Grading Your Life - I

Grading Your Life - Part I

Grading starts
early.

It's been said, "What gets measured, gets managed."  We can measure our lives, not so we can compare them to other people...but rather to compare our current (or next season) circumstances with our own ideal or desired end state.  When we create a shared vision, shared language, and shared culture of reflection/introspection, it facilitates us growing together...and leaning in individually...to make the collective whole really move synergy from a buzz word to a way of life.  

Grading leads
to growth.

When we talk about grading your life, it's important to take the first step to define your rubric.  It's also important that you dive deeper than the surface into the sub-components.  Using a finance example, our rubric might be a desired end state of "having financial peace and enough margin to not "worry" about money."  The subcomponents...or smaller items we'll assign a grade value to may include income that covers our needs, staying out of debt, driving paid off cars, continuing to live in our "starter" home, and investing XX% each year.  Those are the subcomponents that matter to us and are the associated building blocks that get us to our desired end state.  For many, "successful" finance might look like a new car, a new house, a new vacation, etc. ...but those aren't the ingredients to real success.  

Measure to
begin action.

We'd encourage you to, as you're getting started, actually sit down and write out your rubric...sub components and all.  This should be a team effort between you, your spouse, and perhaps your children.  The meaningful conversations and efforts help identify a shared reality...and an end zone that you're all aiming at.  It allows you to say "no" to a Disney weekend, so you can say "yes" to an Alaskan road trip (or whatever matters to you).  As you get going, once you've defined the rubric, each member of your family can grade where you are, and as you average out those grades, you'll get a pretty good picture of where you're actually at.  

Grading is 
learning.

Often, the first step of a journey is understanding where you're at...so that you can figure out where you're going...and chart a roadmap from here to there.  By carefully grading, you'll likely become attuned to the low spots so that you can have a conversation...then invest more wisely in what matters to you for improvements.  This wider understanding of your status and "flight plan" allows you to also get a more balanced approach to life.  Our grade for work may be a B-...but in the wider context of the rest of our life, B- may be good enough.  For us, I could make more, have more flexibility, etc....at the expense of living out of a suitcase or moving.  B- is good enough because with all things considered, we're probably at a solid A grade overall.  By trying to move my B- work situation up, we could easily knock our overall grade back to a C by being on the road a lot.  

Grading is doing.

As we grade, I'll say it again, "comparison is the thief of joy."  With social media, it's incredibly easy to fall into the "grass seems greener everywhere else" trap when we're only seeing the highlight reels of the proverbial Joneses.  We may look at a video online that appears someone is an A+ without asking or seeing beyond their 30 seconds to realize their situation isn't all it's cracked up to be.  At one point, we got enamored with the #VanLife lifestyle where you see picturesque backdrops of National Parks everynight (A+ grade by the way).  The reality, without the airbrushed makeup applied to the video, is that for every night you're in the A+ location, you're probably doing 10 nights at the truckstop or Walmart parking lot (not A+).  

Sometimes
make a new
grade
category.

As you get practiced with the idea of grading, you'll get faster and more accurate.  As your family makes this a shared construct and similar language, you can use the concept of grading to bounce big (or small) decisions off of before diving in.  When we first started this model, it was clunky and awkward.  We've grown, through practice, to where we can look at a decision like "should we coach Little League next season?" through a grade rubric.  It'll move our kids' ball skills, and from C to B.  It'll move our discretionary time from B+ to B-.  It'll move our budget for the season from A- to B+.  Overall, let's say it'll move our overall grade for this season from an A- to an A, but our long-term grade (more capable, healthy kids) from an A to an A+.  That's a convoluted example...but couple the grade with the kids' interest, our emotion/gut reaction, and we've noticed that we make better, more informed decisions by considering grades as part of the decision calculus.  

Grading is a one-by-one
process.

The other benefit of grading your life is that you'll likely notice that overall, you'll realize life is better than you otherwise thought it might be at face value.  For example, it's easy to get caught up in a "life sucks" mood when you get snipped at during work or cut off in traffic, and forget or dismiss all the rest of the blessings in the background that we often take for granted.  Our emotions often bring the "if it bleeds, it leads" mantra moments to the forefront when we reflect on our day.  When we widen the aperture a bit to get the totality of the circumstances...by writing them down piece by piece, we realize that life is good.  We talked about the idea that "what if you only had tomorrow, what you thanked God for today."  When we grade, we realize there's a lot to thank God for... every day.  

Perfection
is not the goal.

Perhaps the last step in the process is to keep measuring.  Much like the quarterly elementary school report card, measuring over time begins to give us trends and draw patterns.  Similar to a cholesterol test, a single moment in time is just that; the trend over time is what causes course correction or inspires action.  Perhaps you "check in" verbally with your spouse on a grade once a month and more formally twice a year, where you sit down and "update" your report card.  Instead of looking back when your kids move out of the house, and they say, "dang, childhood was a C-," the continued checking in helps you course correct along the way.  

Grading is
helping.

You can also inject a parallel in daily life when you check in with your family - "What was your grade today?"  And, if it's less than great, "what would've made it move from a C to a B or B to an A?"  This framing gives us a shared language to help better lean in and support each other in more personally meaningful ways.  In doing these "daily check-ins," it also right-sizes our perceived injustices.  "I'm a F because so and so called me a such-and-such" is a jumping-off point to great lessons in resilience and reality.  This isn't to be used as a "toughen-up, buttercup" punching bag, but to remind ourselves and each other that we're stronger than we seem.  It also allows us to really lean in better when the days really are D's or F's because we've built deeper trust along the way.  

Grading
is team.

You can also use the principles to grade each other.  Asking your spouse and kids, "What grade would you give me as a dad this past month?" is a vulnerable and powerful experience.  When they tell you you're at a C-...then follow up with a conversation (and willingness to listen), you can chart a course to make this month better than last.   When done consistently, that translates to this year better than last, this decade better than last, and getting to the finish line with "well done, good and faithful servant."  

Grading
is climbing.

As we wrap it up, remember to balance the grading or gradepoint average across the time-and-space of our life seasons.  We've had periods of life where we're sprinting incredibly hard at work to meet a short-term goal.  Our report card reflects that as I get out of touch with my wife, kids, and nature.  For a shared commitment, short season...we can make that work.  Longer term, the report card on the fridge reminds us to inject balance back in, and when we've met our short-term goal, it's time to re-spread our time, energy, and attention more intentionally.  This re-balancing helps us keep from driving 90 mph...right over the edge of the cliff and the point of no return.  All in all, hopefully these principles of evaluation allow us (and our families) to communicate better...and ultimately win together...more likely than not.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a place to start grading...and three subcomponents to get you started.  Sit down with your family, define the "what does success look like for us" rubric, and get started.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) across the different facets of life by assigning a grade to how things are going.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- What is your Life Score?