Tradition

Tradition

Traditions ground us.

Tradition: "the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation, or the fact of being passed on in this way."  For many families, including ours, tradition is, in large part what makes us who we are.  It grounds us, moors us, and connects us to something bigger than ourselves.  It is a differentiating principle between us and others.  It helps define who we are and who we aren't.  Tradition, over time, helps us become who we say we want to become.  Done right, tradition often becomes the memorable bookends we look back on fondly in the rearview mirror.  For your family, it can be a powerful tool in your arsenal for "standing in the arena" and doing life intentionally.  

Our kids are 5th generation
to go to this rodeo event.

As you're looking at your family, it's important to ask thoughtful questions.  What makes tradition?  Us doing something more than once?  Us doing something someone else did more than once?  Us doing something generations have done more than once?  What are our traditions?  Are they the ones we want them to be?  Are they memorable, lasting, and meaningful?  Do they lead us closer to who we are as a family?  Do they build upon our heritage?  How do you answer those questions?  

Traditions are 
timeless through
generations.

Our traditions are just that...ours.  Chances are they can run into trouble with expectation management when they come into conflict with others.  For many families, the decision of how, where, and with whom to spend holidays is sometimes a contentious point.  As you build your traditions, commit to them.  For our family, there were hurt feelings when we chose not to travel halfway across the country to be at every family gathering or event.  We have chosen to make a tradition of traveling to a new (often warm and/or sandy) place around Christmas.  It's been an amazing gift to give our children (and get) over the years we've been doing it.  To mitigate some of the hard feelings, we've also built a tradition of visiting relatives in the summer.  

Coming up in the military and the fire service, it's safe to say both professions are
steeped in tradition.  It's been joked that the fire service is "150 years of tradition, unimpeded by progress."  In some ways, that's true.  In other ways, the strong foundation from those 150 years allows us to be a learning profession taking the universal truths and applied to modern changes in technology and emerging challenges.  For our families, we have the opportunity to adopt, modify, or create new traditions in our own lives.  Back to our holiday example, what will Christmas look like at your house?  How are you going to address the topics/traditions of Christmas Eve service, stockings, Santa, etc.?  What is the right balance of now vs next - going over the hill to grandma's house when no one seems to enjoy that versus a Texas beach?  The strong foundations from our childhoods help inspire the way we choose to do traditions with our boys.  

The annual "thankful"
pumpkin

Holidays are an easy one to link to or view through a "traditional" lens.  What else do we hold up as traditional and what do we want to pass on as tradition?  Be intentional in creating, or doing away with traditions...they truly have generational ramifications...for better or worse.  Is Friday night pizza and movie night a tradition?  Does that habitual action get you closer to who you want your family to become?  In this case, movie night every night becomes screen-addicted kids and loses the meaningful "traditional" nature of the act.  Part of tradition transcends the "thing" itself and is rooted in not only the "what" but more importantly the "why" and the "how."  

You've got to 
pre-game
movie night.

When we think about modifying or creating traditions, it is important to consider novelty and "sprinkles" to those special traditions.  For the movie night example, consider adding "movie tickets," or a movie poster.  Think about adding in special snacks - not just popcorn, but perhaps a popcorn bar with some powdered toppings, chocolate chips, M&Ms, etc.  When the weather gets colder, bust out the cocoa bar with marshmallows, peppermint, Peeps, caramels, and such.  Better yet, grab a cheap camping stove at Walmart, a can of gas, and make your cocoa outside somewhere.  It doesn't have to be extravagant or expensive, just novel and intentional.  

Switching gears just a little, there seems to be a chunk of unconnected conversations recently about "I never thought life would turn out this way" among some of our circle.  In talking through several examples in this vein and diving past the surface of the conversation, much of the angst and frustration boiled down to (a) expectation management, and (b) traditions.  That intersection of those two topics has really got us contemplating and thinking about our future when we're looking back at our lives and building traditions that we'll look back on fondly.  It's also got us thinking about what matters to our immediate family...first and foremost, which, I believe is a calling and commitment we make when we get married and start a family.  Those same conversations have also spurred some introspection about the nature of our traditions and whether choosing "us first," in those traditions is selfish?  If it matters - good or bad?  And if it's the right answer?  Or is that just what we tell ourselves?  As for me and my house, we'll choose traditions that hold up our family above all else.  How about you?

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Talk about three traditions you want to change and three traditions (new ones) you want to implement in your home in the coming year.  Put them on the calendar.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Have a conversation with your immediate family about the season of life right around the corner and what you need to do now to get the new habits in place.  
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) for changing, or adding some new traditions to your family.  Tweak them and then embrace them.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- 23 New Traditions - Southern Living Magazine