No Man's Land

No Man's Land

Our tar pit is probably
bigger in our head than 
in real life. 

Tony Robbins talks about the zone where you're not really happy...but you're not so unhappy to do anything about it.  It's the zone where we get complacent and hang out.  It's the place where the water increases enough in temperature that suddenly the proverbial frog is boiling, and we make a snap decision that we'll likely regret.  We've had several different conversations recently where folks in our circle summed everything up with "this just isn't how I thought life would turn out."  They were (are) stuck in the "no man's land" (gender neutral here) where they aren't content....but feel trapped in enough comfort not to do anything about it.  The delta between what the dreams were and the reality can be is the "no man's land."  

Right size and reorient
your problem.  Vantage 
points can change 
everything.

When we look at our "no man's land" across the facets of our lives, it's important to look carefully at each section of life in terms of our comfort, peace of mind, and contentment.  When we get stuck in a "no man's land" in one particular facet of our lives, it has a tendency to spill over or be contagious to other parts of life as well.  Let's say we're in a job that has the so-called golden handcuffs, where we don't "love" it, but it takes care of most of our needs.  For some time, we can slog through the proverbial trenches, but our soul or luster can wane as the job wears us down.  This isn't to say, "grow your hair out, quit your job and buy a llama," but it may be to say that you're not as stuck as you think you are.  

Find your 
anchor so you
can pivot.

We've had folks in our circles who have figured out how to "make it work" when it comes to changing jobs.  In a few cases, we've had folks who made fairly major family-level life changes in order to reset.  In several cases, their job change resulted in a whole lifestyle improvement.  In a couple of cases where the "big switch" didn't land well, they were able to move back and make it work.  The point is, we often talk ourselves into staying in the "no man's land" more than necessary.  When it comes to our careers, it is important to find a balance that works with the rest of our lives.  We are called to provide for our families...but it's important not to do so at the expense of the rest of our lives.  Our route to success is often circuitous, and chances are...you'll make it work.  Sometimes the best things in life follow right on the heels of the slammed doors...the point here is...don't be so afraid that the door may slam that you never reach for the handle.  

Sometimes you just have to
accept the mud and hike
across to the other side.

If you're stuck in the "no man's land" of a career, the first step is to spend some introspective time seeking to understand the underlying issues.  Often, you don't dislike the whole job.  There are probably a few "burrs under your saddle" that are causing the strife.  If you can isolate those particular issues, chances are you can apply some action to reduce those particular pain points...instead of blowing up the whole thing by playing the old Take This Job And Shove It.  It could be that you work on an alternate schedule, new projects, take a class, build a new skill, consider asking to switch supervisors, or inject some work-from-home into your routine.  Often, it doesn't require a scorched-earth style exodus.  But, after evaluating the situation, if it's time to make a big change to reinvent yourself...it's probably easier now than ever before.  I doubt your change will require a trans-Atlantic ship voyage, Oregon Trail wagon, or brushing up on your blacksmith skills.  The options available today almost demand that we don't sit in a wallow that makes us a grumpy ogre to everyone around us.    

It can be 
less messy than
you likely think.

In other facets of life, we've got friends who are stuck in a financial mud pit.  Dave Ramsey gets it right when he sums it up as "spend less than you make."  In large part, it is that simple...not necessarily easy, but not complex.  If you're in the "no man's land" where you're struggling to make traction on your financial goals...dig in.  We've made it a point to travel most of the country...with the tradeoff of "if it's free or cheap, we'll do it."  Our second grader will get to his 50th state in a few weeks, with many of the states he's been to multiple times.  While many hit up the Disney-esque version of bigger-than-life everywhere they go, we've had a remarkable time eating sandwiches and playing on dozens of beaches, mountains, trails, cities, and everywhere in between.  The point here is that by right-sizing our expectations, we can get out of "no man's land" relatively quickly.  Whatever size hole you've dug...stop digging...get on the same page...and spend less than you make - invest the difference.  Goals and dreams are right around the corner after that.  

Look for opportunities
to leap...just make sure 
you look before you 
dive in headfirst. 

In our marriage (and the rest of life), the old adage, "nothing fails like success," rings true because we stop doing the things that got us success in the first place...when we become successful, it's easy to fall off.  When we were dating, I was probably, in many ways, more considerate and "exciting" than I am now.  I've grown complacent in some of our dating life since we've been married.  Life can get us to an "overcome by events" mode where we are "pedal to the metal," and the things we take for granted can begin to slip.  In this "no man's land" where maybe you've lost the passion, you need to figure out how to spice it back up.  This could be injecting a date night proactively into your schedule.  It could be holding hands intentionally.  Or going on a walk without the kids after dinner.  It could be a weekend away stay-cation just the two of you.  Like most things, it doesn't have to be extreme or expensive...just intentional and sincere.  

There are great
things after the big
climb...keep going.

"No man's land" is not a place where we want to doddle.  "No man's land" is where we sit for days, weeks, years, decades, and look back to realize we're rusting.  The sparks that lit us up once upon a time have died out.  The person we said we would become back when we had stars in our eyes is a distant memory.  Every day, we have a choice to decide if we're going to "go along to get along" or if we're going to inject intentionality, passion, and peace back into our lives.  It often doesn't take a ton to get us back on the path...usually just a few steps that become a few habits that turn into a new lifestyle, which brings a new trajectory.  Across the different buckets of your life, figure out how to stay fired up...stay in the game. Your future self and those you care most about (and who care most about you) deserve the version of yourself that is resilient and ready for the next day, week, year, or decade.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out an area where you'd say you're in the "no man's land" and list out three actions that you can take this week to start wandering away from the desert where you feel stuck at.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) may be necessary as a family to help move the needle in the direction that you're aspiring to go.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

-  Toby Keith - Don't Let The Old Man In

- Merriam Webster on Purgatory: "a place or state of temporary suffering or misery."  The temporary part is up to you.  Paying dues only works if you're working toward something on the horizon...not just sitting down or wandering in circles.