If You Build It...

If You Build It...

Raising more than a roof.

The Field of Dreams, a classic movie with Kevin Costner, the "if you build it, they will come" has been a punchline for decades now.  In the movie, the line refers to building a baseball field in the farmer's cornfield, much to the chagrin of his banker.  The cornfield can bring back legendary baseball figures...and the main character's father for one more game of catch.  Today, we wanted to talk to you about the physical act of building something.  We've talked about the importance of being a creator, not a consumer, here for years.  In today's day and age, it's easy to go through life in near total comfort without lifting a metaphorical or physical finger along the way to build anything.  

Skills matter.

The act of building something - fort, tree house, shed, cabin, playhouse, playground, etc., is not only a learning opportunity but more importantly a time for bonding.  Beyond the shared time in working together on something physical, it leaves behind a tangible marker to "I did that" that your children can build confidence upon.  In the recently released Toy Story 5, the tech "toys" talk about their lifecycle of a few months.  A physical thing you and your children build may last decades.  The skills that they'll develop, such as trial-and-error, planning, toughness, math, etc., are all useful in any occupation.  Should they choose to go into the trades, they're also well-positioned with the basics.  And, bonus time, when they have routine maintenance around their own homes later, they'll have the confidence to get it done.  

Even the dog 
can help.

Before you talk yourself out of it, it's easier now than perhaps ever before to undertake a project of pretty significant magnitude.  First off, the "how to" is more taken care of now with things like YouTube and, ironically, AI.  Chances are, there is a near full-length tutorial on any building project you could dream up.  And, when you get stuck on a particular step, AI can help break down the instructions in a step-by-step fashion.  In the old days, you largely had to grow up in an "apprenticeship" style culture where you learned from a master.  That's still great today, but not necessary.  Now that you have the know-how basics, you can move on to the logistics.  

It's easier than you think.

In getting ready for any new building project, the research, planning, budgeting, safety, risk management, and executive functioning for a parent-child team are a huge part of learning success.  This phase can last months as you keep an eye on the second-hand stores (i.e., Habitat ReStore), Yardsale circuit, and Facebook Marketplace.  Chances are, you can find the basic tools necessary and most of the building materials for next to nothing if you're a bit patient and open-minded.  We've had success with most of our building projects "one board at a time," like Johnny Cash's infamous Cadillac.  

Forts count.

If you say you don't have the room, chances are you have more room than you think.  And, if you're really out of room, consider asking a friend, relative, or neighbor if you can build something there.  Check in with the local senior center to see if anyone in their community needs something touched up.  Our backyard isn't anything out of the suburban ordinary in terms of size, but we've built, torn down, re-built, repurposed, etc., many creations along with several more permanent structures.  The kids have a "move-in-ready" treehouse, fort, dog "palace," and cabin/shed/thing, which have all fit into our backyard without appearing "crowded.  

And bridges.

The ability to be handy, capable, and confident cannot be overstated for our children.  The bonding time has been some of the best.  And, their ability to be systems thinkers who can put together a plan, budget, orderly steps, etc., will serve them well for years ahead.  The projects have also given us the shared reminders that we can make do with whatever we have and make things work, which can save tens or hundreds of thousands over a lifetime when incorporated as a mindset.  When all of us have had the minor dings, mashed thumbs, and such... the building has given us the conversation starter about being tough and getting the job done anyway.  

So do neighbor
service projects.

As we wrap up, giving you (and your children) the gift of building has countless tangible and intangible benefits.  The barriers to entry are not nearly what you might think...like most barriers, they're mostly in your own head.  As you prepare your kids to enter an ever-changing world, being grounded, capable, and confident may be more important than ever before.  And...if you're not convinced yet that "you've got this," go hang out at a Habitat for Humanity project for a few weekends to brush up.  Because, deep down, it's worth it...and "you've got this."  Good luck and happy hammering! 

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a few small projects to get you started with some basic tools, skills, and confidence.  Then pick a capstone for this year to put together.  Start the steps now to getting it done.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of building something physical together as a family.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- You might just build your own house one day - Kyle's Cabin

- Or a heckuva lifestyle making content - Bushradical

Crawl, Walk, Run, Sprint Sessions

Crawl, Walk, Run, Sprint Sessions

Run is the 
goal.

It's easy to fall into the "stop learning trap" when you're done with formal school.  The secret is, in part, that for a long, happy, fulfilled, and successful life, you need to be a lifelong learner.  When we stop learning, we sort of shut off and begin to rust out.  As we transition from the rote memorization that takes up much of our primary learning years and transition into adulthood, the "crawl, walk, run" model of learning becomes a much more applicable schema or paradigm to use for being self-taught.  The good news is, to get to the run stage, we have just about everything we need right in our very own home.  

Little steps
add up.

From a crawl perspective, there's not much anymore that you can't get the gist of from an online video, tutorial, library book, mentor, etc.  With the basics, it becomes up to us to put in the practice time, the reps, so to speak, until we're starting into the walk phase.  On a disaster deployment, a friend of mine was juggling oranges on a break...after a little chatting, he gave me the basics, and after some practice...I can sort of juggle.  I've made it to the walk stage.  I won't be on a Las Vegas stage anytime soon...but with a little practice, I'm proficient.  

We get there through
diligent practice.

The good news for most of us...in most parts of our lives, we can get to the walk stage fairly quickly...and for most of us...that's good enough.  In the juggling example, I don't need to be a circus-level professional; I only need to be proficient enough to enjoy and delight our kids from time to time.  It's been said that there are 10,000 hours to mastery, but others have said that we can get "decent" in about 10 hours.  You don't need to be a car mechanic...but should be able to do basic maintenance.  You don't need to be a chef...but proficient in the kitchen.  You get the point here...for most of life, we can get the 10-hour level basics down, and that's probably good enough.  

Bring a loved one with you.

For the parts of life that require mastery, perhaps the run stage of the growth process is the right next step.  We tried pickleball the other day, and it was clear that our instructor (a retired guy) was clearly in the run phase of his pickleball journey.  It had served as a passion and connection (physical, social, etc) for him...and he was very good.  In the rest of our lives, the lifelong mastery of things like faith and family is critical to keep striving for continual improvement as we go through new phases and seasons of our lives.  From family, as an example, I went through the crawl (not so great), walk (a little better), run (pretty decent) as a dad of babies.  I had to repeat the process for toddlers.  Now I'm working through what that looks like for elementary kids.  

We don't always have to be 
going the same speed as those 
around us.

It's been said in many of the stressful disciplines that "we don't rise to the occasion, but rather we fall to the level of training."  That means that the "if you fail to plan, you're planning to fail" because we know we have to put in the crawl and walk training/time so that when we're required to...we can do the proverbial run.  In digging into this a little more, the baby steps we take (research, trial-and-error, practice, etc) help us plan...not to fail.  Wing it can sometimes work...but in the most important parts of life, sometimes it is too low a bar for potential failure.  

It takes practice.

When you're working through the crawl stage as a beginner, it's critical to give yourself enough grace and patience to be open to failing...until you fail forward and it works.  I remember during a marathon back during college, where there is a deep sand pit, maybe a half mile long at mile 24 or so...I was in the top 20 out of 700 or so runners when we got to that point.  A German soldier and I took turns falling from cramps, crawling, stumbling up into a walk/jog/shuffle/run, only to fall back to crawling again.  That stage seemed to go on forever...but my ability and willingness to crawl for the training months leading up to the race allowed me to have a little less crawling, or rather, transition to walking more often and for longer than the other guy.  I finished eleventh that year...the crawl/walk/literal run had paid off.  

All the phases can be a 
team sport if you let them.

As we wrap it up this Father's Day weekend, take time to remember that you have seasons behind you that prepare you for seasons in front of you.  You've also hopefully got mentors around you who are a few years ahead of you that can help you figure out what the most effective and efficient methods of crawling, walking, and running are in your life.  The important part here is to remember not to wing it...and remember that you're not in it alone...and that it matters.  Your family is counting on you in the little moments and the big ones, and you've done enough crawling and walking to show up when it matters most.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a soft or hard skill that you've struggled with.  Commit to and list out three crawl things you can do to make that skill/part of life stronger.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of crawling, walking, and running as a family - reading the Bible, reading together, meals around the table, hikes, etc...set a goal...start with the baby steps.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Malcolm Gladwell 10,000 Hours

- Crawl, Walk, Run Framework

Dragons Be There

Dragons Be There

Dragons are here.

On old maps, when the known world sort of ran out, there were markings, "Dragons be there."  In other words, the unknown was inherently scary and implied danger.  The same applies to our comfort zones...but...when we go past the boundaries and stare over the abyss, we often see that it is less unknown and likely less scary than we thought in our head.  Our brains have a way of telling a story that can grow out of proportion.  We've struggled or toyed with the idea of picking up and moving to a new part of the country...sight unseen, so to speak.  We've created the potential downsides of Godzilla along the way..."we'd never replace the salary we have here," "it'd take years to make new friends," etc.  In other words, "dragons be there" when we look at that part of the map.  And those dragons keep us from falling off the edge.  

And here.  

Sure, in that example, some of those dragons are real.  We could get ourselves into a regret pickle by making the jump.  We could also shine a little light in the dark places by researching, visiting, traveling, and poking holes in the pieces that scare us.  We could, in large part, minimize the parts of the map where our dragons live.  That doesn't mean we should just blow up a comfortable life...just because we can.  Societies and civilizations were built on the backs of curious dreamers and brave explorers who dared to go where the dragons were on the map.  The balance of "back office support" and "leading edge innovation" is what helped us as humans conquer our domains.  To do great things takes both, and we should seek to fill parts of our lives (and souls) with both.  

A sure sign of dragons in the area.

If you live a life where you allow yourself to fall into the monotony of "I get up, I go to work, I go to bed, I repeat," life gets pretty dour.  If instead, you inject novelty and adventure into your lives, life is pretty great.  The six inches between your ears to make the commitment that "we'll go camping this weekend" as a louder voice than, "I've got a ton to do around the house, and putting camping stuff away sucks" is critical.  There are plenty of wild things and wild spaces surrounding us that can be reached and immersed all around us.  The secret is, they're often just outside of our comfort zone.  Depending on who you are, the "dragons be there" for you may be going out to that ethnic restaurant and trying something new, attending the festival in the next town over, hiking a mountain, doing a road trip, etc.  Our dragons don't match...it's just important that you go face yours.  

Another sure sign...
launching a rock over
your dad and brother's
heads.

Across the space of our lives, we often get into a comfortable rut.  At work, the idea of moving to consulting, switching professions, opening a business, buying a rental property, or anything else is likely an unknown...to you.  Chances are, through exploration, research, mentorship, and seeking out learning, there are folks who have successfully done what you're attempting to do.  As you're staring down your dragons, find a person a few years ahead of you on that path and ask them which bends have the dragons...and how they got past them.  Before becoming a parent, the path was wrought with dragons - what if I put the diaper on the wrong end, what if I don't read to them enough...or too much...what if...  Turns out, for centuries, people have been able to figure those things out...and so will you too.

Dragons are 
all around.

I'm writing this, this week, from a road trip in Alaska.  Driving through a relatively small part of a giant state (turns out there's just not very many roads up here), one thing is apparent...dragons that have been unseen by human eyes probably could be hiding out among the trees, mountains, and glaciers.  This place is huge and wild.  It's also a reminder that there are wild, huge places still around...and that God, as the Creator, is powerful and mighty.  Too much time surrounded by cement and steel and glass can dull our senses and make us forget that there are dragons bigger and more powerful than Lance or Phillis down the row of cubicles at work.    Travelling is a wonderful way to remind ourselves that, yes...there are still dragons...and yes...that's still a good thing.  

They're right
around the 
bend in the 
trail.

As we close this week, remember that often, the dragons that are off the edge of our comfort zone map are there, but they're manageable.  They're less scary than we often originally make them out to be, and we can conquer them.  It's also important to remember that part of life is seeking out, finding, and facing dragons.  Our forefathers braved the literal peril to conquer new lands, explore new professions, pioneer new journeys...and now we're a comfortable lot.  Don't let those wild genes somewhere deep down within you lose the flickering flame of your own dragon.  Go out there, into the wild places, stretch your comfort zone, and make new memories.  If you're fortunate enough to have grandkids someday, the stories they'll want to hear about didn't involve a water cooler or cubicle or Taco Tuesday at work.  Make wise decisions...that make great stories.  Good luck!

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out a scary dragon to mitigate this week through research or conversation...and a wild dragon that you'll take steps to get closer to.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of exploring the wild places.  

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- Nat Geo Here Be Dragons

I Hope You Dance

I Hope You Dance

Build the cabin...
even in the back
yard.

Lee Ann Womack had it right all those years ago when she sang about "I hope you dance" in her great hit from back in the day.  The lyrics remind us to be in the moment...and to say "yes."  We're often faced with so many choices...some big, some small...some consequential, some trivial...every single day.  It's easy for us to say "no" as a default.  What if we flip the script and say "yes" as our status quo?  We want to raise our kids...and be...the sort of people who throw inhibitions to the wind and don't sit on the wall...we hope they dance.  This isn't to say all inhibitions, like becoming a crack head and streaking across the field at your next sporting event, are inhibitions.  We're talking the "I don't want to not look cool in front of my circle" kind of inhibitions that get in our way of joy.  

Meals on 
Wheels.  Be
the light.

Recently, we went square dancing.  Bet you didn't know that was still a thing, did you?  In the time leading up, we grumbled a bit and tried to make excuses.  I even suggested it might be worth a little bit of pinky finger in the saw on a project we were working on immediately leading up to the dance.  When we walked in, you could pick out a couple of "those awkward people" that didn't ooze cool.  A song in and those people were flat killin' it on the church dance floor...and looking positively joyful.  I don't remember a time when I felt that level of happiness in a moment, as what they looked like they were having.  It was clear that this was a passion, that they'd practiced...and that joy was filling them right then.  

A lot of fun
in a single
picture.

My default for that sort of thing is to say "no," politely excuse myself, and hide out.  If I had to pin down the "why," I'd probably say something about how "I'm no good at it," "I don't enjoy it," "I don't want to look uncool," or some other lame sounding (even to me as I say it) excuse.  I've always wanted to be one of those people who look like they're having fun in the moment...but I always get in my way.  Long story short, more for the sake of setting an example for our boys, I said "yes."  I hopped in there with my beautiful wife and danced in a square dance...for four hours.  Was I good...decidedly no.  Is it a talent I make go pro with... definitely not.  Did I end up having a blast...yes...in spite of myself.  Are we going again in a month...as it were...yes.  Does it matter if I wasn't great?  Or that the group is a bit nerdy?  Or any other thing?  Turns out...joy lives there...and we get to experience it for the low barrier of entry of getting over ourselves for a moment.  

Flying motorbikes...what's
not to love?  Don't have to
be all in...to get some
of the benefits.

We've talked about how important it is to have novel experiences in your life.  When you get into the ruts of routine, each day sort of blurs and blends together into a seamless montage of the "off-white" color sameness.  This becomes the default increasingly as we get older.  The "get up, go to work, come home, sleep, repeat" life can leave us missing the magic.  We have had more novel experiences, some big, some small, just by saying "yes" to pulling off the road.  The other day, coming back into town, we saw a bunch of trailers out by our fairgrounds.  Saying "yes" to curiosity allowed us to experience a motocross dirt bike jumping tournament.  We didn't have to stay for the weekend, or buy a new bike and start a new hobby...but we spent an hour enjoying what is possible for humans who have practiced a lot.  

Bring a friend. 
Hit the pool.

We had a friend who did a "yes day" with her family.  For 24 hours...she'd say "yes" to anything they asked.  They had a few ground rules, but generally speaking...the answer is a "yes."  Sort of a genie in a bottle kind of thing.  I remember talking with her family after the fact, and they had such a great time thinking about what to do and ask on their turn.  Donuts for breakfast - sure.  Go to the swimming pool - yep.  Watch this movie - let's do it.  Eat out at this place - done and done.  The only lasting "impact" or residual besides great memories after the day was over was the new puppy.  Our friend had realized she'd defaulted to "no" because life had gotten so busy...the "yes day" was a bit of a "let's dance" reset and part of a kick-off to summer.  

The crew is hard
at work.  Say "yes" 
to new things.  
They're right here.

I think it's important to add that a big chunk of this...is due to my beautiful and amazing wife...who is wired to say "yes."  My default is probably more wired to say "no" but she's growing on me.  The reason I point this out...is that she makes it easy.  That said, you don't have to wait to be asked if you want to dance...to say yes to dancing.  So many of the things we do that add spice and novelty to our lives come from injecting ourselves into situations that might be a little inconvenient or awkward...but that's okay.  Even if you're not wired for it...saying "yes" is as simple as a quick internet search for "things to do near me this weekend" and hopping in the car.  Guaranteed, within an hour's drive, you have a new festival, hiking path, sporting event, experience, meal, etc that you can say "yes" to without breaking the schedule or the budget.  Even if it's hard...it's worth it...say "yes." 

It's easy to say "no,"
go hang out at the 
free concert with 
your closest 1,000
friends.  It's fun.

It's important to do the right load balancing on your schedule and family budget when it comes to saying "yes," using some strategic planning and prioritization as a backdrop.  If we say "yes" to every opportunity, every possible fork in the road, while exciting...it will leave you exhausted and spent.  Part of the trick here is to right-size the "yes."  We want our kids to be healthy and relatively athletic to help them have as many options in the future as possible.  This is not the same as saying we want our kids to play in the NFL.  Pick-up game of ultimate frisbee in the park - yes.  Softball league with church - yes.  Wrestle with their kids or grandkids - yes.  Have lifelong hobbies like hiking - yes.  To get to "yes" in this case, the every night/every weekend tempo of some travel sports is a step backwards.  The community league where we coach...so it's on our schedule and learn a sport over the course of a month...that's a win.  This year, our kids have been exposed to wrestling, basketball, football, baseball, and soccer...and it hasn't come at too much of an opportunity cost around the rest of our lives.  

Fun is all around  
us.  It starts by 
saying "yes." 

As we wrap up this week, I'll leave you with the lyrics from Lee Ann below...but I hope you dance.  I hope that you say "yes" in the moment within reason.  This isn't the say yes to the 'Super Bowl tickets by cashing out your 401k and quitting your job so you have the time off" sort of thing.  It isn't the reinvention of yourself through a midlife crisis with a new blonde and a new sports car.  It is the idea of leaning in, of "Carpe Diem" as Robin Williams said in Dead Poets Society...seize the day.  Live in the moment...be present...show up...lean in...dance when you get the chance.  The memories that come from those moments are all we get to take with us.  Choose wisely before you become the person who raises the people who sit on the wall...you can change your family tree today...one "Turkey in the Straw" at a time.  Say yes.  

With you in the arena, from ours to yours...Happy Trails!

Call to Action: 

• Pick out three "dance" things in your life - whatever category - and say "yes" this next week.  Your family will appreciate you for it...even if they grumble a little bit at first.  
• 1 - ___________________ 
• 2 - ___________________
• 3 - ___________________
• Discussion: Consider what you/your family could/would/should (level of commitment) and start/stop/sustain (action) in terms of being the people and raising the people who say "yes" when it comes time to dance.  I haven't always been...that's okay.  I can be today...and that's even better.

Further Reading, Motivation, and References:

- I Hope You Dance Lyrics

- I Hope You Dance