Do It Scared...Part I

Do It Scared...Part I

We can scaffold
our scary...

Do it scared.  When we talk about scared, the definition is "thrown into or being in a state of fear, fright, or panic."  For most of us, in modern first world situations, there's not much that falls into the "physical" component of scared as compared to past generations - scared of war, measles, getting eaten by a saber tooth tiger, or whatever else.  That said, we're a more scared and flighty people than maybe any generation before.  Headlines scream about how many folks suffer from anxiety and depression in our modern world.  The boogeyman that we're "scared" of is a much more made-up version than perhaps ever before.  

...until it's
not so scary.

 With parenting and family, there are so many things that we can feel scared by, most of them exist in the space between our ears more than the world around us - the uncertainty, stress, a war on the other side of the world, or many other "non-tangible" things.  For many of us, we grew up with "get back by the time the street lights come on," but now we raise our kids while hovering too close in our proverbial helicopters.  The chances of your kid being nabbed by the plethora of pedophiles and serial killers in the house next door are exceedingly small...granted, never zero...but exceedingly small.  

When we get
more comfortable,

We can tackle some of those things with knowledge...we're far from the first generation to raise kids...we can learn from others.  When you think about your great-grandparents who lived through WWI, WWII, the Great Depression, the Dust Bowl, Spanish Flu, and so many more strategic-level "disasters," we can hopefully find some peace.  For the generations before that era, our ancestors lived without many of the creature comforts we take for granted...including indoor plumbing and electricity.  Learning from their resilience and the "stiff upper lip" that got them through the fearful moments can help us get through our low or dark, scary parts of life.  

we become
less scared.

The bombardment of a constant news cycle likely helps keep us "scared" since "if it bleeds, it leads," and good news doesn't sell.  To that end, shut off the screens.  When we get away from the algorithm that tells us that we should be scared of our own shadows, life gets better.  We're led to believe that there is some version of a boogeyman behind every tree, and in nervously searching for it, we often forget that life is, in general, pretty darn good.  Instead of watching the trees, go to the park and have a picnic with your loved ones.  

We can improve
over time.

The initial reaction to fear is avoidance (feels safe from the discomfort and danger).  The problem is, "giving up" or "giving in" is highly reinforcing from a psychological standpoint (Recognition Primed Decision Making - RPDM).  We can inadvertently tip the sled down the hill when we don't "do it scared."  You can use fearful things to inoculate yourself like a booster shot.  Again, at the fire department, it was full of the traditionally fearful things (heights, tight spaces, people in crisis...and the occasional snake or spider).  By injecting yourself into your particular boogeyman's space a little at a time, you got to where you knew and understood your perceived limits...then pressed them out over time.  You might have been scared at the top of the ladder still...but you were up there doing the thing...and that's a win.  

No matter what your scary is...
you can overcome it.

Researchers and journalists who have interviewed Medal of Honor recipients talk about how they were brave, perhaps just a few minutes longer than their peers.  All of their peers were there at the battle...those that rose above were just a little braver, a little longer.  At the fire department, I had a close friend who was petrified of heights and another of claustrophobia.  Over time, working with them through the academy process, we saw them make progress until they were able to do the thing...may not have enjoyed it...but do the thing nonetheless.  When we got into real-world situations where "the thing" was needed, the guys could rise to the occasion.  

We'll wrap up this week with the idea that fear..."he is a liar" as Zach Williams sang so poignantly, and next week tie in with some more thoughts on the topic.  Hopefully, you're getting the sense that fear...whatever color, size, shape, that is your particular monster, you can likely get past it.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple things that have historically been worrisome for you...think about why and list out three things that you're going to challenge yourself with when it comes to being scared.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) to help you each move past whatever is fearful.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Fear, Is a Liar with Zach Williams 

- Quit Looking for the Easy Way Out - Dave Ramsey

- Keep Your Daydream It's All Risky