You'll Be Dead...

You'll Be Dead...

The rocks will
still be there.

You'll be Dead Soon...that's how the world works.  In the Elite Motivate video below, the speaker points out the reality that 100 years from now, you'll be gone, someone else will be living in your home (or it'll be gone and replaced), your cars will be in a junk yard, your kids will be old or gone, and your great-great-grandchildren won't know much of anything about you.  Chances are, no one else will remember you.  And...that's okay.  That's how the world works.  Our place in the world is small and temporary.  That doesn't mean we shouldn't live our best life...to the contrary, because it's small and short, it's a calling to live our best life...to choose that every day.    

Sit on them...take it
all in when you can.

The point in the video is that because all of it is so fleeting, it should be freeing.  Think about all of the things that currently have you stressed out...not one of those things will matter in 100 years.  Most of the worries you have are trivial when you zoom out the timeline perspective.  Mark Twain summed it up, "I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened."  It's so easy to get wrapped up in the "small stuff," as the Don't Sweat It... series of books puts it.  I get it...today, when time is sitting on your shoulders, there are realities of paying the mortgage, getting that project done at work, and keeping up on the honey-do list.  But...I also get it...you'll be dead...soon...in the grand scheme of things.  

Climb on them.

There are not a ton of timeless things - God, nature, not much else comes to mind.  Even our human ancestors are mostly fleeting...the Egyptian Pyramids, maybe a few fossil-style footprints in New Mexico, a few finger paintings on a cave wall, not much else remains from the time before time.  Think about your work here on earth as an employee...how much would remain six months after you switched jobs?  There are file cabinets filling storage units of "stuff" that was generated, then the "new guy/gal" changed it when they came along.  It's been said our work lives are like a bucket of water...put your hand in there, when you pull it out, look for the hole that remains.  

Crawl up them. 

As a husband and father now, I've gotten (and try to embrace) the responsibilities of being an adequate protector and provider for our family.  I've stressed and fretted and chased the opportunities I thought that would best position our family for long-term success.  We've made decisions about jobs, homes, cars, lifestyles, and everything else that seemed monumental and critical in the moment.  In reality, when we zoom out to the 100-year marker...none of those really matter.  Which job we had, where we lived, which car we drove, and so forth...none of those really matter.  What might matter is how we raised our children, which values we passed on, and what habits and lifestyles our children embraced.  Perhaps, those things will get translated to their children, and their children's children.  

Look at them.

I remember a conversation with my dad several years back where he was reflecting on who he was at my age...and how my children and I would never know "that him."  He was no longer the flyfisherman, elk hunter, softball player, guy who could carry a backpack a long way to get just the right photo.  His youth was dead...sacrificed and killed off to become the provider for my mom and siblings.  We each make our own decisions, and we each have our own responsibilities that fall upon us in life.  My kids will never know "that man" who is now grandpa.  In thinking through it, I'd take off a lot of hats (line firefighter, parachuter, farm/ranch hand, military member, etc) by the time our children came around.  Those parts of me were long gone (dead) as a new me was born right alongside our children.  

Study them.

In thinking through this week's conversation, I think it's a reminder to put the right size and right direction, and focus our efforts on what will matter most.  It's easy to say in a vacuum here, without the "realities" of the situation.  I get that.  I also get that we can shut off the ball game and snuggle up to read with our children.  We can say "no" to guys' night and go do a campfire in the backyard.  We can forget that we'll be tired in the morning at work...and go camp out in the tree house.  We can say "no" to the new car upgrade and build the treehouse...so that we can learn skills together, bond...and have a place to go camping in the backyard.  Those things are very doable.  We can work in the little moments to not let our previous selves completely die off... Grandpa was a fisherman, Dad was a fisherman, so I should probably take our children fishing.  And...if you do it right...you can probably "see" those old men standing beside us while we drown a few worms in the creek...and that might be what it's all about.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few changes you'll make today...that will change your family tree.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of impacting the long lasting parts of life. 

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Elite Motivate Video

Fail, Parents, Fail

Fail, Parents, Fail

Failure is a huge thing for kids...and for everyone, for that matter.  It sucks in the moment, but those lessons

In the moment...it sucks.

are the ones that help us build strength, resiliency, and capacity.  We, as modern parents, are tending to shelter and shield our children from failure, or perhaps from the consequences of failure, more now than ever before.  Our kids have a couple of "dangerous playgrounds" that they really like to go to in a couple of neighboring small towns...they're the ones we grew up with.  Now, all of the playgrounds everywhere are engineered to be almost "hurt-proof," and things like merry-go-rounds, metal slides, big-jump swings, and the like are gone and gone.  I'm not advocating with a "hurt the kids" banner here...but I am saying we, they, all of us, could use more failure in our lives.  

Team failures have 
lessons learned too.

Tom Brady, the winningest NFL quarterback, 7-time Super Bowl winner...and 199th overall pick when he was drafted recently, spoke with Fortune.  One quote that stood out was, "They have to show up every day with a good attitude, humble when things go well, curious to learn more when they don't go well."  When we normalize losing and stop coddling, we open a door of possibility and growth for our children.  Think about your life - have you learned more when everything went well...or when it crashed down?  In the disaster world, we talk about "successes and lessons learned."  Through the things that don't work out in our favor, the first time, or at all, we tend to create the motivation and action plan for improvement.  

Failure stacks up. 
And we get better.

Brady went on to say, "We've all faced different challenges in life; we've all faced our own adversities.  Look at the hardest things that have ever happened.  We look back at those and realize they're the best things that could've happened."  We recently stopped taekwondo and moved to wrestling for our kids.  In most sports, on most plays, you can "hide" on the coattails of "that kid" that carries the team.  With wrestling, you're it...all in...for better or worse.  As we've talked about in our home, that sounds like more of a proxy for real life and things like our marriage, jobs, and other roles.  Similarly, it has spurred conversations around the preparation - conditioning, learning moves/counters, and such.  In life, do the right prep, tweak the future based on past actions, and we're more likely to find success.

Get back up
after the little
failures.

Another thing with wrestling has tweaked our thoughts that victory may be defined in small ways...much like life.  The goal is to not get pinned in the first period.  Or make it to the third period.  Or, get a takedown this match.  In other sports, the proverbial "everyone gets a trophy and a snack" sort of thing, we're not doing many favors.  Iron sharpens iron.  As a new wrestler, our kids are going up against some kids who, by age 8, have literally been competing half their lives...they're good...they'll win.  We're accepting the defeat...and looking for small wins within the battle.  We can talk about how they lost the war (the match in this case), but how some of the small battles went well...and which ones didn't go well.  We can embrace defeat, learn the lessons, scar their hearts/egos a little bit, and come out stronger on the other side.  

Sometimes they're
better...sometimes
stronger.  Just don't
quit.

Brady also talked about "every time they mess up, we send them to an easier place to succeed."  In his example, he had to grind...hard...every year to move to a role, finally as a senior, as a starting quarterback in high school.  Now, that same kid likely would transfer to another school where he'd be a starter to start with when he landed in the new place.  In many ways, this is a mistake.  We move from a small fish in a big pond to a small fish in a small pond.  The problem is now (and only increasingly so) that the pond our kids will face as adults is not only global but science fiction.  You don't have to be the best computer programmer in your family, block, neighborhood, town, city, county...anymore, but compete with the hungry-for-success kid around the world...and now the AI robot.  

Talk about the 
lessons while 
they're fresh.

Overall, when were you competing hard enough, daring mighty enough, acting brave enough, or putting it all out there enough...to have a chance of losing?  For most of us as adults, we fall into our comfortable, complacent routines where failure is pretty far away.  When we strive to try new things, go big, try a new thing that is big enough, we can show our kids that failure is okay...and model our response to it.  It doesn't have to be the "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead" sort of quit your job, change professions, move across the country, and hope to make it in the proverbial "Nashville" sort of thing.  It could be signing up to sing at church, joining the community softball league, or something similar.  It won't go well at first...but...if you stick with it, you'll get better...and it will be fun.  There will be small wins (new friends, new skills, new conversations) along the way...but you probably won't be the champion on your first day.

Winning only
comes from 
losing.

As we wrap up, hopefully this post serves as a reminder and call to action...to stop swimming in the ponds where you win every day...in other words...seek out losing.  It sounds counterintuitive, but the more we build our children's ability to fail and realize it's not fatal, the more we're equipping them for the real world.  When we taste defeat...it makes victory that much sweeter.  Also, take time to read about and study the failures of famous people that have come before us and those in our circles to see real-world examples of how resilience is built.  Most biographies that are worth being written are full...very full...of a life full of hardship and the overcoming...over and over...to get to success.  Talk about and learn those lessons.  Look for the places for you (and your children) can learn similar lessons firsthand.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three things that you or your children can fail at this week (game night, new activity, something out of the comfort zone).  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of failing.  It's not fun...but it is worth it.  You have to commit to leaning in...for a little while.  Dropping out of "wrestling" the first night of practice doesn't help get you very far in terms of life lessons.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- The Power of Failure - Ted X or this Ted X or this one...maybe this topic isn't all that original. 

- “Good judgement is the result of experience and experience the result of bad judgement.” Mark Twain

Hand Me Down Genes

Hand Me Down Genes

Go see yesteryear.

Garret Hedlund, River, Again talks about the generations that come and go.  Think about your grandparents (if you were lucky), or great grandparents (if you were really lucky), and the time you had with them.  Garrett talks in his song about "if we were the same age, we'd be pretty good friends."  Now, fast forward to your role as a parent.  Our world these days is much less intergenerational than perhaps ever before in time.  It used to be that the village elders raised the kids while the able-bodied cohort was out providing (food, firewood, etc).  As we've "progressed," so to speak, we've outsourced so much of the village - daycares, grocery stores, HVAC, and utility companies.  We've "diminished" the need for...and consequently, in large part, the purpose of our elders.  In parts of the world, families still live in multi-generational living situations...in much of America, not so much.  As we put our elders increasingly into elder living camps - Margaritaville, the Villages, or your local retirement home/nursing home/etc, I think we're probably losing some special connection that our lives were intended to have.

Seeing struggle of
those before matters.  

Similarly, we're getting further from the days and geographies of all of us living near the "family farm" where you could have generations that all stayed in the proverbial valley.  I know quite a few folks in our circle that did not grow up here in our capital city...they're (including us..."from somewhere else").  I also know quite a few folks in our circle who have recently retired and moved out of state...almost the next day.  With modern technology, we're more able to do so, more easily and affordably than perhaps any time in human history.  Just because we can...doesn't necessarily mean we should.

See what others
were able to do.

When we move cross-country, or even cross-region, often, "to the big city," we're slipping further and further from our roots.  My ancestors, at least a few generations back, were farmers, connected to the land and working with their hands, toiling in the dirt to cut out a life for their family.  My parents' generation (aunts, uncles, etc) largely didn't end up doing much of anything with farming, except one uncle.  I had the chance, through junior high and high school, to work for a local farmer in our rural area.  My parents have since moved into another town out of state, and our family makes our home in the traditional "suburban" digs like much of modern American life.  

Walk where they walked.  

I wouldn't trade some of the lessons learned and skills developed growing up...but I'm not sure I can recreate it in any meaningful way for our children.  Even my experience "doing the same thing" as my grandparents would be hardly recognizable with the technology that has modernized the profession.  He wore literal goggles to keep the dirt out of his eyes.  I sat in an air-conditioned cab and pushed on a joystick.  Still, as we talk about lineage and connection to ancestors, we have to be very proactive and intentional to build connections to the "good old days" for our children.  

See what they
built.

When was the last time you figured out how to watch the old VHS recording from when you were small to show your children what Grandpa and Grandma looked like back then?  How about driving back past their old stomping grounds?  How about telling the stories that they'd told you?  By letting these "boring" things slip away and fade to black, we lose them altogether.  I get it, I really do, we're busy today, overcome by events.  We have a schedule that is constantly pushing us to do more with seemingly less time.  In falling into this siren song, we turn our ancestors' legacy into a set of DNA markers...not necessarily character markers.  

Learn how they lived.

Perhaps worse yet, we lose sight of their sacrifice, the hardness of their lives, the overcoming nature of your lineage, the heritage of adaptation that conspired to plant you on your cushy suburban couch.  I think losing this touch to the "old times" removes the perspective and right-sizing of our modern struggles.  In other words, when we stand our modern angst against itself or our peers, it seems monumental.  When we put it beside our great grandparents who struggled to put food on the table for their children while living in a 1-bedroom shack, uphill in the snow both ways, so to speak, our modern worries pale in comparison.  Seeing and appreciating their sacrifices and contributions, hopefully, helps us realize what truly matters in our modern world.  

Talk about them when 
you're doing life.

Growing up, we had a great aunt and uncle, John and Eva.  I'm not even sure what the real relationship was, but they were those "old people" when I was a kid.  In the stories that have been told about them, they didn't have two nickels to rub together, but in their shared lot in life, they found true joy in a shared ice cream cone from Dairy Queen.  Perhaps an embodiment of "contentment as wanting what we have."  Their peaceful spirit of...true contentment...is something lost on our modern world.  Now, we're racing between two jobs to get the biggest screen with the newest attachments...but so busy we never get to truly just snuggle up with our loved ones and be in the moment.  

Experience the time 
long ago.

We call modern technology a convenience.  It certainly is that.  I'm not certain, not even close to convinced, in fact, that it's truly progress.  Much like the old story of the American tycoon on vacation in Mexico who tells the humble fisherman that if he toils his adult life, he could scale his business and after twenty years could sit on the beach and fish all day.  The American, missing the point, that the Mexican fisherman...is sitting on the beach, fishing all day.  As we increasingly forget to appreciate the "hand me down genes" and all the life experience, lessons, and perspectives that go with that, I think we're, in many ways, like that American tycoon who sorely misses the forest for the trees.  

Cherish the
memories.

As we wrap up and go about our way this week, perhaps the call to action or the takeaway is to slow down where you can.  Go call your grandparents (if you're fortunate enough to still have them around), or better yet, go visit them to just sit and talk...with your kids.  If they're not still around, consider going to your local nursing home...trick-or-treat there, go caroling there...get an opening...then go back...to just talk.  I know it sounds awkward and "boring" (que the teenager eye roll here), but when those "genes" are gone...so too, gone are the stories and the lessons that help right-size our modern trials and tribulations.  That "Greatest Generation" that came and has largely gone can give us so much perspective to meet our modern challenges...but we just have to be patient and willing to listen.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple "old folks" to go spend time with this week.  Schedule a time and just go talk.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of pouring into and learning from those who went before you (blood relatives or otherwise).  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Garrett Hedlund, River, Again

- Desert Drifter on Youtube - he has unfortunately passed due to a car accident, but many of his videos talk about generations that came before us...far before us.

Planned Obsolescence

Planned Obsolescence

Worthwhile
means
maintenance.

Lots of stuff, maybe most stuff in today's day and age, is built...not to last.  There is a ton of technology that becomes obsolete...on purpose.  Computers, tablets, cell phones, cars, appliances, and other items that are effectively built to break.  There are products that come out...but then the new model, with new parts, is released a couple of years later, so when the original breaks...the parts aren't made anymore.  Similarly, our generation is becoming less "handy" and DIY all the time.  I've got friends who feel that painting a room in their house was too complicated.  Recently, several large manufacturers were embroiled in a legal battle over the "right to repair" or forcing customers to use expensive, in-house maintenance to fix the items they'd already purchased.  

Understand
systems.

Finance YouTuber Zac Rios had a recent video post that talked about subscription-based printers from a major brand...you had to pay the monthly fee to...drumroll please...print from the printer you bought, on the paper you bought, with the ink you bought, via the WiFi that you pay for.  A year or so ago, leaving a hotel, a lady asked if we could help her find her car battery.  Not being entirely unhandy and happy to help, I took a look...and couldn't find the battery.  The vehicle had the battery hidden up under the cowling against the firewall.  When she called the dealer, they said they could "remote reset" it and then she'd have to go directly to the dealership... no jumping... no nothing.  

Normalize old
& new things.

The point here isn't to talk doom and gloom.  The point here is to push back.  When we get habituated, like the old Yellowstone National Park "don't feed the bears" conversations, we fall into the "how we do one thing is how we do all things."  If we're surrounded by a culture and constant practices of subcontracting out everything...we rapidly become the human characters in the Disney Wall-E movie.  Today, like no time on earth, we can be waited on hand and foot like only royalty of yesteryear.  From your couch, you can "voice command" food of any variety to be delivered or that you get shuffled from place to place...all for a relatively small fee.  

If you're going to have
things come and go...pass
them along to another
good home.

The good news is...you can push back.  You can say "no" to the constant comfort above all else lifestyle that becomes a slippery slope trap.  With the internet, chances are, any DIY project you can imagine has dozens of how-to videos along with pretty detailed instructions.  Couple this with the average big-box hardware store...likely a few miles away in your neighborhood has about every gadget under the sun conveniently next door...and many deliver.  We can use these combinations to, whether we need to or not, get back to being handy.  Work with your kids to build a _____ (fill in the blank here - treehouse, fort, shed, porch, chair, you name it)...not because you necessarily need that particular thing...but rather so that you (and your kids) are capable of doing so.  Often, our perceived inability to fix instead of toss is a psychological barrier or mental hang-up...not a physical one.

Most anything
can be reused.

This return to DIY helps you re-normalize what our forefathers all were able to do.  It also helps reassert the idea that we don't throw things away when they get a little less shiny.  If we're constantly bombarded and told that "imperfect = landfill," what happens when your sweet little kid becomes the unruly teenager?  What happens when your spouse puts on a few extra pounds?  If the only thing we've practiced and internalized is a "toss it out" mentality, that's who we become.  I'm not telling you to be a hoarder...but I am suggesting the constant river of new-stuff-in, garbage-out cycle at most modern homes is not only a costly and environmentally unsustainable practice...I'm saying it changes us, fundamentally, who we are, for the worse.  

Teach skills.
Teach liking
new skills.

If you want to fight back on this internalization of trouble, in the vein of "those who fail to plan, plan to fail," we must get very intentional about planned longevity.  We are able to, from the get-go, plan on staying married.  That looks like solid communication, concurrent values, shared desired end states for the future, and a series of daily choices to serve your family.  Raising kids isn't intended to get them to eighteen...and toss them out.  With intentional design and commitment, we can help prep them to "launch" successfully into life on their own.  Perhaps the easiest metaphor for marriage, parenting, or probably any other facet of life in this space is a toolbox.  If we've done our due diligence over the years to fill up the toolbox with tools and experience, when a problem comes, we've got the know-how necessary to solve it.  If our only tool is a trash can...we're not left with a ton of options. Go build some tools...whether you need them or not this afternoon.  Good luck!

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out something that will be built to last in your life.  Now take three actions this weekend to help it get sticking power. 
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of the "toss it out" lifestyle.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Wiki Article

- Built to Break

Gifts

Gifts

Gotta try them out
...right away.

It's the "gift" season.  As we come around into late December, we wanted to talk about not only the season of giving, but perhaps more importantly, the spirit of giving.  Hopefully, there are a couple of ideas here that resonate with you and yours when it comes to gift giving, and you find some inspiration to shake it up this year instead of the same-old-same-old, "socks and undies" sort of thing.  With a little ingenuity and thoughtfulness, you'll likely be able to bring some genuine appreciation when you give the things that no one else can give.  

Show up...be
there for them.

Gift of presence - oftentimes this is the most important, most sacred gift we have in our arsenal.  It's easy to buy a box of plastic parts (assembled or not), check the box, pat ourselves on the back, and go about our day.  Do you think our spouses and children would rather have one more trinket...or one more memory?  We should consider the idea of experiential gifts - family trip, daddy/mommy date coupon, play hooky at work for a day to just be together, materials for a tree house you'll build together, a board game that gets us interacting.  Try to avoid the easy "win" with stuff that will end up in a toy box or trash can.  Similarly, try to stay away from the bonding enemies that steal together time - if you're not sure...the thieves often have screens or make obnoxious noises.  

The atmosphere
is the important part.

Good and beautiful gifts - open up the modern version of the quintessential "Sears and Roebuck" catalog today, and you'll likely see high-gloss combinations of a million pieces of plastic.  You've got to go out of your way to find gifts that bring your family together - board games, movie nights, campouts, and so forth.  Often, the most "good and beautiful" things that you can give aren't traditionally thought of as "things."  In a disaster, we talk about donation management and how we're after goods that can be put to use in the hands of survivors and meet a need...more often though, we get "stuff" that shows up in trash bags when people clean out their closets.  Oftentimes in giving, we end up giving and getting "stuff" that will end up in a trash bag...aim for "goods" that meet a need or build a capability.  This does not mean it can't be fun...it does mean it's meaningful.  

Don't get your head
stuck in the tree.

Gift of the Magi - author O. Henry, talked about the Gift of the Magi as, "a tale that drips with the richness of love, sacrifice, and irony, reminding us that true wealth is not counted in coins."  Many times, we find ourselves falling into the "well, we'll just get each other gift cards" mentality.  It is often truly, "the thought that counts" when it comes to gifts.  We undervalue the idea of making a thoughtful gift in today's day and age, where we're bombarded with advertisements from every different angle, direction, and company.  As we come into this season, consider making "the" present or at least "a" present in a thoughtful and creative way to help show how much we care about the recipient.  

It's the memories...not the 
plastic stuff in the wrapping.

Gift for the giver or the receiver?  It seems like there are lots of folks who give a gift...not for the right reasons.  I don't know how many times our kids (or those in our circle) have given a gift wish only to have those on the periphery who don't really know them...ignore that and give the gift they want to give.  I'm not talking about little Johnny wanting a crack pipe...I'm talking about regular gifts that go along with the family values...but are ignored.  As you're going into the season, really think about and try to show the love and respect to your loved ones by honoring their healthy or wholesome wishes.  Better yet, lean in to the loved ones and learn more about their interests together.  I remember multiple times when our kids (and others) were tiny...and the box was more fun than what was in the box.  It's not about you...it's about them.  

Christmas with
a cactus is
hard to beat.

Gifts with a goal - it's easy to give a gift with the simple intention of making a smile.  That's a worthwhile outcome to seek with your pretty paper-wrapped package.  Sometimes this time of the year, we give gifts out of obligation or because we "should" based on some societal norm or rule - a go-along-to-get-along (white elephant, anyone?) sense of obligation.  What if, instead, we gave a gift with a goal in mind?  We celebrate the birth of Christ in this season.  We sing songs in praise.  We reflect on God sending down his only Son to live among us.  The pickle is...God knew the end of the story at the beginning.  His gift to us...had a goal.  Have we thought about our giving in similar ways?  How about a subscription to Focus on the Family's Adventures in Odyssey to lead others to the gospel?  How about giving a gift of a trip to the YMCA, where we talk about faith around the fire?  How about something that is lasting, long-term, and life-changing?

White sand...white snow...
both are good for 
Christmas.

Lastly, giving the gift of an experience instead of stuff can be powerful and memorable.  We've talked about it, but giving adventure instead of another stuff thing will likely be something the recipient will look back on more fondly.  Again, these don't need to be expensive, just thoughtful and intentional.  This could be tickets to a ball game, play, festival, or airline tickets - these could be in the form of actual tickets, gift cards, or homemade coupons (e.g., "good for one free trip to Yellowstone").  This gift can keep giving with lead-up excitement activities like countdowns or theme activities (e.g., watching baseball movies before going to the park).  They can also be "extended" by looking at photos or videos of the experience after the fact.  All of this is likely better and more appreciated...than more plastic thing-ies.  

Show up...
even if it's sandy.

As we wrap it up this week and send you on your shopping (or creating) way, it's important to remember, much like we talk in volunteer management, "it doesn't have to be expensive, only sincere."  Approach your gift giving strategically.  Come at it from a position of love for the recipient from the giver.  Get creative this year - instead of hopping on your favorite online retailer or hitting the big box store and filling a cart - spend a little bit of brainstorming time to find/buy/create the perfect gift.  Also, remember that five minutes/days/weeks/months/years from now...chances are, the recipient will remember an experience more than something plastic that's long since moved to the landfill.

  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of unique gift ideas from above (or elsewhere) that those in your innermost circle will appreciate - do that this year.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of your gift giving philosophy this season.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Giving the Right Gift

- The Most Meaningful Gifts You've Received

Count the Cost

Count The Cost

Counting
break.

Many, perhaps most, of our decisions are not made in a vacuum.  At the very least, their ramifications or consequences don't end up staying in the vacuum.  It's important to ensure that, as best as possible, we try to "count the cost" of a thing before we dive in head first.  In the Bible, Luke 14:28  is perhaps the first mention where Jesus uses the parable of building a tower and the idea of being "all in."  When we're starting out on a journey or a process in one of the Zig Lanes of Life, we need to try to, as Stephen Covey put it, "begin with the end in mind."  By laying out "what does success look like" in definite terms, we can then begin to assign costs and commodities to the conversation.  

Sometimes 
you need a 
counting team.

When we talk cost and commodity in a new undertaking, it's important to walk through the potential ramifications and realities.  Saying "yes" to the new volunteer activity or youth extracurricular may come at the monthly financial cost of, say $50 dollars.  It may come at the time cost of 20 hours per month.  It may come at the opportunity cost of missing 4 family dinner nights or skipping movie night.  It may come at the "fairness" cost of saying "yes" to something else for your spouse or other children to level the playing field.  When we break down the commodities and calculate the "all-in" cost it allows us to make a much more informed consumer decision on what we're saying yes to when we say "yes." 

Counting practice.

From a financial perspective, take the new kitchen remodel project.  Sit down and map out the goals (e.g. new appliances vs new cupboards vs new floor vs all-of-the-above) and then assign realistic prices.  Add in the labor costs, permitting costs, and all the others.  Then, consider what you could-would do with those dollars if they weren't going into the kitchen.  Walk through the right rubric cost that matters to you, say "cost per meal prep" or something...will you be measurably happier or more efficient each time you make a meal with the new kitchen?  Roll in the time, stress, frustration, and so forth into the equation to come up with the all-in counted cost to make the best decision...not just the emotional rush from HGTV and a top line sticker price.   

Count.

As you're setting out on a new project or idea, you can see how cost could be defined in terms of time, money, resources, political/social capitol, or probably any of several other "rubrics" or "ladders" that fit your particular situation.  The wholistic measurement helps us better determine if the proverbial "juice is worth the squeeze."  This intentional, careful, thoughtful calculation provides you insights and helps you live a more intentional life...not just doing something because someone else did...or it sounded good in the moment.  Don't mishear here...this isn't about analysis paralysis or busting out your Abacus or spreadsheet to figure out where you're going to dinner on Friday night.  It is about helping you avoid unintended consequences and buyer's remorse or regret along the way.  

Get good with
the little stuff.

While it sounds like a time intensive process...good news is...like most things, you'll get better and faster with time.  When you first start thinking through the "total cost" it'll take a minute.  As you do this more often or create yourself a little cheat sheet of your big priorities, it'll speed up the process.  Eventually, it becomes a routine conversation and second nature as a family.  We were awkward at this when we first got started...now, when a new opportunity pops up, we're pretty good as a family at walking through the pros/cons/costs in conversation.  Our kids are even getting it down that, "sure, I'd like to do this...but not more than I wouldn't like to do that."  

Go see big
towers.

We teach baby firefighters, "risk a lot to save a savable life, risk a little to save salvageable property, and risk nothing when we're too late to save either."  This mantra helps us count up the cost quickly in our 360 degree size-up.  One of the first steps when a firetruck shows up to a house fire is that the officer (person in charge) quickly goes all the way around the problem (house fire), looking for any potential hazards, opportunities, and tries to "see" the whole picture instead of just a snapshot from one perspective.  This quick "bird's eye view" so to speak helps the officer "count the cost" so they can apply the right amount of resource based on the risk.  

Account for all 
the parts.

With any decision in life, just like with a house fire, we can't know with any certainty, exactly what is going on and every single detail.  We can use our experience, wisdom, and size-up on a problem to get much closer.  For example, recently we considered a cross-country move for that "big new job" that would pay more dollars and stoke the ego.  At face value...dang, no brainer.  The size-up of the whole situation told a different story.  The real cost in terms of finance wasn't the bottom dollar of the salary...it had to also include home prices, cost of living, state income tax, and so forth to get an apples-to-apples comparison.  In another realm, it'd also take a certain (likely large) number of hours to get moved, get used to the new job, longer commute, find a new house, develop new relationships, etc.  Those hours would have to come at the cost of discretionary time...family time.  

Figure out
the all-in
numbers.

We could've easily said "yes" to that job...and ultimately made the most of it...but regretted it.  The emotion and ego pull could've gotten us in over our heads.  By slowing down just a little bit to do the whole "360 size-up" of the situation a "let's go...risk it all" answer became a "not so much" answer with just a little bit of contemplation.  On the fire ground, the "let's go in...it's just a little smoke showing" when we pull up can be a "pump the brakes" when we go around the back and realize the fire's been burning a long time with flames squirting out of every window and the floor has burned through...an almost certain firefighter down scenario in the making.  

Run the 
numbers.

As we wrap up, the salient point here is, slow down enough that you don't inadvertently shoot off the cliff...or at least if you're going to shoot off the cliff, you know what it's going to cost...and what you're going to do about it (pack a parachute, wear a helmet, update your life insurance, etc.)  Start small with the next time someone asks you to join a new organization, take on a new work project, or whatever else.  Instead of the off-the-cuff "sure," start with, "let me think about it and get back to you tomorrow." Then, with a little distance from the decision...walk through the all-in cost and make an informed, intentional decision.  Best of luck...your schedule (at some level a measure or report card/score card of your life values) is worth it.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of examples this week to practice counting the all in cost.  New little league opportunity?  Friend asked you to do the pickleball league?  Good idea fairy at work on an optional project?  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of walking through the cost of stuff...the real cost.  That new toy or video game translates into 10 hours of work...which could be filled with X, or Y, or Z. 

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Billy Graham on Counting the Cost in following Jesus

- Luke 14:28

Prayer...

Prayer...

God is
good.

We believe prayer is a powerful part of a healthy, well-rounded life -  parenting, marriage, and any other facet.  The introspective conversing and acknowledging of gratitude and our place in the world helps ground and focus us.  We can fall into the "I'm not much, but I'm all that I think about" mentality, that is increasingly prevalent as we trade community IRL (in real life...I had to look that one up) for relationships on screens.  This evolution, so to speak, is one that is leaving us more lonely and disconnected than perhaps ever before.  The good news is, we can push back.  In the "God helps those who help themselves," we can start with prayer and follow up with Kingdom-spreading, community-creating actions.

Go see the 
miracles.

In building community through prayer, are we doing the things and being the people that we are inspired to be?  Andy Stanley put it this way in relation to dating, "Are you being the person that the person you're looking for is looking for?"  In other words, our prayers should start with us being in the right frame of mind and heart.  We can (and should...in fact are called to) be prayer leaders.  Do we pray at lunch when we're out with coworkers?  If so, we can give permission, so to speak, to others around us who may be less confident in their faith.  We should use prayer to shape who we are, who we're becoming, our children, and those around us in daily life.  

Pray - not just
on the home 
games.

When we talk about prayer...I'm far from any sort of expert...or even necessarily very good at it.  I do try to be consistent, but, likely like all of us, lots of room to grow.  If you're like me, we often fall into the routine traps of being thankful for our bullet-pointed list and treat God and prayer like Aladdin's genie or Santa's list.  I know I'm guilty of lacking creativity or imagination when it comes to prayer.  When was the last time you prayed for the parents who are raising your son's future wife?  How about for the martyrs and missionaries who are sacrificing, sometimes their very lives for their beliefs?  What about the president/governor/mayor or other leader that you don't necessarily agree with?  What about the ones that you do agree with?  For your enemies?  For an easier life or stronger fortitude and resilience?  We're called to forgive and pray for our enemies.  Do we even pray for our neighbors?  How often is the object of our prayer not someone in our own four walls?

There's no wrong
place to pray...

Before we bring our desires, do we bring our vulnerability and our brokenness?  Do we allow vulnerability and openness to be part of our conversation?  Do we allow those things out loud, beyond our inner voice in our head or heart...do we share that with our families?  Prayer probably should be a one-on-one conversation with you and your Creator.  It probably also should, at times, be a family conversation with your crew...and the Creator.  I know this is one area that I pretty firmly suck at...being called to be the "spiritual leader" of our family means that sometimes we're in the driver's seat, out loud in prayer with our families.  

There's no wrong time 
to pray...

The old "what if you only had tomorrow what you thanked God for yesterday?" is a good way to look at our gratitude and, in my mind, should be the foundation for our prayer life.  When our family has stopped and thought about that...talked about that...before we pray...our prayers are better.  Instead of just the lip service copy/paste prayer, the pre-empting question often challenges us to be more mindful and offer more meaningful prayers.  How much would you have tomorrow in your world if you only had your yesterday prayer?  I know, for me, somedays, I'd probably not like the answer.  

There's no wrong way
to pray...

I think a lot of prayer is a chance to really be introspective with ourselves and our loved ones.  When was the last time we prayed for quantities of the Biblical heroes - patience, tolerance, kindness, wisdom, courage, stronger faith?  When was the last time we asked God to use us for His will and not for him to make our will come true?  How about when was the last time we thanked God for being God?  By looking inside ourselves and remembering our smallness in relation to his vastness...and the power and magic that He, King of Kings...still made you...it's amazing.  Do we think and pray about our place in the world?  Hint, hint...these "relative size" prayers are probably easer to find out in nature, in creation.  

 Give thanks
in all things.

When was the last time we adored him?  Listen to most traditional Christmas songs...actually listen to the words...there is inspiration in there for our prayers.  Use the link below to listen to the The Tabernacle Choir's rendition of It is Well With My Soul.  Dave Ramsey said "he met God on the way up, but got to know him on the way down."  In our lowest moments, do we remember to rejoice, celebrate, and adore Him...even when we don't feel like it?  Do we raise up our praise and give our "'Cause all that I have is a hallelujah, hallelujah.  And I know it's not much, but I've nothin' else fit for a King.  Except for a heart singin', "Hallelujah, hallelujah"?

Make it a 
team sport.

I think we've talked about it before...but I have a close friend who refers to "Heaven's big movie theater" where, like Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet In Heaven, the Celestial Theater shows us what was beyond those doors we couldn't see beyond in the moment.  When was the last time we prayed to be an important part of someone else's story?  Are we typically the main character in our prayers?  Do we pray for support characters in our lives?  Or that we can better support those in our circle around us?  Do we pray in the moment?  Before we forget or get distracted?  "Dear God...thank you for this.  Amen"

Pray in the little
places...

Do you treat prayer was a conversation with the Creator of the Universe?  Or, do we treat it as a fashion accessory to blend in with those around us?  Worse yet, do we deny and denounce our relationship with Him to blend in?  It is important to have a bold, big faith.  Speaking of that - we often don't pray big enough.  The God who can move mountains is also the God that we cast our biggest fears, doubts, worries, trials...and celebrations upon.  Do we think to pray bold, big, beautiful prayers where we trust God to do miracles?  Or, do we cast our trivial, small requests upon him, "if it isn't too much trouble, please let me have a good day."  

Pray when 
you're barely
hanging on.

When we're praying - do we thank God for His wisdom in our lives?  Garth Brooks' song Unanswered Prayers is the story of appreciating the doors that God closed on our behalf...when we couldn't see the "why" in the moment.  In our prayer, do we look back and see His divine hand of providence or fate?  Do we rejoice in that and appreciate that in our present prayer life?  There are doors in my past, and probably yours, that, in the moment were seeped in heartache, frustration, and fatigue...fast forward and I couldn't have gotten here...without going there...and...I wouldn't go back and trade knowing what I know now.  

Pray in the big 
places...

There is an old saying that "there are no atheists in foxholes" - do we only pray when it's convenient?  Do we make time for Him or do we give him the leftovers...if we have the margin at the end of the day/week/month/year/decade?  Do we make prayer a habitual part of our hearts and our calendars?  There is no "wrong" time to pray.  Perhaps some "extra" right times are at meals with our families, when we get up in the morning, when we go to bed.  What about when we see a disaster on the TV?  Hear a siren down the street?  Do we pray for safety for those responders?  For those they're going to help and their families?  

Pray when you're
completely grounded.
Just pray.

As we wrap up...this post has been a long one...full of questions and perhaps that's poignant...because I don't have all the answers...and maybe that's the point.  Hopefully this post got you thinking...really thinking...about where you're at in your spiritual journey.  Hopefully it makes you think about how you're leading (or not) yourself and your family and those around you in terms of faith.  Hopefully it reminds you to make prayer top of mind...not an afterthought...not hidden...not weak.  Hopefully this post reminds you that without being centered in faith...without keeping an open channel with The Creator...nothing else really matters all that much.  I'll pray for you and yours...maybe you can do the same.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three things you're going to pray for...go ahead and pray those things now...like right now.
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of being a more faith-centered, prayerful family.  Commit to making those habitual...starting today.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- It is Well With My Soul - The Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square

- Dave Ramsey on prayer and faith

- Garth Brooks Unanswered Prayers

- Brandon Lake and Jelly Role Hard Fought Hallelujah 

- Brandon Lake Gratitude

- John Rich Earth to God