It's a choice...

It's a choice...

Are the choices you're making
leading you to the "Easter
Eggs" that you're seeking?

Happiness, wealth, success, and so forth are a choice.  I know that sounds like a Pollyanna "believe yourself to a new life in 30 days."  That's not my intention.  We often are centered in the river that we're born into or have created...or in other words, there is a current that our lives fall into.  This river current sweeps us along, largely on auto-pilot...largely without daily deliberate choice.  When I say "happiness, health, and success are choices" they are the combination of daily and more strategic level choices...they're byproducts of sorts.  

Does the path you 
are on go where
you want to end up?

Throughout the different roles and facets of our lives, we have micro and macro choices that we have to make...each day, each moment.  How we're going to respond to our spouse, kids, and co-workers is a choice, largely driven by our personality or the "river current" that we establish.  That said, we have a choice to make at each interaction - are you going to go with the current, or fight it? Are you going to smile and be polite to the server...or a jerk?  Are we going to go out of our way to do that sweet thing we know our loved one loves...or not?  

Over time, as Gandhi put it, "Your beliefs become your thoughts, Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny."  The happy news in this quote is that if you don't like the current you're in, where it's heading, or who you're becoming...you have a choice to make.  Make those choices that get you closer to your chosen outcomes over time...and soon you're there.  As Pastor Andy Stanley put it, you have to choose "to be the person you're looking for is looking for."  We can get closer to whatever desired end states we identify (happiness, wealth, success) through our habits which help transform our river channel and velocity.

Much like our other conversations here at Family In The Arena, this is far from intended as a holier-

Are you choosing joy,
or adventure, or
whatever in each season?

than-thou speech...I make the wrong decision in the moment often enough.  I've had seasons of life where my priorities were in the wrong places and I made consistently bad choices like work/career over family.  Fortunately, I think I'm in a better, more consistent place of choosing family as the priority with everything else (including this blog) sitting somewhere in the back seats.  Some choices have been easier or harder, particularly in the moment when we have adrenaline, emotion, and context weighing on our decision-making.  Walking away from a "fun" job where I got to regularly "be the best part of someone's worst day" was a challenge, to say the least.  The problem was, those best parts were being given to strangers...and my girlfriend, turned fiance, turned wife, turned mother of my children was getting what was left over.  

If you're in a river current that you want to change (in small or big ways), it all starts with the first decision, a first choice that sets a new course.  Look for the small wins when you're getting started.  I don't want to compare a work-life balance issue as the same magnitude with a clinical addiction...but I will say it can be close enough for argument here.  Much like someone battling addiction - drugs, drink, workaholic, pick your poison - it starts with taking one small win, then another, then another.  As folks who are fighting through AA for sobriety, it's one day, one small decision at a time.  

Are you making choices that
keep you and your family 
balanced?  

In our work-life balance example, you can extrapolate any other current that has you in an embrace that you want to escape - the process is the same.  In a recent season of life where we were getting into a negative flow that was coloring our outlooks from work to home.  It became important to recognize and proclaim the happy times.  We got in the habit of labeling those times, calling them out, and telling ourselves..."we're in it right now, be present and embrace it...right now."  Doing that allowed us to recognize all the times we weren't making a choice...but could have.  Slowly, we became more aware of the decision points, and eventually got to the point where we were catching ourselves in the moment and changing the tide with a new decision.  Over time, this shift took us out of the lazy-river cycle of "kicking the dog" at home to being more present, positive, and enjoyable to be around.  

Take a minute to think about what decisions you're making each day...and what opportunities you're ignoring where you just stay in the pattern of "we've always done it this way."  If you're in a "livin' the dream" mode, think about the conscious choices you can make to keep going.  If life is more of an "I didn't think it'd turn out this way," think about what choices you can make now to redirect.  It's a constant battle in any realm of life...but making those choices, consistently over time helps you look back from that desired end-state lifestyle and say confidently, "I did this.  I chose this."  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Name three proactive, intentional decisions in the last week that got you closer to your desired end state?  What are three of those decisions you are commuting to make in the next week?
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Give a name to the current/pattern that you/your family is in right now.  Is it what you want it to be or do you need to make some changes?  
• Ask your closest three confidants if you're getting closer or further away from who you say you are/who you want to be with the current decisions you're making (or not making).  
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action)

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Andy Stanley - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIOMNzz9Srw 

- Two Wolves Native American Proverb - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x95_BTeanI8

- White Snake - Here I Go Again - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4nzOb1HLVY&list=RD0UIB9Y4OFPs&index=19