Loading the Shuttle

Loading the Shuttle

Start with a
dream.

In large part, our role as parents involves preparing our children for the rest of their lives...beyond their childhoods.  As Patrick Bet Davis of Valuetainment put it, "you're preparing those you can't live without to live without you."  When it comes to our "prepare-er" role, you can liken it to a space shuttle journey and loading up their proverbial shuttle.  Comparing a journey through life with a space journey is fairly accurate when you consider all the facets of life/life support systems necessary for both journeys.  

Shoot for
the moon.

When we think about the seasons of life that we have, particularly the ones we have with our children at home and under our influence, there are only a few short years where we can really lean in.  Certainly, the baby/toddler years are foundational to the preparation of life, but the early elementary, up through perhaps junior high, are the key years.  Once our kids are up into the high school years, chances are they're busy with extracurricular activities, and their friends and peers' influence becomes outsized in comparison to ours.  This is as God designed it with the whole "leaving and cleaving" part of life.  

Give rich
experiences.

When we view those few years we have when the children are impressionable...we have to try to be present enough to be able to pour into their lives.  It's been said that we can only have "quality after we have quantity" when it comes to time.  In other words, if we're always distracted or away with other priorities, it's unlikely we can do the 5-minute drop-in when we have a convenient spot in the schedule and have life-changing conversations.  We've talked about how life change often is one meaningful conversation at a time.  We've also talked about how more is often "caught than taught."  The first step to preparing their rocket ship is to be present...and be engaged...be where your feet are.  This may mean putting down the screens and leaning in.  

Encourage
exploration.

Perhaps the next "phase" or pre-req to the preparedness of our kids for life is to set strong foundations in faith...establishing the everlasting truths.  In a chaotic life where they'll be pulled by society and peers in a million directions, they must know their "true north."  Much of this can and should come through the daily interaction with you as parents.  When they see how we handle situations where temptation, failure, and other items rear their heads, they learn how to do so themselves.  By being candid and transparent with them in a "talk the talk, but also walk the walk" manner, we can help them find firm roots that will allow them to hold fast in the storms of life.  

Show that it's a big
world out there.

As you're building out the foundation, the adage, "you're the average of your five closest friends," holds true.  For centuries, humans have been raised in a multi-generational/communal set of tribes and societies.  It's a fairly modern construct where we outsource much of our parenting to "others" (babysitter, day care, nanny, teacher, etc).  For most of human history, those roles have been relatives, grandparents, aunts/uncles, friends, and neighbors.  The "it takes a village" where we're all giving and taking...not transacting or consuming. Good news, with a little effort, you can be a "good neighbor" who leans in to help with Sunday school or little league coaching...and in helping, you get a network of helpers in return.

Build on 
the dream.

Certainly, there are tangible skills that need to be put into the rocket ship - the old "reading, writing, 'rithmatic" type activities are needed.  So are the outcomes like teamwork, graceful losing, grateful winning, and the like that come from sports.  When it's said, "it takes a village," there is truth...and the good part is that you can (and should) create your village.  In today's day and age, things like homeschooling are more doable than perhaps at any time in history.  There are co-ops, online groups, meet-up groups, and extracurriculars that you can use to tailor a stellar "practical" curriculum.  

Foster
creativity.

Curiosity and self-learning are important ingredients that must go into the shuttle.  We can help instill a lifelong love of learning through copious amounts of reading.  It's also important to "sample" many extracurricular activities and sports along the way.  None of our kids is likely to be the next Peyton Manning, Wayne Gretzky, or Michael Jordan.  All of our kids can have fun, build a love of fitness and competition through the "intermural" style of sports involvement...not necessarily the all-in, all-the-time, travel sports clubs that can become all-consuming.  We can also help build lifelong learning and curiosity through lots of travel.  As we've talked, "it doesn't have to be expensive...just intentional and routine."  

Keep packing
the bag along 
the way.

As we're wrapping up, a couple of last ones that probably should make the list (among probably a thousand others...but hopefully these get you thinking...and better yet...doing) are creator vs consumer, non-victim mentality ownership, and protector/provider parent.  Breaking that down...we're a society of consumers...our great grandparents and beyond were creators by necessity.  We can instill more of that in our children and shun the "throwaway" culture.  We're also increasingly a one-up, "my victimhood is bigger than yours" culture.  Stop it.  Everyone has things they have to overcome.  Model and instill an anti-excuse lifestyle...and own your action moving forward.  We're also an increasingly "subcontractor" generation who can't "do" stuff.  Protecting and providing are things you can't outsource.  Cement the bond of the work-to-get-paid model, where money becomes a tool and creates options for your kids.  

Make the wheel
well rounded.

Lastly, as you're building them up for the rest of their lives, the idea of the "Zig Lanes" or "Zig Wheel" that we've talked quite a bit about is huge.  Specifically, as it relates to the concepts of "enough" and balance.  When we set our "enough" thresholds, we're able to find a peace that is increasingly missing from life.  Similarly, when we keep the different parts of life in check and right-sized, we can often avoid the big catastrophes.  Skip out on health/fitness...be ready for a young heart attack.  Workaholic...or poverty-stricken...be ready for a divorce.  In the filling of our children's shuttles, living a life full of balance and "enoughs," sets our kids up for success.

Keep your 
eye on the
horizon.

Build your runway...one little bit at a time.  Throughout the seasons of life, we can keep building on the basic building blocks, allowing opportunities for failure, and generally readying them with the skills, traits, and attitudes necessary to help them be successful and self-sufficient for the rest of their lives.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three things that you can do this week to help set your future generation up for success.  Do those three things and build on them. 
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) as it relates to next steps with your children's future wellbeing in mind.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Patrick Bet Davis on Parenting

- 7 Habits of Parenting - Salt Effect

The P's of Husbandry & Fatherhood

The P's of Husbandry & Fatherhood

It's coaching...

This list has been a back-of-the-notebook sort of compilation for a while.  Perhaps our callings as the leaders of our family.  As a husband and father, I titled it the way it is...that said, hopefully some of the items below are things that your family can lean in on together.  When we approach life in certain ways, the chances of it going more smoothly go up.  The list below isn't anything new...if anything, it's old, perhaps ancient and timeless...hopefully this is a reminder and call to action to touch up the ways we're doing life.  We can, with a little intention and effort, set up our children's children for success through our daily actions and habits that will change our family tree.  Below are some thoughts, in no particular order: 

and walking...

Preserve - legacy, heritage, values, sanctity, morals.  Through leading and living by example, we can build on our family history.  When you think about how many folks came before you - 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great-grandparents, 16...and so forth...quickly, you've got a ton of people who all did life to get to where you are.  You can take the best of what they did and leave the worst behind...the choice is up to you...and it's a daily choice (that's the good...and bad news).  

Protect - physical, emotional, spiritual, - not just from the physical bad guy, but the boogeymen that live in our phones, screens, and classrooms.  If you're the Alpha-male-tough-guy persona, chances are, you've rehearsed all the various tactical maneuvers should a horde of Ninjas invade.  Are we so diligent with our protection of what our kids take in?  On the more innocent side, sweets, our bad habits, disrespect for our wives, etc.  On a darker note, there is a ton of ugliness potentially within every electronic screen.  Some of those things can't be unseen, unwitnessed, and unrelived in their heads and hearts.  It's not just about fighting parachuting Ninjas.  

and experiencing...

Provide - physical, emotional, and spiritual.  Unconditional love.  We often think of ourselves in our provider role as a paycheck.  It's that...but it's more than that.  We need to provide for the other needs of our spouses and children - filling up their proverbial love tank.  We also need to equip them for the future ahead.  Let them see (and include them in), your spiritual journey.  Show them how to be tough...but, perhaps more importantly, how to be vulnerable and how to open up.  

Present - kick out distraction, selfishness - quantity time is often a pre-req to quality time.  Pay attention.  Be where your feet are.  We have to present to them all the things we expect them to pick up along the way.  We also have to be present in their lives.  That means daily choices to be on their level, actively engaged in their lives...not letting NFL, cell phones, work, whatever else get in the way.  It's easy to slip down distraction rabbit holes, only to pop our heads up and not recognize the strangers in our own homes.  

and consoling...

Past, Present, Future - sharing how you got here and where you're headed.  When we just get into the slip stream and go along wherever the river is heading...instead of being intentional about going specifically where we want to go, chances are 50-50 of a positive outcome.  If, instead, as a family, we chart a course, then all lean in, our families can do incredible things.  When we all know the plan...and work towards it's implementation, there's not much that we can't do.  

Partner - you're going on a journey with your spouse and need to be 100% on the same page, as a partner.  This may also apply when your kids are older in their first ventures - 50/50 on a car/college/house/business.  It's been said that, as partners, we're not 50/50 but rather we're both giving 100%, each...and when one of us is in a struggle bus season, the other can lean in and help carry more of the load through the tough moments.  

and rough housing...

Parent - often, we fall into the idea of friend instead of parent.  Sometimes that is just fine, once in a while, it can be both.  When it comes down to one-or-the-other moments, you have to be the parent.  Our kids need us to set boundaries.  They need us to say "no."  They need us to not cave into in-the-moment wants or weaknesses but rather keep and help cast their eyes onto the horizon so that we end up where we desire.  The need us to help with the "most more than now" moments.  

and sharing...

Parameters - part of this is setting parameters or boundaries for your loved ones.  This is as much a lead-by-example as it is giving guidance..."in our home, we don't ____" (talk to your mother like that, use those sort of words, do that thing).  The foundation that we build is in love.  Without boundaries along the way, the future becomes pretty bleak pretty fast.  Too much sugar...and soon we aren't able to do big physical things.  Too much screen time...and soon we're not able to be present.  Too much of a good thing...still too much.  We have to have boundaries.  Be intentional with your budget, with your calendar, with your wants and desires.  

and tickling...

Partake - in fun with them.  It's easy to get swept up in the busyness, excuses, or distractions of modern society.  It's still okay...dare I say necessary...from time to time to play hide and seek in the store with them while mom is shopping (substitute whatever childish fun comes to mind for you).  I've tried recently to do the thing...forget the excuses...just be in the moment and do the thing.  It really is that simple.  Say yes.

Prepare - we are called to load our kids' rocket ship engines with plenty of fuel to get them up and out of our atmosphere and into their own, self-sustaining orbit.  This may take on a lot of different colors and flavors, from practical things like being prepared to change a tire to being ready to raise their own families.  We have 18 years (in reality, fewer than that between work, school, friends, extracurriculars, etc.), to get them prepared for the rest of their lives.  We owe it to them, to their future spouses, to our grandkids to help them be set up as well-rounded, ready for success folks who can lead their own families someday.  

and showing the way.

Present - we'll visit this one twice...since, in an age of endless distractions, chances are, many of us are most likely to struggle here.  They're more important than whatever we have going on the phone.  Lean in.  It matters.  

This is far from a comprehensive list...and I'm far from a comprehensive expert, but hopefully this helps spur you as we cross back into the fall season, where new activities pop up on the schedule and school gets back into the grind.  Maybe there are a few that resonate or convict you to lean in and redouble your efforts and intention to be the husband and father you're called to be.  And...if you're not a husband or father...or not yet...keep in mind, the principles are pretty timeless and mostly universal.  Have an awesome week!t

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of the P's that you need to focus on or that your family needs you to focus on.  Once you've picked out a couple...add in an action or three that you'll work on this week to start building momentum.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) as it relates to being the person you're called to be (and become).  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Charlie Kirk on Fatherhood

- "Role modeling is the most basic responsibility of parents. Parents are handing life's scripts to their children, scripts that in all likelihood will be acted out for the rest of the children's lives." Stephen Covey

- “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6

Faith.

Faith.

God still makes miracles...

Faith can move mountains.  It's an old saying, but when you think about what it is to believe in something bigger than yourself, it should cause you to change your life.  In changing your life...the ripple effects, like in a pond, can spread out in all directions, far more than the input of the proverbial pebble.  When you're out in nature, faith comes pretty easily...you're surrounded by evidence of God's creation.  In our cities, even in our modern, "built" environment, we're surrounded by man's creation, and it's easy to lose track of the majesty and miracle of creation...our faith must be stronger than our sight.  Too often, the further we become separated from our Creator, the further we let our faith slip as well.  Out west, we're pretty spoiled with how much "land" God created...on a recent trip to NYC, the postage-sized piece of grass was held up as "nature."  Find time to go sit under a tree and observe...creation in all that is around you...or run down to the maternity ward and tell me there aren't faithful miracles. 

...You just have to be open to 
accepting them...

When we have true faith...it's transformative, not only in our lives but in the lives of those around us.  Good works don't save...but being saved should cause us to seek and share good works.  A strong, foundational level of faith that we embrace and share is powerful.  This week, Charlie Kirk was killed.  In a recent interview, when asked what one thing he would like to be remembered for..."for courage for my faith."  Of all the ways he could have answered, this is a powerful message of the importance of not only having faith...but more importantly, the courage to share our faith with others around us.  Charlie...you are known, among many things, for your courage in sharing your faith.  Well done, good and faithful servant.

...They're all
around us...

When we share, we become the light in the world around us.  The analogy of a candle in a cave is powerful.  No matter how dark it is, the one spark lights the way.  In our world that seems to be increasingly dark, sometimes we can be the one candle that pushes back on the darkness in someone else's life.  This can be the shout-to-the-rafters-from-the-pulpit or the quieter, where you inject faith into daily life and conversations.  When we live in a way that reflects our faith, it becomes a powerful reminder, or even permission to others that they, too, can live out their faith.  It can also be the on-ramp for someone to begin their own faith journey.  

...And in
our homes...

When we talk about sharing our faith, it starts in our four walls.  Likely the best gift we can give our children is a strong nest at home and an unshakeable foundation.  This comes from (even when it's awkward), expressing our faith in front of our children.  It means working through our self-conscious moments to build habits - like praying as a family.  It can also mean leaning into things like Sunday school, Awana, and other cultivated groups to build community.  When we share our faith, we become the permission slip or inspiration to start a new fire in folks.  Maybe skip out on the flipping of tables at the tabernacle...but have the courage to not skip out on faith as a foundational focus of our family lives.  By prioritizing faith - observing the Sabbath, stopping in at a new church when you're traveling, injecting God into daily conversations, being present in the Word...we remind ourselves and show others how to be faithful.  

...Watch for the good and
and beautiful...

Faith isn't a blind journey of lock, stock, and barrel, taking people at their word.  Having worked on an ambulance, we ran the self-proclaimed re-incarnated Jesus...we took him to a padded room.  How is it I can fully believe in the Bible, but doubt so firmly that Jesus might come back as a homeless guy under a bridge?  Our faith must be firm, and the firmness comes from established roots in the Bible...not what we want it to be or what we think it should say...but what it does say.  In a world where political correctness is rampant and our world seems to have lost...or worse, created confusion through "a thousand new truths," our foundational faith is paramount.  

...the still small voice...

As we look at faith in our life from a practical perspective, there are some things that were done culturally in accordance with the Old Testament that we don't do today...in large part due to the New Testament.  But, in today's day and age, there are many things that we selectively adopt or disregard based on feelings, narratives, political correctness, and whatnot.  With faith, I think it's important to use the WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) sounding board if you're not sure.  Non-believer who is struggling?  Come alongside them.  A person who has a lifestyle you don't agree with...pray for them.  Jesus brought and bought love and unity...do that.  

...and do mighty things
through your faith...

As we put faith into practice, particularly if you're a church leader, I think it's really important to land firmly on the lumper or splitter debate (I vote lumper).  I've had far more interactions with "church folks" running down another church or denomination than non-believers...because, you know...they're different than us.  Like much of life, we figure out how to split a hair and divide our group before we come together for big "Jesus things."  For example, there's a set of back-to-school-bash community events...both put on by big local churches...that don't talk or coordinate the activities.  When we come together...and don't care who gets the credit...my goodness, we can do big things.  

...it starts at home...with
you...with your family.
Amen.

As we wrap up an "all over the place" post this week in the aftermath of tragedy...go practice your faith.  Think about the "what if you only had tomorrow, what you prayed for today" gratitude.  In reflecting on the many blessings that truly surround us, even when there is darkness about, it right-sizes and refocuses us on our foundational faith.  Whether you grew up in faith, were reborn to it, or are on the fence...just like any other muscle, we can grow our faith.  Read the Bible, study The Word, ask questions, go sit in nature...attend a church, a study, a small group.  The important point isn't whether the flag is on the left or right on the stage at church or if communion is intincting or plastic cups...it's whether you're closer to your Creator.  Like a tree...the best time to start praying was yesterday...the second best time is now.  He is risen indeed!

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few actions that you can do to model and lead your family closer to each other with God at the center.  Make them practical...carry them out.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) this week that can be a seed to carry long term in your faith journey.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Rest in Peace, Charlie

- Fr. Chris Alar

- A little Tommee Proffitt Motivation

Family Data Science

Family Data Science

Data can help you
keep it in the lines.

It has been said that "what gets measured, gets managed," and data science/data analytics/data is all the rage in so much of the business sector today.  Whether for-profit, non-profit, public sector, you name it, the digital data era is here to stay.  There are countless software programs out there to help your business collect and harvest insights from a myriad of different sources and tell a plethora of stories from various indicators to predictive trends.  It begs the question: Do you leverage data science to help make your family more efficient and effective in how you live your best life?  

Study your data and
your big plan so you
can implement it.

When we work backwards from the catastrophic outcomes in the home - let's say divorce, estranged kids, failure to launch kids, etc - we can then use data to get in front of the common denominators or red flags.  Once we outline the red flags - out-of-touch family, screen addiction, lack of consequences, inefficient budgeting/scheduling, and so forth - we can figure out the measurements.  With modern apps and technology, you can use systems that may flag you before it becomes too late.  For example, leaving a little margin in your checking account or having a notification sent if the balance drops below a certain number can help prevent the money problems that become fights.  Making an "annual" budget helps skip the surprises of one-time things like insurance or taxs.  Putting an alarm for "leave the house" helps avoid the stress and frustration of being perpetually late.    

List out the keepers.

As we unpack the scheduling, for example, we had a family friend recently who had a "manic episode" after getting overcome by events (OBE).  The too-many-good-things...are still too many, caught up with their family.  In the fire service, we'll talk about the OBE phenomenon and how, as the Incident Commander (leader of the crisis situation), you can't get task-saturated and need to keep a strategic eye on the overall situation.  The conversations in our home during this season have really focused on re-evaluating all of our extracurricular activities, determining "why" we're doing them, if we can get to the "why" some other way, and then determining what stays and what goes.  

Only use the
invisible ink
sometimes.

We can plot out the "future" of some activities if we're stuck on a "why" beyond "I want to" or "because so-and-so is playing this year."  I hate to break it to you, but your kids...and ours...aren't going to play professional sports...and...that doesn't mean we shouldn't do kid athletics.  It does mean we should go into that level of commitment with our eyes open - evaluating the cost in terms of time, money, opportunity, and focusing the experience on the outcomes we're after - loss, teamwork, physical fitness, etc.  We've mentioned it before, but on a major disaster, each operational period (typically each evening), the team briefs the leadership on the marching orders plan for the next day.  At the end of it, with everything laid out - the plan, the what-if contingencies, the who's on first, and so forth - the team verbally commits with "I support the plan and accept the risk" and the boss concludes it with "I approve the plan."  This "all-in" knowing the cost is key.  When you take on a new activity or routine expense - have the conversation and understand where/why/how/when it fits in amongst everything else...and make sure it's worth it.  

For several years, the kids'
"cow" went to help with
data analysis. 

Similarly, for folks who are struggling financially, studying where your money is coming and going is an important first step in order to decide where it should be coming from/going to (this could apply to our time, too).  The data science component takes the mystery out of "more month than money" problems at your house.  You can use any system you'd like - paper ledger, spreadsheet, fancy app, etc.  We use a Google Sheets spreadsheet we put together that allows us to view all sorts of insights on how and where our money is going.  We've been doing a monthly review for close to 15 years, where we look at our budget vs actual, talk about upcoming expenses, and just generally check in with each other.  This routine check-in helps us stay on track with our yearly budget plan...and adjust course along the way.  Data analysis, in a certain way, can help be a set of roadsigns or mile markers on your planned journey.  They help you stay on course and/or alert you to exciting new adventurous detours that you can choose to follow.  

Sometimes it
takes some 
effort...but
it pays off.

As we get further into tech integration, freeware tools like Google's Looker Studio (similar to Microsoft BI...without the pricetag) can give you executive boardroom-level insights.  Part of our budgeting over the years has left us with a ledger of almost every transaction we've made (you could also likely download this from your card or bank statement).  Anyhow, with a little setup in the Studio, we've been able to see (for better or worse), just how many dollars we've spent at, say, Walmart.  We can look at when we spend by day, week, month, or season.  We can tease out the habit change that may be needed from $5 here and $5 there that all add up.  We can also forecast toward things like goals and bigger outcomes.  This is, admittedly, nerd level, but the point is...when we measure (and then analyze), we can either make a behavior change or double down on what's working (or not) with intentionality.  

Sometimes it gets messy...
you might need to pack a 
mad scientist water
apron.

For a project at a non-profit where we were struggling with inputs/outputs, we put together an "efficiency" study of sorts, where we had employees and volunteers "bill" (like a 15-minute lawyer increment sort of thing) to get a sense of how time was spent.  Over the course of a week, we harvested out insights that allowed us to make it a more rewarding and productive experience for everyone.  By taking our data, then comparing it to other best practices (time blocking, lumping tasks together, scheduling in things like follow-up/travel time, stand-up meetings, and such), we moved from sluggish to winning.  At home, perhaps a similar study for a week might tell you that a little prep time investment (meal planning, bulk meal cooking, batching errands, time blocking activities on the calendar), life becomes more full of the meaningful things and less of the OBE/mundane that steals your time and intentionality. 

If needed...climb
up your mile 
marker to see more.

As we wrap up, I'll leave with a bit of an interventionist's perspective.  For us, the Looker Studio budget data gave us an eye opener, similar to the Home Alone, "you spent $967 on room service?" where we realized the little stuff can add up bigger than we intend.  For a friend, she realized her triple-screening husband was consuming football (watching, playing, coaching, and fantasy footballing) far more than he was anything else.  After having him agree to the "work time study," when you see the numbers all rolled up, you realize that sometimes you're smack dab in the "too much of a good thing," and after the season passes, likely realize you'd change it if you could go back.  Good news...you can change it.  Better news...you can do it today.  Maybe best news...there are a plethora of tools out there in today's day and age to fully understand the whole picture...and live your best life.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of things that you can measure so you can better manage (time, money, extracurriculars) and then commit to taking an action to better understand under the hood...and make changes if necessary.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) on what you've been doing...vs...what you say you should be doing.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Time for Coffee