The P's of Husbandry & Fatherhood

The P's of Husbandry & Fatherhood

It's coaching...

This list has been a back-of-the-notebook sort of compilation for a while.  Perhaps our callings as the leaders of our family.  As a husband and father, I titled it the way it is...that said, hopefully some of the items below are things that your family can lean in on together.  When we approach life in certain ways, the chances of it going more smoothly go up.  The list below isn't anything new...if anything, it's old, perhaps ancient and timeless...hopefully this is a reminder and call to action to touch up the ways we're doing life.  We can, with a little intention and effort, set up our children's children for success through our daily actions and habits that will change our family tree.  Below are some thoughts, in no particular order: 

and walking...

Preserve - legacy, heritage, values, sanctity, morals.  Through leading and living by example, we can build on our family history.  When you think about how many folks came before you - 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great-grandparents, 16...and so forth...quickly, you've got a ton of people who all did life to get to where you are.  You can take the best of what they did and leave the worst behind...the choice is up to you...and it's a daily choice (that's the good...and bad news).  

Protect - physical, emotional, spiritual, - not just from the physical bad guy, but the boogeymen that live in our phones, screens, and classrooms.  If you're the Alpha-male-tough-guy persona, chances are, you've rehearsed all the various tactical maneuvers should a horde of Ninjas invade.  Are we so diligent with our protection of what our kids take in?  On the more innocent side, sweets, our bad habits, disrespect for our wives, etc.  On a darker note, there is a ton of ugliness potentially within every electronic screen.  Some of those things can't be unseen, unwitnessed, and unrelived in their heads and hearts.  It's not just about fighting parachuting Ninjas.  

and experiencing...

Provide - physical, emotional, and spiritual.  Unconditional love.  We often think of ourselves in our provider role as a paycheck.  It's that...but it's more than that.  We need to provide for the other needs of our spouses and children - filling up their proverbial love tank.  We also need to equip them for the future ahead.  Let them see (and include them in), your spiritual journey.  Show them how to be tough...but, perhaps more importantly, how to be vulnerable and how to open up.  

Present - kick out distraction, selfishness - quantity time is often a pre-req to quality time.  Pay attention.  Be where your feet are.  We have to present to them all the things we expect them to pick up along the way.  We also have to be present in their lives.  That means daily choices to be on their level, actively engaged in their lives...not letting NFL, cell phones, work, whatever else get in the way.  It's easy to slip down distraction rabbit holes, only to pop our heads up and not recognize the strangers in our own homes.  

and consoling...

Past, Present, Future - sharing how you got here and where you're headed.  When we just get into the slip stream and go along wherever the river is heading...instead of being intentional about going specifically where we want to go, chances are 50-50 of a positive outcome.  If, instead, as a family, we chart a course, then all lean in, our families can do incredible things.  When we all know the plan...and work towards it's implementation, there's not much that we can't do.  

Partner - you're going on a journey with your spouse and need to be 100% on the same page, as a partner.  This may also apply when your kids are older in their first ventures - 50/50 on a car/college/house/business.  It's been said that, as partners, we're not 50/50 but rather we're both giving 100%, each...and when one of us is in a struggle bus season, the other can lean in and help carry more of the load through the tough moments.  

and rough housing...

Parent - often, we fall into the idea of friend instead of parent.  Sometimes that is just fine, once in a while, it can be both.  When it comes down to one-or-the-other moments, you have to be the parent.  Our kids need us to set boundaries.  They need us to say "no."  They need us to not cave into in-the-moment wants or weaknesses but rather keep and help cast their eyes onto the horizon so that we end up where we desire.  The need us to help with the "most more than now" moments.  

and sharing...

Parameters - part of this is setting parameters or boundaries for your loved ones.  This is as much a lead-by-example as it is giving guidance..."in our home, we don't ____" (talk to your mother like that, use those sort of words, do that thing).  The foundation that we build is in love.  Without boundaries along the way, the future becomes pretty bleak pretty fast.  Too much sugar...and soon we aren't able to do big physical things.  Too much screen time...and soon we're not able to be present.  Too much of a good thing...still too much.  We have to have boundaries.  Be intentional with your budget, with your calendar, with your wants and desires.  

and tickling...

Partake - in fun with them.  It's easy to get swept up in the busyness, excuses, or distractions of modern society.  It's still okay...dare I say necessary...from time to time to play hide and seek in the store with them while mom is shopping (substitute whatever childish fun comes to mind for you).  I've tried recently to do the thing...forget the excuses...just be in the moment and do the thing.  It really is that simple.  Say yes.

Prepare - we are called to load our kids' rocket ship engines with plenty of fuel to get them up and out of our atmosphere and into their own, self-sustaining orbit.  This may take on a lot of different colors and flavors, from practical things like being prepared to change a tire to being ready to raise their own families.  We have 18 years (in reality, fewer than that between work, school, friends, extracurriculars, etc.), to get them prepared for the rest of their lives.  We owe it to them, to their future spouses, to our grandkids to help them be set up as well-rounded, ready for success folks who can lead their own families someday.  

and showing the way.

Present - we'll visit this one twice...since, in an age of endless distractions, chances are, many of us are most likely to struggle here.  They're more important than whatever we have going on the phone.  Lean in.  It matters.  

This is far from a comprehensive list...and I'm far from a comprehensive expert, but hopefully this helps spur you as we cross back into the fall season, where new activities pop up on the schedule and school gets back into the grind.  Maybe there are a few that resonate or convict you to lean in and redouble your efforts and intention to be the husband and father you're called to be.  And...if you're not a husband or father...or not yet...keep in mind, the principles are pretty timeless and mostly universal.  Have an awesome week!t

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a couple of the P's that you need to focus on or that your family needs you to focus on.  Once you've picked out a couple...add in an action or three that you'll work on this week to start building momentum.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) as it relates to being the person you're called to be (and become).  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Charlie Kirk on Fatherhood

- "Role modeling is the most basic responsibility of parents. Parents are handing life's scripts to their children, scripts that in all likelihood will be acted out for the rest of the children's lives." Stephen Covey

- “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6