Do it Scared...Part II

                                                 Do It Scared...Part II

Practice 
makes perfect.

Continuing on our journey from last week on being scared...but saddling up anyway.  Fear has a way of making us both our worst...and best selves.  When you think about the times where you're most (or least) proud of yourself in your past...chances are it involves when you overcame or gave in to fear.  I know there have been moments in my life that I overcame my initial instincts...or gave into them and look back fondly (or with shame) on those moments.  When we have the opportunity to look back, we can hopefully learn and implement those lessons later in our lives.  

Acclimation
is key.

Having worked in disaster response for many years, there can be a contagious nature to fear.  We've seen herd-style stampede-type behavior.  We've also seen leaders get past their fears and inject themselves, like a nuclear control rod, into the situation to bring calm that settles the whole thing down.  As you think about the fearful points in your (and your family's) life ahead, try to pre-script your responses (instead of reactions) to how you'll overcome those moments instead of giving in to them.  For example, I worry (or am fearful) about our kids starting to drive.  To overcome that, or get in front of it, we're working on bicycles, talking about driving safely, giving examples of peer pressure (don't let your friends talk you into jumping the car), and implementing safety rules (seatbelts every time).  

Find a role model.

Another thing about fear is that we can get in front if it...based on our backgrounds.  With firefighting (or other stressful, inherently fearful things), we can build experience that effectively negates or minimizes fear reactions.  Through training, exercise, and scenario-driven practice (e.g., role playing), we can help you build your toolkit that can help tamp down the fear when it arrives.  At home, we can help get there by cultivating multi-generational relationships, particularly with those in your community who are a little ahead of you in life.  For example, by doing life with peers who have junior high kids when yours are in elementary, you can learn from their mistakes, wins, and lessons.  When your kids get to those seasons of life, there is less unknown...and consequently...less fear.  

Just start.

One of the fears that many of us toy with is the fear of perfection.  If we wait until we get to perfection, chances are, we'll have missed the boat.  It's often said that "perfection is the enemy of good enough."  Newsflash, you'll never be the "perfect" parent, spouse, employee/er, or anything else.  If we let the fear of being perfect stagnate or paralyze us, we'll miss the season of life where it's applicable.  Say you've got pre-schoolers...and you're torn on the best of advice how to perfectly build their reading skills.  Chances are...just grab a book, grab a kid...read will work far better than trying to optimize every minute detail.  

Keep at it.

Mark Twain said, "I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened."  Most of our worries or fears are never realized.  When was the last time the stock market went to zero?  How about the ice age?  Meteor shower?  Invasion by aliens?  In less dramatic fashion, when was the last time you went bankrupt?  Divorced?  Cancer?  Kidnapping?  We're surrounded by stories of those things via social and traditional media so our risk perception tells us that those are right around the corner.  By weaning ourselves out of that constant soaking in negativity...our fear reduces.  

And rappel 
from your 
bunk bed.

Another thing we've lost in our fear-soaked life today is the ability or the willingness to leave the screens behind and get outdoors.  We have friends who go "camping" often in their mega-RV and spend the weekend sitting by the lake watching the big screen while scrolling on their iPads and cell phones.  Nature has a way of healing us and connecting us with things bigger than ourselves...it helps right-size and put in perspective our fears.  Even that, though, gets co-opted with fear-inducing headlines of grizzly bear attacks, giardia outbreaks, and horror stories of killers in the woods.  When we search for fear...we find it.  When we start looking for the positive, sun-shiny parts of life, we find those too.  

As we wrap up this week, keep in mind that fear is out there...we get that.  We also get that you can reduce it, right-size it, and respond to it.  Or, you can let it cripple you and convince you that you must do or not do things that you're called to do.  Next week, we'll wrap up with some of the "what to do" in the face of fear.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of the fears that have stopped you...what small action can you do...this week...to help make that fear smaller.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of understanding and overcoming your fears.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Fight Your Fears