Don't Blink

 Don't Blink

Dive right in and 
swim along.  The 
boat is going ready
or not.

The country song "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chesney helps remind us that time is short and that we've got to cherish every moment while we can.  As I'm sure you know, your kids are only little for a little while.  It's ridiculous how fast time flies with our little ones.  Our role with each stage of our kids is to prepare them for the next stage they're going into.  Those early years are for working on talking, walking, toileting, and the basic life skills.  The next stage branches into the old "reading, writing, 'rithmatic" phase.  As they get older, we add in other life skills that will serve them well, like budgeting, scheduling, and career readiness.  Peanut butter smeared across all of the stages is helping them develop their character, faith, and foundations that anchor them when times get hard.  

Stay active.

As you work on parenting, it's critical that we pour in our heart, soul, and resources to set our children up for success in the rest of their lives.  That said, along the way, it's also important that we continue to build ourselves in terms of our spouse role and other pieces into who we need to be next as well.  Tim Urban of "Wait but Why" estimated that some 93% of our in-person time with our kids is in their first 18 years.  Think about that for a second: if you live to be 90...that means 4/5ths of the time on earth...isn't with your kids.  Sure, you had the time when you were a kid...but chances are...you'll have a lot of time after your kids are up and out to still have you and your spouse.  

Be inventive.

In part, like a lot of what we talk about, it's important to have a plan for the "empty-nester" part of life.  That's not really one of those things where they move out...then you die the next day.  It could be another 50 years.  That's a lot of time to reinvent yourself and lean into your spouse.  You've got to do the things today while your kids are little to set the course for when they're not little.  This means pouring into date night, saying "yes" to a weekend away with your spouse, and keeping passion projects alive.  I have colleagues who are in that empty nest stage and are a lonely shell of who they once were.  I've got other people in our circle who are busier in this stage than they ever were before.  Like everything, start with the end in mind and work backwards with your spouse so you have a shared vision and shared expectations of what that next chapter should look like.  

Make friends. 

Throughout your working years, or the "messy middle" as it's been termed, it's important to keep pouring into the "you and yours" of tomorrow.  This means setting aside retirement money...or...if you think you might exit work early...a bridge account.  It also means keeping up with the maintenance items around the house...including paying off your mortgage and other liabilities.  As you're dream-storming with your spouse, recognize what the pre-reqs are that are necessary for that dream life you envision.  This may include doubling down on your health and fitness now.  It may also mean saying "yes" to social activities that may carry you into those next years (pickleball anyone?).  

Travel to beautiful places.

We're not saying you need to play every grandparent outing while you've got a kid in diapers...but you should start setting expectations and plans in place for the life you say you want.  Are you hoping to spend time with the grandkids...but want to move to Florida?  Are those at odds?  Do you want to retire early?  But also help kids with college?  Do you have aging parents that are expecting some level of support?  Are you on the "sell it all, buy an RV" track while your spouse is more on the mindset of hunker down in the Villages in Florida and watch sports?  These at-odds questions need to be answered and reconciled.  The problem isn't in disagreements but rather expectations and dreams that grow apart or dreams that don't have the foundational pre-reqs ready when you are.  

Try new festivals.

On the flip side, cherish the moments when your little ones are at home and not consumed with friends and activities.  Say "yes" to adventure in those small, wonderfully short years.  It doesn't take long for your kids to get engrossed in sports, extracurriculars, and begin the early stages of adulthood.  This path toward leaving-and-cleaving is necessary, albeit painful.  The end goal isn't living on the couch in the basement - it's off, thriving in their own big, amazing life.  That all said, prioritize the moments when you have them at home with you and under your roof/influence.  This isn't to say "quit your job and wing it;" you still have to provide...but that means pouring in more than just your paycheck.  It starts with your time, attention, and interests beyond just your time away at work.  

Take time to 
relax.

As we wrap it up, lean in to live in the moment.  These are years you cannot get back.  They should be lived in the present and cherished.  When done right, you can live your big, beautiful, best, bedazzled life now...while setting yourself up for the same lofty lifestyle that you define in your next chapter or season.  Have the conversations and do the things today that your future self will thank you for your fortitude, foresight, and sacrifice.  It's never easier than now to get your calendar, budget, fitness, and general well-being going in the right direction...because...you're the youngest you'll ever be again today.  So are your kids.  Act accordingly.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a time this week where you'll brainstorm 3 actions you can start implementing today with your spouse this week.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of next steps to be on the same page. 

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Mr. Fire Station

Time Travel

Time Travel

Say "yes" to new festivals.

We bent the space-time continuum this weekend...and...dirty little secret...we do so often.  Recently we went out on a guys' weekend camping trip.  We were gone less than 24 hours, but from the time we saw the moose near the interstate to the time we pulled back in the driveway the next day...truly felt like we'd been gone on an expedition for a month.  The secret that you can employ to warp time is simply novel experiences injected into your otherwise routine life.  Like much of what we talk about...moderation is key...but novelty is necessary.  As we've said and borrowed from The Money Guys, "bedazzle your ordinary life."  

Go visit old 
places.

We've talked about the fear of robbing the joy from later by doing so much with our kids now (cue the tiny violin).  But...the cool part...much like the zen "you can never step in the same river twice" mantra, you're a different person now, and the place you're visiting/novel thing you're doing is different later.  I'm shocked at what our kids (and us) do and don't remember about major events a year or two removed from the novelty.  Us and our kids could go back and visit Yellowstone National Park, New York City, or anything in between this year, next year, and next decade and see something new every time.  The novelty can come in when we see it through new eyes, look up the "off the beaten path" sites, or simply build in meander time.  We've been to Florida probably ten times, and while they all blend together, each trip had unique highlights and memorable memories.  

Let your imagination 
run wild.

And...another trade secret here...our world is gigantic, and you'll never hit all the novel things.  Last year we went to the Albuquerque Balloon Festival...and it was spectacular.  Perhaps not as bigger-than-life as the first time we went...but amazing.  This is a reminder to not let "comparison be the thief of joy."  You can choose to enjoy and revel in novelty or routine...do that.  Anyhow, talking with a police officer on detail from Santa Fe, he recommended coming back to Zozobra. So, a year later, we did.  It's an interesting cultural festival with incredible lights, pyrotechnics, music, dancing, and community flair.  It was novel...and again, that three-day weekend felt like three weeks.  The point here is...there is some version of a "Zozobra" community/regional festival going on in just about every town just about every year.  You won't run out.  

See yourself in 
new ways.

It's also important to remember that those time-bending experiences are what we'll tell our kids and grandkids about.  I doubt we'll be reminiscing about the good old days in thirty years and talk about the football game we watched on TV or the video game we played.  I do think we'll probably talk about...and hopefully go back to visit...the cave fort that we built in the forest 30 minutes from our home that one guy's weekend.  Again, don't mishear...the example we're talking about cost us a few bucks in canned food, a pack of pork chops (with lemon pepper), 60 minutes of round-trip gas, and 24 hours over a normal weekend.  This doesn't have to be expensive...just intentional.  

See theater.

I get it, time doesn't actually change.  I (and you) were only gone from the office for the same 48 hours between Friday and Monday...but...depending on how you chose to invest it...it'll run together or stand out in memory.  We're fortunate to live in a place where we can get out into nature fairly easily.  Don't mishear...we're not on the moon...we're at the confluence of two major interstates, in a capital city, 2 hours from one of the busiest airports on the planet.  I say that to say this...no matter where you live...novel is next door...you just have to look for it.  That said, we've talked to folks from around the country, big towns to small...and I've been floored by how many people say "there's nothing to do around here."  Time and again, when we ask...a ton of people say, "I've never heard of that" of some major (albeit some off the beaten path) attraction that is literally within a half an hour of the house they've lived in for years.  I'd suspect most of those families could, however, tell you who won the last season of the mainstream reality TV show.  

Try out a new museum.  

We talk about how life went so much slower when we were younger and how it's flying now.  Talk to an "old" person, and they'll tell you how much faster it's going every passing year.  I think, and research bears it out in part, that the reason it seems to be going so much faster each batch of 365 days is that we don't have so much novelty.  When we're young, everything is novel, and we're learning everything.  In earnest, what was the last new thing you learned as an adult?  I'll wait...chances are...you'll struggle since we're "out of school and done learning."  Don't subscribe to that mantra...read a book, travel, explore, build a new skill, get out in nature...adventure is all around us.  

Learn about people different than you.

Before we close, it's important to remind all of us that boredom is a good thing...don't steal the benefits by injecting too much novelty.  If we get rid of all routine and all tradition in order to have 24/7 novelty... like all good things...too much is still too much.  As we all seek to find our balance, it's important that you find what works for you...and your kids...and the adults your kids will become.  The novel experiences that you embark on this year and next and the one after that become the person that you'll be next.  

Visit a zoo.

As we depart for the week, remember, you don't have to have all the time or money in the world to make this work.  You just have to be intentional about putting in the time you have in order to make it happen.  Take a minute to look at the festivals in the region and the off-the-beaten-path nature spaces that you haven't visited.  Create the memories that you'll look back on and cherish forever.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three things you can do this week that are novel - new food, play at a new park, you pick.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of injecting novelty into your coming year.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Travel Bug Tonic on Novelty

- The Science of Novelty

100 Feet...

100 Feet...

Go to wild places.

...that's how far the average US National Park visitor gets from the pavement.  In fact, it's estimated that 90 to 95 percent of all visitors stay within sight of their cars, parking lots, visitor centers, and paved overlooks.  This isn't to say go romping off trail in your monster truck and voiding all "leave no trace principles."  It is to say that the adventure isn't often on the boardwalk.  There are ways that most every national park can be explored with your hiking boots, mountain bike, canoe, cross-country skis, etc that are ecologically responsible...and help you find the real adventure.  We used to joke that it didn't count as an adventure if you couldn't get eaten by a grizzly bear during your outing.  There is obviously a happy middle ground...the folks that visit national parks got the first step down...visiting...but they miss the marrow.  

Do wild things.  

The reason, in part, that we bring this up is to encourage you to look at your life and your family's lives to see how far you get from the proverbial pavement.  Do you pour all the way in?  Are you lukewarm?  We've been blessed to visit many national parks...some immersive...others zipping through on the pavement because that was all that time would allow.  Most wild, scenic places could (and have) soaked up lifetimes of adventure.  When you're in your daily life at work...are you on the pavement?  At church?  At home?  In your marriage?  It's easy to stay on the easy street where millions have gone before you.  It's harder...and more rewarding...to embody the "don't go where the path may lead, go where there is no path and make a trail" quote.  

See wild areas.

This isn't to say that you should be a maverick in every respect.  There are times for go-along-to-get-along.  There are other times when a bold faith, bold marriage, bold commitment in whatever you're doing is absolutely necessary.  Think about what the 100 feet...or proverbial pavement...actually looks like in different parts of your life.  As you're thinking about that...keep in mind that moderation still applies.  Sure, you could sell all of your possessions, grow your hair out, and through-hike every national park.  Or, you could go visit the paved places...and throw in an out-and-back picnic hike to a natural wonder that most people don't ever get to see. 

Build wild things.

Using the parallels at work, what does the pavement look like?  Turning in your TPS reports on time?   Maybe you could spice things up by helping figure out why you do the whole Office Space TPS reports in the first place and develop a way to automate the process and bring efficiency to the team.  Maybe you could be bold and suggest a 4- 10 schedule where you come in early and stay late...but get six months or a year's worth of three-day weekends.  Perhaps you could negotiate a "give back leave" policy where every quarter or bi-annually the whole company spends the day volunteering at their favorite charity, then gives a "book report" about the experience at the next staff meeting.  

Walk on 
the wild side.

Next time you travel to a new place, do you "stay on the pavement" by going to chain restaurants, staying at the chain hotel by the highway?  Or do you consider eating at the ethnic food truck where you can't pronounce any of the words and try out some perhaps life-inspiring lodging situation?  (PS here...we've stayed in hostels, rentals by owners, tipis, yurts, cabooses, hotels, motels, cars, tents, etc.  The most memorable ones that we look back on fondly...or with laughs...weren't hotels with a breakfast bar).  Travel is such a wonderful way to "get off the pavement."  It doesn't have to be Around the World in 80 Days; it can be a much more affordable and moderate stay-cation style trip to the "town next door" to still get you out of your comfort zone.  

Start early. 

In your marriage and faith, think about what the pavement is.  Most people (me and probably you often enough) take for granted the blessings that come with marriage.  We assume that the smooth sailing on the pavement is good sailing.  It may be a decent autopilot, but we still need to keep our hands on the wheel and be paying attention, leaning in for and with our spouse.  It's easy to drift along with the proverbial cruise control and autopilot steering the way...the routines of our lives and schedules just humming along without much thought.  You can get off the main road by setting goals with your spouse, carving out time for date nights, and putting your full focus into your loved one when you're with them.  

Do it often.  It matters.

As we wrap up, whether you're literally at a beautiful natural space or more metaphorically, it's important that you proactively and regularly get off the beaten path and into the wild places.  Don't just fall into the ruts, but rather get out and live your big, full life.  Whether it's your budget, schedule, lifestyle, habits, hobbies, or anything else, don't just blindly follow where the wind blows, but pick out your end zone...then work backwards to put the pieces in place that will get you there...no matter what others around you think...it's you and your loved ones that matter most.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three spots where you're in a rut on the main road...now pick out three trails and try them out.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of getting out into the wild places of your life.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Thousand Hours Outside Podcast

Choose

Choose

It takes longer
but it's worth it.

Choose - There's a quote from a variety of sources that's been floating around the "meme" space of the internet and a bit of an unknown attribution: "Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard. Obesity is hard. Being fit is hard. Choose your hard. Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard. Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard. Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard. Pick wisely.”  This has been "quoted" by several Navy SEALs and other similar types, but I think it most often goes back to Dr. John Deloney, one of the Dave Ramsey media personalities.  Wherever it came from, it's true.  We have choices in life.  Sometimes between the best of two bad options...but regardless, we have to choose.  

Sweat makes 
you tough.

A quick look on the interwebs and so much of this straightforward sentiment is met with discontent...and excuses.  In reality, much like the rest of life, so much of life is what we choose and what we make of it. That's cliché...but think about it. We're often placed between two hard points - perhaps one that is in-your-face-today-tactical and the other that is longer-term-strategic. The decisions we make today have echoes in who we will be in the future.  This blog, for example, is "hard" to get done every week...172 weeks in a row right now.  The "hard" is giving up before week 173 for no particularly good reason.  I'd probably regret not doing this post at the 11th hour later...in the moment right now, I want to take a week off.  

Learning matters.

Similarly, I'd like to have ice cream for every meal...the hard part I'm choosing in that decision is being able to get up off the couch and out of the house ten years from now.  Pouring into work every waking hour now...my hard choice is having a relationship with my wife and kids down the road.  On the flip side, not working hard and investing today...the hard we're choosing is a retirement that doesn't meet the expectations we've set.  You can see here that the "hard" can come in different flavors and needs to be balanced in moderation between the now and the later.  

Build your 
castle.

When we think about "hard," it's mostly mental in today's day and age.  We're likely not stabbing woolly mammoths with a stick, driving buffalo off a cliff and hitting them with a baseball bat at the bottom, or running from saber-tooth tigers very often.  The good news is that since it's mostly mental, our ability to ignore the excuses and push through is much easier than it could otherwise be in a survival or highly physical situation.  We should be able to rise above our self-interest or our body telling us that we're "too tired" to make it happen.  

Just do it...it's never
convenient.  Do it anyway.

As we look at our hard, it's important to give words to "why" a particular thing is hard and make systems that get us away from the "hard."  In other words, if we're too tired to do a thing now...build into the system where we do the hard thing earlier in the day/week/month/year.  Brian Tracy wrote Eat That Frog, which talks about getting our worst/hardest thing out of the way earliest to set the tone for the rest of the day.  Elite special forces soldiers make their bed perfectly every morning in training in order to get an easy win early.  We too can build our system where we knock out our worst (hardest) first.  

Explore now...
so that you can 
and will later.

If, instead, we're looking at our current self in the moment and having a hard time delaying gratification...or choosing by default the hard thing later, we can work on that too.  There are cell phone apps out there now that can "age" you, where you can more fully visualize what your future self will look like...and what they will look back on you like. They may look back at the now-you with admiration and gratitude for good decisions and fortitude...or with regret.  The choice can sometimes come easier when we more fully visualize that future self.  The app too hokey?  Run down to visit your local nursing home and ask them who would like more mobility?  Work out more now.  Who would like more money/options?  Stop spending to the max and invest the difference.  You get the idea...so does the next-you.

Travel...lean in...even
when it's "hard." 

As we wrap up this week, take a minute to evaluate your current self and decisions...then look at what the ramifications are when you extrapolate out where those decisions will get you in 5, 10, 20, 50 years.  Your hard that you're leaning into now or avoiding will manifest and compound...for better or worse on those longer-range timelines.  Keep in mind, you've got to live in the moment now while preparing for the moments later.  As the Money Guys put it, "bedazzle your beautiful basic life."  We can stay active and healthy; we can save money; we can pour into our spouses and children...so that we've got loved ones, resources, and an ability to enjoy them in the decades to come.  Look at hard things now, find moderation...but lean in while the stakes are relatively low...choose hard today.

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three hard things that you've been avoiding up until now.  Do them this week.  Keep doing them.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of putting hard things first.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Eat That Frog - Brian Tracy  

1500 Weeks

 1,500 Weeks

Pop into practice...even
when the schedule is a pain.

1,500 weeks - that's about the amount you get when you take 30 years and multiply it by 52 weeks, taking away two weeks each year for vacation or at least time off or away from work.  In America today, your lifespan ranges from about 4,108 to 4,274 weeks, depending on whether you're male or female.  In other words...we're not at work about 65% of our lifetime.  Granted, part of that time we're sleeping.  Some of that time we're babies.  But...a lot of that time is more discretionary than we let on.  If you play your cards right throughout your formative years through your retirement, you can end up having a lot of those weeks "investable" into things that aren't your 9-5 job.

Go see a lunar 
eclipse, even on a 
school/work night.

I've noticed recently when we interact with a lot of kids in the coming-of-age stage, the question is around "what do you want to be when you grow up?"  Similarly, we tailor our high school and certainly our college/vocational time around honing in on those 1,500 weeks.  This isn't to say that you shouldn't spend some due diligence and time both before and during the 1,500 weeks zeroing in on the "what do I want to be" question.  But...how much time do we spend on our kids and ourselves at the more meta answers, "I want to be a good person."  "I want to take care of others."  "I want to travel."  "I want to be financially fit."  "I want to be physically fit enough to walk with grandkids," etc.  

Do now, so
that you can
later.

We often spend an undue amount of time in those junior, high school, early twenties years focused on the major that we think we'll be the key to unlocking all of our wildest dreams along the way.  Getting to the middle of this life journey, I think I'm realizing that there are other perks one should consider when setting out on the 1,500-week journey.  Some jobs, like teaching, give you an incredible amount of time off throughout those 1,500 weeks to focus on passion projects when your mind and body are still young and healthy enough to make it happen.  Others, like military service, may give you lots of travel during and lots of post-retirement benefits.  

Seek/create the balance 
of the ant AND the 
grasshopper now and
later. 

Along the way, we've got to have a diversified investment portfolio for the time beyond the financial aspects (which is critically important as well).  In other words, when (since you're in your 1,500s, I presume) do you set aside time to focus on your health and wellness...so that you can do some of the retirement goals you say you have?  For us, we hope to continue to do hiking and exploration when we're retired.  Unless we spend time on staying at a healthy weight, keeping our hearts in good working order, maintaining strength/flexibility/balance along the way...we won't have the ability when we have the time.  Similarly, if we don't keep up on the hiking in little bursts now...we likely won't have the inclination or ambition to do so later.  

Choose your partners
in crime carefully...
every day.

During your 1,500 weeks, things like pouring into your spouse and children are critical.  The folks over at MidLifeMale.com talk about how presence is a skill...not a personality trait.  I think it's a bit of both.  I've got a peer counterpart who is in a very similar life age/stage/career as myself.  Where he jumps at every travel opportunity with work, I've steered clear of as many as possible since we have had kids.  We were talking the other day, and he's further along in his career...but was lamenting about how he sort of blew it with kids.  I tried to remind him that we get a new day, new choice every day, and blew it can be very past (or present) tense if you let it.  But...he's sort of addicted to the "atta-boys" that have come with his travel commitments...more than he's addicted to his kids and family.  I'm far enough along in my career to take care of our family...and our kids have been to all 50 states.  The answer is a unique blend and balance right for you...but you have to make it happen.  

The mess,
beautiful or
not is up to you, 
choose wisely.

Be thinking about other ways you can invest your time wisely during your 1,500 years.  For many, we get almost intertwined with our work and our work selves such that when it comes time to extricate ourselves, we're hollow shadows of who we once were.  For instance, I've got a passion for writing.  This blog is as much for me as it is for anyone else.  The weekly habit of writing keeps the passion alive in the intervening years.  Perhaps, since I've kept it a spark for all this time, when I have more time to pour into it... it'll be he long dreamed of book.  We've got other friends who have that big goal - hike the Appalachian Trail, visit every MLB ballpark, run a marathon, etc.  Don't let your retirement look like the view from an easy chair at a television...you owe it to yourself to make it big and worthwhile.  

Go do adventure now...
so that you...and they...
can and will go later.

As we wrap up this week, hopefully it's a calling to you that, in the middle of your 1,500-some odd weeks of gainful employment in your life...you're building the now...and the next chapters along the way.  Perhaps more importantly, while you're in the middle of your journey, you're building the now and next chapters for your spouse and children along the way as well.  By giving healthy, well-rounded, holistic inputs to your life and to those around you, you're building a life worth living.  In not just "grind, grind, grind" on the 9-5, basking in the fluorescent glow of the office lights, you're making the time to make this one rare and beautiful life...your very best life...now and next.

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of things you can do this week that get you and yours closer to the selves that you want to be...after the 1,500 career/work wrap-up.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of being prepared not just in the practical terms for a post-work part of life...but where the richness lives...now and later.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- MidlifeMale.com

Beyond the Mirror

 Beyond the Mirror

Sometimes we get stuck in our mirror...the self-reflection in a vacuum at arm's length.  When we're only looking that far in front of us, it's easy to lose context.  It's easy to get ourselves into our own version of a pity party.  Just in the last couple of weeks, we had a person in our circle who got remarried, another hired for a position, and had a friend change houses.  The point here is that, in each of those cases, the person had come to an unbearable, scorched-earth-only position where anything had to be better than their current reality.  The other side of that coin...the part they often didn't see "beyond the mirror" was that in each situation, they had people lining up to be in line to replace the thing they couldn't stand.  

In the marriage case, the person that the other person couldn't stand to be with was back in a relationship fairly quickly.  For friends who couldn't stand the person they'd made vows and life with after ten years in, in many cases people find another someone to share life with.  We can trick ourselves that the world is better just around the bend or that the grass is greener across the street.  As we've talked, it's often more true that the grass is greener where we water and cultivate it.  When we look beyond the victim mentality in our mirror and take ownership of our parts of the solution and systems for success...we stop blaming our troubles on our spouse.  That's probably the first step in moving forward. 

In the position example, we were hiring for two positions, and we had close to 200 fairly qualified people lining up for a job that the outgoing person couldn't stand.  Several of the candidates were very, very overqualified but had left their previous positions because they couldn't stand them.  News flash, chances are, they wouldn't be able to stand ours within a few months either.  The old "be the best ____ that you can be" rings true.  I think the most contented work folks I've been around have been the ones with enough passion and initiative to be competent professionals, but balanced with the "enough" attitude that they're not constantly onto bigger and better.  

Lastly, in the house/car/stuff upgrade categories...leaving behind an "awful" house to you is likely going to be the new dream home to someone else.  We have a family that we've done life beside for the past decade or so.  We both had kids about the same time, bought houses about the same time, and so forth.  In that decade, we've remodeled our home while adding a fort, playhouse, tree house, trampoline, etc in the backyard - mostly through repurposing construction cast-offs from around town.  Over the same decade, they're on their fourth trade-up house.  We were talking the other day about finances, and while they've upgraded their house...they've also drastically upgraded their mortgage along the way, leaving little margin for travel or other fun items.  

Across the board on these "mirror-level" issues where we lose context or miss the forest for the trees, it's often a level of contentedness that is the right answer and connected/shared expectations.  The remarried person is happy (again, for now), but lots of heartache on the way through.  A person who left our organization recently said, "Wow, I made a mistake; I wish I could come back."  The upgrader in houses and cars realized they'd only paid interest to the bank the way amortization is set up...while others have paid off their house and have the peace that comes with it.  The point is, when we're in mirror range, it's easy to lose sight of the big picture.  We have to zoom out sometimes to see just how good we have it.  

As we wrap up this week, before you make some drastic change...zoom out a little bit to get some context and appreciation for where your baseline is at right now.  Take stock of the alternative outcomes and unintended consequences when you view a major decision, not in a silo or vacuum, but when viewed across time, space, and impacts to your broader life situation.  Hopefully, you can use a combination of l% improvements to fine-tune your masterpiece statute instead of bringing the chainsaw or nuclear weapon option out of the arsenal straight away.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out one bucket of life this week and come up with three small tweak changes that you'll implement in order to reduce your stress or anxiety...so that you stop thinking about the nuclear option.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of committing as a family to making small change course corrections to live your best life.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Small tweaks are not negative...

Time is Everything

Time is Everything

Time is a vortex.

I recently read a blog article from author Eric O'Neill regarding the fact that "time is everything."  One line caught me..."are you investing or wasting" your time?  That's a question that we can ask on the micro and macro throughout our lives and busy schedules.  It's important that we look at our schedule - daily, weekly, monthly, annually, and in our season of life with an introspection that allows us to get honest about our alignment of values vs practicality.  In other words, this is an audit that looks at our "budget vs actual" of what we say is critical and valuable as compared to what we're actually spending our most valuable resource on.  

Make time for the moments 
in all seasons.

When we look at the micro scale, or our daily/weekly/monthy interactions, it's critical that we get our "to-do list" items done.  Walk the dog.  Feed the kids.  Show up to work.  Pay the bills.  Those things have to happen in order for us to function in our overall system.  That said, those moments and the moments in between have to be utilized wisely and invested strategically.  When we view time as the valuable commodity and store of value that it is, similar to the way we often view money, it begins to take on the gravity it deserves.  Our weekly schedule can easily get eaten up with endless scrolling and autoplay monotony.  Fortunately, all of that is within our control to be efficient.  

Measure.

Similarly, many of the daily living activities now have more efficient options than perhaps any time in history.  Our great-grandparents likely had to plant, steward, and harvest their own food through seasonal toil.  Today, we can sign up economically for grocery delivery from our nearby big-box store...utilizing a fraction of the hours to feed ourselves than our ancestors did.  By examining those small moments that would have otherwise been consumed in yesteryear, we can easily find a start to our more efficient time investments.  Taking that a step further, we can examine our habits, hobbies, and extracurriculars to likely find and free up additional minutes that become hours.  

Practice.

In the great book Atomic Habits, the author talks about how efficiency that can come through wise habits can be powerful.  As you create time in the little moments (e.g., start a load of laundry and fold it while watching a movie), we begin to build a lever we can apply to making meaningful momentum toward our larger time investments.  In what the Money Guys call the "messy middle" part of life, where we're balancing work, raising kids, supporting parents, and everything else, it's easy to let the time slip away...that we can't get back.  We've talked about the pre-req of quality time is quantity time.  In other words, those small "garbage time" moments, as Scott Galloway put it - dinner around the table, driving kids to school, going on a walk - all add up.  

Schedule.

By carving out some efficiency in our schedules, we can invest those saved moments into the moments that matter - read with the kids, play catch, talk with your spouse - build up the proverbial relationship bank through quality...and quantity time.  For many of us, we can likely tweak the equations of life to balance the scales.  Short on cash...cut back or make more.  Short on time...you can't go back and make that up very well.  We were talking the other day and talked about the idea of a barbell-shaped retirement.  In other words, if we hammer it early to build up some investments that can grow, we can then shift gears to spend more time with our kids when they're small.  And, if we need to, sprint again when the kids are up and out to supercharge our way into retirement if needed.  

Prioritize.

This whole thing isn't to say that you should shirk your responsibilities as a provider for your family.  It is to say that you should widen your aperture to more than just measuring that with a paycheck.  In order to provide wholly for our family's needs, we have to build in enough time to be home and be present...not just for the highlight reel.  In order to do so, if we haven't gotten there with the above small systemic changes...the next step is saying "no" to the one-more/too-many-good-things category items.  It'd be great to volunteer for the soup kitchen...it isn't greater than building a bond with your family (but maybe you could win-win by volunteering...with your family).  Anyhow, getting ruthlessly protective and selective within our calendars is critical to ensure our families are our priority.  

Execute.

As we wrap up, this post has been all over the pinball table.  The salient point is that time is everything.  The old cliché "how do you know you're in the good old days before you're out of the good old days" rings true.  It's easy to miss the forest for the trees and live out the Cat's Cradle song where we look back and realize we missed what was really important.  Perhaps this can be a reminder and wake-up call to be present where your feet are at...and work hard to schedule your feet in the right places more often.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of time swaps (one more meeting for one more walk with kids over lunch) that you can make this week...and put them on your schedule.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of right-sizing your calendar and schedule this week.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References: 

- Eric O'Neill original article

Safety-fied

Safety-fied

Wear a hair net, 
but learn to cook.

There is a scene in the epic Lonesome Dove where the two main protagonists are lamenting their contributions in taming the West.  As they reflect on civilization coming to the wild, they realize or admit that running out all the danger might not have been a great idea in hindsight.  In today's day and age, we've only hammered on the proverbial safety pedal.  When we prioritize safety over all other things, we lose our ability to build our risk management muscles because we've engineered the real danger out of so many things.  In other words, we do things differently when we have a soft landing or "out" available to us.  At some level, it's great, a wonderful thing, that things like childhood mortality have gone down.  Period.  But, in getting through small risks successfully (or adding a few bumps and learning), we build our ability to be able to navigate large risks.  

Go see the old
school.

In our modern world, things like seat belts, helmets, and lifejackets have obviously been good inventions for our children and ourselves.  That said, when was the last time you saw some kid doing an epic bike jump, riding in the back of a pickup truck, or doing some crazy swimming thing?  I'm not advocating that we lose our safety gear.  I am advocating that we leverage it to do the things that give us scars and stories.  Couple this safety-above-all attitude with the pervasiveness of electronics (particularly gaming), and our young people are in for it.  Growing up, any "armor" for kids was quite literally bubble wrap.  Now, you can get some pretty snazzy-looking pads for every part of your body...to enable you to do cool things.   

Practice dangerous
things.

On the flip side, for better or worse, some safety items make us behave differently, more riskily and sometimes beyond our capabilities. In wildland firefighting, several major countries do not have their firefighters carry fireshelters (the "tinfoil" tent that protects you from a burnover incident).  Their rationale is that you'll do less "dumb" things or overly aggressive things if you think you have a magic blanket on your belt to bail you out of the consequences.  Similarly, a pilot with a parachute is enabled to fly differently than one without.  In some contexts, that overly aggressive enabling is a positive thing; in others it reinforces our "exit ramp" attitude as a first course of action conundrum.  

Work on new 
skills.

Translating this a bit back to our homes, the same principles apply where we put things like bankruptcy and divorce in the "plan A" bucket if something doesn't go well.  This excuses our due diligence, preparation, and commitment because "we've got an out."  When we take our "til death do us part" vows, we're saying the words out loud, but are we internalizing and truly committing to the activities necessary to make the promise?  Are we also committing to putting our spouse's needs, wants, and desires above our own?  Are we committed to being all in?  All the time?  Would we do things differently before and during marriage if the alternative to divorce was truly death?  Cut up the contract and shuffle off the mortal coil?  

Shoes may be 
a good idea.

In the family finance category, is our behavior changed when we count the cost?  If we take away the so-called safety nets of bankruptcy, social security, etc, would we behave differently?  Would we still buy the bigger house, fancier car, and nicer stuff along the way?  Or, would we, like the generations before us, put necessity before niceties?  For our grandparents and beyond that, if you made poor financial decisions...you lived with it.  The consequences were natural and severe.  Instead of a swipe now, pay later, they had to save first, which often required much more scrutiny and consideration before parting with their dollars.  

Go see hail...
bring a helmet. 

Overall, the ability for us to have an "easy out" has contributed to our dumber decisions and softer abilities.  The good news is...you don't have to.  We can have our cake and eat it too when it comes to the best of yesteryear with the safety features available today.  Just because you likely won't get scalped, eaten by a bear, or die of dysentery...doesn't mean you can't still go do amazing outdoor adventures.  Just because you have an AC-filled house with endless entertainment online... doesn't mean you can't go lay out under the stars or have a picnic with your loved ones.  Just because you can delegate your travel to a safe airline...doesn't mean you shouldn't pack up the car and go on a road trip.  And, just because you could tell your boss to take this job and shove it...or your spouse...doesn't mean you should.  

Have a safety 
rope when it is
necessary.

As we wrap up, use the back half of the year to leverage safety...without changing behavior.  Wear the seatbelt without jumping the car.  Put on the bike helmet...but still jump the bike.  Take an informed risk on a new business adventure...but save up ahead of time.  All in all, we're in a great time in life to leverage the lessons that aren't so far gone from our ancestors...if we're willing to listen to them and incorporate them.  All in all, use the best parts that are available from yesterday, today, and tomorrow to live the big, beautiful, best life that you've been called to...and wear a helmet when it makes sense.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few things that you need to change this week that help you reset your safety equipment...ones that make sense (helmets and seatbelts) and others that don't (divorce).  Double down where it matters.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of making the right decisions for the safety, sanity, and sanctity of your family.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Safety Third with Mike Rowe