Feed the kids.  Show up to work.  Pay the bills.  Those things have to happen in order for us to function in our overall system.  That said, those moments and the moments in between have to be utilized wisely and invested strategically.  When we view time as the valuable commodity and store of value that it is, similar to the way we often view money, it begins to take on the gravity it deserves.  Our weekly schedule can easily get eaten up with endless scrolling and autoplay monotony.  Fortunately, all of that is within our control to be efficient.  

Measure.

Similarly, many of the daily living activities now have more efficient options than perhaps any time in history.  Our great-grandparents likely had to plant, steward, and harvest their own food through seasonal toil.  Today, we can sign up economically for grocery delivery from our nearby big-box store...utilizing a fraction of the hours to feed ourselves than our ancestors did.  By examining those small moments that would have otherwise been consumed in yesteryear, we can easily find a start to our more efficient time investments.  Taking that a step further, we can examine our habits, hobbies, and extracurriculars to likely find and free up additional minutes that become hours.  

Practice.

In the great book Atomic Habits, the author talks about how efficiency that can come through wise habits can be powerful.  As you create time in the little moments (e.g., start a load of laundry and fold it while watching a movie), we begin to build a lever we can apply to making meaningful momentum toward our larger time investments.  In what the Money Guys call the "messy middle" part of life, where we're balancing work, raising kids, supporting parents, and everything else, it's easy to let the time slip away...that we can't get back.  We've talked about the pre-req of quality time is quantity time.  In other words, those small "garbage time" moments, as Scott Galloway put it - dinner around the table, driving kids to school, going on a walk - all add up.  

Schedule.

By carving out some efficiency in our schedules, we can invest those saved moments into the moments that matter - read with the kids, play catch, talk with your spouse - build up the proverbial relationship bank through quality...and quantity time.  For many of us, we can likely tweak the equations of life to balance the scales.  Short on cash...cut back or make more.  Short on time...you can't go back and make that up very well.  We were talking the other day and talked about the idea of a barbell-shaped retirement.  In other words, if we hammer it early to build up some investments that can grow, we can then shift gears to spend more time with our kids when they're small.  And, if we need to, sprint again when the kids are up and out to supercharge our way into retirement if needed.  

Prioritize.

This whole thing isn't to say that you should shirk your responsibilities as a provider for your family.  It is to say that you should widen your aperture to more than just measuring that with a paycheck.  In order to provide wholly for our family's needs, we have to build in enough time to be home and be present...not just for the highlight reel.  In order to do so, if we haven't gotten there with the above small systemic changes...the next step is saying "no" to the one-more/too-many-good-things category items.  It'd be great to volunteer for the soup kitchen...it isn't greater than building a bond with your family (but maybe you could win-win by volunteering...with your family).  Anyhow, getting ruthlessly protective and selective within our calendars is critical to ensure our families are our priority.  

Execute.

As we wrap up, this post has been all over the pinball table.  The salient point is that time is everything.  The old cliché "how do you know you're in the good old days before you're out of the good old days" rings true.  It's easy to miss the forest for the trees and live out the Cat's Cradle song where we look back and realize we missed what was really important.  Perhaps this can be a reminder and wake-up call to be present where your feet are at...and work hard to schedule your feet in the right places more often.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of time swaps (one more meeting for one more walk with kids over lunch) that you can make this week...and put them on your schedule.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of right-sizing your calendar and schedule this week.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References: 

- Eric O'Neill original article