Past, Present, Future

Past, Present, Future

Do the hard
things now...
it pays off.

For most of us, part of our calling in life is to leave it better than we found it...to set our children up for a better life than we had.  That's an admirable goal...one that we're aspiring to ourselves.  One that is worthwhile, bigger than ourselves, and worthy of the sacrifice of the hundreds of ancestors who came before you and paved your way. The problem is, in trying too hard, we can accidentally cripple our children.  Too often in this space, we subscribe to the wrong half of the "give a man a fish vs teach a man to fish" part of the adage when it comes to parenting.  In The Millionaire Next Door, authors Thomas Stanley and William Danko give alarming facts about the "economic outpatient care" that goes on in America.  I'd guess, it's only gotten worse since the book was released, but would encourage you to read the stats...and the book at large.  

Even when 
confusing, 
keep going.

It starts when they're little - we're doing our children no favors when we starve them of bumps/bruises and shelter them from any form of pain or failure.  In the moment, it may feel like the right thing to help them avoid the need for band aids.  In the long term, we inadvertently create spoiled, fragile adults - I think very few of us set out with that end state in mind, but unfortunately, many of us get there.  It's likely better, probably far better, to have our children break an arm climbing the tree...than to never climb a tree.  It's far better to crash your bike...than never ride a bike.  Better to, as Garth Brooks says in The Dance, chance "I could've missed the pain, But I'd had to miss the dance."  We're doing no favors in sheltering our children or holding them up...when they're not able (or more likely willing) to stand up.  

Build your own
helicopter if needed.

On the flip side of helicopter parents, I've seen folks get so wrapped up in their current life and ego...usually with work...that they sabotage their children and their future.  The "first generation" rich cohort has been long studied in this phenomenon...they're willing to do the work, put in the time, make the sacrifices necessary to "do the thing."  This is well and good, but often in "doing the thing" they forget to teach their children how to do the thing...or rather, how to be the type of person who will do the thing.  I don't know how many people in our circle we've seen end up with kids that resent their parents because "the thing" was more important than they were growing up, or kids who are pretty useless as adults, in spite of pretty professionally solid parents.  

Mimic what 
works well. 

Before we had kids, we sat down and made a list of "who was really winning" and a few stages ahead of us.  The list of who we admired, wanted to emulate - we dissected the "what specifically about them" was it that we could "copy/paste" in our marriage and parenting or other roles.  There wasn't a ton of overlap between those "killin' it in business" and those that we said, "that's who we want to be like in our parenting."  Now, fast forward a decade, one person comes to mind in the, "man, they're kids turned out great" category...but the person is a pretty terrible boss/leader.  Another, very "emulate-able" in terms of our shared profession, but wowzer...I wouldn't want to trade kids.  

If you're going to be
a helicopter, at least
be a cool one.

As we try to unpack and track what makes those around us successful and balanced, we try to keep an eye on the people with the traits in kids that we want our kids to be like.  In other words, what is the recipe (or at least, what are the ingredients) that others are winning the cooking competition with.  As we ran through some case studies for this article, it seems like there is a high degree of Venn diagram overlap between the group of "killin' it at work...not so much at home" and the "failure to launch" group of people.  As we circle back around to the "economic outpatient care" from Stanley and Danko, we've got adults in our circle who are not standing on their own two feet.  Fortunately, we're still early enough in our parenting journey to learn...and hopefully, course correct in our own home before it's too late. 

Say no and 
save up for
the priorities.  

I've got a former co-worker who, their family, all-in is probably making close to $300,000/year...in a fairly low cost of living area...and recently she confided in a mutual friend, that with the government shutdown (mind you, it's only 10 days old at the time of writing this), that "she probably can't make her mortgage payment this month."  Meanwhile, she was just showing off her fancy new $800 blender.  Her children are learning the "buy whatever I want" habits, but knowing her kids, they're not destined to go into fields necessary to support this "I want it now" lifestyle of consumption.  Macro size that attitude and enable it with endless credit card offers and no shocker, our country is in trouble, the unsustainable, long-term sort of trouble.  

They're counting on YOU to 
get it right...don't let them down.

Before this post rattles off too far into the doom and gloom, holier than thou lecture.  I'll wrap it up with a reminder that "You," yes, "Y-O-U" can change your family tree.  You can be the one person, today, this very day, that starts living the way that your great grand children look back on and go, "that was when our lineage changed."  It's easy, so easy, to get wrapped into the hustle, bustle and go-along-to-get-along river-like momentum of raising children.  We look up from rowing our boat down the river and realize we're a decade into it...and we're far down the river.  Our oldest just turned nine this month...he's halfway to "out of the house."  It's really forced us to contemplate, "is he halfway being ready to be out of the house?"  

Don't tell mom 
about fireworks  
even on sale.  

As we wrap it up, let this be a cautionary road sign along your journey to say, when you look back in a hundred years, "will the decisions you're making today, be the ones that helped or hurt, enabled or disabled, your grandchildren's children?"  Are we building the kind of kids that are ready to take on a dynamic, crazy world?  Are we setting the balanced example that provides for their physical needs...while still having enough left in the tank (and be willing to pour into) their emotional, spiritual, educational, and other needs?  If so, "kudos and high five." If not, let today be an exit ramp on your version of Tim McGraw's Next Thirty Years to leave you with one more country music classic.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few things you can do today...in the now...that provide a present to the generation of great great grandkids that'll come along long after you're gone.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) of creating kids who grow up to be adults who don't need "economic outpatient care."  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Economic Outpatient Care by the White Coat Investor

- National Library of Medicine Failure to Launch

There Will Be Signs

There Will Be Signs

If you ignore the sign...
you might get more work.

There are a series of memes along the lines of "If I win the lottery, I'm not telling anyone...but there will be signs" and then a picture of some clever take on the "new boat" or something.  These clever, make-you-smile memes got me thinking the other day.  In most facets of life, there are signs that we ignore when we're making decisions in life.  In life, mountainous driving has giant, brightly colored, often flashing signs that say, "if you drive faster than X, you'll fly off the curve that's just ahead and die in a firey, painful way."  They're attention-grabbing, eye-catching, and dare you to "make my day punk, go on, make my day, see if you're the one who can do 90 mph here, go on, try it.  You'll only beat the ambulance to the bottom of the cliff by an hour or so."  There is a reason car insurance rates drop for males after 25, most of us that have made it this far in life not only look for, but trust the signs...and heed their advice.  

Signs keep
us safe.

The warning signs are more subtle in real life - consistently spend more than you make, ignore the ant and grasshopper, and you'll end up begging for dog food as a retirement.  Go bar hopping and sleep around enough, don't be shocked when your future spouse is the equivalent of the proverbial "tramp/man-whore" and everything that comes with the future chapters of that storybook.  Be an absentee father where everything other than your wife and kids is more important...and your kids will grow up resenting...but repeating you.  There is much truth and irony in the Harry Chapin Cat's in the Cradle song.  Along the way, we're not saying that there is no redemption or ability to off-ramp or U-turn...we're saying, hopefully loud and clear, life easier, smoother, more fulfilling when you heed the warning signs.  

Really pay attention to 
any sign about 
alligators...

Perhaps our biggest collection of warning signs is handily written down in the Bible.  It's not only a love story but a cautionary tale of how to do life more smoothly.  Sure, you can choose to sleep around before marriage or cheat after the wedding...but it's not a good idea.  The Bible tells us that there are real-life, natural, life-altering consequences in that behavior.  By ignoring the wisdom and commandments that God gives us, we're effectively choosing the thing the sign warns us about.  We're also essentially choosing, by taking the action, to live with the consequences.  There is an old saying, "you can make the choice, but you can't choose the consequences or who has to pay them."  Sleeping around...the payment invoice is likely sent not just to you...but your spouse, your children, and your future family tree.  

...and empty desert
roads in the boonies.

In terms of family finance, the warning signs of impending peril are the little things...if you look for them, listen to them, and course correct.  Things like not paying off the credit card this month.  Being late on a bill payment.  Dipping into the emergency fund savings.  When you're seeing those warning signs on the side of the road you're on, it's time to slow down, evaluate, and consider enough so that you don't turn one month into two...and two into twelve.  By pumping the breaks and engaging in a family meeting about the whole situation that's going on...and the manifestation on the budget...we can stay on the goal road that we've created...not fly off and try to figure out how to recover from a bad crash.  These warning signs can serve as a "ghost of Christmas future" and give you a "before it's too late" message when you need it most.  

Warning signs
help us steer...

In practical family life, the fun guy that was the life of the party, always with a different girl at the bar...is that guy. We recently had a friend who got into a pretty awful, abusive relationship. While we all came around her, none of us in the little circle really were shocked. The guy she picked is that guy...the impulsive, damn-the-torpedoes guy, the one with a temper and a self-centered attitude and a "violence is the answer" bumper sticker.  I don't want to victim-blame here at all. He's the guilty one...the one who did inexcusable things...the one who should be punished.  He's also the one that we all knew would do such things.  After her first divorce, she was so wrapped up in emotion and stress, and in needing her re-bound, so to speak, she ignored all of the warning signs.  The rose colored glasses that she put on, were the same shade, so to speak, as his warning signs.  The signs were there...she didn't (couldn't/wouldn't) see them.  

...find the fun
things...

As we go through our lives, try to make sure you're going at such a pace and with the right color glasses, not so distracted, that you can see the signs.  Recently, on a family mountain biking outing, our youngest did a full flip off of a turn, landing handlebars and helmet first in a muddy creek in spectacular fashion.   In talking through it afterwards, he said, "mom, I thought you said 90 miles per hour, not 90 degrees."  Though he ignored the "sign, " he landed it well and took the consequences...and his brother still tells him, "you should've seen it from my angle."  In life, let's teach our children how to drive well enough that they're in a good position to see, understand, judge their abilities, weigh their consequences, and interact with the signs they'll encounter when we're not in their metaphorical car.  

...and enjoy the road.

Take some time to think about what warning signs are flashing around you.  Are there some that you've been driving by at top speed?  Are you living a life that is heeding the warning signs - the subtle ones and the ones screaming in your face?  Are you raising a family and setting an example of looking for the road signs?  Don't mistake doing wild, adventurous, big-life sort of things...with not being stupid and reckless along the way.  The warning signs aren't to tamp down our spirit...they're there to allow us to big adventurous things...and come back home at the end of it.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few road signs that you'll tune into (or start looking for) in life - whatever addiction you face - workaholic, substance, screens, something else - perhaps start there.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of holding each other accountable this week in regard to the warning signs in your life.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Andy Stanley Guardrails

- Andy Stanley Rules for the Road

Fake and Real

Fake and Real

Build a real
treehouse.

Sometimes it's easiest to define a term by comparing it to it's opposite.  In that vein, "fake" might be a corollary to "genuine, authentic, actual, tangible, or real." It used to be that most everything, in a so-called "simpler" time was inherently more "genuine" or real. It used to be that if you wanted a new table, it was made by a real person, with real wood, and provided real meal time interactions. Similarly, if you wanted to correspond with someone else, you had a real, face-to-face conversation, in person or wrote a physical, tangible, "real" letter. Now, we buy particle board from a big box story factory and zap IMs, text messages, emails as a series of electron bits through a "web" that we can't "really" see, touch, taste, feel, etc. 

Building real things
builds real skills.

When it came to our jobs...our ancestors did "real" things.  They moved this physical thing from here to there...really.  They took these real raw materials and turned them into a real building.  Now so many jobs are sort of "made up" where we doddle between meetings, sending emails, and filling out spreadsheets.  Even in our food, largely, gone are the days of "real" ingredients that you planted a seed, then ate a vegetable.  Now, "thanks" to modern convenience society, most of our food is made up of "fake" engineered ingredients. Try to read the back of most freezer bags at the grocery store. 

Really practice.

For millennia, we've had real truth.  Hard and fast belief in a higher power.  Communities and countries built on Biblical truth.  Societies built on then 10 commandments and a moral compass.  It's heartbreaking to see that we're slipping toward a series of fake "embrace your truth" as opposed to real truth.  We've got an opportunity to be the light in our circles.  We can raise our families and conduct our lives in a way that brings us...and consequently others around us...closer to the truth...not convenient fakes.  

Go see real
places.

Historically, in terms of relationship and companionship, it was the "real" deal or nothing at all. Today, largely through technology, we can have "fake" friends - we "like" a post online but wouldn't think to ask or offer to bring a meal in a time of need. We cultivate a "fake" version of our best selves instead of having a real community where we struggle through the actual struggles of modern life. Our manicured, cultivated, curated versions of ourselves with airbrushes and social media are not us...and they don't meet our real needs. 

Do real
things.

In terms of finance, there are plenty of articles and information out there about "fake rich" vs "real rich."  To unpack it, the hallmarks of "fake rich" are purchasing the things that you can't actually afford...but can maybe hold together the payments.  It becomes, as Dave Ramsey says, “We buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like.”  Instead of a fake, debt-propped-up lifestyle...real rich is a lack of payments, a lack of stress, and a financial "peace" that helps you create options that facilitate     the life you want to live...not a rat race chasing an uncatchable "more."  

There are real big
amounts of food 
coloring.

In today's day and age, adventure is incredibly accessible...and yet, for many of us, rarely chosen.  With the modern conveniences and affordability in travel (hotels, rental cars, RVs, airplanes, you name it), you can have real adventure easier than probably any time in history.  The problem, in part, it seems is that we're looking for the "picture" of adventure...the sunset after the hike that looks good on the socials...rarely do we sit and reflect on that same sunset as a real inspiration of beauty.  Sit and soak in the moment, building a real memory...not just taking the snazzy picture of a memory.  

Fake things 
can look real. 

With hookup culture and pornography, you can get the "fake" thing...without the real, God-created things in those parts of our life.  The more we blend these fake/real worlds, the worse it is for not only us...but for humanity and the future. The more we distance ourselves from the "real" for the fake, the closer we get to a robotic, humanoid with a pulse existence.  Hollowness and loneliness are the direct byproducts of this mad rush toward artificiality.  For the history of humans, in order to build relationships, you had to put in real work, make real sacrifices, do the real things...to be successful. Today, we've cheapened and diluted so much of life that it's watered down.

Go see the real thing...
not the movie version.

Bots and AI only make this worse.  There is no shortage of completely fake...not just emotionally fake...but never existed anywhere before in any form sort of fake.  As we raise up our children in this new day and age, it's critical that we educate our children to the dangers and temptations of these new threats...while providing them a sound foundation rooted in real love and respect.  As we're raising up our children, in an era where they're "digitally native," that means we need to keep up on the understanding of the technology and help our children responsibly leverage the benefits of the new tech.  

Really rappel 
off the roof.

The good news is that there is still "real" stuff out there...a lot of it out in nature.  This could be the walk around your block, the city park, state park, national park, national forest, or any other setting where you're screen free...and under the sun or stars.  Good news is that it's also a bit of a paradigm or attitude.  We've seen people at some spectacular places (e.g. Yellowstone) and watching the sites through their phone camera lens.  Don't go out of your way to get the facsimile or copy...when you can get the real thing.  Similarly, when you can get a real conversation, face-to-face, emotion and body language...instead of the IM, text, email, or other method.  Real bonds...real life is one conversation, one commitment, one cultivation at a time.  Choose real.    

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick our a few "real" things that have been missing from your life...seek them out...embrace them...celebrate them.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of moving away from fake and closer to real.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- "Everything you can imagine is real."  Pablo Picasso

Daylight Saving Time

Daylight Saving Time

Harry Potter
shoveling...
like magic.

It's about that time of year again.  In life, there are times, due to "no fault of our own," we either fall backward universally or get rocketed ahead.  A loved one unexpectedly dies.  A company downsizes and lays you off.  Your car just decides it's had enough.  An electrical short burns your house down.  Or...a long-lost relative passes away and leaves you unexpected money.  A new company finds your resume and headhunts you away.  You find the new-to-you mint car online way under price...and it works great.  Either way, the "no fault of your own," something went well or not so much. 

Waiting for the boom
at Yellowstone.

As we come around the corner, this "temporal landmark" on the calendar gives us some time to reflect on those "out of the blue" things that pop into our lives.  Certainly, some are the "no fault of your own" and others cross some invisible milemarker in the sand where, "after twenty years of work, I was an overnight success."  Either way, it's important to have a plan on how to handle our newfound circumstances in a responsible, humble way.  Whether you win the actual or proverbial lottery, or the hand of cards that you get dealt isn't a great one, the next steps are up to you and yours.  

Still waiting...
years later.

When we have an unexpected or, at least, what we feel is "undeserved" loss in life, it's important to remember God's hand and plan in the situation (on the unexpected good side as well).  Having worked around emergencies enough, I know it's beyond our understanding why the seemingly minor fender bender resulted in someone dying on the side of the road, while the Hollywood flip-o-rama and the person is standing by the car waiting for us.  Getting our head around the idea that sometimes bad things happen to good people...and...that in spite of doing everything "right" bad things can still happen is part of maturing and growing up.  I remember both my wife and I, in different situations, were fairly emotionally/spiritually crushed when that realization came to pass...but we're stronger now for it.

Big things
take big time
to get right.

Much like the story of the mighty oak tree growing not in spite of the wind and foul weather, but because of it.  Our lives and our resolution/fortitude/grit come not from an easy life but from the friction, stress, and trauma.  It's been said that we should pray not for an easy life, but for the strength to handle a difficult one.  Our kids are just starting into wrestling, and there are some other kids that may be a thousand matches into their careers...those don't end well for the less experienced.  But, in the losing comes the life lessons that help harden our hearts and bolster our spirits.  They help us remember that failure is seldom fatal and remind us that, at some level, winning is getting back up on the proverbial horse.  Years from now, when "daylight saving time" hits in some unexpected way for our children, I hope that they can trace the seeds of their resilience back to the lessons on the wrestling mat today.  

Grandma
is a bonus.

On the flip side, using a financial example, for when we unexpectedly "spring forward," let's say you get the "surprise" tax refund, the holiday bonus, the house that sells above asking, or the lucky stock pick that goes big.  Or (not recommended or endorsed here), the winning lottery ticket, lucky when you put it all on red in Vegas, or whatever long shot gamble that went lucky.  In both cases, there is some of your steering hand and gas/brake pedal involved...but in both cases, the result may be unexpected.  In a perfect world, you'd set aside a large portion of those "winnings" to help meet your goals - fill up an emergency fund, top off a retirement goal, etc.  In the real world, we just don't want you to "blow it" on plastic junk.  

Have a helmet for the
bad days.

In disasters, depending on the circumstances, there is a cash outlay of "direct financial assistance" that is sometimes available via non-profits, church groups, or FEMA.  The idea is that if you've lost your home, vehicle, all your belongings, is that you can use the "gift" toward your deductible, first month at an apartment, or perhaps a start on a car to get you back to work.  I remember distinctly a disaster in the southern US where the "free money wagon" rolled into town.  Within hours, you couldn't find a big screen TV, gaming console, or beer in three counties.  This "daylight saving time" influx of cash came and went in an instant...but the tornado damage was still there staring at the newly entertained, but still newly homeless folks, in the face the next day.  

Always be
ready for
whatever 
may come.

As we wrap it up this week, use "Daylight Saving Time" wisely to think through your "what if" plan so that you're more prepared should a bad day come to visit without the emotion and trauma of the moment.  Similarly, think through the plan for an unexpected win.  Christmas bonus...what are some goals it could help with, not just a spending spree?  Lastly, it's a convenient marker on the calendar to leverage and reflect (and a little time to course correct) before we close out the year.  Are we where we want to be on the Zig Wheel segments?  If not, you've got two months to lean in a little harder.  It's also a good time to think about what the holiday season looks like in relation to our goals and aspirations.  Holidays can be a convenient time to blow the budget, blow the belt line, and feel awful with the lasting consequences in the new year.  Or, it can be a great time to set yourself and your family up for the "new year, new you" kind of thing.  The choice is yours...and now's a great time to make it.  As we "fall back" this fall...maybe do a little reflective planning so you can keep on killin' it.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three things you'll reflect on and commit to changing before we come into the holiday season.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of planning for a what if (estate documents, good-bye letter, etc) and what insurance coverages you have in place to be adequately protected.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- "An extra yawn one morning in the springtime, an extra snooze one night in the autumn, is all that we ask in return for dazzling gifts."  Winston Churchill

- "I don't mind going back to daylight saving time.  With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year."  Victor Borge

Overdramatization

Overdramatization

Words add
up...a lot.

Growing up, and still today, I've been a fan of the cowboy western novels of yesteryear.  There is a series of audio dramatizations from Louis L'Amour that bring the West to life.  These are essentially audiobooks, but with added audio sound effects.  They effectively allow your imagination to run wild in a way that movies/screens can't do.  The "overdramatization" effectively makes the story bigger than life.  That's a great thing when it comes to entertainment.  It's less of a great thing when we use it in our own lives to blow our problems out of proportion.  

Not Everest,
and that's ok.

We recently heard someone talking about a pretty routine life situation regarding their car payment, and they described it as "it's just my Goliath."  When you think about the magnitude of the circumstances surrounding and facing a literal giant with everything on the line, it's almost unimaginable in our comfortable day and age.  Double down on that with David's challenge on center stage, and not only life-and-death, but the high stakes of a nation on the line...and there is no real comparison in our lives.  When we cheapen David's readiness for sacrifice and courage in the face of challenge, it's insulting at best. 

Make it
feel big.

In the David example with the car payment, when we equate something that is relatively trivial to something of such magnitude, it helps us excuse our inability to make progress and helps us ignore taking action.  The right sizing of our problems is critical to moving ahead.  When we remove drama from the equation, we can begin to see the problem for the real size that it is.  In first responderhood, we call this the "size-up," where we ascertain "how big is big and how bad is bad" so that we can properly apply resources to solve the problem.  

Build success.

In another recent example from when our kids were preschoolers, after climbing a nearby mountain, our kids equated it to, "that was just like Everest."  For their ages, it was certainly a challenge, and they rose to meet it...conquered it...but it wasn't Everest.  We can be proud of and celebrate the progress and results without blowing them out of proportion.  When we elevate our kids' peewee sports to the same level as if they were playing at Wrigley Field, we reduce the commitment needed to actually get to Wrigley Field (or whatever the equivalent will be in their own life).  

Training wheels
fall off.

When I was deployed to Hurricane Harvey, and the magnitude was nearly unimaginable, several of us compared it with some of the old timers to Hurricane Katrina.  We "overdramatized" what was a beyond-belief situation in Texas' Gulf Coast.  The old timers informed us that, while horrifically damaging, Harvey was a "cute little brother" to Katrina.  When we, as the response team for a major non-profit, came to the realization that others had conquered far bigger and more complex problems, it helped us find some additional confidence to get the job done.  

The dramatic view
is worth it.

In another home example, using family finance, if we equate financial freedom, a million dollars, or whatever impossible goal, to success, we allow it to be an untackleable challenge.  In reality, spending less than we make and investing consistently over time means that with patience and diligence...those goals are in reach.  Similarly, raising kids who can do great things in life in the future is equally doable with a similar recipe.  Chances are, raising kids is likely not a "Goliath problem" where we have to do one big right thing, but rather a trust and patience thing like Noah or Jacob.  

Be a team.

As we wrap it up, this is a reminder to right-size our problems...and our successes both at home and in the rest of our lives.  It's important that we try to boil the drama out of our situations wherever possible.  Keep the magic and the spice of life...but don't overblow it out of proportion.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out an area of your life where there is too much drama.  Pick out a particular problem and define it with three criteria that help to right-size it.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of removing your Goliaths.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Louis L'Amour Chick Bowdrie Stories

- 12 Easy Ways to Shrink Annoying Problems Down to Size

Leads, Lags, & the 9th Inning

Leads, Lags & the 9th Inning

We first have to
know where we're
going.

Lead measures, lag measures.  Among other things, the great book The Four Disciplines of Execution by Sean Covey, Chris McChesney, and Jim Huling, dives into the idea of lead and lag measures.  In an overly simplified explanation regarding goals, lag measures are "past" things that you can't influence directly in the "now."  In business, things like customer or employee satisfaction and total revenue are things that can only be measured in hindsight but are impacted in the present.  On the other side, lead measures are more predictive in nature and focus on the "now" actions that will drive future success, such as sales calls or website conversion rates.  

Then we break up
the milestones.

In the family sense and at home, some lag measures when we get there and reflect backwards might be our kids' high school grades, college choice/first job, and grandkid success.  Those are things that are among our hopes/dreams/goals/aspirations for our children and consequently should inspire our parental activities and current daily actions.  The lead measures that we can inject into those outcomes include things like reading to our kids when they're little, providing a rich, well-rounded upbringing, and so forth.  When we break down our parenting with a "I'm doing this because..." or "so that later, now" paradigm, it can help us ensure that we're building toward the future that we want to create.  

It can feel 
like magic.

Instead of having vague "hopes" for our children, we can translate those "wants" into more concrete current action steps that build upon themselves and compound over time.  Similarly, things like marital satisfaction as a lag measure can't be "wigned" in the 11th inning.  Instead, it's a byproduct, or rather, the result of a series of lead measures like showing love and respect, or going out of your way to serve your partner as a habit.  With our family finances, financial freedom comes from consistently spending less than you make and wisely investing it.  Doing the right thing, long enough over time, results in pretty great results.  

An off-road capable adult 
comes from a series of 
muddy puddles for years
...it adds up.

To say it a different way, we often win championships in the draft, the spring training camp, the pre-season selection...we count the score at the end of the Super Bowl final whistle...or the last inning of the World Series...but we win or lose in the little moments leading up.  The points we put up and the errors we avoid in the first innings often matter more than the bottom of the 9th inning, 3-2, all hinges on one-pitch heroics.  Years ago, superstar Ken Griffey was being interviewed about how he was never on the diving catch, highlight reel...his answer was...that he always made the right catch...because he'd be in the right spot at the right time that he didn't have to dive.  The point being...his early action resulted in the win...the sum of his little actions added up to major success.

Do the little things 
routinely long enough and
big results pop out.

For our families, we're not going to be successful if we try to do a massive cram session on the day before our kid heads off out of the nest to "real life."  We can't teach them how to be a kind human, use the bathroom, read, write, throw a baseball, cook chicken nuggets, or any of the other essentials of life in that last week.  The old book All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum sums up the concept.  We, as humans, or our kids, hopefully as humans, are a sum total of the lifetime of trial-and-error when they launch into life. 

It's really
that simple.

As we wrap it up, it's important to take a few moments to consider the small actions that we can compound over the years to become great.  Consider the lag measures of where you are right now...and if you're content with them.  If not, change the lead measures right now that will change your lag measures down the road.  If you're fortunate enough to be in a good spot...double down on what's working.  The old "the best time to plant a tree was ten years ago, the second best is today" means that right now we're in a first-inning situation of who we'll be in ten or twenty years...that's great news...but use it wisely.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of lead/lag measures that make sense for your family...select three lead measures you can take "today" to get to the lag measures you select.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of moving the needle today...so that you really move the needle tomorrow.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Lead Measures

- Leads Vs Lags 

Focus as a Superpower

Focus as a Superpower

When riding bucking
horses...don't take your
eyes off the prize.

Perhaps a summary word of our modern world could be "distraction."  Compare our world and the competing "things" battling for our attention to our parents, grandparents, or other distant relatives, and we're saturated with "things."  Gone are the days of a daily newspaper and three national channels on TV.  Gone are the days of a job where we left work at work.  We've ushered in a constant connection to "everything" out there - work and personal - via technology.  Think about the amount of content you can consume just on your smartphone, let alone tablet, laptop, desktop, big screen, and beyond.  Add to the fact that these things now "poke" us with a ton of moment-by-moment notifications...not only do we carry them in our pockets, but we're increasingly wearing them on smart watches and fancy glasses.  

It's hard to hit a 
target when you're
not looking at it.

When we consider this opt-in culture where we selectively choose to divide our attention as a mass cultural shift, we're, in a word, "distracted."  Double down on this at home with the approximately nine-gillion extracurriculars out there, as compared to when our generation and those before us were growing up.  Our kids have a couple of friends who almost need an executive assistant to help schedule the transportation between activities and deconflict the overlaps.  This lack of focus...or distraction in our modern world means that not only are we, as parents, split between many things, we're raising kids who are flighty at best.  The good news is...in large part...we can opt out and dial back our distracted dial...and turn up our focus.  

It takes deliberate focus
to catch a pollywog.

When we discuss "focus," we'll help define it as the opposite of distraction.  When we talk about it in more granular terms, it's important to frame it in terms of consequence.  For example, many car crashes are avoidable if we limit our distractions - turning to talk to a kid in the back seat, adjusting the dial on the heater or radio, monkeying with a phone.  In the blink of an eye, the lack of focus on our core task of safely navigating from Point A to Point B can be life-altering for not only us but all of those in proximity to our hurtling down the road heavy hunk of iron.  In parenting terms, our calling is to prepare our children to be successful in their own independent adulthood.  

Zooming in...on our
target is key.

Part of this preparation is a constant demonstration of our priorities by focusing on what matters most. Do your kids not only hear us talk about, but more importantly, see you prioritizing the priorities?  To clarify what our priorities are...or what they are in our home...are we holding up and protecting the schedule and resources (time, talent, dollars, etc) on the big rocks?  Are we getting to things like church and small group?  Are we showing up not only to our kids' games or activities, but also practicing with them at home?  Are we "being where our feet are" when we're there?  When our kid comes up to snuggle, read a book, or tell us about their day, are we getting on their level, leaning in...and being all in?  

If you're going to fish
with a dog...your 
whole team has to 
be on the same page. 

We talk a lot about the notion that we must be intentional in life if we want to end up where we want to be going.  We also talk a lot about the seasonal nature of life.  I'm here to tell you that we can't "accidentally" get solid outcomes at home, and we can't wait for a convenient time to be all in with our families.  There is quite a bit of research out there regarding the fact that our influence on kids starts to wane by early adolescence, when the power of their friends increases.  This means that if we're waiting to "focus on our family" when they're old enough to comprehend, we've missed the boat.  The old adage of "quantity precedes quality" is true.  If we don't put in the mundane shoulder-to-shoulder style time in volume, we likely won't be the person they're turning to for tough conversations.  

Shirts are 
optional.

Another "concept" of focus comes in our pursuits or investments.  There is an old story about the hunter or animal who tries to catch all the rabbits at once...only to go hungry that night.  Our ability to focus in on a particular target highly increases our chances of getting it done.  When you think about a finance example, if we've got money going a dozen different directions, none of the buckets fill up very quickly.  Dave Ramsey's "Debt Snowball" concept of focusing on the smallest debts to build momentum is a quinessential example of focus in action.  Similarly, at work or when we're building a skill, the "sprint sessions" of intentional focus move the needle quickly.  

It takes concentration to catch
a slippery pig.

As we talk about focus, another paradigm that comes to mind is the focus of a river.  If you ever go to the Grand Canyon, you quickly realize that a focused effort over time makes huge impacts.  This long-standing day-after-day effort, perhaps called "habitual" focus, can have powerful outcomes.  On a more micro level, focus becomes a message to our children that they're more important than whatever trivial thing pops up on our screens.  When we translate much of this into our children, in an unprecedented era of distraction, giving them the gift and ability of focus can set them far ahead of their peers.  When it comes to skill building and timeless knowledge transfer, the ability to focus on a book, on a subject, on a project, on a peer, on a future spouse, a future job, a future life...focus can be seen as a superpower that is, sadly, increasingly rare.  

March Mammal Madness
(look it up)...requires 
you to focus on the
attributes...and...the 
end zone.

As we translate this to action, you can jump light years ahead by simply "being where your feet are in the moment they're there."  This means your eyes, ears, undivided attention, care, and respect are focused on the person you're with.  This isn't the self-centered child where you "drop everything at their beck and call," but, in general, when we're with our kids (or spouse, boss, co-workers, friends, etc), we need to be right there with them.  Another action step likely centers on the word "no."  When we preempt the tension that comes from distraction by not signing up for one more thing, we help ensure that our attention (and other resources) are inherently more focused.  Lastly, for this post, ditch (or at least tone/turn down the pace, volume, frequency, etc) on your cell phone and push notifications.  The constant "ding" of our Pavlov's dog that yanks us into digital land is, in large part, optional.  When we split our focus with screen time and loved one times...pick your priorities...and live it out wisely.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of push notifications that you can "delete" and do that today.  Think about a couple of other things that keep you in the moment and strive for that this week. 
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of being a "focused family."  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Focus on the Family

- All Pro Dad - How to Focus on Your Kids