No Wrong Way to do a Right Thing

No Wrong Way to do a Right Thing

See a bird migration.

And, no right way to do a wrong thing the right way.  This has been a saying that's been around for quite a while.  As we're doing life and raising kids, it's an important thing to remember.  Oftentimes we can get into semantics arguments over right things and wrong things...but most all of us know that some things are right... some things are wrong.  Period.  When we talk about, especially with our kids, choosing the right things, it's also important to talk about the context of how and why.

Get someone to help
pull you.

When we talk about some of these topics, we should include the two halves of (1) - doing the right thing, and (2) doing that particular thing properly.  Stephen Covey talked about this concept as a bit of a difference between efficient and effective.  In his example, we can be climbing a ladder...but we have to make sure the ladder is leaning against the right building.  In our homes, we can do the "right" things like going to church...but doing it right...the "how" to includes paying attention, internalizing, connecting, being genuine, and so forth, are critical.  Thinking through this two-fold approach helps us ensure that we're being true to ourselves and those around us.  

Watch for 
buffalo.

By understanding, unpacking, and verbalizing the how/what/why of a right thing, we can create more motivation and staying power.  We can also connect our "right things" to a larger purpose that helps us keep going in the struggle seasons.  Let's use diet or budgeting as an example - in both, we know that we should stay in moderation and not eat/spend more than we need...so that we build margin.  In both cases, doing the right things like eating/spending in moderation and such should be tied to a "why" - "I will spend less than I make, so that we can go on a family vacation" or "I will eat less than I want, so that I can age gracefully and maintain my health."  

Lead by 
example.

As we continue the above example, the "right way" to save money likely includes a combination of proper accounts, automation to make saving easy, and so forth.  We should also smartly cut expenses that don't line up with our values.  For example, we could cut a streaming service we never use before, cutting off our vacation budget.  That said, at a certain point, any cut (in this example) is a good cut.  By rolling back those pennies here and there, we begin to make good progress that becomes meaningful.  As you make progress, it's important to ensure that you're completing the continued progress in moderation...so that you don't end up in a "too much of a good thing...still being too much."  

Don't spear a whale.

In talking with our kids, we try to reiterate that "you can choose the action...but you can't choose everything that happens after that...including the consequences."  We can encourage them to do the right by making it easier to do than the wrong thing (e.g. put a clothes hamper in their room that they can go dump...instead of tossing it under the bed).  While we can impose (or sometimes just allow) consequences to occur in our laundry example (e.g. you'll be the stinky kid), at the end of the day, if they're having clean clothes (end state), the tasks don't really matter.  As we go through these sorts of conversations, look for teaching opportunities to create a parallel between taking care of your t-shirt and taking care of your car, house, family, eternity, and other critical items.  

Keep
walking.

As we talk about doing the right thing, and facilitating the habits of both doing the right thing...and doing the right thing the right way, it's important to teach good risk management.  In the size-up of a particular situation, if we've built the habits and how-to muscles that become autonomous, we build trust in those around us...and in ourselves.  A few years ago, a family acquaintance was talking about their graduating senior with "we're excited to see what he's going to do with his life."  It wasn't a "he has a plan," or "he's going to do A, B, C, etc." (it doesn't really matter what the A, B, or C were...but the lack of a plan was telling).  Fast forward a few years, and the poor kid is facing prison time for a series of bad decisions.  

Climb a tree.

I don't want to overdramatize the above example, but I do want to tease out a couple of possible lessons.  Had the kid (and the parents helped create) a muscle memory/lifestyle of doing the right things...the right way...he likely would have been able to stand up to the peer pressure and push back on the thousand little items that led him to the big thing he's in trouble for now.  We, as parents and adults, owe it to our children to not only model but to create an environment where we can try (and fail - don't shelter them) doing the right things the right way.  By creating (or allowing) consequences by not bailing kids out, they learn that doing the right thing...the right way, simply makes life easier.  

Scaffold for success
when needed.

In the Art of Manliness, host and author Brett McKay talks about the idea of how life turns out pretty good...if we just avoid a few of the big mistakes.  We don't actually have to make every decision, or even necessarily, most of them correctly.  We just have to not make the bad decisions on a few big things.  Don't marry the wrong person...don't overbuy the first house...don't pick a low ROI college major or career field...and so forth.  When we do the wrong thing, no matter what the reason is or whether we knew it was the wrong thing at the time...we still have to pay the consequences.  

See the sunsets.

As we wrap up...doing the right thing matters, both in the moment and long term.  It doesn't matter so much how we do the right thing, but that we did the right thing.  When we repeat the "right thing(s)" often enough, it becomes a way of life, and our life becomes pretty solid.  Best of luck on the journey of raising kids and modeling how to do life the right way.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple things for your family to consider this week on doing the right thing.  Talk about what the challenges are and how to overcome them.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of doing the hard (right) things.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Fulcrum Article