100 Feet...

100 Feet...

Go to wild places.

...that's how far the average US National Park visitor gets from the pavement.  In fact, it's estimated that 90 to 95 percent of all visitors stay within sight of their cars, parking lots, visitor centers, and paved overlooks.  This isn't to say go romping off trail in your monster truck and voiding all "leave no trace principles."  It is to say that the adventure isn't often on the boardwalk.  There are ways that most every national park can be explored with your hiking boots, mountain bike, canoe, cross-country skis, etc that are ecologically responsible...and help you find the real adventure.  We used to joke that it didn't count as an adventure if you couldn't get eaten by a grizzly bear during your outing.  There is obviously a happy middle ground...the folks that visit national parks got the first step down...visiting...but they miss the marrow.  

Do wild things.  

The reason, in part, that we bring this up is to encourage you to look at your life and your family's lives to see how far you get from the proverbial pavement.  Do you pour all the way in?  Are you lukewarm?  We've been blessed to visit many national parks...some immersive...others zipping through on the pavement because that was all that time would allow.  Most wild, scenic places could (and have) soaked up lifetimes of adventure.  When you're in your daily life at work...are you on the pavement?  At church?  At home?  In your marriage?  It's easy to stay on the easy street where millions have gone before you.  It's harder...and more rewarding...to embody the "don't go where the path may lead, go where there is no path and make a trail" quote.  

See wild areas.

This isn't to say that you should be a maverick in every respect.  There are times for go-along-to-get-along.  There are other times when a bold faith, bold marriage, bold commitment in whatever you're doing is absolutely necessary.  Think about what the 100 feet...or proverbial pavement...actually looks like in different parts of your life.  As you're thinking about that...keep in mind that moderation still applies.  Sure, you could sell all of your possessions, grow your hair out, and through-hike every national park.  Or, you could go visit the paved places...and throw in an out-and-back picnic hike to a natural wonder that most people don't ever get to see. 

Build wild things.

Using the parallels at work, what does the pavement look like?  Turning in your TPS reports on time?   Maybe you could spice things up by helping figure out why you do the whole Office Space TPS reports in the first place and develop a way to automate the process and bring efficiency to the team.  Maybe you could be bold and suggest a 4- 10 schedule where you come in early and stay late...but get six months or a year's worth of three-day weekends.  Perhaps you could negotiate a "give back leave" policy where every quarter or bi-annually the whole company spends the day volunteering at their favorite charity, then gives a "book report" about the experience at the next staff meeting.  

Walk on 
the wild side.

Next time you travel to a new place, do you "stay on the pavement" by going to chain restaurants, staying at the chain hotel by the highway?  Or do you consider eating at the ethnic food truck where you can't pronounce any of the words and try out some perhaps life-inspiring lodging situation?  (PS here...we've stayed in hostels, rentals by owners, tipis, yurts, cabooses, hotels, motels, cars, tents, etc.  The most memorable ones that we look back on fondly...or with laughs...weren't hotels with a breakfast bar).  Travel is such a wonderful way to "get off the pavement."  It doesn't have to be Around the World in 80 Days; it can be a much more affordable and moderate stay-cation style trip to the "town next door" to still get you out of your comfort zone.  

Start early. 

In your marriage and faith, think about what the pavement is.  Most people (me and probably you often enough) take for granted the blessings that come with marriage.  We assume that the smooth sailing on the pavement is good sailing.  It may be a decent autopilot, but we still need to keep our hands on the wheel and be paying attention, leaning in for and with our spouse.  It's easy to drift along with the proverbial cruise control and autopilot steering the way...the routines of our lives and schedules just humming along without much thought.  You can get off the main road by setting goals with your spouse, carving out time for date nights, and putting your full focus into your loved one when you're with them.  

Do it often.  It matters.

As we wrap up, whether you're literally at a beautiful natural space or more metaphorically, it's important that you proactively and regularly get off the beaten path and into the wild places.  Don't just fall into the ruts, but rather get out and live your big, full life.  Whether it's your budget, schedule, lifestyle, habits, hobbies, or anything else, don't just blindly follow where the wind blows, but pick out your end zone...then work backwards to put the pieces in place that will get you there...no matter what others around you think...it's you and your loved ones that matter most.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three spots where you're in a rut on the main road...now pick out three trails and try them out.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of getting out into the wild places of your life.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Thousand Hours Outside Podcast

Use the Right Ruler

Use The Right Ruler

Some rulers pop 
right up in front of you
if you know where
to look.

There are rulers all around us that we measure ourselves against - our status, our success, our worth, our wealth, our purpose, etc.  It's important that as we go throughout our lives, we try to avoid the constant measuring...but if and when we do measure...that we use the right ruler.  Recently, I was teaching a class at the fire department and realized that I'm short on the proverbial "cool-guy war stories" that jazz up a class.  The other half of that coin and the realization that hit me that night is the fact that the reason (in large part) that I don't have those war stories anymore is because I've got a ton of family stories being home every night instead of traveling the country slaying disaster dragons.  Back when, I'd seriously considered a regional job.  My friend and the would-be supervisor said, "It says 75% travel, it's really 90...but it's yours if you want it."  It was tempting, but I would have missed what Scott Galloway calls "garbage time," or the time between our so-called "quality time."  The problem is that garbage time is soaked in bonding and a pre-req for the quality time.  For our family, I had to be there for tucking kids in, saying howdy in the morning, wrestling, tickle-tackles, reading, dishes, laundry, cleaning, and so forth...not just parachute in on the weekend for the highlight reel.

Some rulers are
on the road side.

We've talked a lot about the idea that "comparison is the thief of joy," where we minimize and essentially lose our joy when we look at ourselves through the lens of another.  Historically, we were really only able to compare our lot in life to those in our neighborhood or work as a matter of practical purpose.  With the constant and pervasive pressure of social media in our pockets, our comparison is now universal in terms of time, space, and how often we do it.  In our modern times, we can compare ourselves (whether we try to or not) to just about anyone on the planet at all hours of the day on any topic.  Vacations, homes, cars, spouses, etc.  Someone out there has a better time of it than we do...and that's okay.  

Some rulers
zoom way, way in.

When we talk about the rulers we use, it's critical that we make an internalized version within our family and ourselves that is agreed upon.  If we don't, we find ourselves inadvertently using the rulers we see all around us.  The neighbor with the cooler car.  The co-worker with the cooler house.  The guy/gal at the store with the cooler spouse.  The list can go on and on if we let it.  In this same vein, the comparison trap of comparing to others also includes the fact that the curated social media version is not the full story...it's the polished up, window display version.  Our mundane Tuesday afternoon gets compared to the fictional story of someone's snapshot in time, airbrushed, Instagram-worthy selfie.  That's not a fair comparison on any level.  But...we end up doing it anyway, more often and often subconsciously than we know.  

Some rulers
multiply.

Perhaps a way to frame the whole ruler conversations is to put it in the perspective of "within these constraints" when we consider something.  This helps us to keep a thing right-sized and be disciplined.  It could be loosely paralleled to the idea of a diet/exercise/calendar.  I'll go out to eat, but won't get dessert.  I'll go on vacation, but I won't do the upsell activities that we haven't planned for.  I'll do my best work at work...but within my 9-to-5 schedule.  Jocko Willink, famed Navy SEAL and motivational speaker/content creator, talks about the freedom in discipline.  These "stick to your guns" discipline statements help you have the best time, do the best work, live the best life...in balance across all spectrums.  

Sometimes the 
ruler is just you
and yourself.

I've got colleagues and co-workers who have made sacrifices to get to places further in their careers, resumes, and professions than I have.  A couple of them have done it at what seems from the outside as a healthy balance of juggling successful families.  Most of them, however, are estranged from families, have broken homes, or otherwise present an unenviable picture from the end zone.  In other words, they're further from the starting line...but perhaps in the wrong direction.  I could make more money, have more prestige, and feed my ego bigger by switching to a heavy travel job and hitting the road.  In doing so, I'd also be an absentee father and husband.  My alimony and child support checks would, in effect, be bigger because I'd have missed the forest for the trees.  It'd be easy enough to look across at someone else's journey and be ready to hop ship...if I wasn't firmly anchored in the ruler of "enough" that we've set for our family.

Sometimes 
the ruler is a
public one.

Throughout your journey and the seasons of life, you can swap your rulers around a bit.  There were seasons as an early adult before being married or having kids that I worked sort of around the clock - between volunteering, paid gigs, etc.  There will be other seasons where our kids are grown, and presumably we'll be retired, and my ruler may measure more sunsets/sunrises.  It could also look in that season like a consultant/contractor/have-slidedeck-will-travel instructor, perhaps.  We don't need to make those decisions until we get closer...but it's important to have the conversations now about the next seasons.  By honing and sculpting the right ruler ahead of time, we build shared expectations and collective buy-in necessary for balanced success.  

You only get to do
this if you did that
right.  Choose
wisely...everyday.

As we wrap up, perhaps you can evaluate your set of rulers like I did mine recently by reflecting on the stories you have to tell.  My realization that my lack of war stories from fire and disaster was directly comparable to my increase in family stories was telling and reinforcing.  This isn't to say that you shouldn't go out there and economically kill the woolly mammoth and drag it back to the cave.  That is to say, that's not the only part of the equation.  It's also to say that if you seek, create, tend, and steward your budget, calendar, diet, habits, hobbies...you can have both.  Be where your feet are when you're there.  Keep each bucket in its own bucket as much as possible.  And...put down the dang social media.  Make your own family set of rulers...then let that be enough.  Choose wisely and embrace the changes.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three rulers in your life that you may have been pursuing or climbing or measuring...that are the wrong rulers.  Now shape and craft those rulers through research and conversation...then commit a weekly action for each ruler...starting...now.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action)

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

-  Scott Galloway Notes on Being a Man

- Jocko Willink Discipline Equals Freedom

It is what you make of it

It Is What You Make of It

A pretty stellar parade...in
a friend's basement.

Most things are what you make of them.  The old adage that the "grass is greener where you water it" often holds true.  I've had a few friends recently who, after being dissatisfied with work, made major changes (left a good job that dozens will apply to fill)...only to realize some of their angst wasn't solved in the overhaul.  Others in my circle, and probably yours, have likely done the same with marriages, churches, school choices, lifestyles, and places where they live...only to realize the same thing.  In one of the cases with a friend looking to change jobs, we talked about how the grass is greener where you put in the time and effort to bring fertilizer, do weeding, set up irrigation, and otherwise steward your resources for growth and excellence.  

The free version can
be magic in the
moment, if you make it.

When we talk about how we make it what it is...the difference is often in our willingness and commitment to lean in.  That can look different in different facets of life...but they all border on our level of commitment and investment we bring to the table.  In marriage, it might be doing date nights and bringing occasional flowers.  In parenting, it could be making an appearance at the football practice across town or doing game nights instead of watching sports on Sunday afternoon.  At work, it could be volunteering for a special project or mentoring a new teammate.  No matter what facet...our small actions add up to bring the spice to life.  

A "say yes"
default is half
the battle.

From a more micro or "tactical" perspective as opposed to big chunks of life, the "it is what you make of it" can be a worldview and ultimately a lifestyle.  In many parts of life, even more so now with the constant comparison-thief-of-joy that is social media, we build up a false expectation of something that can't live up to the reality.  There has been a lot of commentary recently with technology like AI and things like pornography that create false visions of what our significant other should be, do, look like, and so forth.  When we cultivate a false "perfection" in our mind by stitching together this person's car, that person's spouse, the other person's job, the guy down the block's vacation, the girl around the corner's kids...we build a reality that cannot match ours...and an expectation that can only lead to disappointment.  

The small things
are probably really
the big things.

Similarly, if we decide we're going to Disney on vacation, we talk up the figurative and literal cost so high that the experience has to be super.  The reality, without a "it is what you make of it" attitude or paradigm, is probably going to be more centered on the practical reality that it's hot and crowded.  When we create false narratives, our expectations can only get stomped because we build it up, stretch the budget, etc, and without a little help...it doesn't live up to the hype.  If, instead, we approach our worldview and frame our reality with the situation we're blessed with...shiny or not...we can begin to influence it in a positive way by putting out the proverbial water and fertilizer.  

A lot of the 
spice is in the
neighborhood.

When our kids were little, I remember many a wonderful day doing a walk around the block or a trip to the "nothing-spectacular" city park a few blocks away.  With the right servant leadership attitude, you can turn the greenway a few blocks away into a trip down the Amazon River or a cops-and-robbers car chase, or any one of a thousand other memorable imagination adventures.  When we make the most of it - it doesn't have to be the "fireworks finale," but can be just as grand in the eye of the beholder.  When we immersively lean in, we can make things pretty great.  On the flip side of the coin, we can also sink the ship easily with our negativity.  

Simple and serene 
often bring perspective.

We've traveled around the country many times and to many remarkable places.  Some of the most memorable have been the impromptu side-of-the-road stops.  Our family has prioritized travel adventures, and our kids have made it to the continental US 48 states while still toddlers.  Now that their 7 and 8, they've been to most of the national parks as well...many of them several times.  We've been blessed to see many cultures, crown jewels, and the mundane minutiae that come with road trips.  I think some of the high point memories that pop up were, "remember that time we had a pack of hotdogs and marshmallows on a small campfire overlooking the ____."  Or, "remember that time at the Minot, ND zoo when the porcupine looked like he was going to high dive?"  It's very rare that the commentary or memories include, "it would've been good if we'd only done____."  By making the small stuff special stuff, we find blessing and gratitude.  

A grand road
side stop in IA.

We had a friend recently who is working on a "big why" with finance, and in looking for free things to do in the area to cut down on some of their budget expenses, asked for some advice.  We ended up meeting them at a local museum with a weekend full of kid activities - free by the way.  The first comments when we met them there were around (sarcastically), how this space exhibit was just like the big regional museum across the state line...implying a negative connotation in their tone.  From their first negative shaded moments, the whole thing started downhill and only went further from there.  Their "big" why wasn't big enough to overcome some of their expectation bias and lifestyle.  On the flip side, we leaned into the activities (even if they were a bit cheesy, and most weren't).  From there, we walked downtown to the library and ended up sitting in on an impromptu bluegrass jam session with Christmas cookies.  All free and all of that to say, much like the old quote, if we approach something as inherently negative, our perception will discolor the thing to be a negative experience.

Pay attention to and 
cultivate the things 
we say we are...they
become who we 
are over time.

Last food for thought in this space - we often have those polarizing moments that change our lives.  For too many of us, it is some defining point, often a catastrophe, that serves as a BC/AD sort of marker in our lives - loss of a loved one, natural disaster, job loss, etc.  Our choice of "victim" or "survivor" as a label can make the difference in our resilience and future.  If we see ourselves as something...we associate the characteristics of that label and ultimately become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  If you see (and label) yourself (and your loved ones) as ____ (smart, pretty, talented...or dumb, ugly, incapable), we become those things over time.  We have to choose wisely and consistently take habitual action that ensures we're making the most of the things we say we want to make the most of in life.  If you've got those old anchors...cast them off.  If you've created rich, wholesome, good, and beautiful labels...double down on them.  

No improvements
required.

As we wrap up, whether it's better watering the grass that you're standing on by doing new tangible activities or shifting your attitude around your family...you can make the most the proverbial "it" things in your life.  We'll hopefully challenge you to do some introspection when it comes to how you're coming to the different tables in your life.  As it's been said, "Careful what you bring to the table...likely you'll end up eating it."  Best of luck with making the most of the little things in life...and doing the small actions to lean in that make the big things in life most important in your eyes and theirs.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three activities you can do to "lean in" with those in your circle and do them this week.  Then, pick out three things that you can do "attitude-wise" to make the mundane more spectacular.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) - pick a piece of life and make it a focal point on the "making the most of it" - let's say your next weekend road trip or leaning in at work.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Stephen Covey on Paradigms