Focus as a Superpower

Focus as a Superpower

When riding bucking
horses...don't take your
eyes off the prize.

Perhaps a summary word of our modern world could be "distraction."  Compare our world and the competing "things" battling for our attention to our parents, grandparents, or other distant relatives, and we're saturated with "things."  Gone are the days of a daily newspaper and three national channels on TV.  Gone are the days of a job where we left work at work.  We've ushered in a constant connection to "everything" out there - work and personal - via technology.  Think about the amount of content you can consume just on your smartphone, let alone tablet, laptop, desktop, big screen, and beyond.  Add to the fact that these things now "poke" us with a ton of moment-by-moment notifications...not only do we carry them in our pockets, but we're increasingly wearing them on smart watches and fancy glasses.  

It's hard to hit a 
target when you're
not looking at it.

When we consider this opt-in culture where we selectively choose to divide our attention as a mass cultural shift, we're, in a word, "distracted."  Double down on this at home with the approximately nine-gillion extracurriculars out there, as compared to when our generation and those before us were growing up.  Our kids have a couple of friends who almost need an executive assistant to help schedule the transportation between activities and deconflict the overlaps.  This lack of focus...or distraction in our modern world means that not only are we, as parents, split between many things, we're raising kids who are flighty at best.  The good news is...in large part...we can opt out and dial back our distracted dial...and turn up our focus.  

It takes deliberate focus
to catch a pollywog.

When we discuss "focus," we'll help define it as the opposite of distraction.  When we talk about it in more granular terms, it's important to frame it in terms of consequence.  For example, many car crashes are avoidable if we limit our distractions - turning to talk to a kid in the back seat, adjusting the dial on the heater or radio, monkeying with a phone.  In the blink of an eye, the lack of focus on our core task of safely navigating from Point A to Point B can be life-altering for not only us but all of those in proximity to our hurtling down the road heavy hunk of iron.  In parenting terms, our calling is to prepare our children to be successful in their own independent adulthood.  

Zooming in...on our
target is key.

Part of this preparation is a constant demonstration of our priorities by focusing on what matters most. Do your kids not only hear us talk about, but more importantly, see you prioritizing the priorities?  To clarify what our priorities are...or what they are in our home...are we holding up and protecting the schedule and resources (time, talent, dollars, etc) on the big rocks?  Are we getting to things like church and small group?  Are we showing up not only to our kids' games or activities, but also practicing with them at home?  Are we "being where our feet are" when we're there?  When our kid comes up to snuggle, read a book, or tell us about their day, are we getting on their level, leaning in...and being all in?  

If you're going to fish
with a dog...your 
whole team has to 
be on the same page. 

We talk a lot about the notion that we must be intentional in life if we want to end up where we want to be going.  We also talk a lot about the seasonal nature of life.  I'm here to tell you that we can't "accidentally" get solid outcomes at home, and we can't wait for a convenient time to be all in with our families.  There is quite a bit of research out there regarding the fact that our influence on kids starts to wane by early adolescence, when the power of their friends increases.  This means that if we're waiting to "focus on our family" when they're old enough to comprehend, we've missed the boat.  The old adage of "quantity precedes quality" is true.  If we don't put in the mundane shoulder-to-shoulder style time in volume, we likely won't be the person they're turning to for tough conversations.  

Shirts are 
optional.

Another "concept" of focus comes in our pursuits or investments.  There is an old story about the hunter or animal who tries to catch all the rabbits at once...only to go hungry that night.  Our ability to focus in on a particular target highly increases our chances of getting it done.  When you think about a finance example, if we've got money going a dozen different directions, none of the buckets fill up very quickly.  Dave Ramsey's "Debt Snowball" concept of focusing on the smallest debts to build momentum is a quinessential example of focus in action.  Similarly, at work or when we're building a skill, the "sprint sessions" of intentional focus move the needle quickly.  

It takes concentration to catch
a slippery pig.

As we talk about focus, another paradigm that comes to mind is the focus of a river.  If you ever go to the Grand Canyon, you quickly realize that a focused effort over time makes huge impacts.  This long-standing day-after-day effort, perhaps called "habitual" focus, can have powerful outcomes.  On a more micro level, focus becomes a message to our children that they're more important than whatever trivial thing pops up on our screens.  When we translate much of this into our children, in an unprecedented era of distraction, giving them the gift and ability of focus can set them far ahead of their peers.  When it comes to skill building and timeless knowledge transfer, the ability to focus on a book, on a subject, on a project, on a peer, on a future spouse, a future job, a future life...focus can be seen as a superpower that is, sadly, increasingly rare.  

March Mammal Madness
(look it up)...requires 
you to focus on the
attributes...and...the 
end zone.

As we translate this to action, you can jump light years ahead by simply "being where your feet are in the moment they're there."  This means your eyes, ears, undivided attention, care, and respect are focused on the person you're with.  This isn't the self-centered child where you "drop everything at their beck and call," but, in general, when we're with our kids (or spouse, boss, co-workers, friends, etc), we need to be right there with them.  Another action step likely centers on the word "no."  When we preempt the tension that comes from distraction by not signing up for one more thing, we help ensure that our attention (and other resources) are inherently more focused.  Lastly, for this post, ditch (or at least tone/turn down the pace, volume, frequency, etc) on your cell phone and push notifications.  The constant "ding" of our Pavlov's dog that yanks us into digital land is, in large part, optional.  When we split our focus with screen time and loved one times...pick your priorities...and live it out wisely.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of push notifications that you can "delete" and do that today.  Think about a couple of other things that keep you in the moment and strive for that this week. 
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of being a "focused family."  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Focus on the Family

- All Pro Dad - How to Focus on Your Kids