You're Average

You're Average

Check the
numbers.

You're average, so am I, so are all of us.  That's the definition.  That's how averages work...half of all of usare above the number, half are below (although that's technically the median but for our puroses today...that's not the point).  When you think about just about any category of life, you're somewhere on the continuum or on the spectrum between worst and best...probably toward the middle.  There are certainly outliers and you may be one of them in some part of your life.  Chances of you (or any of us) being an outlier in all the parts of life aren't stellar.  There's not many genius level, perfect saint, MVP ball playing, CEOs with perfect marriages and outstanding kids out there.  

Study the 
history.

Before we dive into it too deeply, careful with the comparison trap here.  Average is inherently a comparison with those around you...and those not around you via social media.  It's easy to fall into the trap of seeing what you don't have without the full story and letting it steal the joy.  When we look at others and see the person with the nicer _____ (car, house, job, salary, spouse, kid, life, etc), it's a dangerous slippery slope of trouble.  Unless you've got the fortitude to stay the course that you've set...don't go hunting the "always better than you" zone.  If you're not there yet, just do a quick internet search for "average" age, gender, location person and a category (example below).  

Measure the 
results.

This is isn't a rah, rah post to get make you consider changing all that you do to "not be average," nor is it a comparison-is-the-thief-of-joy thing.  It's a permission slip to be okay with being average.  This isn't to say striving for excellence is a bad thing...it's to say that making excellence the singular focus pursuit in your life is probably at the best shortsited and worst potentially toxic.  I work hard at my job...it provides for my family...but I wouldn't say I'm "excellent."  I don't say yes to out of town travel.  I don't sign up for after hours projects or extra shifts that take away from interacting at home.  I may take a long lunch to watch our kids play football.  In turn, I do my best when I'm there...but in our profession, on the national scale...I'm probably average.

Adjust the aim for 
the next shot.

More broadly, in terms of profession, my wife and I work in "average" type industries...neither one of us is chasing the corporate ladder or in an emerging "venture capital" style career path.  Both of us work in government jobs...her very part time as a teacher these days and me as a manager with a state agency.  Neither profession is one that comes with much of an "above average" salary potential.  Both us could make more by changing what...or how we do it.  She could make more by working full time or pursuing adminitsration.  I could certainly make more in the contractor space side of our industry.  That said, being average here works just fine for our family.  We make enough to make our lifestyle work.  Messing with that calculus or trying to optimize for the peak...would...without a doubt...crash our overall system.  

Make a commitment.

As we look at the different arenas or buckets of life, it's important to define average.  It's also important, like we've chatted, to set a target "enough number" so to speak in each bucket.  I try to be an "A" level family guy.  I'm not an "A" level in other parts of my life...in large part because the opportunity cost of what it would take to make it happen.  This blog...pretty average.  I've made it consistent...sometimes at the expense of quality.  I could chase monetizatin and engage in social media to drum up readership, but it's not about that for me.  I'm okay with where we are with it.  

Keep practicing. 

My wife and I still joke that when we were dating, we tried Guitar Hero, the video game.  While she scored high 90s...I scored a literal 3%...far below average.  There are many things that I am really, really not good at...and not willing to get better.  There are others that are a constant work in progress that I do want to get better at.  Faith for example...I'm not wonderful at leading our family in this space.  I can (and am trying to) get better at things like being consistent in praying, getting to church regularly, engaging in reading the Bible.  

Learn from others.

We were visiting a friend recently who was in a quandry about what she and her family should do for the next chapter in their life.  They are in a spot where they've got three sweet girls, a great home, nice lifestyle, and he's working a job making bank...but a lot of hours.  They're ultimate goal is to get back closer to family a state away.  In part...they're trying to go be small-town average.  Fortunately, for them, they're using their above average income years to set themselves up for a "below average" next chapter...that is a perfect ideal for them.  The seasonality is trading between buckets...now one bucket is above average so that...in the next stage the important bucket of home and kids can be stellar.  

Do the 
thing.

As we wrap up this week, take a minute to think about the old "what would you do for a Klondike bar?" jingle but substitute in "above average" and a bucket.  I've had a small business on the side for several years...multiple peoplehave told me that it could be fairly successful if we did something with it.  The problem is...the "cost" of making it above average...is not a cost we're willing to pay...not at this stage of life.  I'm okay being average in this part of life...so that...our family can have excellent adventure and presence in this chapter.  Hopefully you can find peace with the parts of average that are at or below...and make sure the ones above...are the right ones.   

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out what you think you're "better than average" at - list them out here...and make sure they're the right things you say you want to be good at.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of the average family and where you're at.  Pick carefully where you need to course adjust.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Average Profile Example

Don't Blink

 Don't Blink

Dive right in and 
swim along.  The 
boat is going ready
or not.

The country song "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chesney helps remind us that time is short and that we've got to cherish every moment while we can.  As I'm sure you know, your kids are only little for a little while.  It's ridiculous how fast time flies with our little ones.  Our role with each stage of our kids is to prepare them for the next stage they're going into.  Those early years are for working on talking, walking, toileting, and the basic life skills.  The next stage branches into the old "reading, writing, 'rithmatic" phase.  As they get older, we add in other life skills that will serve them well, like budgeting, scheduling, and career readiness.  Peanut butter smeared across all of the stages is helping them develop their character, faith, and foundations that anchor them when times get hard.  

Stay active.

As you work on parenting, it's critical that we pour in our heart, soul, and resources to set our children up for success in the rest of their lives.  That said, along the way, it's also important that we continue to build ourselves in terms of our spouse role and other pieces into who we need to be next as well.  Tim Urban of "Wait but Why" estimated that some 93% of our in-person time with our kids is in their first 18 years.  Think about that for a second: if you live to be 90...that means 4/5ths of the time on earth...isn't with your kids.  Sure, you had the time when you were a kid...but chances are...you'll have a lot of time after your kids are up and out to still have you and your spouse.  

Be inventive.

In part, like a lot of what we talk about, it's important to have a plan for the "empty-nester" part of life.  That's not really one of those things where they move out...then you die the next day.  It could be another 50 years.  That's a lot of time to reinvent yourself and lean into your spouse.  You've got to do the things today while your kids are little to set the course for when they're not little.  This means pouring into date night, saying "yes" to a weekend away with your spouse, and keeping passion projects alive.  I have colleagues who are in that empty nest stage and are a lonely shell of who they once were.  I've got other people in our circle who are busier in this stage than they ever were before.  Like everything, start with the end in mind and work backwards with your spouse so you have a shared vision and shared expectations of what that next chapter should look like.  

Make friends. 

Throughout your working years, or the "messy middle" as it's been termed, it's important to keep pouring into the "you and yours" of tomorrow.  This means setting aside retirement money...or...if you think you might exit work early...a bridge account.  It also means keeping up with the maintenance items around the house...including paying off your mortgage and other liabilities.  As you're dream-storming with your spouse, recognize what the pre-reqs are that are necessary for that dream life you envision.  This may include doubling down on your health and fitness now.  It may also mean saying "yes" to social activities that may carry you into those next years (pickleball anyone?).  

Travel to beautiful places.

We're not saying you need to play every grandparent outing while you've got a kid in diapers...but you should start setting expectations and plans in place for the life you say you want.  Are you hoping to spend time with the grandkids...but want to move to Florida?  Are those at odds?  Do you want to retire early?  But also help kids with college?  Do you have aging parents that are expecting some level of support?  Are you on the "sell it all, buy an RV" track while your spouse is more on the mindset of hunker down in the Villages in Florida and watch sports?  These at-odds questions need to be answered and reconciled.  The problem isn't in disagreements but rather expectations and dreams that grow apart or dreams that don't have the foundational pre-reqs ready when you are.  

Try new festivals.

On the flip side, cherish the moments when your little ones are at home and not consumed with friends and activities.  Say "yes" to adventure in those small, wonderfully short years.  It doesn't take long for your kids to get engrossed in sports, extracurriculars, and begin the early stages of adulthood.  This path toward leaving-and-cleaving is necessary, albeit painful.  The end goal isn't living on the couch in the basement - it's off, thriving in their own big, amazing life.  That all said, prioritize the moments when you have them at home with you and under your roof/influence.  This isn't to say "quit your job and wing it;" you still have to provide...but that means pouring in more than just your paycheck.  It starts with your time, attention, and interests beyond just your time away at work.  

Take time to 
relax.

As we wrap it up, lean in to live in the moment.  These are years you cannot get back.  They should be lived in the present and cherished.  When done right, you can live your big, beautiful, best, bedazzled life now...while setting yourself up for the same lofty lifestyle that you define in your next chapter or season.  Have the conversations and do the things today that your future self will thank you for your fortitude, foresight, and sacrifice.  It's never easier than now to get your calendar, budget, fitness, and general well-being going in the right direction...because...you're the youngest you'll ever be again today.  So are your kids.  Act accordingly.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a time this week where you'll brainstorm 3 actions you can start implementing today with your spouse this week.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of next steps to be on the same page. 

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Mr. Fire Station

100 Feet...

100 Feet...

Go to wild places.

...that's how far the average US National Park visitor gets from the pavement.  In fact, it's estimated that 90 to 95 percent of all visitors stay within sight of their cars, parking lots, visitor centers, and paved overlooks.  This isn't to say go romping off trail in your monster truck and voiding all "leave no trace principles."  It is to say that the adventure isn't often on the boardwalk.  There are ways that most every national park can be explored with your hiking boots, mountain bike, canoe, cross-country skis, etc that are ecologically responsible...and help you find the real adventure.  We used to joke that it didn't count as an adventure if you couldn't get eaten by a grizzly bear during your outing.  There is obviously a happy middle ground...the folks that visit national parks got the first step down...visiting...but they miss the marrow.  

Do wild things.  

The reason, in part, that we bring this up is to encourage you to look at your life and your family's lives to see how far you get from the proverbial pavement.  Do you pour all the way in?  Are you lukewarm?  We've been blessed to visit many national parks...some immersive...others zipping through on the pavement because that was all that time would allow.  Most wild, scenic places could (and have) soaked up lifetimes of adventure.  When you're in your daily life at work...are you on the pavement?  At church?  At home?  In your marriage?  It's easy to stay on the easy street where millions have gone before you.  It's harder...and more rewarding...to embody the "don't go where the path may lead, go where there is no path and make a trail" quote.  

See wild areas.

This isn't to say that you should be a maverick in every respect.  There are times for go-along-to-get-along.  There are other times when a bold faith, bold marriage, bold commitment in whatever you're doing is absolutely necessary.  Think about what the 100 feet...or proverbial pavement...actually looks like in different parts of your life.  As you're thinking about that...keep in mind that moderation still applies.  Sure, you could sell all of your possessions, grow your hair out, and through-hike every national park.  Or, you could go visit the paved places...and throw in an out-and-back picnic hike to a natural wonder that most people don't ever get to see. 

Build wild things.

Using the parallels at work, what does the pavement look like?  Turning in your TPS reports on time?   Maybe you could spice things up by helping figure out why you do the whole Office Space TPS reports in the first place and develop a way to automate the process and bring efficiency to the team.  Maybe you could be bold and suggest a 4- 10 schedule where you come in early and stay late...but get six months or a year's worth of three-day weekends.  Perhaps you could negotiate a "give back leave" policy where every quarter or bi-annually the whole company spends the day volunteering at their favorite charity, then gives a "book report" about the experience at the next staff meeting.  

Walk on 
the wild side.

Next time you travel to a new place, do you "stay on the pavement" by going to chain restaurants, staying at the chain hotel by the highway?  Or do you consider eating at the ethnic food truck where you can't pronounce any of the words and try out some perhaps life-inspiring lodging situation?  (PS here...we've stayed in hostels, rentals by owners, tipis, yurts, cabooses, hotels, motels, cars, tents, etc.  The most memorable ones that we look back on fondly...or with laughs...weren't hotels with a breakfast bar).  Travel is such a wonderful way to "get off the pavement."  It doesn't have to be Around the World in 80 Days; it can be a much more affordable and moderate stay-cation style trip to the "town next door" to still get you out of your comfort zone.  

Start early. 

In your marriage and faith, think about what the pavement is.  Most people (me and probably you often enough) take for granted the blessings that come with marriage.  We assume that the smooth sailing on the pavement is good sailing.  It may be a decent autopilot, but we still need to keep our hands on the wheel and be paying attention, leaning in for and with our spouse.  It's easy to drift along with the proverbial cruise control and autopilot steering the way...the routines of our lives and schedules just humming along without much thought.  You can get off the main road by setting goals with your spouse, carving out time for date nights, and putting your full focus into your loved one when you're with them.  

Do it often.  It matters.

As we wrap up, whether you're literally at a beautiful natural space or more metaphorically, it's important that you proactively and regularly get off the beaten path and into the wild places.  Don't just fall into the ruts, but rather get out and live your big, full life.  Whether it's your budget, schedule, lifestyle, habits, hobbies, or anything else, don't just blindly follow where the wind blows, but pick out your end zone...then work backwards to put the pieces in place that will get you there...no matter what others around you think...it's you and your loved ones that matter most.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three spots where you're in a rut on the main road...now pick out three trails and try them out.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of getting out into the wild places of your life.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Thousand Hours Outside Podcast

Choose

Choose

It takes longer
but it's worth it.

Choose - There's a quote from a variety of sources that's been floating around the "meme" space of the internet and a bit of an unknown attribution: "Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard. Obesity is hard. Being fit is hard. Choose your hard. Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard. Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard. Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard. Pick wisely.”  This has been "quoted" by several Navy SEALs and other similar types, but I think it most often goes back to Dr. John Deloney, one of the Dave Ramsey media personalities.  Wherever it came from, it's true.  We have choices in life.  Sometimes between the best of two bad options...but regardless, we have to choose.  

Sweat makes 
you tough.

A quick look on the interwebs and so much of this straightforward sentiment is met with discontent...and excuses.  In reality, much like the rest of life, so much of life is what we choose and what we make of it. That's cliché...but think about it. We're often placed between two hard points - perhaps one that is in-your-face-today-tactical and the other that is longer-term-strategic. The decisions we make today have echoes in who we will be in the future.  This blog, for example, is "hard" to get done every week...172 weeks in a row right now.  The "hard" is giving up before week 173 for no particularly good reason.  I'd probably regret not doing this post at the 11th hour later...in the moment right now, I want to take a week off.  

Learning matters.

Similarly, I'd like to have ice cream for every meal...the hard part I'm choosing in that decision is being able to get up off the couch and out of the house ten years from now.  Pouring into work every waking hour now...my hard choice is having a relationship with my wife and kids down the road.  On the flip side, not working hard and investing today...the hard we're choosing is a retirement that doesn't meet the expectations we've set.  You can see here that the "hard" can come in different flavors and needs to be balanced in moderation between the now and the later.  

Build your 
castle.

When we think about "hard," it's mostly mental in today's day and age.  We're likely not stabbing woolly mammoths with a stick, driving buffalo off a cliff and hitting them with a baseball bat at the bottom, or running from saber-tooth tigers very often.  The good news is that since it's mostly mental, our ability to ignore the excuses and push through is much easier than it could otherwise be in a survival or highly physical situation.  We should be able to rise above our self-interest or our body telling us that we're "too tired" to make it happen.  

Just do it...it's never
convenient.  Do it anyway.

As we look at our hard, it's important to give words to "why" a particular thing is hard and make systems that get us away from the "hard."  In other words, if we're too tired to do a thing now...build into the system where we do the hard thing earlier in the day/week/month/year.  Brian Tracy wrote Eat That Frog, which talks about getting our worst/hardest thing out of the way earliest to set the tone for the rest of the day.  Elite special forces soldiers make their bed perfectly every morning in training in order to get an easy win early.  We too can build our system where we knock out our worst (hardest) first.  

Explore now...
so that you can 
and will later.

If, instead, we're looking at our current self in the moment and having a hard time delaying gratification...or choosing by default the hard thing later, we can work on that too.  There are cell phone apps out there now that can "age" you, where you can more fully visualize what your future self will look like...and what they will look back on you like. They may look back at the now-you with admiration and gratitude for good decisions and fortitude...or with regret.  The choice can sometimes come easier when we more fully visualize that future self.  The app too hokey?  Run down to visit your local nursing home and ask them who would like more mobility?  Work out more now.  Who would like more money/options?  Stop spending to the max and invest the difference.  You get the idea...so does the next-you.

Travel...lean in...even
when it's "hard." 

As we wrap up this week, take a minute to evaluate your current self and decisions...then look at what the ramifications are when you extrapolate out where those decisions will get you in 5, 10, 20, 50 years.  Your hard that you're leaning into now or avoiding will manifest and compound...for better or worse on those longer-range timelines.  Keep in mind, you've got to live in the moment now while preparing for the moments later.  As the Money Guys put it, "bedazzle your beautiful basic life."  We can stay active and healthy; we can save money; we can pour into our spouses and children...so that we've got loved ones, resources, and an ability to enjoy them in the decades to come.  Look at hard things now, find moderation...but lean in while the stakes are relatively low...choose hard today.

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three hard things that you've been avoiding up until now.  Do them this week.  Keep doing them.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of putting hard things first.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Eat That Frog - Brian Tracy  

Adventure Is Out There

Adventure is Out There

Go cow tanking down
the river.

Adventure is out there...the premise being that it's outside your four walls at home.  Whether you live in an apartment, a van, a modest home, or a monster mansion...most adventure is past the front door.  The good news is that we don't often have to go very far from home to find it - backyard, walk around the block, greenway, city park, nearby state park, national park, or anywhere in between.  There are some adventure-adjacent things we can do at home - read about it, watch shows about it, study it...but it's hard to do when we're inside.  Watching a show about fishing is not the same as actually fishing.  Reading about mountain climbing isn't the same as doing it.  

Or climbing.

When we "consume" adventure instead of participating in it, we slowly but surely lose our will and ability to partake physically in it.  My grandfather, as a young man, was a pretty active outdoorsman.  By the time I'd come along, he'd spent so much time sitting in the easy chair watching adventure that he'd lost the physical ability to actually do much outside.  He'd traded doing for storytelling...then slowly lost his own stories to recollections of other people's televised travels.  We owe it to ourselves...particularly our future selves to get outside and "do" adventure so that we can later get out and do adventure.  Similarly, we owe our children and grandchildren the continued commitment to getting out.  

Or bird watching on 
the roof.

We noticed on a recent trip to a Midwest state that most people were pretty comfortable going from air-conditioned space to air-conditioned space - home to car to store to dinner to store to car to home.  Consequently, over time, they (and we) become conditioned and addicted to the creature comforts...and it becomes easier to say "no" when the adventure opportunities present themselves.  This has a slippery slope effect as it relates to mental, physical, and probably gets into emotional/spiritiual health as well.  I know when we're engaged beyond ourselves...life is better at our house.  When we're out and doing physical things, we stay in better shape...which in turn...makes it easier to do more things.  Similarly, our mental/emotional/spiritual health all feels more in balance and more healthy when we're not just staring at screens.  

Or hiking.

Stewardship is another big part of getting our kids out the door to adventure.  Our children are getting increasingly removed from adventure and the outdoors in general.  Between our safety-fied culture where we inordinately avoid anything that might create a band-aid and our busy schedules that make it easy to skip adventures - big and small...our children aren't learning to love our natural spaces.  Similarly, as we do more screen time instead of travel time, we lose our appreciation for those around us and different from us.  As this generation grows up...without a strong adventure/outdoor/travel foundation...they'll vote differently in their elections and with their dollars.  We'll officially lose the things we've already given up because we learned not to love the wild places and spaces.  

Or build something.

Adventure can take many, many forms and shapes.  This summer we've been building the cabin/shed/fort/castle in the backyard.  The kids have had an opportunity to learn building skills while working on their math and planning as well.  You can add in a road trip, hike, camp out, new festival, or food...there isn't a strict rubric of "if you didn't get eaten by a grizzly bear, it doesn't count as adventure."  If anything, perhaps the rubric is "would you tell your grandkids about it?"  In other words, the reminder here is that chances of you telling your grandkids about that epic spreadsheet you made in your fluorescent-lit office... are slim to none.  

Or just a 
walk.

As we wrap up this week, we're sitting in a hotel in Santa Fe, NM after attending the Zozobra Festival last night (following a recommendation from last year at the Albuquerque Balloon Festival).  Sure, it's 12 round-trip hours in the car and a few bucks in gas and hotels...but at a certain level...you were going to spend the time anyway, and it can cost what you want it to in large part.  Spending a few hours of great music, reminding you to burn your glooms every so often, and seeing maybe the best pyrotechnic show we've ever seen...priceless...and probably on the tell-grandkids-list.  It doesn't have to be epic...it does have to be routine...and you just have to do it.  Go adventure...out there.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three adventures - big or small - that you and your family can partake in during the next month.  Schedule them and keep the plan.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of the calendar and budget that you're going to make your adventure lifestyle.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Zozobra

1500 Weeks

 1,500 Weeks

Pop into practice...even
when the schedule is a pain.

1,500 weeks - that's about the amount you get when you take 30 years and multiply it by 52 weeks, taking away two weeks each year for vacation or at least time off or away from work.  In America today, your lifespan ranges from about 4,108 to 4,274 weeks, depending on whether you're male or female.  In other words...we're not at work about 65% of our lifetime.  Granted, part of that time we're sleeping.  Some of that time we're babies.  But...a lot of that time is more discretionary than we let on.  If you play your cards right throughout your formative years through your retirement, you can end up having a lot of those weeks "investable" into things that aren't your 9-5 job.

Go see a lunar 
eclipse, even on a 
school/work night.

I've noticed recently when we interact with a lot of kids in the coming-of-age stage, the question is around "what do you want to be when you grow up?"  Similarly, we tailor our high school and certainly our college/vocational time around honing in on those 1,500 weeks.  This isn't to say that you shouldn't spend some due diligence and time both before and during the 1,500 weeks zeroing in on the "what do I want to be" question.  But...how much time do we spend on our kids and ourselves at the more meta answers, "I want to be a good person."  "I want to take care of others."  "I want to travel."  "I want to be financially fit."  "I want to be physically fit enough to walk with grandkids," etc.  

Do now, so
that you can
later.

We often spend an undue amount of time in those junior, high school, early twenties years focused on the major that we think we'll be the key to unlocking all of our wildest dreams along the way.  Getting to the middle of this life journey, I think I'm realizing that there are other perks one should consider when setting out on the 1,500-week journey.  Some jobs, like teaching, give you an incredible amount of time off throughout those 1,500 weeks to focus on passion projects when your mind and body are still young and healthy enough to make it happen.  Others, like military service, may give you lots of travel during and lots of post-retirement benefits.  

Seek/create the balance 
of the ant AND the 
grasshopper now and
later. 

Along the way, we've got to have a diversified investment portfolio for the time beyond the financial aspects (which is critically important as well).  In other words, when (since you're in your 1,500s, I presume) do you set aside time to focus on your health and wellness...so that you can do some of the retirement goals you say you have?  For us, we hope to continue to do hiking and exploration when we're retired.  Unless we spend time on staying at a healthy weight, keeping our hearts in good working order, maintaining strength/flexibility/balance along the way...we won't have the ability when we have the time.  Similarly, if we don't keep up on the hiking in little bursts now...we likely won't have the inclination or ambition to do so later.  

Choose your partners
in crime carefully...
every day.

During your 1,500 weeks, things like pouring into your spouse and children are critical.  The folks over at MidLifeMale.com talk about how presence is a skill...not a personality trait.  I think it's a bit of both.  I've got a peer counterpart who is in a very similar life age/stage/career as myself.  Where he jumps at every travel opportunity with work, I've steered clear of as many as possible since we have had kids.  We were talking the other day, and he's further along in his career...but was lamenting about how he sort of blew it with kids.  I tried to remind him that we get a new day, new choice every day, and blew it can be very past (or present) tense if you let it.  But...he's sort of addicted to the "atta-boys" that have come with his travel commitments...more than he's addicted to his kids and family.  I'm far enough along in my career to take care of our family...and our kids have been to all 50 states.  The answer is a unique blend and balance right for you...but you have to make it happen.  

The mess,
beautiful or
not is up to you, 
choose wisely.

Be thinking about other ways you can invest your time wisely during your 1,500 years.  For many, we get almost intertwined with our work and our work selves such that when it comes time to extricate ourselves, we're hollow shadows of who we once were.  For instance, I've got a passion for writing.  This blog is as much for me as it is for anyone else.  The weekly habit of writing keeps the passion alive in the intervening years.  Perhaps, since I've kept it a spark for all this time, when I have more time to pour into it... it'll be he long dreamed of book.  We've got other friends who have that big goal - hike the Appalachian Trail, visit every MLB ballpark, run a marathon, etc.  Don't let your retirement look like the view from an easy chair at a television...you owe it to yourself to make it big and worthwhile.  

Go do adventure now...
so that you...and they...
can and will go later.

As we wrap up this week, hopefully it's a calling to you that, in the middle of your 1,500-some odd weeks of gainful employment in your life...you're building the now...and the next chapters along the way.  Perhaps more importantly, while you're in the middle of your journey, you're building the now and next chapters for your spouse and children along the way as well.  By giving healthy, well-rounded, holistic inputs to your life and to those around you, you're building a life worth living.  In not just "grind, grind, grind" on the 9-5, basking in the fluorescent glow of the office lights, you're making the time to make this one rare and beautiful life...your very best life...now and next.

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of things you can do this week that get you and yours closer to the selves that you want to be...after the 1,500 career/work wrap-up.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of being prepared not just in the practical terms for a post-work part of life...but where the richness lives...now and later.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- MidlifeMale.com

Solve the Problem

 Solve The Problem

Bring the right stuff.

We often make our issues overly complicated or excuse away all the reasons something won't work.  One thing with emergency services, and I'm sure other professions, is that paralysis of action has consequences.  Whether or not we're feeling 100%, whether or not all the conditions are right, whether or not the right team is on the field...we've got to show up and solve the problem.  There is little room for excuses when someone's life is on the line.  They called us.  They trust in our institution and, by proxy, trust in us without knowing us individually... to show up and solve the problem.  

Maybe the tech.

Similarly, in life, particularly in our role as parents, we're called to show up and solve the problem.  Whether or not we feel 100% ready to be a parent in this particular season of life...the kid is going to be a toddler, teenager, empty nester...and we have to solve the problem.  This isn't to excuse away the practice, preparedness, and repetition that can help ready us for the problems we'll face.  In fact, in large part, the wide-ranging preparedness is what builds our toolbox of abilities that allow us to show up and solve a multitude of problems.  

Or the pencil.

We can set the pre-conditions, or shape the battlespace, so to speak, so that when problems do show up, they're more on our terms or more right-sized than they otherwise might be.  By identifying possible future problems...not all of them...but the likely ones based on your context, we can hopefully get out in front of solutions.  For example, if poor diet/exercise habits run in your family along with cardiac issues...you can see that problem coming in your future...and you can get in front of it with better diet and exercise habits.  Similarly...if you've got a history of financial trouble...before it gets worse...start spending less than you make.  

Or the team.  

By right-sizing, then solving the problems that pop up...we get in a paradigm of problem solving...we become problem solvers.  We've got folks in our circle that are decidedly not inherent problem solvers.  Anytime a bump pops up, they clam up, put their head in the sand like an ostrich, and freeze.  Like most things in life, problem-solving is a learned skill and can be enhanced through deliberate practice.  Much like Toast Masters for public speaking, we can seek out opportunities for problem-solving and decision-making.  This can be through volunteer service, special projects at work, or among friends and loved ones.  In my experience, much of problem-solving is rooted in decision-making.  Often, folks aren't stuck on the "how" but more on the "oomph" of starting to solve a problem. 

Go to the problem.

When we are working with our families, we can try to see around the corner with the problems that our next selves and our family's next season will likely face.  I've never been a dad of pre-teens, teens, or early adults.  I have tried, as a dad of infants, toddlers, and elementary school kids, to be the kind of dad that will be successful in our next season.  The problems our children will face when they're older likely include things with girls, cars, education, money, etc.  By prepping the answers for those problems before they get there, we're better prepared to team up and solve those problems that will likely pop up.

Size it up.

In the more real-time, now and in the next season of life, part of solving the problem is understanding the problem.  It's easy to solve the wrong problem or solve a problem in a way that creates unintended consequences or worse outcomes.  In other words, when we set out to fix something, try to unpack the context and surrounding information with enough calmness to try to avoid additional trouble.  For example, we've talked about 1% changes where we make tiny tweaks to make our lives better instead of blowing up the whole thing in a baby-out-with-the-bathwater/nuclear option sort of thing.  If we solve the wrong problem, we can end up regretting the solution more than the original problem.  

Dig in.

As we wrap it up for the week, it's a reminder to start practicing problem-solving.  We can work as a family to jointly identify problems, unpack the situation and circumstances surrounding the problem, then brainstorm through the options...and implement solutions.  As we talk through the situations that we, our spouses, and our children face, we get better at solving problems as we go.  One of the best gifts we can give our kids is the gift of independence, where they're able to work through the situations they may end up facing.  Through practice...they'll be ready. 

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of problems that have been nagging you recently...now work through the possibilities...and solve the problem. 
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of talking through the problems in your (and your family's) life; now start working through them...one by one until you're getting better at the process.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- University of Iowa - 8 Step Problem Solving Process

Beyond the Mirror

 Beyond the Mirror

Sometimes we get stuck in our mirror...the self-reflection in a vacuum at arm's length.  When we're only looking that far in front of us, it's easy to lose context.  It's easy to get ourselves into our own version of a pity party.  Just in the last couple of weeks, we had a person in our circle who got remarried, another hired for a position, and had a friend change houses.  The point here is that, in each of those cases, the person had come to an unbearable, scorched-earth-only position where anything had to be better than their current reality.  The other side of that coin...the part they often didn't see "beyond the mirror" was that in each situation, they had people lining up to be in line to replace the thing they couldn't stand.  

In the marriage case, the person that the other person couldn't stand to be with was back in a relationship fairly quickly.  For friends who couldn't stand the person they'd made vows and life with after ten years in, in many cases people find another someone to share life with.  We can trick ourselves that the world is better just around the bend or that the grass is greener across the street.  As we've talked, it's often more true that the grass is greener where we water and cultivate it.  When we look beyond the victim mentality in our mirror and take ownership of our parts of the solution and systems for success...we stop blaming our troubles on our spouse.  That's probably the first step in moving forward. 

In the position example, we were hiring for two positions, and we had close to 200 fairly qualified people lining up for a job that the outgoing person couldn't stand.  Several of the candidates were very, very overqualified but had left their previous positions because they couldn't stand them.  News flash, chances are, they wouldn't be able to stand ours within a few months either.  The old "be the best ____ that you can be" rings true.  I think the most contented work folks I've been around have been the ones with enough passion and initiative to be competent professionals, but balanced with the "enough" attitude that they're not constantly onto bigger and better.  

Lastly, in the house/car/stuff upgrade categories...leaving behind an "awful" house to you is likely going to be the new dream home to someone else.  We have a family that we've done life beside for the past decade or so.  We both had kids about the same time, bought houses about the same time, and so forth.  In that decade, we've remodeled our home while adding a fort, playhouse, tree house, trampoline, etc in the backyard - mostly through repurposing construction cast-offs from around town.  Over the same decade, they're on their fourth trade-up house.  We were talking the other day about finances, and while they've upgraded their house...they've also drastically upgraded their mortgage along the way, leaving little margin for travel or other fun items.  

Across the board on these "mirror-level" issues where we lose context or miss the forest for the trees, it's often a level of contentedness that is the right answer and connected/shared expectations.  The remarried person is happy (again, for now), but lots of heartache on the way through.  A person who left our organization recently said, "Wow, I made a mistake; I wish I could come back."  The upgrader in houses and cars realized they'd only paid interest to the bank the way amortization is set up...while others have paid off their house and have the peace that comes with it.  The point is, when we're in mirror range, it's easy to lose sight of the big picture.  We have to zoom out sometimes to see just how good we have it.  

As we wrap up this week, before you make some drastic change...zoom out a little bit to get some context and appreciation for where your baseline is at right now.  Take stock of the alternative outcomes and unintended consequences when you view a major decision, not in a silo or vacuum, but when viewed across time, space, and impacts to your broader life situation.  Hopefully, you can use a combination of l% improvements to fine-tune your masterpiece statute instead of bringing the chainsaw or nuclear weapon option out of the arsenal straight away.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out one bucket of life this week and come up with three small tweak changes that you'll implement in order to reduce your stress or anxiety...so that you stop thinking about the nuclear option.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of committing as a family to making small change course corrections to live your best life.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Small tweaks are not negative...