You're Average

You're Average

Check the
numbers.

You're average, so am I, so are all of us.  That's the definition.  That's how averages work...half of all of usare above the number, half are below (although that's technically the median but for our puroses today...that's not the point).  When you think about just about any category of life, you're somewhere on the continuum or on the spectrum between worst and best...probably toward the middle.  There are certainly outliers and you may be one of them in some part of your life.  Chances of you (or any of us) being an outlier in all the parts of life aren't stellar.  There's not many genius level, perfect saint, MVP ball playing, CEOs with perfect marriages and outstanding kids out there.  

Study the 
history.

Before we dive into it too deeply, careful with the comparison trap here.  Average is inherently a comparison with those around you...and those not around you via social media.  It's easy to fall into the trap of seeing what you don't have without the full story and letting it steal the joy.  When we look at others and see the person with the nicer _____ (car, house, job, salary, spouse, kid, life, etc), it's a dangerous slippery slope of trouble.  Unless you've got the fortitude to stay the course that you've set...don't go hunting the "always better than you" zone.  If you're not there yet, just do a quick internet search for "average" age, gender, location person and a category (example below).  

Measure the 
results.

This is isn't a rah, rah post to get make you consider changing all that you do to "not be average," nor is it a comparison-is-the-thief-of-joy thing.  It's a permission slip to be okay with being average.  This isn't to say striving for excellence is a bad thing...it's to say that making excellence the singular focus pursuit in your life is probably at the best shortsited and worst potentially toxic.  I work hard at my job...it provides for my family...but I wouldn't say I'm "excellent."  I don't say yes to out of town travel.  I don't sign up for after hours projects or extra shifts that take away from interacting at home.  I may take a long lunch to watch our kids play football.  In turn, I do my best when I'm there...but in our profession, on the national scale...I'm probably average.

Adjust the aim for 
the next shot.

More broadly, in terms of profession, my wife and I work in "average" type industries...neither one of us is chasing the corporate ladder or in an emerging "venture capital" style career path.  Both of us work in government jobs...her very part time as a teacher these days and me as a manager with a state agency.  Neither profession is one that comes with much of an "above average" salary potential.  Both us could make more by changing what...or how we do it.  She could make more by working full time or pursuing adminitsration.  I could certainly make more in the contractor space side of our industry.  That said, being average here works just fine for our family.  We make enough to make our lifestyle work.  Messing with that calculus or trying to optimize for the peak...would...without a doubt...crash our overall system.  

Make a commitment.

As we look at the different arenas or buckets of life, it's important to define average.  It's also important, like we've chatted, to set a target "enough number" so to speak in each bucket.  I try to be an "A" level family guy.  I'm not an "A" level in other parts of my life...in large part because the opportunity cost of what it would take to make it happen.  This blog...pretty average.  I've made it consistent...sometimes at the expense of quality.  I could chase monetizatin and engage in social media to drum up readership, but it's not about that for me.  I'm okay with where we are with it.  

Keep practicing. 

My wife and I still joke that when we were dating, we tried Guitar Hero, the video game.  While she scored high 90s...I scored a literal 3%...far below average.  There are many things that I am really, really not good at...and not willing to get better.  There are others that are a constant work in progress that I do want to get better at.  Faith for example...I'm not wonderful at leading our family in this space.  I can (and am trying to) get better at things like being consistent in praying, getting to church regularly, engaging in reading the Bible.  

Learn from others.

We were visiting a friend recently who was in a quandry about what she and her family should do for the next chapter in their life.  They are in a spot where they've got three sweet girls, a great home, nice lifestyle, and he's working a job making bank...but a lot of hours.  They're ultimate goal is to get back closer to family a state away.  In part...they're trying to go be small-town average.  Fortunately, for them, they're using their above average income years to set themselves up for a "below average" next chapter...that is a perfect ideal for them.  The seasonality is trading between buckets...now one bucket is above average so that...in the next stage the important bucket of home and kids can be stellar.  

Do the 
thing.

As we wrap up this week, take a minute to think about the old "what would you do for a Klondike bar?" jingle but substitute in "above average" and a bucket.  I've had a small business on the side for several years...multiple peoplehave told me that it could be fairly successful if we did something with it.  The problem is...the "cost" of making it above average...is not a cost we're willing to pay...not at this stage of life.  I'm okay being average in this part of life...so that...our family can have excellent adventure and presence in this chapter.  Hopefully you can find peace with the parts of average that are at or below...and make sure the ones above...are the right ones.   

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out what you think you're "better than average" at - list them out here...and make sure they're the right things you say you want to be good at.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of the average family and where you're at.  Pick carefully where you need to course adjust.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Average Profile Example

Tradewinds

Tradewinds

Study the wind.

Dr. Seuss wrote a book, Oh, the Places You'll Go, and this week it seems like there is a parallel that is worth talking about.  There are times in life when we're sailing with the prevailing winds at our back.  Those times when it seems like in spite of us, everything is just working out in our favor.  Hopefully you've set you and your family up for a lifestyle that is mostly full of this type of "luck."  By adding and investing in margin continuously - calendar, budget, etc.- you can be here more often than not.  The secret of this time is to recognize, appreciate, and celebrate that you're in the "good old days" while you're still in them.  

Study the birds who
use the wind.

Other times we've got a headwind...sometimes it's more than a headwind and matures into an all-out hurricane-style storm.  These are the times when seemingly no matter what we do...we just can't run fast enough.  We can't catch our breath, and it feels like we've got a mountain in front of us that is unending.  It can feel like no matter what you do...you're losing and can't get ahead.  When we're in one of these on-the-ropes seasons, it's important to refocus on the priorities.  Oftentimes in this season, it's a call for a "slow down to go fast" approach where you look to cut things until you have enough margin to see clearly.  In disaster response, we call it a tactical pause where we seek to gain clarity before initiative.  

Practice harnessing 
the wind.

There are times that no matter what we do...big things don't go our way.  Loved ones pass away untimely.  People get sick.  Homes are impacted by disaster.  Jobs are lost.  These tradewinds can feel like they're an all-out gale in your face that knocks you down.  The important part is to take time to grieve and process...but then stand back up.  That can be easier said than done, but it's a critical part.  We've known people in our circle who have had all of those things happen...including us.  Knowing "the rest of the story," as Paul Harvey used to put it...everyone in the circle around those circumstances has figured out how to carry on.  Many are finding happiness and a new normal down the road with a little time in and space removed from the original situation.  In other words, their trade winds changed...in large part...because they figured out how to overcome and adjust the sails.  

Learn about
volatility. 

We've all been in both places, and obviously it feels nicer to be in the first.  That said, some of the struggle times are what make us capable of great things.  The old adage about the mighty oak only grows strong in the storms is true.  In that sense, we're capable of far more strength and resilience than we think we are.  Good news: we can also grow our resilience muscles and capacity through intentionally setting high goals and striving through struggle.  We can even create artificial struggle that helps us build our abilities - sports, learning new things, physical toil, exercise, and many other ways.  We can prepare ourselves to sail more smoothly...ironically...by sailing more roughly on purpose in small things.  

Get good at using
the wind in your favor.

Other times we're in the doldrums where there is no wind in our sails.  This might be that quintessential "mid-life crisis" that is always talked about where we're stuck in the ruts and routines and daily life can be summed up as "sameness."  This isn't all bad if you've got a good set of routines and ruts that provide margin while also filling your soul with contentment.  We've talked about "bedazzle your basic life" before.  We've also talked a lot about injecting novelty when, where, and how it makes sense for your family.  The important part here isn't to get so frustrated with the doldrums that you bring dynamite or gasoline to the party.  Too often we see the "damn the torpedos" approach that results in the consequence-giving new car, house, spouse, etc.  

Enjoy the wind...even
the headwinds.

The old adage, "the only constant is change," is an important thing to keep in mind here.  In wildland fire, we're constantly monitoring wind and weather shifts due to the potential for extreme fire behavior or "blow-ups," as they're sometimes called.  In your life, when you sense a windshift coming- an annual physical and your health numbers are slipping; you and your spouse growing apart; a sudden cold front on the annual performance review at work - double down and pay attention.  Seldom do the catastrophic changes fall on you like an out-of-the-blue piano from a Wile E. Coyote cartoon.  Most of the time they come with some level, albeit sometimes subtle, warning signs.  Our call here is to take notice of those onset indicators...and take action.  Double down on date nights with your spouse, lean in with your kids on their interests, take a family road trip, volunteer for that project at work.  

Teach others.

These tradewinds can be seasonal.  Retirees talk about three distinct bucket stages of "go go years," "slow go years," and "no go years."  There are other times throughout your life where everything goes in your favor and others where you just can't catch a break.  The secret here is largely to "bank up" the good times' momentum and feelings, and draw upon those when things aren't going well.  And, when they're not going well, reflect and remember the good times to give you hope for the good times still ahead.  It's easy to forget the rearview mirror when you're fixated on the windshield and vice versa.  Neither one has to be indicative of what's ahead...that's a daily decision that only you can make.  

Sit back and
enjoy!

As we wrap up, it's important to remember that skilled sailors learn to sail with the wind...no matter what it's doing or not.  It's also important to remember that you've got a hand in the driver's seat, and with modern technology and know-how...you can always apply the EMT's favorite treatment: "aggressive diesel therapy."  In other words, you can get yourself out of a particularly bad tradewind season by applying steering, initiative, and horsepower.  You're not a powerless victim of your own circumstances.  Don't like something...change it.  Also, cherish the good moments where everything is going right, appreciate the good old days...while you're in them, and be ready for those moments or months where it's not all sunshine and rainbows.  Happy sailing to you!

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few reflections on wind seasons in your past.  Now pick out three lessons learned that will help you and your family when the next wind shift happens.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of "weather monitoring" in your personal life.  How about with your spouse?  Kids?  Family at large?

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Fresh Starts

Time Travel

Time Travel

Say "yes" to new festivals.

We bent the space-time continuum this weekend...and...dirty little secret...we do so often.  Recently we went out on a guys' weekend camping trip.  We were gone less than 24 hours, but from the time we saw the moose near the interstate to the time we pulled back in the driveway the next day...truly felt like we'd been gone on an expedition for a month.  The secret that you can employ to warp time is simply novel experiences injected into your otherwise routine life.  Like much of what we talk about...moderation is key...but novelty is necessary.  As we've said and borrowed from The Money Guys, "bedazzle your ordinary life."  

Go visit old 
places.

We've talked about the fear of robbing the joy from later by doing so much with our kids now (cue the tiny violin).  But...the cool part...much like the zen "you can never step in the same river twice" mantra, you're a different person now, and the place you're visiting/novel thing you're doing is different later.  I'm shocked at what our kids (and us) do and don't remember about major events a year or two removed from the novelty.  Us and our kids could go back and visit Yellowstone National Park, New York City, or anything in between this year, next year, and next decade and see something new every time.  The novelty can come in when we see it through new eyes, look up the "off the beaten path" sites, or simply build in meander time.  We've been to Florida probably ten times, and while they all blend together, each trip had unique highlights and memorable memories.  

Let your imagination 
run wild.

And...another trade secret here...our world is gigantic, and you'll never hit all the novel things.  Last year we went to the Albuquerque Balloon Festival...and it was spectacular.  Perhaps not as bigger-than-life as the first time we went...but amazing.  This is a reminder to not let "comparison be the thief of joy."  You can choose to enjoy and revel in novelty or routine...do that.  Anyhow, talking with a police officer on detail from Santa Fe, he recommended coming back to Zozobra. So, a year later, we did.  It's an interesting cultural festival with incredible lights, pyrotechnics, music, dancing, and community flair.  It was novel...and again, that three-day weekend felt like three weeks.  The point here is...there is some version of a "Zozobra" community/regional festival going on in just about every town just about every year.  You won't run out.  

See yourself in 
new ways.

It's also important to remember that those time-bending experiences are what we'll tell our kids and grandkids about.  I doubt we'll be reminiscing about the good old days in thirty years and talk about the football game we watched on TV or the video game we played.  I do think we'll probably talk about...and hopefully go back to visit...the cave fort that we built in the forest 30 minutes from our home that one guy's weekend.  Again, don't mishear...the example we're talking about cost us a few bucks in canned food, a pack of pork chops (with lemon pepper), 60 minutes of round-trip gas, and 24 hours over a normal weekend.  This doesn't have to be expensive...just intentional.  

See theater.

I get it, time doesn't actually change.  I (and you) were only gone from the office for the same 48 hours between Friday and Monday...but...depending on how you chose to invest it...it'll run together or stand out in memory.  We're fortunate to live in a place where we can get out into nature fairly easily.  Don't mishear...we're not on the moon...we're at the confluence of two major interstates, in a capital city, 2 hours from one of the busiest airports on the planet.  I say that to say this...no matter where you live...novel is next door...you just have to look for it.  That said, we've talked to folks from around the country, big towns to small...and I've been floored by how many people say "there's nothing to do around here."  Time and again, when we ask...a ton of people say, "I've never heard of that" of some major (albeit some off the beaten path) attraction that is literally within a half an hour of the house they've lived in for years.  I'd suspect most of those families could, however, tell you who won the last season of the mainstream reality TV show.  

Try out a new museum.  

We talk about how life went so much slower when we were younger and how it's flying now.  Talk to an "old" person, and they'll tell you how much faster it's going every passing year.  I think, and research bears it out in part, that the reason it seems to be going so much faster each batch of 365 days is that we don't have so much novelty.  When we're young, everything is novel, and we're learning everything.  In earnest, what was the last new thing you learned as an adult?  I'll wait...chances are...you'll struggle since we're "out of school and done learning."  Don't subscribe to that mantra...read a book, travel, explore, build a new skill, get out in nature...adventure is all around us.  

Learn about people different than you.

Before we close, it's important to remind all of us that boredom is a good thing...don't steal the benefits by injecting too much novelty.  If we get rid of all routine and all tradition in order to have 24/7 novelty... like all good things...too much is still too much.  As we all seek to find our balance, it's important that you find what works for you...and your kids...and the adults your kids will become.  The novel experiences that you embark on this year and next and the one after that become the person that you'll be next.  

Visit a zoo.

As we depart for the week, remember, you don't have to have all the time or money in the world to make this work.  You just have to be intentional about putting in the time you have in order to make it happen.  Take a minute to look at the festivals in the region and the off-the-beaten-path nature spaces that you haven't visited.  Create the memories that you'll look back on and cherish forever.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three things you can do this week that are novel - new food, play at a new park, you pick.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of injecting novelty into your coming year.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Travel Bug Tonic on Novelty

- The Science of Novelty

Adventure Is Out There

Adventure is Out There

Go cow tanking down
the river.

Adventure is out there...the premise being that it's outside your four walls at home.  Whether you live in an apartment, a van, a modest home, or a monster mansion...most adventure is past the front door.  The good news is that we don't often have to go very far from home to find it - backyard, walk around the block, greenway, city park, nearby state park, national park, or anywhere in between.  There are some adventure-adjacent things we can do at home - read about it, watch shows about it, study it...but it's hard to do when we're inside.  Watching a show about fishing is not the same as actually fishing.  Reading about mountain climbing isn't the same as doing it.  

Or climbing.

When we "consume" adventure instead of participating in it, we slowly but surely lose our will and ability to partake physically in it.  My grandfather, as a young man, was a pretty active outdoorsman.  By the time I'd come along, he'd spent so much time sitting in the easy chair watching adventure that he'd lost the physical ability to actually do much outside.  He'd traded doing for storytelling...then slowly lost his own stories to recollections of other people's televised travels.  We owe it to ourselves...particularly our future selves to get outside and "do" adventure so that we can later get out and do adventure.  Similarly, we owe our children and grandchildren the continued commitment to getting out.  

Or bird watching on 
the roof.

We noticed on a recent trip to a Midwest state that most people were pretty comfortable going from air-conditioned space to air-conditioned space - home to car to store to dinner to store to car to home.  Consequently, over time, they (and we) become conditioned and addicted to the creature comforts...and it becomes easier to say "no" when the adventure opportunities present themselves.  This has a slippery slope effect as it relates to mental, physical, and probably gets into emotional/spiritiual health as well.  I know when we're engaged beyond ourselves...life is better at our house.  When we're out and doing physical things, we stay in better shape...which in turn...makes it easier to do more things.  Similarly, our mental/emotional/spiritual health all feels more in balance and more healthy when we're not just staring at screens.  

Or hiking.

Stewardship is another big part of getting our kids out the door to adventure.  Our children are getting increasingly removed from adventure and the outdoors in general.  Between our safety-fied culture where we inordinately avoid anything that might create a band-aid and our busy schedules that make it easy to skip adventures - big and small...our children aren't learning to love our natural spaces.  Similarly, as we do more screen time instead of travel time, we lose our appreciation for those around us and different from us.  As this generation grows up...without a strong adventure/outdoor/travel foundation...they'll vote differently in their elections and with their dollars.  We'll officially lose the things we've already given up because we learned not to love the wild places and spaces.  

Or build something.

Adventure can take many, many forms and shapes.  This summer we've been building the cabin/shed/fort/castle in the backyard.  The kids have had an opportunity to learn building skills while working on their math and planning as well.  You can add in a road trip, hike, camp out, new festival, or food...there isn't a strict rubric of "if you didn't get eaten by a grizzly bear, it doesn't count as adventure."  If anything, perhaps the rubric is "would you tell your grandkids about it?"  In other words, the reminder here is that chances of you telling your grandkids about that epic spreadsheet you made in your fluorescent-lit office... are slim to none.  

Or just a 
walk.

As we wrap up this week, we're sitting in a hotel in Santa Fe, NM after attending the Zozobra Festival last night (following a recommendation from last year at the Albuquerque Balloon Festival).  Sure, it's 12 round-trip hours in the car and a few bucks in gas and hotels...but at a certain level...you were going to spend the time anyway, and it can cost what you want it to in large part.  Spending a few hours of great music, reminding you to burn your glooms every so often, and seeing maybe the best pyrotechnic show we've ever seen...priceless...and probably on the tell-grandkids-list.  It doesn't have to be epic...it does have to be routine...and you just have to do it.  Go adventure...out there.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three adventures - big or small - that you and your family can partake in during the next month.  Schedule them and keep the plan.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of the calendar and budget that you're going to make your adventure lifestyle.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Zozobra

1500 Weeks

 1,500 Weeks

Pop into practice...even
when the schedule is a pain.

1,500 weeks - that's about the amount you get when you take 30 years and multiply it by 52 weeks, taking away two weeks each year for vacation or at least time off or away from work.  In America today, your lifespan ranges from about 4,108 to 4,274 weeks, depending on whether you're male or female.  In other words...we're not at work about 65% of our lifetime.  Granted, part of that time we're sleeping.  Some of that time we're babies.  But...a lot of that time is more discretionary than we let on.  If you play your cards right throughout your formative years through your retirement, you can end up having a lot of those weeks "investable" into things that aren't your 9-5 job.

Go see a lunar 
eclipse, even on a 
school/work night.

I've noticed recently when we interact with a lot of kids in the coming-of-age stage, the question is around "what do you want to be when you grow up?"  Similarly, we tailor our high school and certainly our college/vocational time around honing in on those 1,500 weeks.  This isn't to say that you shouldn't spend some due diligence and time both before and during the 1,500 weeks zeroing in on the "what do I want to be" question.  But...how much time do we spend on our kids and ourselves at the more meta answers, "I want to be a good person."  "I want to take care of others."  "I want to travel."  "I want to be financially fit."  "I want to be physically fit enough to walk with grandkids," etc.  

Do now, so
that you can
later.

We often spend an undue amount of time in those junior, high school, early twenties years focused on the major that we think we'll be the key to unlocking all of our wildest dreams along the way.  Getting to the middle of this life journey, I think I'm realizing that there are other perks one should consider when setting out on the 1,500-week journey.  Some jobs, like teaching, give you an incredible amount of time off throughout those 1,500 weeks to focus on passion projects when your mind and body are still young and healthy enough to make it happen.  Others, like military service, may give you lots of travel during and lots of post-retirement benefits.  

Seek/create the balance 
of the ant AND the 
grasshopper now and
later. 

Along the way, we've got to have a diversified investment portfolio for the time beyond the financial aspects (which is critically important as well).  In other words, when (since you're in your 1,500s, I presume) do you set aside time to focus on your health and wellness...so that you can do some of the retirement goals you say you have?  For us, we hope to continue to do hiking and exploration when we're retired.  Unless we spend time on staying at a healthy weight, keeping our hearts in good working order, maintaining strength/flexibility/balance along the way...we won't have the ability when we have the time.  Similarly, if we don't keep up on the hiking in little bursts now...we likely won't have the inclination or ambition to do so later.  

Choose your partners
in crime carefully...
every day.

During your 1,500 weeks, things like pouring into your spouse and children are critical.  The folks over at MidLifeMale.com talk about how presence is a skill...not a personality trait.  I think it's a bit of both.  I've got a peer counterpart who is in a very similar life age/stage/career as myself.  Where he jumps at every travel opportunity with work, I've steered clear of as many as possible since we have had kids.  We were talking the other day, and he's further along in his career...but was lamenting about how he sort of blew it with kids.  I tried to remind him that we get a new day, new choice every day, and blew it can be very past (or present) tense if you let it.  But...he's sort of addicted to the "atta-boys" that have come with his travel commitments...more than he's addicted to his kids and family.  I'm far enough along in my career to take care of our family...and our kids have been to all 50 states.  The answer is a unique blend and balance right for you...but you have to make it happen.  

The mess,
beautiful or
not is up to you, 
choose wisely.

Be thinking about other ways you can invest your time wisely during your 1,500 years.  For many, we get almost intertwined with our work and our work selves such that when it comes time to extricate ourselves, we're hollow shadows of who we once were.  For instance, I've got a passion for writing.  This blog is as much for me as it is for anyone else.  The weekly habit of writing keeps the passion alive in the intervening years.  Perhaps, since I've kept it a spark for all this time, when I have more time to pour into it... it'll be he long dreamed of book.  We've got other friends who have that big goal - hike the Appalachian Trail, visit every MLB ballpark, run a marathon, etc.  Don't let your retirement look like the view from an easy chair at a television...you owe it to yourself to make it big and worthwhile.  

Go do adventure now...
so that you...and they...
can and will go later.

As we wrap up this week, hopefully it's a calling to you that, in the middle of your 1,500-some odd weeks of gainful employment in your life...you're building the now...and the next chapters along the way.  Perhaps more importantly, while you're in the middle of your journey, you're building the now and next chapters for your spouse and children along the way as well.  By giving healthy, well-rounded, holistic inputs to your life and to those around you, you're building a life worth living.  In not just "grind, grind, grind" on the 9-5, basking in the fluorescent glow of the office lights, you're making the time to make this one rare and beautiful life...your very best life...now and next.

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of things you can do this week that get you and yours closer to the selves that you want to be...after the 1,500 career/work wrap-up.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of being prepared not just in the practical terms for a post-work part of life...but where the richness lives...now and later.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- MidlifeMale.com

Ask Not...

Ask Not What...

Go serve.

In 1961, John F. Kennedy said the famous quote, "Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country."  The motto-like quote has not aged well...it seems like more now than ever we're doing the opposite.  We're hanging our futures on a political candidate and asking what they can do for us...often trading our short-term pleasure for what likely will be our long-term pain through deferred spending liabilities.  Anyhow, the point here is more broadly...which side of the quote are you on?  Your family?  What are you asking of your country vs what are you doing for your country?  That's pretty broad and abstract when we zoom out to the national level. 

Help a 
neighbor. 

However, when you zoom in a little bit and ask the same question for your region?  State?  County?  City?  Neighborhood?  Somewhere along the line, from national to local...you likely (hopefully) get to a place where the question equation flips.  It's likely much easier to do something for your community than your nation.  Could you pick up trash along the road?  Could you do a service project?  Can you mow your neighbor's yard?  Scoop their snow?  There is probably a good chance that you can make a meaningful difference when you zoom in a bit.  

Help at the local
musuem.

When you zoom in a little farther, chances are that you can improve your church, local non-profit, school, library, etc.  Chances are you can volunteer to walk the dogs at the animal shelter, read to kids at the library, or help with Sunday School or Awana.  When we become the change we want to see in the world, the world begins to change.  That sounds cliche...but instead of complaining about how something should be that is within our range of influence, it's our responsibility to help influence it.  This isn't to say that you're solely responsible for "the thing" but you can be part of the solution.  You can double down by organizing your circle to also be helpful.  

Serve year
round. 

At work, we've talked about the grass being greener where you water it.  In the same vein, ask what you can do for your work?  How about for your supervisor, subordiantes, colleagues, and customers?  Are there things that you can do to go above and beyond that add value to your relationships with them?  To add another cliche, "people don't remember what you say, they remember how you made them feel."  We're not necessarily talking about doing a special new project...it could be as simple as making someone smile or make someone feel included.  Often times, those are more important markers of success than meeting some quarterly metric.  Keep the metrics in mind...and meet them...but do it while planting some smiles.  

Fix a tire.

And, when we get to the very inner circle, our spouses and children in our homes, it's perhaps most criticial what you can provide back to them.  This isn't transactional, but if you picture the what-you-get vs what-you-give as an account, it's critical that you not only keep the balance, but build up a surplus.  This means that all of the things you get from your family (hopefully) - sanctuary, peace, love, joy, and so forth are beyond belief amazing.  That said, your contributions to those items...and to the other things like dishes, laundry, honey-do-list, and such are critical.  The most important relationships of your life are just that...and should be treated as such.  Don't just say, "I love you," do the things that someone who loves, cherishes, and adores someone would do.  

Coach a team.  

As we wrap up this week, we all have questions that we need to ask...it's critical that we ask what we can do to make things better...for those that matter most...and those that are around us.  It's fine that we take, it's critical that we give.  Give at home.  Give in our communties.  Give in our cirlces that surround us.  When we leave it better than we found it...that means in the short term and the long term...we've got to answer the question more often than not on the positive side.  This leaving it better than we found it means that down the road (hopefully far down the road), you get to hear "well done, good and faithful servant."  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few actions that you can do this week in order to make the world and those around you better.  Take a few steps this week to ask the question...and answer it in a new way...consistently.  Write down three things that you'll do this week...as a family...to do for others.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action)

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Kennedy's Speech

Dragons Be There

Dragons Be There

Dragons are here.

On old maps, when the known world sort of ran out, there were markings, "Dragons be there."  In other words, the unknown was inherently scary and implied danger.  The same applies to our comfort zones...but...when we go past the boundaries and stare over the abyss, we often see that it is less unknown and likely less scary than we thought in our head.  Our brains have a way of telling a story that can grow out of proportion.  We've struggled or toyed with the idea of picking up and moving to a new part of the country...sight unseen, so to speak.  We've created the potential downsides of Godzilla along the way..."we'd never replace the salary we have here," "it'd take years to make new friends," etc.  In other words, "dragons be there" when we look at that part of the map.  And those dragons keep us from falling off the edge.  

And here.  

Sure, in that example, some of those dragons are real.  We could get ourselves into a regret pickle by making the jump.  We could also shine a little light in the dark places by researching, visiting, traveling, and poking holes in the pieces that scare us.  We could, in large part, minimize the parts of the map where our dragons live.  That doesn't mean we should just blow up a comfortable life...just because we can.  Societies and civilizations were built on the backs of curious dreamers and brave explorers who dared to go where the dragons were on the map.  The balance of "back office support" and "leading edge innovation" is what helped us as humans conquer our domains.  To do great things takes both, and we should seek to fill parts of our lives (and souls) with both.  

A sure sign of dragons in the area.

If you live a life where you allow yourself to fall into the monotony of "I get up, I go to work, I go to bed, I repeat," life gets pretty dour.  If instead, you inject novelty and adventure into your lives, life is pretty great.  The six inches between your ears to make the commitment that "we'll go camping this weekend" as a louder voice than, "I've got a ton to do around the house, and putting camping stuff away sucks" is critical.  There are plenty of wild things and wild spaces surrounding us that can be reached and immersed all around us.  The secret is, they're often just outside of our comfort zone.  Depending on who you are, the "dragons be there" for you may be going out to that ethnic restaurant and trying something new, attending the festival in the next town over, hiking a mountain, doing a road trip, etc.  Our dragons don't match...it's just important that you go face yours.  

Another sure sign...
launching a rock over
your dad and brother's
heads.

Across the space of our lives, we often get into a comfortable rut.  At work, the idea of moving to consulting, switching professions, opening a business, buying a rental property, or anything else is likely an unknown...to you.  Chances are, through exploration, research, mentorship, and seeking out learning, there are folks who have successfully done what you're attempting to do.  As you're staring down your dragons, find a person a few years ahead of you on that path and ask them which bends have the dragons...and how they got past them.  Before becoming a parent, the path was wrought with dragons - what if I put the diaper on the wrong end, what if I don't read to them enough...or too much...what if...  Turns out, for centuries, people have been able to figure those things out...and so will you too.

Dragons are 
all around.

I'm writing this, this week, from a road trip in Alaska.  Driving through a relatively small part of a giant state (turns out there's just not very many roads up here), one thing is apparent...dragons that have been unseen by human eyes probably could be hiding out among the trees, mountains, and glaciers.  This place is huge and wild.  It's also a reminder that there are wild, huge places still around...and that God, as the Creator, is powerful and mighty.  Too much time surrounded by cement and steel and glass can dull our senses and make us forget that there are dragons bigger and more powerful than Lance or Phillis down the row of cubicles at work.    Travelling is a wonderful way to remind ourselves that, yes...there are still dragons...and yes...that's still a good thing.  

They're right
around the 
bend in the 
trail.

As we close this week, remember that often, the dragons that are off the edge of our comfort zone map are there, but they're manageable.  They're less scary than we often originally make them out to be, and we can conquer them.  It's also important to remember that part of life is seeking out, finding, and facing dragons.  Our forefathers braved the literal peril to conquer new lands, explore new professions, pioneer new journeys...and now we're a comfortable lot.  Don't let those wild genes somewhere deep down within you lose the flickering flame of your own dragon.  Go out there, into the wild places, stretch your comfort zone, and make new memories.  If you're fortunate enough to have grandkids someday, the stories they'll want to hear about didn't involve a water cooler or cubicle or Taco Tuesday at work.  Make wise decisions...that make great stories.  Good luck!

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a scary dragon to mitigate this week through research or conversation...and a wild dragon that you'll take steps to get closer to.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of exploring the wild places.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Nat Geo Here Be Dragons

I Hope You Dance

I Hope You Dance

Build the cabin...
even in the back
yard.

Lee Ann Womack had it right all those years ago when she sang about "I hope you dance" in her great hit from back in the day.  The lyrics remind us to be in the moment...and to say "yes."  We're often faced with so many choices...some big, some small...some consequential, some trivial...every single day.  It's easy for us to say "no" as a default.  What if we flip the script and say "yes" as our status quo?  We want to raise our kids...and be...the sort of people who throw inhibitions to the wind and don't sit on the wall...we hope they dance.  This isn't to say all inhibitions, like becoming a crack head and streaking across the field at your next sporting event, are inhibitions.  We're talking the "I don't want to not look cool in front of my circle" kind of inhibitions that get in our way of joy.  

Meals on 
Wheels.  Be
the light.

Recently, we went square dancing.  Bet you didn't know that was still a thing, did you?  In the time leading up, we grumbled a bit and tried to make excuses.  I even suggested it might be worth a little bit of pinky finger in the saw on a project we were working on immediately leading up to the dance.  When we walked in, you could pick out a couple of "those awkward people" that didn't ooze cool.  A song in and those people were flat killin' it on the church dance floor...and looking positively joyful.  I don't remember a time when I felt that level of happiness in a moment, as what they looked like they were having.  It was clear that this was a passion, that they'd practiced...and that joy was filling them right then.  

A lot of fun
in a single
picture.

My default for that sort of thing is to say "no," politely excuse myself, and hide out.  If I had to pin down the "why," I'd probably say something about how "I'm no good at it," "I don't enjoy it," "I don't want to look uncool," or some other lame sounding (even to me as I say it) excuse.  I've always wanted to be one of those people who look like they're having fun in the moment...but I always get in my way.  Long story short, more for the sake of setting an example for our boys, I said "yes."  I hopped in there with my beautiful wife and danced in a square dance...for four hours.  Was I good...decidedly no.  Is it a talent I make go pro with... definitely not.  Did I end up having a blast...yes...in spite of myself.  Are we going again in a month...as it were...yes.  Does it matter if I wasn't great?  Or that the group is a bit nerdy?  Or any other thing?  Turns out...joy lives there...and we get to experience it for the low barrier of entry of getting over ourselves for a moment.  

Flying motorbikes...what's
not to love?  Don't have to
be all in...to get some
of the benefits.

We've talked about how important it is to have novel experiences in your life.  When you get into the ruts of routine, each day sort of blurs and blends together into a seamless montage of the "off-white" color sameness.  This becomes the default increasingly as we get older.  The "get up, go to work, come home, sleep, repeat" life can leave us missing the magic.  We have had more novel experiences, some big, some small, just by saying "yes" to pulling off the road.  The other day, coming back into town, we saw a bunch of trailers out by our fairgrounds.  Saying "yes" to curiosity allowed us to experience a motocross dirt bike jumping tournament.  We didn't have to stay for the weekend, or buy a new bike and start a new hobby...but we spent an hour enjoying what is possible for humans who have practiced a lot.  

Bring a friend. 
Hit the pool.

We had a friend who did a "yes day" with her family.  For 24 hours...she'd say "yes" to anything they asked.  They had a few ground rules, but generally speaking...the answer is a "yes."  Sort of a genie in a bottle kind of thing.  I remember talking with her family after the fact, and they had such a great time thinking about what to do and ask on their turn.  Donuts for breakfast - sure.  Go to the swimming pool - yep.  Watch this movie - let's do it.  Eat out at this place - done and done.  The only lasting "impact" or residual besides great memories after the day was over was the new puppy.  Our friend had realized she'd defaulted to "no" because life had gotten so busy...the "yes day" was a bit of a "let's dance" reset and part of a kick-off to summer.  

The crew is hard
at work.  Say "yes" 
to new things.  
They're right here.

I think it's important to add that a big chunk of this...is due to my beautiful and amazing wife...who is wired to say "yes."  My default is probably more wired to say "no" but she's growing on me.  The reason I point this out...is that she makes it easy.  That said, you don't have to wait to be asked if you want to dance...to say yes to dancing.  So many of the things we do that add spice and novelty to our lives come from injecting ourselves into situations that might be a little inconvenient or awkward...but that's okay.  Even if you're not wired for it...saying "yes" is as simple as a quick internet search for "things to do near me this weekend" and hopping in the car.  Guaranteed, within an hour's drive, you have a new festival, hiking path, sporting event, experience, meal, etc that you can say "yes" to without breaking the schedule or the budget.  Even if it's hard...it's worth it...say "yes." 

It's easy to say "no,"
go hang out at the 
free concert with 
your closest 1,000
friends.  It's fun.

It's important to do the right load balancing on your schedule and family budget when it comes to saying "yes," using some strategic planning and prioritization as a backdrop.  If we say "yes" to every opportunity, every possible fork in the road, while exciting...it will leave you exhausted and spent.  Part of the trick here is to right-size the "yes."  We want our kids to be healthy and relatively athletic to help them have as many options in the future as possible.  This is not the same as saying we want our kids to play in the NFL.  Pick-up game of ultimate frisbee in the park - yes.  Softball league with church - yes.  Wrestle with their kids or grandkids - yes.  Have lifelong hobbies like hiking - yes.  To get to "yes" in this case, the every night/every weekend tempo of some travel sports is a step backwards.  The community league where we coach...so it's on our schedule and learn a sport over the course of a month...that's a win.  This year, our kids have been exposed to wrestling, basketball, football, baseball, and soccer...and it hasn't come at too much of an opportunity cost around the rest of our lives.  

Fun is all around  
us.  It starts by 
saying "yes." 

As we wrap up this week, I'll leave you with the lyrics from Lee Ann below...but I hope you dance.  I hope that you say "yes" in the moment within reason.  This isn't the say yes to the 'Super Bowl tickets by cashing out your 401k and quitting your job so you have the time off" sort of thing.  It isn't the reinvention of yourself through a midlife crisis with a new blonde and a new sports car.  It is the idea of leaning in, of "Carpe Diem" as Robin Williams said in Dead Poets Society...seize the day.  Live in the moment...be present...show up...lean in...dance when you get the chance.  The memories that come from those moments are all we get to take with us.  Choose wisely before you become the person who raises the people who sit on the wall...you can change your family tree today...one "Turkey in the Straw" at a time.  Say yes.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three "dance" things in your life - whatever category - and say "yes" this next week.  Your family will appreciate you for it...even if they grumble a little bit at first.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of being the people and raising the people who say "yes" when it comes time to dance.  I haven't always been...that's okay.  I can be today...and that's even better.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- I Hope You Dance Lyrics

- I Hope You Dance