So What, So That

So What, So That

So often, we go through life talking about or floating from one "what" to another "what" without ever really stopping to think about why we're doing the "what" or where we hope the series of "what's" get us to.  Life can be more full and fulfilling when we ask ourselves "So what?" and answer with "So that."  When we get to these deeper levels of questions, hinting at the "why" we're doing the thing, it helps us ensure we're doing the right things in pursuit of the right directions...a motivating thing to be sure.  Since leading and raising a family, like any other great journey starts with a single step, it's important to make sure those steps are the right ones.  

A "big why" makes any so what easier.

To bring efficiency and effectiveness to our otherwise disconnected series of "what's" we first have to start asking ourselves "So what?"  This serves as a gatekeeper for us to take those individual items and invest our scarce resources (time, attention, finances).  This introspection of our tasks helps us be more efficient in weeding out some of the menial tasks that we talk about as Q4 items in the Eisenhower or Covey Matrix, or those that are neither important nor urgent.  

In asking ourselves why we're doing what we're doing, then answering them with a "so that..."
statement, we dive even deeper and double down on the important activities.  This simple shift in words-matter language that we use to tell ourselves can be a might inspiration.  As an example, I've had a season of life recently where work was pretty rough.  By only focusing on the "what," in this case work that was tedious, demoralizing, and utterly bureaucratic for bureaucracy's sake, I was getting burned out.  By asking these questions, and then honestly digging deep for the answers, I reoriented my paradigms to pull me through the season.  

I do this, so they can
do that...

In answering the "I go to work because...it takes good care of my family and enables a lifestyle that is pretty amazing."  In digging deeper, "I go to work so that my wife and kids can have an amazing 9-5 weekday schedule, living their best life punctuated with amazing evenings, weekends, and vacations each year."  Further talking through the "so what, so that" language, "so what" helped me get out of the victim mentality where I was focused on seeing the negative aspects of life and letting them color the rest of the very positive pieces - good salary, solid benefits, short commute, little required travel, good co-workers.  From the victim space, it'd be easy to shortsightedly throw the "baby out with the bath water" and start over when the proverbial grass isn't likely better on the other side of the fence.  Without asking "so what, so that" questions we could quite likely end up in a much worse overall situation.  

Using these questions in our daily lives helps change our paradigms or the lenses that color our worldviews.  Approaching household chores with the "so what, so that" flavors our interactions.  "I make choices because my wife loves me.  I'll ________ (take out the trash, mow the grass, put the kids to bed, etc.) tonight so that ________ (my wife can have some downtime, get a break, or do something meaningful to her).  Instead of coming at the situation from a woe-is-me perspective, we can come at it from a foundation of gratitude when we ask and answer the so-what/so-that questions in our heads.  

SAR is on the job...sort of...

Similarly, we can translate or change our units of measure to get to a "so what, so that" paradigm shift.  For example, from a financial perspective, translating a purchase you're considering into how many hours it takes to earn it can help our decision-making process.  When we say that a new "widget" costs 20 hours instead of, say $200 after-tax dollars, it may help with our "so-what."  Further translating that into how many "hours" off of our retirement date with compounding interest (say 25 days... compounding is the 8th wonder of the world).  Now, with our "so what" better clarified, we can make a more informed decision.  Obviously, not every decision requires a "so what, so that" analysis, but the more we practice doing these, the more it becomes second nature.  

The rescue went well...
until Mom said we 
couldn't keep it.

In perhaps the most stark and dramatic manner, the mission of many search and rescue (SAR) teams, namely the famed Air Force Pararescue is "These Things We Do, That Others May Live."  The implication reinforces the seriousness that we're willing to trade our literal lives for their literal lives.  At our homes, hopefully, the trade isn't so stark, but we can glean the lesson, "I put down this phone so that I can focus quality time with my spouse and kids."  Most of our home examples likely pale in comparison to a literal trading of life...but hopefully we're doing the trades so that our biggest "why's" and end states come to pass.

Long story short, with our families, it's important to live intentionally and by asking introspective questions, habitually, we can better shape our present actions in relation to our future desired end states.  Ask and answer the "so what" and "so that" questions to help us reframe our decisions so we're sure we're standing in the right arena, and doing the right things.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few things that you've struggled with (finances, diet, TV, phones, workaholic, etc) that you can reframe your paradigm with so what, so that thinking.  Write out a few key changes
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) personally, as a family in so what and so that at home.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Start With Why - by Simon Sinek

- So That Others May Live - JaxVellex