Sacrifice - the other side of the coin

Sacrifice -the other side of the coin

Make the sacrifice
worth it.

Last week, we talked about the importance and concept of sacrifice in our human existence.  It is important...in fact, critical to our continued existence.  Perhaps it's the defining essence of humanness compared to the rest of the world around us.  The ability to act outside of our own self-interest is what moves our greater-good collective ahead.  That said, this week I want to talk about stupid sacrifice or "too much" sacrifice.  Before we depart, I want to reiterate our theme of balance here - some sacrifice is necessary.  Trading the big prestige job for the one that keeps you home...but you still have to bring home the bacon.  

Invest the sacrifice
wisely and routinely.

In any given year, there are roughly 100 firefighter fatalities (similar ratios in military, law enforcement, etc.).  About half of those are related to cardiac health - heart attacks, strokes, etc.  About half of the half remaining (25 or so) are vehicle-related, many of those involve no seat belts, driving recklessly, and making stupid decisions.  Of the remaining quarter (25 or so), those are the "necessary sacrifices" where someone paid the ultimate price...where luck ran out, and they traded their life in an effort (successful or otherwise) to save another.  Those deaths are the heroic ones that we should celebrate.  The statutes we should build.  The stories we should never forget.  But...those first 75...it's not heroic, it's tragic that we ate like crap and a heart attack got us...or we weren't wearing a seatbelt...or we drove 900 miles an hour.  Play stupid games, win stupid prizes - don't do dumb stuff...that's not sacrificial...it's stupidity.  

Do good and beautiful
things.

There are times when sacrifice is not in the greater good.  If all of the generals had run into the battle at the front...their deaths wouldn't be for the greater good...the whole army would perish in their vacuum.  Similarly, if the start-up CEO started doing energy drinks via Red Bull, working 20 hours a day, cat-napping under their desk...sure...for a minute that might move the needle.  Long-term, though, it creates a toxic culture at best.  At worst, they become a zombie who is incapable of leading.  Perhaps worse yet, they die early, and the company fizzles out.  Their "worthy" sacrifice might look more like pumping the brakes and leaving a little growth on the table for the right kind and right pace of sustainable growth.  

It often doesn't
take much to 
make it worth it.  

Sometimes, sacrifice needs to be a sprint or a season.  We've all had times in our lives where we've had to run hard...sometimes harder than we think we can.  Long term, that insanity mode is not sustainable.  Short term, it can be freeing...it can be family-tree level altering.  In our family finances, the sprint session of hard grind for a few short years can set up the rest of your life.  Early on, we lived in a crappy apartment, drove crappy cars, worked every overtime hour, hustle-and-grind...grind-and-hustle - investing all the fruits of our sacrifice wisely.  Now, those investments are gaining a life of their own.  Had we tried to maintain that lifestyle long term....sure, we'd possibly have another zero in an account somewhere...we'd also probably have a divorce or two, an ulcer, a first heart attack, an estranged kid, and more in the rearview mirror  

Bring the 
team along.

Good, healthy, productive sacrifice shouldn't be a stick to beat others with.  When it's working, it's a teamwork value.  I'll go to work and sacrifice to make the money for our family.  My wife will sacrifice her career ambitions to stay home and raise our children.  Both of us are pouring in, equally yoked, in our sacrifice.  The sacrifices don't have to be equal...our willingness to make the sacrifice is the necessary equalness.  The team or family's commitment to sacrifice based on our individual strengths, weaknesses, capabilities, and communication are where the magic happens.  Additionally, our sacrifice towards a shared vision of the greater good is important.  If it's a blind sprint toward a brick wall...that does no one any good.  

Just keep taking one step in front
of the other...for a while.

At home, if we work nine gillion hours...that's not sacrifice, that's idiocy empowered.  Sacrifice is important...critical even...but only when strategically aligned in a system ready to take it.  If sacrifice occurs, especially over a long time horizon, it becomes a resentment and bitterness fills the hole it creates.  I've known people in my circle who embrace sacrifice as the humble-brag, "I sacrificed more than you" or "I only sleep two hours a night so that I can sacrifice for you."  Those are not sustainable.  They're not healthy.  They're enabling, not empowering.  

And enjoy
the journey.

As we depart this week, hopefully something here has resonated with you.  Sacrifice is critical.  We have to do it to be functional parents or spouses...or employers/employees...or leaders/followers...or about any other role in life.  We have to choose to do it smartly.  We have to choose the right level, right time, right duration, right tempo, right reason to give our sacrifice.  Sometimes the "jump in front of the bullet" sacrifice is the easiest kind.  Often, the long slog sacrifice or the pump-the-brakes sacrifice is more difficult to get our arms around...but it's often more meaningful with more staying power.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three examples of sacrifice to unpack, study, and discuss as a family this week.  What made the sacrifice "good" and worthwhile?  What made it stupid?  What are you going to learn from and implement in your home based on those case studies?  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of stupid and smart sacrifice.  Are there changes at home (and beyond) you're called to make in reflection?  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Mark Tey - Too much sacrifice

- Mark & Jill Savage