Count the Cost

Count The Cost

Counting
break.

Many, perhaps most, of our decisions are not made in a vacuum.  At the very least, their ramifications or consequences don't end up staying in the vacuum.  It's important to ensure that, as best as possible, we try to "count the cost" of a thing before we dive in head first.  In the Bible, Luke 14:28  is perhaps the first mention where Jesus uses the parable of building a tower and the idea of being "all in."  When we're starting out on a journey or a process in one of the Zig Lanes of Life, we need to try to, as Stephen Covey put it, "begin with the end in mind."  By laying out "what does success look like" in definite terms, we can then begin to assign costs and commodities to the conversation.  

Sometimes 
you need a 
counting team.

When we talk cost and commodity in a new undertaking, it's important to walk through the potential ramifications and realities.  Saying "yes" to the new volunteer activity or youth extracurricular may come at the monthly financial cost of, say $50 dollars.  It may come at the time cost of 20 hours per month.  It may come at the opportunity cost of missing 4 family dinner nights or skipping movie night.  It may come at the "fairness" cost of saying "yes" to something else for your spouse or other children to level the playing field.  When we break down the commodities and calculate the "all-in" cost it allows us to make a much more informed consumer decision on what we're saying yes to when we say "yes." 

Counting practice.

From a financial perspective, take the new kitchen remodel project.  Sit down and map out the goals (e.g. new appliances vs new cupboards vs new floor vs all-of-the-above) and then assign realistic prices.  Add in the labor costs, permitting costs, and all the others.  Then, consider what you could-would do with those dollars if they weren't going into the kitchen.  Walk through the right rubric cost that matters to you, say "cost per meal prep" or something...will you be measurably happier or more efficient each time you make a meal with the new kitchen?  Roll in the time, stress, frustration, and so forth into the equation to come up with the all-in counted cost to make the best decision...not just the emotional rush from HGTV and a top line sticker price.   

Count.

As you're setting out on a new project or idea, you can see how cost could be defined in terms of time, money, resources, political/social capitol, or probably any of several other "rubrics" or "ladders" that fit your particular situation.  The wholistic measurement helps us better determine if the proverbial "juice is worth the squeeze."  This intentional, careful, thoughtful calculation provides you insights and helps you live a more intentional life...not just doing something because someone else did...or it sounded good in the moment.  Don't mishear here...this isn't about analysis paralysis or busting out your Abacus or spreadsheet to figure out where you're going to dinner on Friday night.  It is about helping you avoid unintended consequences and buyer's remorse or regret along the way.  

Get good with
the little stuff.

While it sounds like a time intensive process...good news is...like most things, you'll get better and faster with time.  When you first start thinking through the "total cost" it'll take a minute.  As you do this more often or create yourself a little cheat sheet of your big priorities, it'll speed up the process.  Eventually, it becomes a routine conversation and second nature as a family.  We were awkward at this when we first got started...now, when a new opportunity pops up, we're pretty good as a family at walking through the pros/cons/costs in conversation.  Our kids are even getting it down that, "sure, I'd like to do this...but not more than I wouldn't like to do that."  

Go see big
towers.

We teach baby firefighters, "risk a lot to save a savable life, risk a little to save salvageable property, and risk nothing when we're too late to save either."  This mantra helps us count up the cost quickly in our 360 degree size-up.  One of the first steps when a firetruck shows up to a house fire is that the officer (person in charge) quickly goes all the way around the problem (house fire), looking for any potential hazards, opportunities, and tries to "see" the whole picture instead of just a snapshot from one perspective.  This quick "bird's eye view" so to speak helps the officer "count the cost" so they can apply the right amount of resource based on the risk.  

Account for all 
the parts.

With any decision in life, just like with a house fire, we can't know with any certainty, exactly what is going on and every single detail.  We can use our experience, wisdom, and size-up on a problem to get much closer.  For example, recently we considered a cross-country move for that "big new job" that would pay more dollars and stoke the ego.  At face value...dang, no brainer.  The size-up of the whole situation told a different story.  The real cost in terms of finance wasn't the bottom dollar of the salary...it had to also include home prices, cost of living, state income tax, and so forth to get an apples-to-apples comparison.  In another realm, it'd also take a certain (likely large) number of hours to get moved, get used to the new job, longer commute, find a new house, develop new relationships, etc.  Those hours would have to come at the cost of discretionary time...family time.  

Figure out
the all-in
numbers.

We could've easily said "yes" to that job...and ultimately made the most of it...but regretted it.  The emotion and ego pull could've gotten us in over our heads.  By slowing down just a little bit to do the whole "360 size-up" of the situation a "let's go...risk it all" answer became a "not so much" answer with just a little bit of contemplation.  On the fire ground, the "let's go in...it's just a little smoke showing" when we pull up can be a "pump the brakes" when we go around the back and realize the fire's been burning a long time with flames squirting out of every window and the floor has burned through...an almost certain firefighter down scenario in the making.  

Run the 
numbers.

As we wrap up, the salient point here is, slow down enough that you don't inadvertently shoot off the cliff...or at least if you're going to shoot off the cliff, you know what it's going to cost...and what you're going to do about it (pack a parachute, wear a helmet, update your life insurance, etc.)  Start small with the next time someone asks you to join a new organization, take on a new work project, or whatever else.  Instead of the off-the-cuff "sure," start with, "let me think about it and get back to you tomorrow." Then, with a little distance from the decision...walk through the all-in cost and make an informed, intentional decision.  Best of luck...your schedule (at some level a measure or report card/score card of your life values) is worth it.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of examples this week to practice counting the all in cost.  New little league opportunity?  Friend asked you to do the pickleball league?  Good idea fairy at work on an optional project?  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of walking through the cost of stuff...the real cost.  That new toy or video game translates into 10 hours of work...which could be filled with X, or Y, or Z. 

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Billy Graham on Counting the Cost in following Jesus

- Luke 14:28

Prayer...

Prayer...

God is
good.

We believe prayer is a powerful part of a healthy, well-rounded life -  parenting, marriage, and any other facet.  The introspective conversing and acknowledging of gratitude and our place in the world helps ground and focus us.  We can fall into the "I'm not much, but I'm all that I think about" mentality, that is increasingly prevalent as we trade community IRL (in real life...I had to look that one up) for relationships on screens.  This evolution, so to speak, is one that is leaving us more lonely and disconnected than perhaps ever before.  The good news is, we can push back.  In the "God helps those who help themselves," we can start with prayer and follow up with Kingdom-spreading, community-creating actions.

Go see the 
miracles.

In building community through prayer, are we doing the things and being the people that we are inspired to be?  Andy Stanley put it this way in relation to dating, "Are you being the person that the person you're looking for is looking for?"  In other words, our prayers should start with us being in the right frame of mind and heart.  We can (and should...in fact are called to) be prayer leaders.  Do we pray at lunch when we're out with coworkers?  If so, we can give permission, so to speak, to others around us who may be less confident in their faith.  We should use prayer to shape who we are, who we're becoming, our children, and those around us in daily life.  

Pray - not just
on the home 
games.

When we talk about prayer...I'm far from any sort of expert...or even necessarily very good at it.  I do try to be consistent, but, likely like all of us, lots of room to grow.  If you're like me, we often fall into the routine traps of being thankful for our bullet-pointed list and treat God and prayer like Aladdin's genie or Santa's list.  I know I'm guilty of lacking creativity or imagination when it comes to prayer.  When was the last time you prayed for the parents who are raising your son's future wife?  How about for the martyrs and missionaries who are sacrificing, sometimes their very lives for their beliefs?  What about the president/governor/mayor or other leader that you don't necessarily agree with?  What about the ones that you do agree with?  For your enemies?  For an easier life or stronger fortitude and resilience?  We're called to forgive and pray for our enemies.  Do we even pray for our neighbors?  How often is the object of our prayer not someone in our own four walls?

There's no wrong
place to pray...

Before we bring our desires, do we bring our vulnerability and our brokenness?  Do we allow vulnerability and openness to be part of our conversation?  Do we allow those things out loud, beyond our inner voice in our head or heart...do we share that with our families?  Prayer probably should be a one-on-one conversation with you and your Creator.  It probably also should, at times, be a family conversation with your crew...and the Creator.  I know this is one area that I pretty firmly suck at...being called to be the "spiritual leader" of our family means that sometimes we're in the driver's seat, out loud in prayer with our families.  

There's no wrong time 
to pray...

The old "what if you only had tomorrow what you thanked God for yesterday?" is a good way to look at our gratitude and, in my mind, should be the foundation for our prayer life.  When our family has stopped and thought about that...talked about that...before we pray...our prayers are better.  Instead of just the lip service copy/paste prayer, the pre-empting question often challenges us to be more mindful and offer more meaningful prayers.  How much would you have tomorrow in your world if you only had your yesterday prayer?  I know, for me, somedays, I'd probably not like the answer.  

There's no wrong way
to pray...

I think a lot of prayer is a chance to really be introspective with ourselves and our loved ones.  When was the last time we prayed for quantities of the Biblical heroes - patience, tolerance, kindness, wisdom, courage, stronger faith?  When was the last time we asked God to use us for His will and not for him to make our will come true?  How about when was the last time we thanked God for being God?  By looking inside ourselves and remembering our smallness in relation to his vastness...and the power and magic that He, King of Kings...still made you...it's amazing.  Do we think and pray about our place in the world?  Hint, hint...these "relative size" prayers are probably easer to find out in nature, in creation.  

 Give thanks
in all things.

When was the last time we adored him?  Listen to most traditional Christmas songs...actually listen to the words...there is inspiration in there for our prayers.  Use the link below to listen to the The Tabernacle Choir's rendition of It is Well With My Soul.  Dave Ramsey said "he met God on the way up, but got to know him on the way down."  In our lowest moments, do we remember to rejoice, celebrate, and adore Him...even when we don't feel like it?  Do we raise up our praise and give our "'Cause all that I have is a hallelujah, hallelujah.  And I know it's not much, but I've nothin' else fit for a King.  Except for a heart singin', "Hallelujah, hallelujah"?

Make it a 
team sport.

I think we've talked about it before...but I have a close friend who refers to "Heaven's big movie theater" where, like Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet In Heaven, the Celestial Theater shows us what was beyond those doors we couldn't see beyond in the moment.  When was the last time we prayed to be an important part of someone else's story?  Are we typically the main character in our prayers?  Do we pray for support characters in our lives?  Or that we can better support those in our circle around us?  Do we pray in the moment?  Before we forget or get distracted?  "Dear God...thank you for this.  Amen"

Pray in the little
places...

Do you treat prayer was a conversation with the Creator of the Universe?  Or, do we treat it as a fashion accessory to blend in with those around us?  Worse yet, do we deny and denounce our relationship with Him to blend in?  It is important to have a bold, big faith.  Speaking of that - we often don't pray big enough.  The God who can move mountains is also the God that we cast our biggest fears, doubts, worries, trials...and celebrations upon.  Do we think to pray bold, big, beautiful prayers where we trust God to do miracles?  Or, do we cast our trivial, small requests upon him, "if it isn't too much trouble, please let me have a good day."  

Pray when 
you're barely
hanging on.

When we're praying - do we thank God for His wisdom in our lives?  Garth Brooks' song Unanswered Prayers is the story of appreciating the doors that God closed on our behalf...when we couldn't see the "why" in the moment.  In our prayer, do we look back and see His divine hand of providence or fate?  Do we rejoice in that and appreciate that in our present prayer life?  There are doors in my past, and probably yours, that, in the moment were seeped in heartache, frustration, and fatigue...fast forward and I couldn't have gotten here...without going there...and...I wouldn't go back and trade knowing what I know now.  

Pray in the big 
places...

There is an old saying that "there are no atheists in foxholes" - do we only pray when it's convenient?  Do we make time for Him or do we give him the leftovers...if we have the margin at the end of the day/week/month/year/decade?  Do we make prayer a habitual part of our hearts and our calendars?  There is no "wrong" time to pray.  Perhaps some "extra" right times are at meals with our families, when we get up in the morning, when we go to bed.  What about when we see a disaster on the TV?  Hear a siren down the street?  Do we pray for safety for those responders?  For those they're going to help and their families?  

Pray when you're
completely grounded.
Just pray.

As we wrap up...this post has been a long one...full of questions and perhaps that's poignant...because I don't have all the answers...and maybe that's the point.  Hopefully this post got you thinking...really thinking...about where you're at in your spiritual journey.  Hopefully it makes you think about how you're leading (or not) yourself and your family and those around you in terms of faith.  Hopefully it reminds you to make prayer top of mind...not an afterthought...not hidden...not weak.  Hopefully this post reminds you that without being centered in faith...without keeping an open channel with The Creator...nothing else really matters all that much.  I'll pray for you and yours...maybe you can do the same.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three things you're going to pray for...go ahead and pray those things now...like right now.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of being a more faith-centered, prayerful family.  Commit to making those habitual...starting today.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- It is Well With My Soul - The Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square

- Dave Ramsey on prayer and faith

- Garth Brooks Unanswered Prayers

- Brandon Lake and Jelly Role Hard Fought Hallelujah 

- Brandon Lake Gratitude

- John Rich Earth to God

Freedom of Choice...or From Choice?

Freedom of Choice...or from Choice?

This corn...
or that.

When you really stop and think about life, one thing it seems that humans crave is options.  Some people are better than others in cultivating those options through a lifestyle based on a series of good decisions.  In general, more good choices add up to the ability to make more good choices in a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.  The problem, or perhaps reality, is that sometimes optionality (cue the tiny violin for the pity party) can be overwhelming.  We often say we crave choice...sometimes perhaps we need less choice.  In other words, are we after the freedom of choices or the freedom away from choices?

To bounce...or not to
bounce...

Malcolm Gladwell (video below), described our predicament and sweet spot of too much or not enough choice in terms of ideal quantity and quality.  Too much open-ended choice and we can become vapor locked, frozen in a sort of analysis paralysis.  Too little and life becomes a boring monotony of continuous sameness.  When we think about the options that we can create in life, there is value in having an ability to "take this job and shove it."  There is also value in having a stable job that provides for the wholistic needs of your family.  Our secret, perhaps to life, but for sure to contentment, is to choose wisely, which choices we'll entertain and which ones we'll not even entertain or consider.  

To "honk" a fire
truck or not to...

Not too many generations ago, our marriage prospects were likely restricted to the few neighborhood guys or gals that fit our criteria...and life was probably better.  Today, with the pervasive internet and dating app culture, the market has suddenly swelled to just about anyone on the planet and a 99 point diagnostic criteria exam.  Is it any wander that so many young folks are paralyzed with the fear of potentially getting it wrong?  Or, that after 10,000 swipes, we've conditioned ourselves that with so many choices, surely there is one more choice around the bend that's just a little better.  The sweet spot is likely between the one village girl as an only option and 50% of the planet population.  Similarly, once we're married, if we're soaked in choices...are we really able to shut off the so called "choicer" once the choice has been made?  

To puddle...
or not...

Similarly, yesteryear, you were likely destined to grow up and take over the family business, passion or not, as your calling.  Today, we tell our children that they can follow their passions and be anything they want to be.  In other words, the complete menu on the table.  In reality, we should help our children limit their choice of vocation based on whole-of-life criteria in choosing.  For example, let's say you want to live the Midwest lifestyle...but want to be a marine biologist...those are in conflict.  Or, let's say you want to live in a small town, but choose an only-big-town career path.  Or plan to have a big family, but want to be an artist.  We can (and should) pour into our children's lives, leveraging our (and those around us) shared experience in helping them prune off some choices for vocation, college major, skilled trade, and first job decisions.  

Always only one right 
answer to the puddle
question.

In our modern politically correct world, helping our children (and reminding ourselves) that while we can choose about anything under the sun, technically...we can't choose the consequences from those actions.  I could choose to rob a bank...after that, I don't get to choose whether I get caught or if I want to go to jail or not.  Some choices we make (or don't make) come with consequences that make our lives harder or easier.  It's important that we, as parents, reinforce through word and deed that our decisions and choices matter when the stakes are small...so that we've got the requisite choice-making-muscles built up for when the stakes are much higher.  

If you want to be
content...puddles
aren't a bad place
to start.

Shifting gears a little bit, having the ability to make any choice isn't the blessing it's cracked up to be.  Think about the Aladdin's Genie story...any choice under the sun was a dilemma.  Consider the research on million/billionaires and the uncontentedness that often accompanies effective unlimited options and power.  To a certain extent, us normal folks face similar choices.  Should I quit my job?  Should I move to Miami?  Should I start over with my family?  Should I...?  Fill in your own blanks here.  Just because you could...or just because a choice is theoretically on the table, doesn't mean you should exercise it.  It's important to find our freedom from choice on the big stuff - marriage, parenting, faith - while exercising our due diligence and decisions on the smaller, spice of life stuff - travel, finances, career path.  

Whether we choose...or
not...the sunset comes...
our choice is to enjoy it.

As we wrap it up, the billionaires in our world...the people with literally any option on the table...are not always the happiest.  I remember a great aunt and uncle who embodied the idea of "happiness is wanting what you have" that probably barely had the two proverbial nickels...but chose to exercise the option of happiness.  I've also known people who toiled with their "too many" options until life became a basket case of worry and paralysis while it slowly passed them by.  I think as we part this week, the Warren Buffett quote sums it up nicely, “I want to give my kids just enough so that they would feel that they could do anything, but not so much that they would feel like doing nothing.”  I hope you have enough options but not too many...cultivate wisely...then choose joy.

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few choices you've been wrestling with lately...define the options...pick one and move on. 
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of some choices and options you've been stressing out on...pick...embrace...move on.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Malcolm Gladwell on Spaghetti Sauce

- The More Options, The Better

Past, Present, Future

Past, Present, Future

Do the hard
things now...
it pays off.

For most of us, part of our calling in life is to leave it better than we found it...to set our children up for a better life than we had.  That's an admirable goal...one that we're aspiring to ourselves.  One that is worthwhile, bigger than ourselves, and worthy of the sacrifice of the hundreds of ancestors who came before you and paved your way. The problem is, in trying too hard, we can accidentally cripple our children.  Too often in this space, we subscribe to the wrong half of the "give a man a fish vs teach a man to fish" part of the adage when it comes to parenting.  In The Millionaire Next Door, authors Thomas Stanley and William Danko give alarming facts about the "economic outpatient care" that goes on in America.  I'd guess, it's only gotten worse since the book was released, but would encourage you to read the stats...and the book at large.  

Even when 
confusing, 
keep going.

It starts when they're little - we're doing our children no favors when we starve them of bumps/bruises and shelter them from any form of pain or failure.  In the moment, it may feel like the right thing to help them avoid the need for band aids.  In the long term, we inadvertently create spoiled, fragile adults - I think very few of us set out with that end state in mind, but unfortunately, many of us get there.  It's likely better, probably far better, to have our children break an arm climbing the tree...than to never climb a tree.  It's far better to crash your bike...than never ride a bike.  Better to, as Garth Brooks says in The Dance, chance "I could've missed the pain, But I'd had to miss the dance."  We're doing no favors in sheltering our children or holding them up...when they're not able (or more likely willing) to stand up.  

Build your own
helicopter if needed.

On the flip side of helicopter parents, I've seen folks get so wrapped up in their current life and ego...usually with work...that they sabotage their children and their future.  The "first generation" rich cohort has been long studied in this phenomenon...they're willing to do the work, put in the time, make the sacrifices necessary to "do the thing."  This is well and good, but often in "doing the thing" they forget to teach their children how to do the thing...or rather, how to be the type of person who will do the thing.  I don't know how many people in our circle we've seen end up with kids that resent their parents because "the thing" was more important than they were growing up, or kids who are pretty useless as adults, in spite of pretty professionally solid parents.  

Mimic what 
works well. 

Before we had kids, we sat down and made a list of "who was really winning" and a few stages ahead of us.  The list of who we admired, wanted to emulate - we dissected the "what specifically about them" was it that we could "copy/paste" in our marriage and parenting or other roles.  There wasn't a ton of overlap between those "killin' it in business" and those that we said, "that's who we want to be like in our parenting."  Now, fast forward a decade, one person comes to mind in the, "man, they're kids turned out great" category...but the person is a pretty terrible boss/leader.  Another, very "emulate-able" in terms of our shared profession, but wowzer...I wouldn't want to trade kids.  

If you're going to be
a helicopter, at least
be a cool one.

As we try to unpack and track what makes those around us successful and balanced, we try to keep an eye on the people with the traits in kids that we want our kids to be like.  In other words, what is the recipe (or at least, what are the ingredients) that others are winning the cooking competition with.  As we ran through some case studies for this article, it seems like there is a high degree of Venn diagram overlap between the group of "killin' it at work...not so much at home" and the "failure to launch" group of people.  As we circle back around to the "economic outpatient care" from Stanley and Danko, we've got adults in our circle who are not standing on their own two feet.  Fortunately, we're still early enough in our parenting journey to learn...and hopefully, course correct in our own home before it's too late. 

Say no and 
save up for
the priorities.  

I've got a former co-worker who, their family, all-in is probably making close to $300,000/year...in a fairly low cost of living area...and recently she confided in a mutual friend, that with the government shutdown (mind you, it's only 10 days old at the time of writing this), that "she probably can't make her mortgage payment this month."  Meanwhile, she was just showing off her fancy new $800 blender.  Her children are learning the "buy whatever I want" habits, but knowing her kids, they're not destined to go into fields necessary to support this "I want it now" lifestyle of consumption.  Macro size that attitude and enable it with endless credit card offers and no shocker, our country is in trouble, the unsustainable, long-term sort of trouble.  

They're counting on YOU to 
get it right...don't let them down.

Before this post rattles off too far into the doom and gloom, holier than thou lecture.  I'll wrap it up with a reminder that "You," yes, "Y-O-U" can change your family tree.  You can be the one person, today, this very day, that starts living the way that your great grand children look back on and go, "that was when our lineage changed."  It's easy, so easy, to get wrapped into the hustle, bustle and go-along-to-get-along river-like momentum of raising children.  We look up from rowing our boat down the river and realize we're a decade into it...and we're far down the river.  Our oldest just turned nine this month...he's halfway to "out of the house."  It's really forced us to contemplate, "is he halfway being ready to be out of the house?"  

Don't tell mom 
about fireworks  
even on sale.  

As we wrap it up, let this be a cautionary road sign along your journey to say, when you look back in a hundred years, "will the decisions you're making today, be the ones that helped or hurt, enabled or disabled, your grandchildren's children?"  Are we building the kind of kids that are ready to take on a dynamic, crazy world?  Are we setting the balanced example that provides for their physical needs...while still having enough left in the tank (and be willing to pour into) their emotional, spiritual, educational, and other needs?  If so, "kudos and high five." If not, let today be an exit ramp on your version of Tim McGraw's Next Thirty Years to leave you with one more country music classic.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few things you can do today...in the now...that provide a present to the generation of great great grandkids that'll come along long after you're gone.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) of creating kids who grow up to be adults who don't need "economic outpatient care."  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Economic Outpatient Care by the White Coat Investor

- National Library of Medicine Failure to Launch

There Will Be Signs

There Will Be Signs

If you ignore the sign...
you might get more work.

There are a series of memes along the lines of "If I win the lottery, I'm not telling anyone...but there will be signs" and then a picture of some clever take on the "new boat" or something.  These clever, make-you-smile memes got me thinking the other day.  In most facets of life, there are signs that we ignore when we're making decisions in life.  In life, mountainous driving has giant, brightly colored, often flashing signs that say, "if you drive faster than X, you'll fly off the curve that's just ahead and die in a firey, painful way."  They're attention-grabbing, eye-catching, and dare you to "make my day punk, go on, make my day, see if you're the one who can do 90 mph here, go on, try it.  You'll only beat the ambulance to the bottom of the cliff by an hour or so."  There is a reason car insurance rates drop for males after 25, most of us that have made it this far in life not only look for, but trust the signs...and heed their advice.  

Signs keep
us safe.

The warning signs are more subtle in real life - consistently spend more than you make, ignore the ant and grasshopper, and you'll end up begging for dog food as a retirement.  Go bar hopping and sleep around enough, don't be shocked when your future spouse is the equivalent of the proverbial "tramp/man-whore" and everything that comes with the future chapters of that storybook.  Be an absentee father where everything other than your wife and kids is more important...and your kids will grow up resenting...but repeating you.  There is much truth and irony in the Harry Chapin Cat's in the Cradle song.  Along the way, we're not saying that there is no redemption or ability to off-ramp or U-turn...we're saying, hopefully loud and clear, life easier, smoother, more fulfilling when you heed the warning signs.  

Really pay attention to 
any sign about 
alligators...

Perhaps our biggest collection of warning signs is handily written down in the Bible.  It's not only a love story but a cautionary tale of how to do life more smoothly.  Sure, you can choose to sleep around before marriage or cheat after the wedding...but it's not a good idea.  The Bible tells us that there are real-life, natural, life-altering consequences in that behavior.  By ignoring the wisdom and commandments that God gives us, we're effectively choosing the thing the sign warns us about.  We're also essentially choosing, by taking the action, to live with the consequences.  There is an old saying, "you can make the choice, but you can't choose the consequences or who has to pay them."  Sleeping around...the payment invoice is likely sent not just to you...but your spouse, your children, and your future family tree.  

...and empty desert
roads in the boonies.

In terms of family finance, the warning signs of impending peril are the little things...if you look for them, listen to them, and course correct.  Things like not paying off the credit card this month.  Being late on a bill payment.  Dipping into the emergency fund savings.  When you're seeing those warning signs on the side of the road you're on, it's time to slow down, evaluate, and consider enough so that you don't turn one month into two...and two into twelve.  By pumping the breaks and engaging in a family meeting about the whole situation that's going on...and the manifestation on the budget...we can stay on the goal road that we've created...not fly off and try to figure out how to recover from a bad crash.  These warning signs can serve as a "ghost of Christmas future" and give you a "before it's too late" message when you need it most.  

Warning signs
help us steer...

In practical family life, the fun guy that was the life of the party, always with a different girl at the bar...is that guy. We recently had a friend who got into a pretty awful, abusive relationship. While we all came around her, none of us in the little circle really were shocked. The guy she picked is that guy...the impulsive, damn-the-torpedoes guy, the one with a temper and a self-centered attitude and a "violence is the answer" bumper sticker.  I don't want to victim-blame here at all. He's the guilty one...the one who did inexcusable things...the one who should be punished.  He's also the one that we all knew would do such things.  After her first divorce, she was so wrapped up in emotion and stress, and in needing her re-bound, so to speak, she ignored all of the warning signs.  The rose colored glasses that she put on, were the same shade, so to speak, as his warning signs.  The signs were there...she didn't (couldn't/wouldn't) see them.  

...find the fun
things...

As we go through our lives, try to make sure you're going at such a pace and with the right color glasses, not so distracted, that you can see the signs.  Recently, on a family mountain biking outing, our youngest did a full flip off of a turn, landing handlebars and helmet first in a muddy creek in spectacular fashion.   In talking through it afterwards, he said, "mom, I thought you said 90 miles per hour, not 90 degrees."  Though he ignored the "sign, " he landed it well and took the consequences...and his brother still tells him, "you should've seen it from my angle."  In life, let's teach our children how to drive well enough that they're in a good position to see, understand, judge their abilities, weigh their consequences, and interact with the signs they'll encounter when we're not in their metaphorical car.  

...and enjoy the road.

Take some time to think about what warning signs are flashing around you.  Are there some that you've been driving by at top speed?  Are you living a life that is heeding the warning signs - the subtle ones and the ones screaming in your face?  Are you raising a family and setting an example of looking for the road signs?  Don't mistake doing wild, adventurous, big-life sort of things...with not being stupid and reckless along the way.  The warning signs aren't to tamp down our spirit...they're there to allow us to big adventurous things...and come back home at the end of it.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few road signs that you'll tune into (or start looking for) in life - whatever addiction you face - workaholic, substance, screens, something else - perhaps start there.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of holding each other accountable this week in regard to the warning signs in your life.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Andy Stanley Guardrails

- Andy Stanley Rules for the Road

Fake and Real

Fake and Real

Build a real
treehouse.

Sometimes it's easiest to define a term by comparing it to it's opposite.  In that vein, "fake" might be a corollary to "genuine, authentic, actual, tangible, or real." It used to be that most everything, in a so-called "simpler" time was inherently more "genuine" or real. It used to be that if you wanted a new table, it was made by a real person, with real wood, and provided real meal time interactions. Similarly, if you wanted to correspond with someone else, you had a real, face-to-face conversation, in person or wrote a physical, tangible, "real" letter. Now, we buy particle board from a big box story factory and zap IMs, text messages, emails as a series of electron bits through a "web" that we can't "really" see, touch, taste, feel, etc. 

Building real things
builds real skills.

When it came to our jobs...our ancestors did "real" things.  They moved this physical thing from here to there...really.  They took these real raw materials and turned them into a real building.  Now so many jobs are sort of "made up" where we doddle between meetings, sending emails, and filling out spreadsheets.  Even in our food, largely, gone are the days of "real" ingredients that you planted a seed, then ate a vegetable.  Now, "thanks" to modern convenience society, most of our food is made up of "fake" engineered ingredients. Try to read the back of most freezer bags at the grocery store. 

Really practice.

For millennia, we've had real truth.  Hard and fast belief in a higher power.  Communities and countries built on Biblical truth.  Societies built on the 10 commandments and a moral compass.  It's heartbreaking to see that we're slipping toward a series of fake "embrace your truth" as opposed to real truth.  We've got an opportunity to be the light in our circles.  We can raise our families and conduct our lives in a way that brings us...and consequently others around us...closer to The truth...not convenient fakes.  

Go see real
places.

Historically, in terms of relationship and companionship, it was the "real" deal or nothing at all. Today, largely through technology, we can have "fake" friends - we "like" a post online but wouldn't think to ask or offer to bring a meal in a time of need. We cultivate a "fake" version of our best selves instead of having a real community where we struggle through the actual struggles of modern life. Our manicured, cultivated, curated versions of ourselves with airbrushes and social media are not us...and they don't meet our real needs. 

Do real
things.

In terms of finance, there are plenty of articles and information out there about "fake rich" vs "real rich."  To unpack it, the hallmarks of "fake rich" are purchasing the things that you can't actually afford...but can maybe hold together the payments.  It becomes, as Dave Ramsey says, “We buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like.”  Instead of a fake, debt-propped-up lifestyle...real rich is a lack of payments, a lack of stress, and a financial "peace" that helps you create options that facilitate the life you want to live...not a rat race chasing an uncatchable "more."  

There are real big
amounts of food 
coloring.

In today's day and age, adventure is incredibly accessible...and yet, for many of us, rarely chosen.  With the modern conveniences and affordability in travel (hotels, rental cars, RVs, airplanes, you name it), you can have a real adventure more easily (and cheaply) than probably any time in history.  The problem, in part, it seems is that we're looking for the "picture" of adventure...the sunset after the hike that looks good on the socials...rarely do we sit and reflect on that same sunset as a real inspiration of beauty.  Sit and soak in the moment, building a real memory...not just taking the snazzy picture of a memory.  

Fake things 
can look real. 

With hookup culture and pornography, you can get the "fake" thing...without the real, God-created things in those parts of our life.  The more we blend these fake/real worlds, the worse it is for not only us...but for humanity and the future. The more we distance ourselves from the "real" for the fake, the closer we get to a robotic, humanoid with a pulse existence.  Hollowness and loneliness are the direct byproducts of this mad rush toward artificiality.  For the history of humans, in order to build relationships, you had to put in real work, make real sacrifices, do the real things...to be successful. Today, we've cheapened and diluted so much of life that it's watered down.

Go see the real thing...
not the movie version.

Bots and AI only make this worse.  There is no shortage of completely fake...not just emotionally fake...but never existed anywhere before in any form sort of fake.  As we raise up our children in this new day and age, it's critical that we educate our children to the dangers and temptations of these new threats...while providing them a sound foundation rooted in real love and respect.  As we're raising up our children, in an era where they're "digitally native," that means we need to keep up on the understanding of the technology and help our children responsibly leverage the benefits of the new tech.  

Really rappel 
off the roof.

The good news is that there is still "real" stuff out there...a lot of it out in nature.  This could be the walk around your block, the city park, state park, national park, national forest, or any other setting where you're screen-free...and under the sun or stars.  The good news is that it's also a bit of a paradigm or attitude.  We've seen people at some spectacular places (e.g., Yellowstone) and watching the sights through their phone camera lens.  Don't go out of your way to get the facsimile or copy...when you can get the real thing.  Similarly, when you can get a real conversation, face-to-face, emotion and body language...instead of the IM, text, email, or other method.  Real bonds...real life is one conversation, one commitment, one cultivation at a time.  Choose real.    

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few "real" things that have been missing from your life...seek them out...embrace them...celebrate them.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of moving away from fake and closer to real.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- "Everything you can imagine is real."  Pablo Picasso