Don't Step Over a Mess

Don't Step Over a Mess

...or, you can just 
be a belly button
monster at dinner.

In a fire class, I had an instructor who put it this way, "If you put out the fire, you don't have to jump out the window."  In other words, if we get good at prevention or mitigation, we don't necessarily have to respond or recover.  Around the house, this may mean that if we just pick up the messes as we go, we don't have to devote time to clean them up later.  This may take the form of putting dirty dishes right into the dishwasher, carrying dirty laundry down to the machine, or picking up trash/toys/stuff instead of stepping over them.  By taking care of the little things straight away, we likely avoid arguments and become better family members/partners to our family.  

Creating a mess
can be fun.
Annual eat off
the table night.

Many of us have a "honey do" to-do list that we keep around our homes.  In theory, if we get good at just doing the small things instead of putting them off for either (a) later in the day/week/month, or (b) for our spouse to take care of, we're not being particularly helpful or fair.  If you haven't heard it before, marriage isn't a 50-50 proposition, it's both of us giving 100%, 100% of the time.  Me filling the dishwasher or washing machine is just fine.  My wife catching the occasional lawn mowing or snow shoveling, again, just fine.  We have the chores that both of us gravitate toward or avoid, but in general, there's harmony in our house when any of us (kids included) see-it-fix-it as we go about our days.  In the vein of "only touch it once," we can just do things right and completely the first time.  For example, instead of opening an email and reading it, then marking it unread to come back to...just blast out a reply.  Instead of carrying the dirty clothes to the foot of the stairs, then later to the landing, then again, later downstairs, and on the fourth, fifth, or sixth touch of the clothes pile actually get them into the washer - when the hamper is full...do the load.    

Don't make a mountain out
of a molehill unless you can 
get a sled ride out of it.

We've tried implementing a few systems and processes in our home to help us avoid the deferred"chores" or maintenance activities.  One such tool has been a Countdown to Adventure to-do list that we keep on the fridge during the week and if it's empty as we go into the weekend, we'll do some guilt-free adventure as a family.  That's far more motivating to catch whatever chore when we get home from work on a Tuesday, knowing that we're knocking it off for our later selves.  We've also made a to-done list where we'll copy completed items over to show what all has been accomplished (I'm task-driven enough, that I may or may not have added things we've done to the to-do list just so we can cross them off...allegedly that is).  Additionally, we've implemented a "nut jar" commission system where the kids can earn acorns in a mason jar throughout the week for doing chores around the house or "caught you being good" activities that they can cash out weekly at family night.  

The shovels don't
live in the hall
closet...usually.

We've also tried to create "don't step over a mess" systems through little rules.  A few examples include, "If it takes longer to write it on the to-do list than to just do it...then just do it."  We've also tried posting to-do items in a prominent and public place in the house to hold us just a little more accountable than a sticky note on a busy counter.  Lastly, we've had some success at having a "junk" drawer in a hall closet with a few basic tools.  Instead of skipping a project because we'd have to run out to the tool bench in the garage, we've got a fix-it solution three steps from our kitchen area.  Lastly, if an item has been on the to-do list for more than three months we either do it that next weekend...or cross it off the to-do list entirely.  

If you don't want to 
make your bed, you
can always move into
a tent on the porch 
for the summer.

By keeping up on the little things, our "messes" tend to stay little.  In Eat That Frog, a productivity book by Brian Tracy, he advocates doing the "worst task first" to gain some momentum.  Admiral (and Navy SEAL retired) William McRaven talks about making your bed first thing, again to gain some momentum with something small to start.  In our dirty dishes analogy, you've got to get some gumption to get started if you're staring at a whole kitchen full of filthy dishes.  If, instead, you have a dirty dish...do a dirty dish and never let the big mess snowball like an avalanche, we stay on top of our problems.  This analogy can move to the less tangible realms of life.  

Instead of letting little problems fester into big ones, take time to clear the air occasionally.  I had one mentor in the fire service who ended up divorced and described that last year as "I couldn't stand how she chewed her (insert expletive) food."  We have to take time to not step over the mess in our relationships and let baggage build up emotionally, spiritually, healthwise, etc.  Bad news doesn't age well and just because we skip our annual physical doesn't mean we can double down on eating sweets for the rest of the year.  Take accountability and don't let your mess in whatever part of your life turn into Godzilla when it starts as a cute little lizard (if lizards of any size can be considered cute).  

Our construction
foreman was 
sleeping on the
job...regularly.

Finally, by not stepping over the proverbial messes, we don't let them grow in our own minds.  We bought a fixer-upper house and after mostly tearing it apart and rebuilding it, I'd left the trim off of a few rooms.  Somehow, despite moving walls, doing some re-wiring, tearing out carpet, installing wood floors, painting everything, and de-popcorning the ceilings...those few pieces of trim just grew in my head.  Similarly, putting a light in the living room ceiling sat on a to-do list for several years.  When we finally got around to doing it, the whole project took less than an afternoon.  By keeping our problems small, we don't get in our own heads and psych ourselves out of productivity.  

As we wrap up, doing the little things consistently well becomes how we do the big things...consistently well.  By owning the processes and systems in our homes...work, churches, communities, etc., we over time create a "pride and ownership" that becomes bigger than ourselves and ultimately leaves the world better than we found it.  Get in the habit of not stepping over the little messes...that's a great first step to meaningful, lasting action and habits.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three ways, this week, you're going to stop stepping over a mess (physical, spiritual, emotional, health, etc).  Figure out how you can make a habit or system for your family to automate it.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Think about a "mess" that you habitually step over at work/school/church/home/etc.  Now talk about how you're going to (today) address it instead of stepping over it.  
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in regards to "rules" for your home that help you keep molehills instead of making mountains.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Eat That Frog  by Brian Tracy

- Pride and Ownership