It is what you make of it

It Is What You Make of It

A pretty stellar parade...in
a friend's basement.

Most things are what you make of them.  The old adage that the "grass is greener where you water it" often holds true.  I've had a few friends recently who, after being dissatisfied with work, made major changes (left a good job that dozens will apply to fill)...only to realize some of their angst wasn't solved in the overhaul.  Others in my circle, and probably yours, have likely done the same with marriages, churches, school choices, lifestyles, and places where they live...only to realize the same thing.  In one of the cases with a friend looking to change jobs, we talked about how the grass is greener where you put in the time and effort to bring fertilizer, do weeding, set up irrigation, and otherwise steward your resources for growth and excellence.  

The free version can
be magic in the
moment, if you make it.

When we talk about how we make it what it is...the difference is often in our willingness and commitment to lean in.  That can look different in different facets of life...but they all border on our level of commitment and investment we bring to the table.  In marriage, it might be doing date nights and bringing occasional flowers.  In parenting, it could be making an appearance at the football practice across town or doing game nights instead of watching sports on Sunday afternoon.  At work, it could be volunteering for a special project or mentoring a new teammate.  No matter what facet...our small actions add up to bring the spice to life.  

A "say yes"
default is half
the battle.

From a more micro or "tactical" perspective as opposed to big chunks of life, the "it is what you make of it" can be a worldview and ultimately a lifestyle.  In many parts of life, even more so now with the constant comparison-thief-of-joy that is social media, we build up a false expectation of something that can't live up to the reality.  There has been a lot of commentary recently with technology like AI and things like pornography that create false visions of what our significant other should be, do, look like, and so forth.  When we cultivate a false "perfection" in our mind by stitching together this person's car, that person's spouse, the other person's job, the guy down the block's vacation, the girl around the corner's kids...we build a reality that cannot match ours...and an expectation that can only lead to disappointment.  

The small things
are probably really
the big things.

Similarly, if we decide we're going to Disney on vacation, we talk up the figurative and literal cost so high that the experience has to be super.  The reality, without a "it is what you make of it" attitude or paradigm, is probably going to be more centered on the practical reality that it's hot and crowded.  When we create false narratives, our expectations can only get stomped because we build it up, stretch the budget, etc, and without a little help...it doesn't live up to the hype.  If, instead, we approach our worldview and frame our reality with the situation we're blessed with...shiny or not...we can begin to influence it in a positive way by putting out the proverbial water and fertilizer.  

A lot of the 
spice is in the
neighborhood.

When our kids were little, I remember many a wonderful day doing a walk around the block or a trip to the "nothing-spectacular" city park a few blocks away.  With the right servant leadership attitude, you can turn the greenway a few blocks away into a trip down the Amazon River or a cops-and-robbers car chase, or any one of a thousand other memorable imagination adventures.  When we make the most of it - it doesn't have to be the "fireworks finale," but can be just as grand in the eye of the beholder.  When we immersively lean in, we can make things pretty great.  On the flip side of the coin, we can also sink the ship easily with our negativity.  

Simple and serene 
often bring perspective.

We've traveled around the country many times and to many remarkable places.  Some of the most memorable have been the impromptu side-of-the-road stops.  Our family has prioritized travel adventures, and our kids have made it to the continental US 48 states while still toddlers.  Now that their 7 and 8, they've been to most of the national parks as well...many of them several times.  We've been blessed to see many cultures, crown jewels, and the mundane minutiae that come with road trips.  I think some of the high point memories that pop up were, "remember that time we had a pack of hotdogs and marshmallows on a small campfire overlooking the ____."  Or, "remember that time at the Minot, ND zoo when the porcupine looked like he was going to high dive?"  It's very rare that the commentary or memories include, "it would've been good if we'd only done____."  By making the small stuff special stuff, we find blessing and gratitude.  

A grand road
side stop in IA.

We had a friend recently who is working on a "big why" with finance, and in looking for free things to do in the area to cut down on some of their budget expenses, asked for some advice.  We ended up meeting them at a local museum with a weekend full of kid activities - free by the way.  The first comments when we met them there were around (sarcastically), how this space exhibit was just like the big regional museum across the state line...implying a negative connotation in their tone.  From their first negative shaded moments, the whole thing started downhill and only went further from there.  Their "big" why wasn't big enough to overcome some of their expectation bias and lifestyle.  On the flip side, we leaned into the activities (even if they were a bit cheesy, and most weren't).  From there, we walked downtown to the library and ended up sitting in on an impromptu bluegrass jam session with Christmas cookies.  All free and all of that to say, much like the old quote, if we approach something as inherently negative, our perception will discolor the thing to be a negative experience.

Pay attention to and 
cultivate the things 
we say we are...they
become who we 
are over time.

Last food for thought in this space - we often have those polarizing moments that change our lives.  For too many of us, it is some defining point, often a catastrophe, that serves as a BC/AD sort of marker in our lives - loss of a loved one, natural disaster, job loss, etc.  Our choice of "victim" or "survivor" as a label can make the difference in our resilience and future.  If we see ourselves as something...we associate the characteristics of that label and ultimately become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  If you see (and label) yourself (and your loved ones) as ____ (smart, pretty, talented...or dumb, ugly, incapable), we become those things over time.  We have to choose wisely and consistently take habitual action that ensures we're making the most of the things we say we want to make the most of in life.  If you've got those old anchors...cast them off.  If you've created rich, wholesome, good, and beautiful labels...double down on them.  

No improvements
required.

As we wrap up, whether it's better watering the grass that you're standing on by doing new tangible activities or shifting your attitude around your family...you can make the most the proverbial "it" things in your life.  We'll hopefully challenge you to do some introspection when it comes to how you're coming to the different tables in your life.  As it's been said, "Careful what you bring to the table...likely you'll end up eating it."  Best of luck with making the most of the little things in life...and doing the small actions to lean in that make the big things in life most important in your eyes and theirs.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three activities you can do to "lean in" with those in your circle and do them this week.  Then, pick out three things that you can do "attitude-wise" to make the mundane more spectacular.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) - pick a piece of life and make it a focal point on the "making the most of it" - let's say your next weekend road trip or leaning in at work.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Stephen Covey on Paradigms