Tradewinds

Tradewinds

Study the wind.

Dr. Seuss wrote a book, Oh, the Places You'll Go, and this week it seems like there is a parallel that is worth talking about.  There are times in life when we're sailing with the prevailing winds at our back.  Those times when it seems like in spite of us, everything is just working out in our favor.  Hopefully you've set you and your family up for a lifestyle that is mostly full of this type of "luck."  By adding and investing in margin continuously - calendar, budget, etc.- you can be here more often than not.  The secret of this time is to recognize, appreciate, and celebrate that you're in the "good old days" while you're still in them.  

Study the birds who
use the wind.

Other times we've got a headwind...sometimes it's more than a headwind and matures into an all-out hurricane-style storm.  These are the times when seemingly no matter what we do...we just can't run fast enough.  We can't catch our breath, and it feels like we've got a mountain in front of us that is unending.  It can feel like no matter what you do...you're losing and can't get ahead.  When we're in one of these on-the-ropes seasons, it's important to refocus on the priorities.  Oftentimes in this season, it's a call for a "slow down to go fast" approach where you look to cut things until you have enough margin to see clearly.  In disaster response, we call it a tactical pause where we seek to gain clarity before initiative.  

Practice harnessing 
the wind.

There are times that no matter what we do...big things don't go our way.  Loved ones pass away untimely.  People get sick.  Homes are impacted by disaster.  Jobs are lost.  These tradewinds can feel like they're an all-out gale in your face that knocks you down.  The important part is to take time to grieve and process...but then stand back up.  That can be easier said than done, but it's a critical part.  We've known people in our circle who have had all of those things happen...including us.  Knowing "the rest of the story," as Paul Harvey used to put it...everyone in the circle around those circumstances has figured out how to carry on.  Many are finding happiness and a new normal down the road with a little time in and space removed from the original situation.  In other words, their trade winds changed...in large part...because they figured out how to overcome and adjust the sails.  

Learn about
volatility. 

We've all been in both places, and obviously it feels nicer to be in the first.  That said, some of the struggle times are what make us capable of great things.  The old adage about the mighty oak only grows strong in the storms is true.  In that sense, we're capable of far more strength and resilience than we think we are.  Good news: we can also grow our resilience muscles and capacity through intentionally setting high goals and striving through struggle.  We can even create artificial struggle that helps us build our abilities - sports, learning new things, physical toil, exercise, and many other ways.  We can prepare ourselves to sail more smoothly...ironically...by sailing more roughly on purpose in small things.  

Get good at using
the wind in your favor.

Other times we're in the doldrums where there is no wind in our sails.  This might be that quintessential "mid-life crisis" that is always talked about where we're stuck in the ruts and routines and daily life can be summed up as "sameness."  This isn't all bad if you've got a good set of routines and ruts that provide margin while also filling your soul with contentment.  We've talked about "bedazzle your basic life" before.  We've also talked a lot about injecting novelty when, where, and how it makes sense for your family.  The important part here isn't to get so frustrated with the doldrums that you bring dynamite or gasoline to the party.  Too often we see the "damn the torpedos" approach that results in the consequence-giving new car, house, spouse, etc.  

Enjoy the wind...even
the headwinds.

The old adage, "the only constant is change," is an important thing to keep in mind here.  In wildland fire, we're constantly monitoring wind and weather shifts due to the potential for extreme fire behavior or "blow-ups," as they're sometimes called.  In your life, when you sense a windshift coming- an annual physical and your health numbers are slipping; you and your spouse growing apart; a sudden cold front on the annual performance review at work - double down and pay attention.  Seldom do the catastrophic changes fall on you like an out-of-the-blue piano from a Wile E. Coyote cartoon.  Most of the time they come with some level, albeit sometimes subtle, warning signs.  Our call here is to take notice of those onset indicators...and take action.  Double down on date nights with your spouse, lean in with your kids on their interests, take a family road trip, volunteer for that project at work.  

Teach others.

These tradewinds can be seasonal.  Retirees talk about three distinct bucket stages of "go go years," "slow go years," and "no go years."  There are other times throughout your life where everything goes in your favor and others where you just can't catch a break.  The secret here is largely to "bank up" the good times' momentum and feelings, and draw upon those when things aren't going well.  And, when they're not going well, reflect and remember the good times to give you hope for the good times still ahead.  It's easy to forget the rearview mirror when you're fixated on the windshield and vice versa.  Neither one has to be indicative of what's ahead...that's a daily decision that only you can make.  

Sit back and
enjoy!

As we wrap up, it's important to remember that skilled sailors learn to sail with the wind...no matter what it's doing or not.  It's also important to remember that you've got a hand in the driver's seat, and with modern technology and know-how...you can always apply the EMT's favorite treatment: "aggressive diesel therapy."  In other words, you can get yourself out of a particularly bad tradewind season by applying steering, initiative, and horsepower.  You're not a powerless victim of your own circumstances.  Don't like something...change it.  Also, cherish the good moments where everything is going right, appreciate the good old days...while you're in them, and be ready for those moments or months where it's not all sunshine and rainbows.  Happy sailing to you!

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few reflections on wind seasons in your past.  Now pick out three lessons learned that will help you and your family when the next wind shift happens.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of "weather monitoring" in your personal life.  How about with your spouse?  Kids?  Family at large?

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Fresh Starts

Beyond the Mirror

 Beyond the Mirror

Sometimes we get stuck in our mirror...the self-reflection in a vacuum at arm's length.  When we're only looking that far in front of us, it's easy to lose context.  It's easy to get ourselves into our own version of a pity party.  Just in the last couple of weeks, we had a person in our circle who got remarried, another hired for a position, and had a friend change houses.  The point here is that, in each of those cases, the person had come to an unbearable, scorched-earth-only position where anything had to be better than their current reality.  The other side of that coin...the part they often didn't see "beyond the mirror" was that in each situation, they had people lining up to be in line to replace the thing they couldn't stand.  

In the marriage case, the person that the other person couldn't stand to be with was back in a relationship fairly quickly.  For friends who couldn't stand the person they'd made vows and life with after ten years in, in many cases people find another someone to share life with.  We can trick ourselves that the world is better just around the bend or that the grass is greener across the street.  As we've talked, it's often more true that the grass is greener where we water and cultivate it.  When we look beyond the victim mentality in our mirror and take ownership of our parts of the solution and systems for success...we stop blaming our troubles on our spouse.  That's probably the first step in moving forward. 

In the position example, we were hiring for two positions, and we had close to 200 fairly qualified people lining up for a job that the outgoing person couldn't stand.  Several of the candidates were very, very overqualified but had left their previous positions because they couldn't stand them.  News flash, chances are, they wouldn't be able to stand ours within a few months either.  The old "be the best ____ that you can be" rings true.  I think the most contented work folks I've been around have been the ones with enough passion and initiative to be competent professionals, but balanced with the "enough" attitude that they're not constantly onto bigger and better.  

Lastly, in the house/car/stuff upgrade categories...leaving behind an "awful" house to you is likely going to be the new dream home to someone else.  We have a family that we've done life beside for the past decade or so.  We both had kids about the same time, bought houses about the same time, and so forth.  In that decade, we've remodeled our home while adding a fort, playhouse, tree house, trampoline, etc in the backyard - mostly through repurposing construction cast-offs from around town.  Over the same decade, they're on their fourth trade-up house.  We were talking the other day about finances, and while they've upgraded their house...they've also drastically upgraded their mortgage along the way, leaving little margin for travel or other fun items.  

Across the board on these "mirror-level" issues where we lose context or miss the forest for the trees, it's often a level of contentedness that is the right answer and connected/shared expectations.  The remarried person is happy (again, for now), but lots of heartache on the way through.  A person who left our organization recently said, "Wow, I made a mistake; I wish I could come back."  The upgrader in houses and cars realized they'd only paid interest to the bank the way amortization is set up...while others have paid off their house and have the peace that comes with it.  The point is, when we're in mirror range, it's easy to lose sight of the big picture.  We have to zoom out sometimes to see just how good we have it.  

As we wrap up this week, before you make some drastic change...zoom out a little bit to get some context and appreciation for where your baseline is at right now.  Take stock of the alternative outcomes and unintended consequences when you view a major decision, not in a silo or vacuum, but when viewed across time, space, and impacts to your broader life situation.  Hopefully, you can use a combination of l% improvements to fine-tune your masterpiece statute instead of bringing the chainsaw or nuclear weapon option out of the arsenal straight away.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out one bucket of life this week and come up with three small tweak changes that you'll implement in order to reduce your stress or anxiety...so that you stop thinking about the nuclear option.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of committing as a family to making small change course corrections to live your best life.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Small tweaks are not negative...

Time is Everything

Time is Everything

Time is a vortex.

I recently read a blog article from author Eric O'Neill regarding the fact that "time is everything."  One line caught me..."are you investing or wasting" your time?  That's a question that we can ask on the micro and macro throughout our lives and busy schedules.  It's important that we look at our schedule - daily, weekly, monthly, annually, and in our season of life with an introspection that allows us to get honest about our alignment of values vs practicality.  In other words, this is an audit that looks at our "budget vs actual" of what we say is critical and valuable as compared to what we're actually spending our most valuable resource on.  

Make time for the moments 
in all seasons.

When we look at the micro scale, or our daily/weekly/monthy interactions, it's critical that we get our "to-do list" items done.  Walk the dog.  Feed the kids.  Show up to work.  Pay the bills.  Those things have to happen in order for us to function in our overall system.  That said, those moments and the moments in between have to be utilized wisely and invested strategically.  When we view time as the valuable commodity and store of value that it is, similar to the way we often view money, it begins to take on the gravity it deserves.  Our weekly schedule can easily get eaten up with endless scrolling and autoplay monotony.  Fortunately, all of that is within our control to be efficient.  

Measure.

Similarly, many of the daily living activities now have more efficient options than perhaps any time in history.  Our great-grandparents likely had to plant, steward, and harvest their own food through seasonal toil.  Today, we can sign up economically for grocery delivery from our nearby big-box store...utilizing a fraction of the hours to feed ourselves than our ancestors did.  By examining those small moments that would have otherwise been consumed in yesteryear, we can easily find a start to our more efficient time investments.  Taking that a step further, we can examine our habits, hobbies, and extracurriculars to likely find and free up additional minutes that become hours.  

Practice.

In the great book Atomic Habits, the author talks about how efficiency that can come through wise habits can be powerful.  As you create time in the little moments (e.g., start a load of laundry and fold it while watching a movie), we begin to build a lever we can apply to making meaningful momentum toward our larger time investments.  In what the Money Guys call the "messy middle" part of life, where we're balancing work, raising kids, supporting parents, and everything else, it's easy to let the time slip away...that we can't get back.  We've talked about the pre-req of quality time is quantity time.  In other words, those small "garbage time" moments, as Scott Galloway put it - dinner around the table, driving kids to school, going on a walk - all add up.  

Schedule.

By carving out some efficiency in our schedules, we can invest those saved moments into the moments that matter - read with the kids, play catch, talk with your spouse - build up the proverbial relationship bank through quality...and quantity time.  For many of us, we can likely tweak the equations of life to balance the scales.  Short on cash...cut back or make more.  Short on time...you can't go back and make that up very well.  We were talking the other day and talked about the idea of a barbell-shaped retirement.  In other words, if we hammer it early to build up some investments that can grow, we can then shift gears to spend more time with our kids when they're small.  And, if we need to, sprint again when the kids are up and out to supercharge our way into retirement if needed.  

Prioritize.

This whole thing isn't to say that you should shirk your responsibilities as a provider for your family.  It is to say that you should widen your aperture to more than just measuring that with a paycheck.  In order to provide wholly for our family's needs, we have to build in enough time to be home and be present...not just for the highlight reel.  In order to do so, if we haven't gotten there with the above small systemic changes...the next step is saying "no" to the one-more/too-many-good-things category items.  It'd be great to volunteer for the soup kitchen...it isn't greater than building a bond with your family (but maybe you could win-win by volunteering...with your family).  Anyhow, getting ruthlessly protective and selective within our calendars is critical to ensure our families are our priority.  

Execute.

As we wrap up, this post has been all over the pinball table.  The salient point is that time is everything.  The old cliché "how do you know you're in the good old days before you're out of the good old days" rings true.  It's easy to miss the forest for the trees and live out the Cat's Cradle song where we look back and realize we missed what was really important.  Perhaps this can be a reminder and wake-up call to be present where your feet are at...and work hard to schedule your feet in the right places more often.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of time swaps (one more meeting for one more walk with kids over lunch) that you can make this week...and put them on your schedule.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of right-sizing your calendar and schedule this week.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References: 

- Eric O'Neill original article

Ask Not...

Ask Not What...

Go serve.

In 1961, John F. Kennedy said the famous quote, "Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country."  The motto-like quote has not aged well...it seems like more now than ever we're doing the opposite.  We're hanging our futures on a political candidate and asking what they can do for us...often trading our short-term pleasure for what likely will be our long-term pain through deferred spending liabilities.  Anyhow, the point here is more broadly...which side of the quote are you on?  Your family?  What are you asking of your country vs what are you doing for your country?  That's pretty broad and abstract when we zoom out to the national level. 

Help a 
neighbor. 

However, when you zoom in a little bit and ask the same question for your region?  State?  County?  City?  Neighborhood?  Somewhere along the line, from national to local...you likely (hopefully) get to a place where the question equation flips.  It's likely much easier to do something for your community than your nation.  Could you pick up trash along the road?  Could you do a service project?  Can you mow your neighbor's yard?  Scoop their snow?  There is probably a good chance that you can make a meaningful difference when you zoom in a bit.  

Help at the local
musuem.

When you zoom in a little farther, chances are that you can improve your church, local non-profit, school, library, etc.  Chances are you can volunteer to walk the dogs at the animal shelter, read to kids at the library, or help with Sunday School or Awana.  When we become the change we want to see in the world, the world begins to change.  That sounds cliche...but instead of complaining about how something should be that is within our range of influence, it's our responsibility to help influence it.  This isn't to say that you're solely responsible for "the thing" but you can be part of the solution.  You can double down by organizing your circle to also be helpful.  

Serve year
round. 

At work, we've talked about the grass being greener where you water it.  In the same vein, ask what you can do for your work?  How about for your supervisor, subordiantes, colleagues, and customers?  Are there things that you can do to go above and beyond that add value to your relationships with them?  To add another cliche, "people don't remember what you say, they remember how you made them feel."  We're not necessarily talking about doing a special new project...it could be as simple as making someone smile or make someone feel included.  Often times, those are more important markers of success than meeting some quarterly metric.  Keep the metrics in mind...and meet them...but do it while planting some smiles.  

Fix a tire.

And, when we get to the very inner circle, our spouses and children in our homes, it's perhaps most criticial what you can provide back to them.  This isn't transactional, but if you picture the what-you-get vs what-you-give as an account, it's critical that you not only keep the balance, but build up a surplus.  This means that all of the things you get from your family (hopefully) - sanctuary, peace, love, joy, and so forth are beyond belief amazing.  That said, your contributions to those items...and to the other things like dishes, laundry, honey-do-list, and such are critical.  The most important relationships of your life are just that...and should be treated as such.  Don't just say, "I love you," do the things that someone who loves, cherishes, and adores someone would do.  

Coach a team.  

As we wrap up this week, we all have questions that we need to ask...it's critical that we ask what we can do to make things better...for those that matter most...and those that are around us.  It's fine that we take, it's critical that we give.  Give at home.  Give in our communties.  Give in our cirlces that surround us.  When we leave it better than we found it...that means in the short term and the long term...we've got to answer the question more often than not on the positive side.  This leaving it better than we found it means that down the road (hopefully far down the road), you get to hear "well done, good and faithful servant."  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few actions that you can do this week in order to make the world and those around you better.  Take a few steps this week to ask the question...and answer it in a new way...consistently.  Write down three things that you'll do this week...as a family...to do for others.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action)

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Kennedy's Speech

Aviate, Navigate, Communicate

Aviate, Navigate, Communicate

It starts with talking.

Aviate, Navigate, Communicate - those are the things to do in an aircraft emergency.  When it all comes right down to it, having clarity of purpose and focus is critical.  Instead of a hundred or a dozen things to try to pay attention to, the little saying helps center the efforts of the pilot and aircrew.  On a normal day, there are so many things that go into making a flight a success.  Just like in life, we've got dozens of things that our families do in order to be successful - go to work, get kids to activities, attend church, you name it.  When your family goes into crisis mode, much like a pilot, you need to focus on the basics to get through it.  

Then with practice.

For the air crew, the basics of "fly the plane" seem silly to say out loud, but there have been cases where the crew gets so distracted with instruments, checklists, etc that they forget the basics of flying the plane.  Sometimes, maybe oftentimes, we overcomplicate our systems that hold our lives together.  Similarly, when you look at the Wright Flyer and today's modern aircraft...they're obviously more complicated.  In preparing for a crisis that may befall our families, it's important to figure out and be ready for the key basics that are necessary or parallel to aviate/navigate/communicate.  In our family, it may look like "stop, think, pray."  

Reinforce it so it's
second nature.

The idea is to be as proactive as possible instead of reactionary.  If you're faced with a medical emergency, financial setback, or violent encounter...there is a moment of response...for sure.  But, getting to a thoughtful response as quickly as possible is critical.  It's easy to be a pinball machine when you're reacting in reaction to a stimulus that's negative.  It's important to slow down enough to get your priorities back in line and start making decisions that "stop the bleed" and then start providing long-term solutions.  That's obviously easier said than done in the moment.  It's easier done as well when we've been thoughtful leading into whatever emergency you're facing.  

Keep it top of mind.

Similarly, pilots are trained to "fly as far into the crash as possible."  In other words, stay in control.  We can borrow these philosophies for our family emergencies that pop up.  Letting go of the proverbial wheel or going radio silent are not good ways to "survive" or thrive in a disaster.  It's easy when faced with a large trauma to turtle up in our shell or stick our head under the ground like an ostrich.  When we talk about "fly as far into the crash as possible," it means that we sit in the driver's seat and take steps to be a proactive and positive participant in our own rescue/recovery.  

Go over it occasionally
in small moments.

From the pilot perspective, instead of just letting go of the "wheel" and hoping it works out, they're trained to "glide" as best as possible by still doing the things flyers do.  In our family life, let's say a medical emergency hits.  You still need to, as best as possible in the new normal, do the things parents and spouses do - get up, get dressed, get kids fed, do laundry, etc.  These small actions keep the proverbial wheels on the bus...in spite of the chaos around ourselves.  This isn't to say that you shouldn't go to the hospital with a loved one since you need to unload the dishwasher.  It is to say that we can double down and make the most or worst of a bad situation.  A downturn can become a catastrophe...if we let it.  

It can be reassuring...
that you've got this, 
even on the worst days.

As we wrap up here this week, remember that calamity and crisis do strike... every day somewhere to someone...hopefully not you and not today.  No pilot comes to work in the morning with the plan to "auger one into the ground," and no family should wake up in the morning with the plan to sink their family ship.  The point here is...with some proactive, intentional thought ahead of time, we can hopefully avoid the worst of the bad days when they do come to visit.  Just like an aircrew who trains on emergency procedures ahead of time, you should have systems in place to help be a safety net - e.g., insurance.  You should also have some go-to actions thought out to quickly and efficiently make the best of the bad day...your family is counting on you to not clam up.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few things that are core to your family that will allow you to switch from reaction to action in a crisis. Have a few go-to's that you've thought through and communicated with each other.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of a bad day action plan.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- FAA Rules for Pilots

Sacrifice - the other side of the coin

Sacrifice -the other side of the coin

Make the sacrifice
worth it.

Last week, we talked about the importance and concept of sacrifice in our human existence.  It is important...in fact, critical to our continued existence.  Perhaps it's the defining essence of humanness compared to the rest of the world around us.  The ability to act outside of our own self-interest is what moves our greater-good collective ahead.  That said, this week I want to talk about stupid sacrifice or "too much" sacrifice.  Before we depart, I want to reiterate our theme of balance here - some sacrifice is necessary.  Trading the big prestige job for the one that keeps you home...but you still have to bring home the bacon.  

Invest the sacrifice
wisely and routinely.

In any given year, there are roughly 100 firefighter fatalities (similar ratios in military, law enforcement, etc.).  About half of those are related to cardiac health - heart attacks, strokes, etc.  About half of the half remaining (25 or so) are vehicle-related, many of those involve no seat belts, driving recklessly, and making stupid decisions.  Of the remaining quarter (25 or so), those are the "necessary sacrifices" where someone paid the ultimate price...where luck ran out, and they traded their life in an effort (successful or otherwise) to save another.  Those deaths are the heroic ones that we should celebrate.  The statutes we should build.  The stories we should never forget.  But...those first 75...it's not heroic, it's tragic that we ate like crap and a heart attack got us...or we weren't wearing a seatbelt...or we drove 900 miles an hour.  Play stupid games, win stupid prizes - don't do dumb stuff...that's not sacrificial...it's stupidity.  

Do good and beautiful
things.

There are times when sacrifice is not in the greater good.  If all of the generals had run into the battle at the front...their deaths wouldn't be for the greater good...the whole army would perish in their vacuum.  Similarly, if the start-up CEO started doing energy drinks via Red Bull, working 20 hours a day, cat-napping under their desk...sure...for a minute that might move the needle.  Long-term, though, it creates a toxic culture at best.  At worst, they become a zombie who is incapable of leading.  Perhaps worse yet, they die early, and the company fizzles out.  Their "worthy" sacrifice might look more like pumping the brakes and leaving a little growth on the table for the right kind and right pace of sustainable growth.  

It often doesn't
take much to 
make it worth it.  

Sometimes, sacrifice needs to be a sprint or a season.  We've all had times in our lives where we've had to run hard...sometimes harder than we think we can.  Long term, that insanity mode is not sustainable.  Short term, it can be freeing...it can be family-tree level altering.  In our family finances, the sprint session of hard grind for a few short years can set up the rest of your life.  Early on, we lived in a crappy apartment, drove crappy cars, worked every overtime hour, hustle-and-grind...grind-and-hustle - investing all the fruits of our sacrifice wisely.  Now, those investments are gaining a life of their own.  Had we tried to maintain that lifestyle long term....sure, we'd possibly have another zero in an account somewhere...we'd also probably have a divorce or two, an ulcer, a first heart attack, an estranged kid, and more in the rearview mirror  

Bring the 
team along.

Good, healthy, productive sacrifice shouldn't be a stick to beat others with.  When it's working, it's a teamwork value.  I'll go to work and sacrifice to make the money for our family.  My wife will sacrifice her career ambitions to stay home and raise our children.  Both of us are pouring in, equally yoked, in our sacrifice.  The sacrifices don't have to be equal...our willingness to make the sacrifice is the necessary equalness.  The team or family's commitment to sacrifice based on our individual strengths, weaknesses, capabilities, and communication are where the magic happens.  Additionally, our sacrifice towards a shared vision of the greater good is important.  If it's a blind sprint toward a brick wall...that does no one any good.  

Just keep taking one step in front
of the other...for a while.

At home, if we work nine gillion hours...that's not sacrifice, that's idiocy empowered.  Sacrifice is important...critical even...but only when strategically aligned in a system ready to take it.  If sacrifice occurs, especially over a long time horizon, it becomes a resentment and bitterness fills the hole it creates.  I've known people in my circle who embrace sacrifice as the humble-brag, "I sacrificed more than you" or "I only sleep two hours a night so that I can sacrifice for you."  Those are not sustainable.  They're not healthy.  They're enabling, not empowering.  

And enjoy
the journey.

As we depart this week, hopefully something here has resonated with you.  Sacrifice is critical.  We have to do it to be functional parents or spouses...or employers/employees...or leaders/followers...or about any other role in life.  We have to choose to do it smartly.  We have to choose the right level, right time, right duration, right tempo, right reason to give our sacrifice.  Sometimes the "jump in front of the bullet" sacrifice is the easiest kind.  Often, the long slog sacrifice or the pump-the-brakes sacrifice is more difficult to get our arms around...but it's often more meaningful with more staying power.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three examples of sacrifice to unpack, study, and discuss as a family this week.  What made the sacrifice "good" and worthwhile?  What made it stupid?  What are you going to learn from and implement in your home based on those case studies?  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of stupid and smart sacrifice.  Are there changes at home (and beyond) you're called to make in reflection?  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Mark Tey - Too much sacrifice

- Mark & Jill Savage

99% Good

99% Good

Homework...
probably not 100%

For the most part, we don't need 100% in our lives.  When you think about "good enough" in terms of most parts of life...in reality...we don't "need" a 100% score.  Think about the old "C's get degrees" and the old joke, "What do you call the person who graduated last at medical school?..."Doctor."  When you're at work, 100% all the time, every day just isn't a reality.  The striving for perfection is likely a recipe for burnout and failure due to unrealistic expectations.  If we saddle ourselves with an unattainable "perfection" as a standard, that just doesn't live in reality and certainly doesn't have staying power.  Oftentimes, the right goal line is progress...not perfection in life.  We have to give ourselves (and our loved ones) that grace in most parts of our lives.

Jumping
motorcycles...
probably so.

On the other hand, there are times when 100% is required.  Seth Godin recently had a good article that got me thinking.  What if your doctor and nurse team scrubbed 99% of the germs off their hands, then rooted around...the infection will probably still kill you.  What about a pilot who generally lands the plane well enough to walk away 99% of the time?  How about when you choose not to have an affair 99% of the time?  There are times in our lives when the standard has to be a 100%...all the time, every time propositions...not "good enough."  Those things have to be selected sparingly and then have systems to scaffold up the lofty ideals.  Where there is no margin of error...we have to have so-called "bomb proof" ways of doing business that allow us to be successful.  

Grocery shopping
probably not.

It's been said, "How you do one thing is how you do everything."  In our 100% category, at some level, is our character and by extension, our reputation.  Are you the person who shows up and does half the job?  Do you cut corners?  Are you always late?  Are you "retired on active duty?"  There's a saying out west, "Ride For The Brand," where it boils down, as Louis L'Amour, famed western writer, put it (paraphrased), "if you take a man's money, give a man's size day of work."  In other words, show up and do the thing.  All of us can have our cheat days where we slack off, reset, and refresh.  But...if you stray too far away from that 100% ideal, pretty soon your reputation is who you are...the cheat...the slacker...the lazy one...the sloppy one.  Those aren't adjectives that most of us want to be associated with our names.  If you start down that slippery slope..."I'm only sloppy at work"...it doesn't stay there...soon enough, you'll be that same sloppy person at home...with your kids...with your marriage vows...with your finances.  Aristotle said it best, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

Grading dad...
maybe so.

In life around the house, most of the things we do...don't have to be perfect.  Taking out the trash...most of the time works...especially if your family can rally around the other times.  Doing dishes?  Folding laundry?  Cooking dinner?  Reading to the kids?  Most are fine with "most" as a good enough standard.  It's important not to frame these things in the binary, "it's not 100%, so 0% is a fine answer."  This "good enough" standard isn't an excuse or pass to slack off or get the job half done...it's a reminder to be a human...in particular...the kind of human that you'd want your loved one to be able to love.  This means leaning in and pulling your weight around the house...in all the ways.  

Rollerskating...
probably not.

It's been said that marriage is a 50/50 prospect, where if we both just do half the stuff all the time, we should be fine.  In reality, if we're both closer to leaning in 100%, 100% of the time on the concepts, marriage goes more smoothly.  This isn't to say that we have to have a wrestling match on who is doing dishes tonight...but if we both lean toward 100% of trying to serve the other spouse...that's a win ("you do the dishes, I'll catch the laundry").  Communicate clearly...win.  Love unconditionally...win.  Help out in general with the household chores...win.  Lean into our agreed-upon roles and strengths...win.  No team needs 11 quarterbacks...when we all play our role at home as best as we can...breadwinner, homemaker, mother, father, husband, wife, servant, follower, learner, leader, lover...we win.  

Basking in the little
moments...for sure.

In prepping for this post, we chatted about those 100%, cannot get them wrong sort of things.  Building a bridge or skyscraper...probably so.  The examples of the doctor scrubbing or the pilot landing...probably so.  In trying to lump a category together and label it, probably something like regarding life-altering/life-or-death consequences.  In using that test or question to put stuff in or out in our own lives, it may help us frame the different pieces and consequently allow us to put the proper attention and resource investment in the right places in our homes.  Faith...100%.  Love...100%.  Hope...100%.  Forgiveness...probably 100%.  Fidelity in our marriage...100%.  Chores...not so much.  Honey-do list...not so much.  

Archery...not
so much.

As we wrap it up for the week...challenge yourself to be a leader in your home that really spends some introspective time reflecting on your 100% buckets...can you say you're nailing it...every time on the most important things?  Can you say that in the other things...the trivial ones...that you're in the 99% bucket?  More often than not?  Sometimes bucket?  The "that's her/his job" bucket?  If you've been in the wrong bucket for a while...there's no better time than right now while you're reading this to bump up your efforts and start 100% from here forward...or in the less important stuff...leaning in more than you have historically.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of things that are 100% things in your home.  Discuss with your family the systems in place to make sure it's happening.  (E.g., how do you remind your spouse and kids that you love no matter what...for always...100%?)
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of the 100%er categories.  Are you all walking the walk and talking the talk?  Do you need a little pep rally?  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- The 100 Percent Rule - Medium

- Red Stegall - Ride For The Brand

Count the Cost

Count The Cost

Counting
break.

Many, perhaps most, of our decisions are not made in a vacuum.  At the very least, their ramifications or consequences don't end up staying in the vacuum.  It's important to ensure that, as best as possible, we try to "count the cost" of a thing before we dive in head first.  In the Bible, Luke 14:28  is perhaps the first mention where Jesus uses the parable of building a tower and the idea of being "all in."  When we're starting out on a journey or a process in one of the Zig Lanes of Life, we need to try to, as Stephen Covey put it, "begin with the end in mind."  By laying out "what does success look like" in definite terms, we can then begin to assign costs and commodities to the conversation.  

Sometimes 
you need a 
counting team.

When we talk cost and commodity in a new undertaking, it's important to walk through the potential ramifications and realities.  Saying "yes" to the new volunteer activity or youth extracurricular may come at the monthly financial cost of, say $50 dollars.  It may come at the time cost of 20 hours per month.  It may come at the opportunity cost of missing 4 family dinner nights or skipping movie night.  It may come at the "fairness" cost of saying "yes" to something else for your spouse or other children to level the playing field.  When we break down the commodities and calculate the "all-in" cost it allows us to make a much more informed consumer decision on what we're saying yes to when we say "yes." 

Counting practice.

From a financial perspective, take the new kitchen remodel project.  Sit down and map out the goals (e.g. new appliances vs new cupboards vs new floor vs all-of-the-above) and then assign realistic prices.  Add in the labor costs, permitting costs, and all the others.  Then, consider what you could-would do with those dollars if they weren't going into the kitchen.  Walk through the right rubric cost that matters to you, say "cost per meal prep" or something...will you be measurably happier or more efficient each time you make a meal with the new kitchen?  Roll in the time, stress, frustration, and so forth into the equation to come up with the all-in counted cost to make the best decision...not just the emotional rush from HGTV and a top line sticker price.   

Count.

As you're setting out on a new project or idea, you can see how cost could be defined in terms of time, money, resources, political/social capitol, or probably any of several other "rubrics" or "ladders" that fit your particular situation.  The wholistic measurement helps us better determine if the proverbial "juice is worth the squeeze."  This intentional, careful, thoughtful calculation provides you insights and helps you live a more intentional life...not just doing something because someone else did...or it sounded good in the moment.  Don't mishear here...this isn't about analysis paralysis or busting out your Abacus or spreadsheet to figure out where you're going to dinner on Friday night.  It is about helping you avoid unintended consequences and buyer's remorse or regret along the way.  

Get good with
the little stuff.

While it sounds like a time intensive process...good news is...like most things, you'll get better and faster with time.  When you first start thinking through the "total cost" it'll take a minute.  As you do this more often or create yourself a little cheat sheet of your big priorities, it'll speed up the process.  Eventually, it becomes a routine conversation and second nature as a family.  We were awkward at this when we first got started...now, when a new opportunity pops up, we're pretty good as a family at walking through the pros/cons/costs in conversation.  Our kids are even getting it down that, "sure, I'd like to do this...but not more than I wouldn't like to do that."  

Go see big
towers.

We teach baby firefighters, "risk a lot to save a savable life, risk a little to save salvageable property, and risk nothing when we're too late to save either."  This mantra helps us count up the cost quickly in our 360 degree size-up.  One of the first steps when a firetruck shows up to a house fire is that the officer (person in charge) quickly goes all the way around the problem (house fire), looking for any potential hazards, opportunities, and tries to "see" the whole picture instead of just a snapshot from one perspective.  This quick "bird's eye view" so to speak helps the officer "count the cost" so they can apply the right amount of resource based on the risk.  

Account for all 
the parts.

With any decision in life, just like with a house fire, we can't know with any certainty, exactly what is going on and every single detail.  We can use our experience, wisdom, and size-up on a problem to get much closer.  For example, recently we considered a cross-country move for that "big new job" that would pay more dollars and stoke the ego.  At face value...dang, no brainer.  The size-up of the whole situation told a different story.  The real cost in terms of finance wasn't the bottom dollar of the salary...it had to also include home prices, cost of living, state income tax, and so forth to get an apples-to-apples comparison.  In another realm, it'd also take a certain (likely large) number of hours to get moved, get used to the new job, longer commute, find a new house, develop new relationships, etc.  Those hours would have to come at the cost of discretionary time...family time.  

Figure out
the all-in
numbers.

We could've easily said "yes" to that job...and ultimately made the most of it...but regretted it.  The emotion and ego pull could've gotten us in over our heads.  By slowing down just a little bit to do the whole "360 size-up" of the situation a "let's go...risk it all" answer became a "not so much" answer with just a little bit of contemplation.  On the fire ground, the "let's go in...it's just a little smoke showing" when we pull up can be a "pump the brakes" when we go around the back and realize the fire's been burning a long time with flames squirting out of every window and the floor has burned through...an almost certain firefighter down scenario in the making.  

Run the 
numbers.

As we wrap up, the salient point here is, slow down enough that you don't inadvertently shoot off the cliff...or at least if you're going to shoot off the cliff, you know what it's going to cost...and what you're going to do about it (pack a parachute, wear a helmet, update your life insurance, etc.)  Start small with the next time someone asks you to join a new organization, take on a new work project, or whatever else.  Instead of the off-the-cuff "sure," start with, "let me think about it and get back to you tomorrow." Then, with a little distance from the decision...walk through the all-in cost and make an informed, intentional decision.  Best of luck...your schedule (at some level a measure or report card/score card of your life values) is worth it.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of examples this week to practice counting the all in cost.  New little league opportunity?  Friend asked you to do the pickleball league?  Good idea fairy at work on an optional project?  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of walking through the cost of stuff...the real cost.  That new toy or video game translates into 10 hours of work...which could be filled with X, or Y, or Z. 

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Billy Graham on Counting the Cost in following Jesus

- Luke 14:28