Freedom of Choice...or From Choice?

Freedom of Choice...or from Choice?

This corn...
or that.

When you really stop and think about life, one thing it seems that humans crave is options.  Some people are better than others in cultivating those options through a lifestyle based on a series of good decisions.  In general, more good choices add up to the ability to make more good choices in a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.  The problem, or perhaps reality, is that sometimes optionality (cue the tiny violin for the pity party) can be overwhelming.  We often say we crave choice...sometimes perhaps we need less choice.  In other words, are we after the freedom of choices or the freedom away from choices?

To bounce...or not to
bounce...

Malcolm Gladwell (video below), described our predicament and sweet spot of too much or not enough choice in terms of ideal quantity and quality.  Too much open-ended choice and we can become vapor locked, frozen in a sort of analysis paralysis.  Too little and life becomes a boring monotony of continuous sameness.  When we think about the options that we can create in life, there is value in having an ability to "take this job and shove it."  There is also value in having a stable job that provides for the wholistic needs of your family.  Our secret, perhaps to life, but for sure to contentment, is to choose wisely, which choices we'll entertain and which ones we'll not even entertain or consider.  

To "honk" a fire
truck or not to...

Not too many generations ago, our marriage prospects were likely restricted to the few neighborhood guys or gals that fit our criteria...and life was probably better.  Today, with the pervasive internet and dating app culture, the market has suddenly swelled to just about anyone on the planet and a 99 point diagnostic criteria exam.  Is it any wander that so many young folks are paralyzed with the fear of potentially getting it wrong?  Or, that after 10,000 swipes, we've conditioned ourselves that with so many choices, surely there is one more choice around the bend that's just a little better.  The sweet spot is likely between the one village girl as an only option and 50% of the planet population.  Similarly, once we're married, if we're soaked in choices...are we really able to shut off the so called "choicer" once the choice has been made?  

To puddle...
or not...

Similarly, yesteryear, you were likely destined to grow up and take over the family business, passion or not, as your calling.  Today, we tell our children that they can follow their passions and be anything they want to be.  In other words, the complete menu on the table.  In reality, we should help our children limit their choice of vocation based on whole-of-life criteria in choosing.  For example, let's say you want to live the Midwest lifestyle...but want to be a marine biologist...those are in conflict.  Or, let's say you want to live in a small town, but choose an only-big-town career path.  Or plan to have a big family, but want to be an artist.  We can (and should) pour into our children's lives, leveraging our (and those around us) shared experience in helping them prune off some choices for vocation, college major, skilled trade, and first job decisions.  

Always only one right 
answer to the puddle
question.

In our modern politically correct world, helping our children (and reminding ourselves) that while we can choose about anything under the sun, technically...we can't choose the consequences from those actions.  I could choose to rob a bank...after that, I don't get to choose whether I get caught or if I want to go to jail or not.  Some choices we make (or don't make) come with consequences that make our lives harder or easier.  It's important that we, as parents, reinforce through word and deed that our decisions and choices matter when the stakes are small...so that we've got the requisite choice-making-muscles built up for when the stakes are much higher.  

If you want to be
content...puddles
aren't a bad place
to start.

Shifting gears a little bit, having the ability to make any choice isn't the blessing it's cracked up to be.  Think about the Aladdin's Genie story...any choice under the sun was a dilemma.  Consider the research on million/billionaires and the uncontentedness that often accompanies effective unlimited options and power.  To a certain extent, us normal folks face similar choices.  Should I quit my job?  Should I move to Miami?  Should I start over with my family?  Should I...?  Fill in your own blanks here.  Just because you could...or just because a choice is theoretically on the table, doesn't mean you should exercise it.  It's important to find our freedom from choice on the big stuff - marriage, parenting, faith - while exercising our due diligence and decisions on the smaller, spice of life stuff - travel, finances, career path.  

Whether we choose...or
not...the sunset comes...
our choice is to enjoy it.

As we wrap it up, the billionaires in our world...the people with literally any option on the table...are not always the happiest.  I remember a great aunt and uncle who embodied the idea of "happiness is wanting what you have" that probably barely had the two proverbial nickels...but chose to exercise the option of happiness.  I've also known people who toiled with their "too many" options until life became a basket case of worry and paralysis while it slowly passed them by.  I think as we part this week, the Warren Buffett quote sums it up nicely, “I want to give my kids just enough so that they would feel that they could do anything, but not so much that they would feel like doing nothing.”  I hope you have enough options but not too many...cultivate wisely...then choose joy.

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few choices you've been wrestling with lately...define the options...pick one and move on. 
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of some choices and options you've been stressing out on...pick...embrace...move on.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Malcolm Gladwell on Spaghetti Sauce

- The More Options, The Better