When It Goes Sideways - Part II

When It Goes Sideways...

Practice digging
for when you
need it.

This week, we'll continue on our journey about when it goes sideways, but move beyond the philosophical to the more practical aspects of getting prepared ahead of time and going through the situation with more grace, compassion, and resilience on the other side.  The ability to bounce back is a practiced art.  It combines some of the practical steps that we will talk about, coupled with the way of life, and more theoretical ideas from last week.  Good news is...like any muscle, over time, and with intention... you can build your resilience. 

Watch out for
the electric
fences.

From a more practical, nuts-and-bolts perspective, it's important to have adequate insurance and paperwork put together as a "parachute" or "fire shelter."  We're able to do life more fully when we know we've got the trampoline under the tightrope, so to speak.  So far as paperwork is concerned, it's important, no matter how young, healthy, your plans, and so forth, to have end-of-life documents in order.  A last will and testament, guardianship paperwork, living wills, legal/medical power of attorney, trust, and so forth.  It sounds silly but the tragedy of early and untimely death is a mountain to climb...it's worse if you didn't have paperwork put together ahead of time.  For most young folks, you can get by with a few of the above documents, often for free online.  As your life ages and your situation becomes more complicated, consider legal advice and additional forms.  

Sometimes healing
is around a 
campfire.

The other practical piece we were mentioning is insurance.  I don't know how many apartment fires I went to where, for the cost of a pizza a month, the folks did not have renters' insurance and now were facing the fact that all of their stuff was ruined...and no one was coming to help.  There are a variety of insurance products out there...and, like I've believed, fishing lures at the store are more for catching fishermen than fish (e.g. sales gimmicks), many insurance products are gimmicky.  That said, a few are absolutely critical in my experience, having spent nearly two decades responding to people's worst days.  Health insurance...for sure.  Car insurance...for sure - get choosy with deductibles, coverage amounts, and so forth...you can get upsold easily here.  Term life insurance...for sure - beyond that, watch out for gimmicky.  Others, like umbrella or identity theft, may be right for your situation, but choose carefully after some due diligence.  Many insurance folks will sell you what makes a commission...not what you necessarily need.  

Bring an umbrella...bit
enough to share if needed.

Emergency/rainy day/life happens fund - this is another of our practical steps, like a parachute that makes it easier to weather storms.   One common denominator to most disasters is that it has a financial cost to it...sometimes a big one.  I understand how hard life can be when you frequently have more money than month.  In those days or seasons, it's hard to think about the margin and peace of mind that comes with having a little money set aside.  Dave Ramsey's Baby Steps start with $1,000 starter fund and ultimately grow to 3-6 months of living expenses.  When you're facing a crisis, the last thing you want to worry about is if you have enough money in your savings account to help get through the immediate moments without having to think about it too much.  If you're struggling with finances, get in the habit of setting back a little bit until you can set back a lot.  

Sometimes...you just need
to wade in and wear it
dry later.  

In some cases, we can avoid or mitigate the consequences of a bad thing by getting out in front of it.  We know that many divorces are caused by financial issues.  We also know that many financial situations are compounded by the lack of a plan or budget.  Therefore, we can protect our marriage by having a monthly budget and financial conversations.  The this-then-that thinking can hopefully help us avoid the bad situation in its entirety.  If I don't eat a pack of cookies every day, my risk of a heart attack goes down.  Similarly, we can "mitigate" or reduce the consequences when something does happen.  By having life insurance, my untimely death (hopefully from the cookies), will be easier for my wife to deal with when she doesn't get the double whammy of me gone...and having to go back to work tomorrow to keep food on the table.  

Learning from your mistakes...
can help you not get lost...
or at least as lost next time.

The last of our practical steps are plans/checklists and After Action Review-Improvement Plans (AAR-IP).  Plans and checklists are forward-looking, while an AAR is looking backwards...with the associated IP part gets us back around the corner to looking ahead.  In a practical family example, let's say you have an unexpected job loss.  A checklist (likely can be found online for rip off and replicate) may include steps like cleaning out the office, updating the resume, applying for unemployment, poking network connections, cutting back the spending budget, and putting out job applications.  The "job loss checklist" can be as detailed or sparse as you like - knowing that it won't address every eventuality or be 100% applicable to the situation in the moment...but it will guide those initial actions when you're in the shock of the moment. 

Trial-and-error 
works...but you can 
learn from others, too.

Shifting gears to the AAR-IP component, it's important to spend some introspective time reflecting on the root causes of our crisis and what we'll do differently next time.  Say you go through a bankruptcy (worst case, so scale back your financial emergency to fit you and apply the principles to your situation), an AAR might include the things that led you to the situation...and what you'll do differently next time.  The reason we look carefully in hindsight at these is that no two situations are identical.  One bankruptcy might be brought on by swiping the credit card for far more than you can pay off every month...another might be from a medical emergency.  Those two situations obviously call for different ways forward to avoid the problem next time.  In one situation, we can change our habits, increase our income, and so forth.  On the other hand, we likely can't avoid the uninsured driver who ran the red light or the big "c-word" diagnosis that required treatment.  

Sometimes, we should 
learn from others...
other times...others 
can learn from us.

If you want to take the AAR-IP concept a step further, you can apply the principles in a conversation with your loved ones about a similar situation in someone else's life.  We recently had one of those "have everything put together" peer couples implode with him moving out, a very public speech at church, and ultimately a divorce...which required them to sell their home.  The very put-together persona shattered shockingly quickly (from the outside looking in) and rippled through their entire life/lifestyle.  In unpacking the situation a bit around our table, we were able to tease out some of the warning signs and slippery slopes that we could re-double down on in our lives to avoid more carefully moving forward.  This look at others can also hopefully help us be more empathetic, top-of-mind prayer requests for others, and build up a community that is struggling because we're looking for those who could use an arm around the shoulders.  

Do life with a tribe...
we were built to 
not run solo.

As we wrap up this part, one more tip would be to utilize the community.  This could be friends, relatives, church contacts, neighbors, co-workers, and others in your circle.  The idea that "you're doing life together" is an important practical step.  One of you struggling...the others bring meals, watch the kids, move the piano, and so forth.  With our modern busy schedules and service economy, rarely do we practice just leaning in with others...and letting them lean in with us.  It is hard to "turn on community" in a crisis if you haven't done the relationship-building work ahead of time, sometimes over years.  Invite people over for game night, host a BBQ, and say "yes" to the church volunteer commitment.  Be intentional and proactive about "putting capital in the relationship bank" so that if/when you or someone in the "tribe" needs it, you can make withdrawals.  

It sucks that bad things happen...for some, we can prevent them or lessen their consequences, for others, we can make it through as best as possible.  Hopefully, between the last two weeks, you've gotten some ideas on the theory and the "to-do" list for being ready before, during, and after the crisis.  As you go through life, keep your family close, build your community, have good insurance...and live your best life...ready to go over the speedbumps and past the hurdles.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three things you're going to check on or do this week - add/confirm insurance, study a bad situation, etc...and go take action.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) as it relates to being ready for a bad day.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Teddy Roosevelt on The Strenuous Life